“Yes,” I whispered. “I am thinking about you—every minute.”
His eyes immediately softened. “Sometimes, I think I can give it up. Then other times, I think I can’t…”
I wanted him to walk away from Ruin and start over with me. I wanted him to forsake the other half of his soul, the dark shadow that belonged in the night. I wanted him to step into the light with me, so we could spend our lives together as two people who loved each other. But I didn’t want to make him do it. He needed to make the decision on his own.
“I can’t give you up. But I can’t give this up either.”
Every time he came to a crossroads, he always chose the life he already knew. He wanted to pick me, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
“Sometimes, I think I can…but I’m afraid if I turn my back on who I really am, it’ll just be worse in the end.” He clenched his jaw like he was thinking of a memory from his past, something that angered him.
I was at the same crossroads. I wanted to move on and find a man I could spend the rest of my life with. Someone sweet and compassionate, who would be a great father and husband. But did that really matter when I loved Calloway? When I would always love him?
I loved every aspect about him, even his darker shades. I loved his intensity, his temper. I loved the way he made me feel like a woman when we were in bed together. I loved his fierce need to protect me even though I swore I didn’t need it. I loved the way he made me feel small when his thick arm was around my waist. Light and dark, I loved both sides.
Calloway watched me, knowing my mind was working furiously. “Do you still love me?”
My eyes shifted at the question, surprised he even needed to ask. “Always.”
His eyes softened again, this time with both pain and longing. “I want to give up everything for you… I just don’t think I can.”
“I know…”
He leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. “Meet me in the middle, Rome. Give me a chance. Let me be your Dom. I get what I want, you get what you want.”
“I guess you’ve forgotten why I’m living with you…”
He closed his eyes like he was insulted, taking a deep breath before he opened them again. “Hank is a psychopath and a criminal. I don’t assault, stalk, and rape women. Maybe it’s hard to understand because you’ve never tried it, but it’s completely different. It’s beautiful, powerful…you’ll enjoy it.”
“I don’t know, Calloway…”
“I can give you what you need. I can make love to you every night. I can take you out to dinner, hold you, whatever you want. And we can do what I want at different times. I think that’s more than fair.”
There was nothing I wanted more than to have Calloway again. My blood screamed for him. “Calloway, there’s nothing I want more…but I just can’t handle it. Hank just assaulted me less than a week ago. I couldn’t let you tie me up and punish me. I just can’t handle that…”
“I wouldn’t tie you up unless you asked me to. We never have to do anything you don’t want to do. I don’t think you understand, Rome.”
“No, I do understand,” I whispered. “You said a Dom/sub relationship is about trust, right?”
He nodded.
“I don’t trust you—or anyone—enough to have that kind of relationship. It’s nothing personal, Calloway.”
“But it is personal,” he whispered. “I would never hurt you.”
“But you get off on hurting women. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“But the women enjoy the hurt—because it feels good—”
“No.” The more we talked about it, the more convinced I was that I couldn’t handle it. After being prey to so many different men in so many different circumstances, I couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted a normal relationship where I felt equally powerful. I couldn’t give Calloway all the control because I needed some of it to feel safe. There was no way around it. “I’m sorry…”
He bowed his head in disappointment. “It’s okay… I understand.”
I couldn’t sit at the dinner table with him any longer. Looking at him hurt too much. I wanted to crawl into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck, feeling safe against his powerful body. But I couldn’t do that. Instead, I left my dinner untouched, determined to eat it later, and left the kitchen—returning to the solitude of my room.
I felt perfectly safe in his house, knowing Hank wouldn’t be able to get to me even if he knew I was there, but I still couldn’t sleep. After sharing Calloway’s bed last night, I knew I would never get a good night’s rest across the hall from him. There was something about his body heat, his rhythmic breathing, and his smell that lulled me to sleep like a lullaby. After the difficult conversation we’d had earlier, I shouldn’t get close to him.
But I was too weak.
I gently rapped my knuckles against the door as I opened it.
He lay on his back with his face pointed to the ceiling. The sheets were bunched around his waist, and his hand rested on his chest. “Come here.” He pulled the sheets back so I could join him, just as wide awake as I was.
I slipped in between the covers and cuddled into his side, immediately feeling better once he was beside me. His powerful body was a natural heater, emitting warmth that absorbed into the cotton sheets.
He wrapped his strong arms around me and held me close, feeling like a dream. His lips brushed my hairline, and he sighed in contentment once I was beside him. “There’s something I’d like to say.”
“Okay…”
“The first time we met, you slapped me in that bar—three times.”
“Yes…I remember.” I was still embarrassed about it.
“I didn’t tell you to stop because I liked it. I liked the pain, the crack of your palm against my cheek. I liked the way my skin lit on fire from the heat. I liked the rage in your eyes, the satisfaction you received from punishing me. My cock had never been harder, and all I wanted to do was bend you over the bar and fuck you.”
My heart rate spiked from his honesty—as well as arousal.
“That’s what I want us to have. That scorching, sexy kind of pain that feels so good. It’s not about hurting you to get off. It’s about both of us experiencing the same adrenaline, the same rush. I want you to understand that.”
I knew he really wanted to get his way, but no matter what he said, I was too stubborn to change my mind. I loved this man—still. And I had a feeling I would always love this man. But love wasn’t enough to overcome my past, to allow someone to use me like I’d been used before. I’d been down that road too many times. No more.
Calloway knew his words had no effect on me. He sighed then buried his face into my neck. His comforting arms wrapped around me again, and he pulled my leg over his hip, exactly where he liked it. His cock pressed against me, long and thick. But he didn’t try to have sex with me even though he probably could have seduced me if he’d tried.
I hated disappointing him.
But I didn’t want to disappoint myself.
18
Calloway
I escorted her to work, to lunch, and back home again—like clockwork. I wanted to know where she was at all times so that motherfucker couldn’t make another pass at her. As the days went by and her bruises disappeared, calm slowly emerged.
But I would always be pissed underneath.
I tried getting Rome to reconsider my offer. I even offered her a compromise.
But she wouldn’t take it.
In the beginning, I was attracted to her fire, her stubbornness. I loved her strength and her ability to command a room despite her small stature. But now, it was seriously biting me in the ass.
She was unwilling to accept anything less than what she deserved.
Despite my annoyance, I actually respected her for it.
And that just made me want her more.
It was a vicious cycle. I wanted this woman so badly, but I couldn’t have her. Several times, I considered caving and just
giving her what she wanted. Maybe I wouldn’t be a Dom anymore, but at least I would still have her. I enjoyed spending time with her, sleeping with her, and everything else that came with the package.
But could I hide my dark side forever?
Probably not.
I sat in my office at Humanitarians United and looked out the window and across the city. Hank was out there somewhere, living his life like a cockroach under the sink. I would find him, and very soon, I would squash him with my shoe. He had no idea I was coming for him, that he’d pissed off a powerful man who shouldn’t be provoked.
Rome would get her revenge. I’d see to it.
At the end of the day, I walked to her office and announced my presence silently, with just a look.
Even though her back was to me, she picked up on my arrival. She looked at me with those beautiful emeralds for eyes then packed up her things to leave. She wore a tight skirt and a formfitting blouse. Her legs looked unbelievable in her skirt.
I wanted to fuck her so bad.
Six weeks had come and gone without sex. I was going crazy, and I wondered if she was going crazy too.
She had to be.
We left the building, ignoring everyone’s prying looks as we passed. Everyone knew we were sleeping together, and that was just fine with me. Dean was skittish around me, realizing he’d hit on the boss’s lady. He probably thought he was going to get fired at any moment.
Good.
We returned to the house, and like we were still a couple, she made dinner in the kitchen while I showered in my bedroom. I was tempted to beat off with my shampoo, but I stopped myself. Jerking off was never as much as fun as the real thing. I would much rather have been sliding my cock through her wet pussy than my hand.
I dried off and got dressed before I went downstairs, sexually frustrated like never before. Anger and rage welled inside me, not because I expected sex from Rome in exchange for letting her live with me, but because I just wanted her so much.
We ate dinner in silence. I didn’t bother making conversation because I was afraid I would command her to bend over the table and lift up her skirt. I’d had the fantasy before, especially when I was sitting at my desk in my office.
After dinner, we sat on the couch and watched TV. Rome worked on paperwork from her side of the couch, and I read a book even though I wasn’t interested in it. My cock hardened on and off throughout the night, and the constant shift of my blood just put me in a worse mood.
Eventually, I just went to bed.
I needed space from her. I couldn’t look at her legs without picturing them around my waist. I couldn’t look at those lips and not picture them wrapped around my cock. I couldn’t stop picturing my cock buried inside her asshole.
So I lay in bed, still hard and utterly frustrated.
An hour later, she gently knocked on the door and cracked it open.
Of course, I wanted to sleep with her. Something about her presence allowed me to drift away, nightmare-free. But right then, I wasn’t in the mood for sleeping. Everything was catching up with me, my lack of control, my lack of sex, and my general rage.
This time, she didn’t ask to come inside. She just walked in.
“If you get in this bed, I’m gonna kiss you. And then I’m gonna fuck you.” I gave her a fair warning, wanting her to understand what kind of mood I was in. I wasn’t interested in snuggling unless my cock was buried inside her at the same time. “So, I suggest you stay in your room tonight.”
She stood still on the carpet, halfway between the bedroom and the bed. In the same t-shirt she always wore, she looked sexy in the shapeless fabric. Her hair stretched down her chest, and her beautiful legs could be seen underneath. She watched me with an indecipherable expression.
I waited for her to walk out, but I hoped she wouldn’t go anywhere.
She grabbed her shirt and slowly pulled it over her head, revealing her perfect tits and the black thong underneath.
Oh god.
Her fingers trailed down her body, over her round tits and down her stomach, to the lace of her panties. She fingered them before she pulled them down her long legs, kicking them aside.
Fuck.
She sauntered to the bed, her hips shaking as she moved.
Please don’t be a dream. Please don’t be a dream.
She crawled on the bed and up my chest, her long hair trailing against my body as she moved. Her legs parted and planted on either side of my hips. She pressed her lap down, her wet pussy touching the hot skin of my cock.
Definitely not a dream.
She leaned over me and pressed her lips to mine, her mouth soft and seductive.
My hand immediately dug into her hair, and I deepened the kiss, turning it aggressive and almost violent. My cock ached from the lack of attention it had received, and it wanted to be buried inside her so deep.
I gripped one of her tits and squeezed, feeling the soft skin and the hard nipple under my fingertips. I loved foreplay because I brought her to the edge before we even began, but I was too anxious to draw it out.
I grabbed the base of my cock and pressed the head into her entrance, feeling the slickness that began long before she walked through that door. I pushed inside her and slid all the way through, feeling her tightness like greeting an old friend. “Oh, fuck…” I gripped her hips and forced her lap on top of me, giving her every single inch. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation, missing this feeling more than anything else in the world.
Rome gripped both of my wrists as she slowly moved up and down, sliding my cock in and out of her. She squeezed me tightly, her pussy hardly acclimating to my large size. She bounced up and down, her tits shaking slightly as she moved.
I dug my thumbs into her stomach and rocked my hips into her, giving her my length over and over. We moved so well together, sliding past one another with fluidness. This pussy was made for my cock. “Rome…”
She moved faster, dropping down my length repeatedly. Her breathing sped up, her moans increasing in volume the longer we moved together. Her tits shook with force, and in record time, she tightened around me as she climaxed.
Say my name.
Her head rolled back as she screamed. “Calloway…”
Fuck yes.
When she was finished, I rolled her onto her back and positioned myself on top of her. I wanted to dominate her, to fuck her like she was mine. I pulled her legs around my waist just the way I liked then slammed into her hard, forcing my headboard to dent the wall. I moved in and out quickly, moaning and grunting as I got lost in the sex.
Her hands moved to my biceps, holding on as she ground her hips against me. “I miss your come inside me…”
Holy fuck.
I locked my eyes to hers as I fucked her hard, my entire body moving with the momentum. My cock was harder than it’d ever been before, and I was on the precipice of the most powerful orgasm I’d ever experienced. I was excited to fill her, to give her more of myself than I ever had.
Her ankles locked around my waist, and her nipples hardened underneath me, feeling my cock throb just before release. Her nails dug into me, scratching the skin as she dragged down my arm.
I shoved my entire length inside her, my head nearly hitting her cervix, and I released with a moan louder than ever before. “Fuck…” There was no greater feeling than this, claiming the woman I was violently obsessed with. It was a supernatural experience, a connection to this woman who meant the world to me. It was lustful in nature, but so much more at the same time.
I remained buried inside her as I caught my breath, my body coated in sweat. She stayed underneath me, her nipples softening. I ran my tongue across her sweaty skin, tasting the salt off her body. My lips trailed up her neck and to her lips, kissing her with affection. “Sweetheart…”
She ran her fingers through my damp hair, her chest pressed to mine. “Sexy.”
I buried my face in her neck, our breathing in tune. “I missed you.” I didn’t realize how much
I truly missed her until then—when I was connected with her. How could I give this up? How could I walk away from the loveliest woman in the world?
I didn’t think I could.
“You doing okay, man?” Jackson followed me into the office, showing concern rather than his true asshole self.
“I’ve been better.” I told him about everything that happened to Rome. He didn’t make a single smartass comment because he knew I was in a dark place. The fact that anyone had laid a hand on her made me sick to my stomach.
“Can I do anything to help?”
“Actually, yes.” I pulled out all the paperwork from the drawer. “I’m signing everything over to you. Ruin is yours.” I dropped the paperwork on the desk and grabbed a pen. “Just sign here.”
“Whoa…what?” He approached the desk and looked down, seeing the deed and ownership papers. “Are you out of your mind?”
“No.” I fell into the chair, knowing it was the last time I would sit there. “At least, I hope not.”
“What brought this on?”
After the sex we had a few hours ago, I knew what I had to do. I wasn’t happy about it, but I couldn’t live without that woman. If I had to make this sacrifice, I would. It was better than being miserable all the time. “I’m giving Rome what she wants. I have to walk away from Ruin. Otherwise, the temptation will be too much. I think you can handle it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” I pushed the papers toward him. “Good luck.”
“Uh…” He ran his hand through his hair. “What if you just do the paperwork, and I run the place? That’s not a big deal, right?”
“I can’t be associated with this place anymore,” I said calmly. “It’ll just stimulate me in ways I can’t handle.” Seeing subs in chains, averting their gaze until their masters gave them permission, would just make me want to overpower Rome. I could feel it in my bones. “I wouldn’t be giving this to you if I didn’t think you could handle it. You can always call me if you need help.”
Black Diamond (Obsidian Book 2) Page 18
