by Anya Palvin
It was the memory of that that eventually persuaded him to say, "Diana and I are on a break."
Gloria turned the stove down and turned to him, her arms folded across her chest. "What did you do?"
"Why does that sounded like I’m at fault?" He exclaimed, immediately regretting his decision to talk to her.
"I love you, William, which means that I know how you are in relationships. You've convinced yourself that your mother – and Julia for that matter – have tainted you and you will never be in a healthy relationship." She aimed a look at him that made him fold his own arms – in defence, not intimidation, he told himself.
"How –" He began, and then rolled his eyes when he realised he was kidding himself if he denied the truth in her words. "How do I fix it?"
Gloria's eyes immediately softened. "You first need to tell me what's broken."
"Diana and I are." His words were so simple, but they left a punch in his heart. "But I suppose if I stripped it to its foundation, I guess that would be me."
He explained what had happened with Diana – a brief explanation that he hoped revealed none of the rawness he still felt about it. "When I found out the truth about her working at the hotel, I couldn't forgive her. It took time before I even thought about her explanation for it. I couldn't understand it until that moment she told me that I had been punishing her for what Julia had done." He shook his head. "How is it that so much time has passed since the divorce, but I still seem to be letting it follow me?"
"You were hurt, William. There's nothing wrong with that." Gloria reached over the counter and squeezed his hand. "Diana was right though – you haven't dealt with it. You brushed off what Julia did so quickly that I knew you were shying away from the pain. And that's okay, too, because both you and I know that it's because you had been hurt by the woman who had was supposed to love you unconditionally – just like your wife should have – years before." Gloria walked around the counter and sat next to him. "I know I've only met her once, but Diana's special. If you let her in – really let her in – the love you two have together will make your pain seem like something from the past."
"Do you really believe that?" William didn't quite know what to do with the yearning inside of his heart that made him want to believe her.
"I do." Gloria smiled. "Because that's what happened between me and your father. You're too young to remember this, but your father was just as broken by your mother leaving. More so, probably, because he had to care for you and make sure you knew that you weren't the reason she left. When I met him, he had just about closed himself off to the possibility of finding love again. But with a little persuasion, he came around to the idea." She smirked, but then her smile softened. "You will, too. Acknowledge the pain, the wrongdoing, and then let the love you feel for Diana does the rest."
A muffled "mom" sounded from somewhere deep in the house, and Gloria sighed. "Watch the soup for me, won't you? I have another child to save." She winked, and left William's head full as he considered her words.
* * *
Diana ripped a weed from her garden, and couldn't imagine a time when the feeling had been more cathartic. It had been ages since she had been able to garden – William had taken up most of her free time in the past month and she wasn’t had the chance to do it as often as she would love.But after their last conversation, Diana hadn't heard from William, which had left her weekends – and weekdays for that matter – wide open for her to do anything she wanted to. So when she'd woken up that morning and had seen the sun, she ignored that it was before eight on a Saturday morning and made use of the opportunity. Now it was eleven and she had just about finished cleaning up the mess her neglect had left her garden in. She stood and stretched her back, and then decided to take a break before she would water it. She grabbed a bottle of iced tea from her fridge, and took a seat on the swing that had been there before even her mom had lived there.
She couldn't blame the past owners for doing it. Her little house was on the edge of one of the hills that made up the residential area of Camps Bay, and the swing gave her the perfect view of the waves crashing against the mountain. As she lifted her face to the sun, she felt her bones sink into the cushioning of the swing. She pushed herself with one foot, and with the gentle sway of the swing beneath her, finally gave herself permission to feel the exhaustion of the past two weeks. However much she wished she could pretend that it was only because of the 60-hour weeks she'd been putting in, she knew that her physical exhaustion was closely tied to the emotional unrest she could only avoid when she was at work. And even then, it was a mission to do so.
She missed him. As she looked out onto the ocean, the longing she felt intensified like there’s a missing piece to her heart. She had done her best to avoid him at work – not because she was upset, but because she wanted to give them both the space they needed to think about what they really wanted in their relationship. But seeing him was inevitable, and those brief moments had threatened her resolve so much that all she could do when she saw him was nod and leave as soon as she could. She'd had to ignore the disappointment she always felt, and saw, mirrored on his face.
Diana ran her finger around the rim of the bottle in her hand, too caught up in her thoughts to pay mind to the water inside of it. The thought that followed her no matter where she went popped into her mind, and instead of ignoring it, she finally gave it attention. Had she just given up the best thing that had happened to her? Sometimes, when she felt particularly bad, she would think so, and would have to resist the urge to call William, and beg him to come be with her. Other times, like now, she knew that she was doing the right thing. She didn't want to be with him if he wasn't ready to be with her – Diana Jones. But she didn't know where the strength came from to stick to that resolve.
She was sure if all of this had happened only a few short months before, she wouldn't have given him the chance to heal. No, she would be too scared that he never would, and that she would be left alone. But her life had changed when she met William. She had found someone else who meant something to her, someone who she was afraid would leave, yes, but she couldn't let that fear control her anymore. And even if that was the only thing she could take from her relationship with William, she would cherish it and be grateful for it.
Her heart kicked at that, and she knew that she was telling herself a bald-faced lie. But it was necessary, she thought. She could only survive the waiting if she comforted herself in that way. Because she meant it when she had told William that she would wait for him. She loved him, and she knew that even if she moved on, that love wouldn't go away. So she had spoken the truth to him when she said she would wait, making her more vulnerable than she had ever been. When she worried about that – that she had opened herself to an indefinite amount of time waiting for him – she would just think about how surprised he looked when she told him that she didn't think he was over what had happened with Julia. He didn't know, or hadn't realised it, until she had said something. She couldn't blame him for what he did to her when he didn't even know the reason why he did it. She only hoped that he was taking their time apart to heal and prepare himself for their future together.
She was jolted out of her thoughts by her cellphone, which she had haphazardly thrown on the ground next to where she had been working. But the sound of the shrill pierced the air and she couldn't ignore it. She didn't recognise the number, and when she answered, didn't recognise the voice.
"Hi, is this Diana?"
"Yes." It was a woman's that sounded only vaguely familiar to her. "May I know who’s in the line, please?" she asked politely.
"Oh, I probably should have said that first. It's Gloria speaking. William's stepmother."
Diana's heart immediately sped to a roadrunner pace, and she cleared a throat. "Ahh, yes, I remember. What can I do for you?"
"Well, if you have some time, I'd like to talk to you about something I think you may find interesting."
Diana listened, her smile broad
ening to wider than it had been in two weeks. When Gloria was done, Diana said,
"You make a compelling case, Gloria. You can definitely count me in. Just send me the details and I'll be there."
18.
"You look absolutely ridiculous!" Gloria exclaimed, squeezing her hands together in delight. William rolled his eyes, and didn't bother to hide his annoyance. He knew he looked ridiculous. He felt ridiculous. He was a grown man wearing a tracksuit that was two sizes too big for him and a cap that was turned back to front. He was a rapper gone wrong, and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.
"Do I look ridiculous, mom?" Tara wore the same outfit, but on her, it looked like it was meant to look – like an outfit for a school talent show.
"No, darling." Gloria crouched in front of her daughter, pulling at Tara's clothing. "But William doesn't quite wear pink as well as you do."
Tara giggled, and William groaned at the reminder that his tracksuit was also in various shades of pink. He resisted – not for the first time – the urge to back out, but he only needed to look at Tara's face to know how much this meant to her. Especially as it was essentially his fault that she was unhappy. She had somehow got it into her head that Diana would be doing her talent show performance with her, even though he distinctly remembered her promising Diana she wouldn't have to. William wasn't quite sure how it had happened that he got roped into it, but he supposed that was what he got for enjoying the performance Tara had talked Diana into giving them all those weeks ago. He had been surprised when Tara mentioned her talent show at the last Sunday lunch they had, and even more so when she asked when Diana would be joining her for her final rehearsal.
"Who gave her that idea?" He asked Gloria as she walked him out that evening.
"It may have been me." She said sheepishly. "She kept asking and I kept avoiding it, until I couldn't anymore. I'm so sorry."
He had sighed heavily, knowing that what he had said in response would haunt him forever. "I'll come over in the week and take Diana's place. Why not embarrass myself in front of who knows how many people."
There has been gushing all around when he had stayed true to his word, and the next thing he knew, he was fitting on the outfit that was currently the bane of his existence. And although it killed him to admit it, he was quite nervous that he wouldn't remember the dance moves Tara had so patiently taught him a week ago. He hadn't been lying when he had told Diana about his dance lessons – but that had been to keep him busy and out of trouble. And as a teenage boy, he didn't mind being in a class with girls who thought he was cool because he could bust a couple of moves. It wasn't until much later in his life that he realised how poorly – no, that was putting it mildly – how horrendously he danced. So he was going to make a full of himself. But if it made Tara happy, he supposed he could suck it up.
"Ten minutes until the start of the show." A middle-aged man who looked like he regretted having anything to do with the talent show shouted from the side of the curtain.
"Come on, William. We're up during the first half. We should go practice." Tara grabbed his hand and pulled him behind the curtain, and he mouthed "help me" to Gloria as he was pulled out of sight. She just shook her head, laughed, and waved at him gleefully.
"Good luck!" She called, and laughed again.
He couldn't blame her. If he had been in her shoes, he would have enjoyed her embarrassment thoroughly. As he squeezed between the crowds of children backstage, a huge trombone blew in his ear. A lanky boy looked at him sheepishly, trying to hide the offending instrument. William sighed. It was going to be a long night.
* * *
Diana pulled at her clothes, and then stopped, forcing herself to relax. Everything was going to be fine, she told herself on repeat as she moved through the throng of the crowd trying to find Gloria and John. But even as she said the words, she found herself pulling her shirt again, her nerves getting the better of her. She ignored the voice that mocked her even though it had a point. She was an adult and she was nervous for a school talent show. To be fair, she thought, it was more who she would see there that was the cause of her nerves than the actual talent show. Her nerves had made even her choice of clothing hard, but she thought she pulled it off okay, even if she couldn't stop fidgeting. She wore jeans with ankle boots, and a waterfall jersey that she had inherited from her mother. It gave her a boost to have something of her mother with her, and as she saw Gloria waving to her from the other side of the room, she couldn't help but think she needed all the help she could get.
"Hi, Gloria." She was saved from the awkwardness of an uncertain greeting when Gloria pulled her into a hug. John smiled at her, as though he could sense her nerves, and she kissed him on the cheek, feeling comfortable enough with his friendliness.
"We're so glad you came. I think you're going to enjoy this." Gloria said gleefully, and squeezed her hands together. "I swear, William looks more ridiculous than I have ever seen him."
Diana laughed, and some of the tension eased. "Well, I'm looking forward to it. I'm not sure how you convinced him to have me come."
Gloria and John shared a look, and before Diana knew what was happening, John excused himself to find them seats.
"William doesn't know that you're here." Gloria said the words in an apologetic tone. "I'm sorry for putting you on the spot, but the King men...well, sometimes they need a little nudge in the right direction."
"I appreciate the invitation, Gloria, but I can't be here if William doesn't know I am. He needs to be the one to come to me." He has to be ready to come to me.
Gloria nodded. "I understand that. But like I said, you need to take a firm hand with him. He's been beating himself up since whatever happened between the two of you." The gleam in Gloria's eye betrayed her claim of ignorance. "And now, he doesn't think he deserves you."
"He said that to you?"
"He didn't have to, honey. That boy is very transparent to what he feels."
Gloria stepped a little closer to Diana as the crowds began to thicken around them. "He loves you, and you make him happy. And if I'm a meddler because I want to see William happy, then I'm okay with that." She squeezed the hand Diana hadn't realised she'd been holding, and took a step back. "So, are you coming with me?" Gloria offered Diana her arm. It took her a split second before she nodded and hooked her arm through Gloria's. The woman gave her a look of approval and led the way into the darkened hall.
Diana couldn't remember the last time she had been in a school environment. The chairs stacked in rows in front of the stage held all kinds of supporters for the evening. She saw the glint of cameras being tested and heard the chatter of nervous parents. She smiled at John as she squeezed past him to take a seat next to Gloria, and finally let herself enjoy the moment. According to what Gloria had told her, William had taken some kind of supporting role in Tara's dance. Having experienced how demanding the little girl was first-hand, Diana couldn't help the smile at the thought of William following the timed instructions Tara gave to the beat. He had told her what seemed like a lifetime ago that he was a talented hip-hop dancer, but somehow she didn't believe that. Oh, she believed that he had gone to classes, but she knew you didn't have to be talented to do so. And it gave her quite the thrill that the promise he had made on their first date would be fulfilled now as she was about to watch him put those moves to the test.
The lights dimmed and an old woman, dignified in a black and red floral dress, introduced the evening and the first performer. It was a little girl – she couldn't have been more than six – who had clearly practiced quite hard to play "Mary had a little lamb". Despite the one or two – five or six – wrong notes, the crowd roared with applause at the end of her performance. Next was a boy-and-girl duo – likely brother and sister – who sang a song that she couldn't quite put her finger on. She wasn't sure if it was because the song itself was unfamiliar to her, or because the pair couldn't sing to save their lives. That fact produced giggles throughout the performance, espe
cially when the girl stopped and hit her brother over the head for doing something wrong. It was touch and go for a moment, but an older woman in the crowd stood and cleared her throat, and immediately the two started going again. Diana assumed it was their mother, she hoped she would have as much influence over her children one day as that woman clearly did.
Diana scanned the programme she had got at the door, and sat a little higher when she saw that Tara and William's performance was next.
"Ladies and gentleman, please help me welcome one of our star students, Ms Tara King, as she performs a dance with the help of a surprise guest."
The familiar Taylor Swift music started and before the dancing had even begun, Diana burst out laughing. William was in a tracksuit way too big for him with the hood over his head. Tara stood in front of him in an identical outfit, looking not quite as ridiculous, in the same position. Then they began to dance, and Diana had to wipe the tears of laughter from her eyes. She had been right – William couldn't dance to save his life. But that didn't stop him from trying his best to keep up with his sister. Diana knew he knew he looked ridiculous, but the performance he gave was worthy of an Oscar. He shook along with the music, and the crowd stood, clapping along with the music. Gloria and John were hunched from the laughter, but at the end of the dance, when William pulled a beaming Tara onto his shoulders, they cheered loudly. Diana cupped her mouth and gave a shout of support, and couldn't quite stop the feeling of warmth spread through her body. William had made a complete fool of himself for his sister, and though Diana hadn't thought it possible, she felt herself fall even harder for him.
There were two more acts before the recess, and Diana found her thoughts wondering throughout them. She hoped beyond anything that Gloria had been right, and that William was ready for her. Because if he wasn't, after tonight, she was sure it would break her right in the middle. Her legs grew restless and she was grateful when the break was announced, and she offered to buy some snacks from the shop. Armed with cooldrink requests, she stood in the line, smiling at the small people around her who were dressed in a variety of outfits. She was carrying three cans of Coke, a packet of chips and some sweets when she heard her name being called. She turned and nearly dropped the Coke right on top of her pile, but it was caught before it hit the ground. William didn't give it back, and instead, took some of the items she was struggling with.
