Even though she desired privacy to sort through her tangle of thoughts, she could not bring herself to refuse her friends. Resigned, she nodded and shifted to sit upright against the pillows.
Carrying Cormac on her hip, Arabella eased the door wider for Nora, who cradled her newborn daughter in her arms.
Perceptive as ever, Nora paused in the entryway. “Are you sure you wish a bit of company? We can return later, if you like.”
“Nay, of course not. Please, come in.” Mairi forced a smile. “I’m eager to see your little one.”
With a pleased grin, the brunette ambled across the chamber to the far side of the bed, permitting Mairi the first glimpse of Sorcha. “She’s eager to meet you as well.”
The aching heart shifted in her chest at the sight of the perfect, slumbering babe in her mother’s arms. Just when she’d imagined her tears had ceased, moisture gathered in her eyes. Cursing the sweep of emotion, she dabbed at her eyes with the sleeves of her nightgown.
“Truly, she’s beautiful, Nora. Forgive me, ladies. I fear I’m not good company.”
Within moments, both women closed ranks around her. Easing onto the bed, Arabella and Nora balanced a bairn in one arm and hugged Mairi with the other. Settling on either side of her, the two women offered kind, sympathetic smiles which nearly drew more tears from Mairi. Saints, she’d been naught but a blubbering mess the past two days.
“Mairi, you’ve never hesitated to stand by either of us when we needed someone,” Arabella remarked. “Why would we desert you when you need us?”
Nora’s smile slid into a frown. “We’ve all been so worried about you.”
“Saints, aye. I thought Calum would’ve paced himself to death.” Arabella snorted. “He, Liam, Patrick and a handful of the men tried the pass the first night you were taken. But, part of the trail crumbled beneath their feet before they could reach the top.”
“Aye, Niall informed me,” Mairi mumbled.
“Niall?” Nora queried.
“One of the MacRaes. A friend of Aaron’s actually.” She ducked her head and rolled the fur coverlet between her fingers. “I vow I never meant to worry any of you, nor did I wish for Calum, Liam, or anyone else to risk their lives searching for me.”
Arabella grasped Mairi’s fidgeting hand. “Of course, ’twas not your intent. No one in their right mind believes that for one instant. But, they’re your kin and they love you dearly, Mairi. I’m certain you would’ve done the same for them.”
Of course, she would’ve. Family meant everything to her. There was little she would not do for the sake of her kin which caused her to regret her rash decision to leave of her own volition even more.
Pinching her nose between her thumb and forefinger, she shook her head. “I wish I’d never left with Connor.”
Everything in her life had gone awry since that thoughtless, fateful choice.
“Connor?” Arabella exclaimed in surprise. “Aaron’s brother, Connor?”
“Aye, the same.” She nodded. “The silly lad told me that Aaron was near death.”
The redhead exchanged a triumphant look with Nora. “I was right after all.”
Mairi frowned at the pair. “Right about what?”
“Well, you see, your brother assumed MacRae had stolen you away,” Nora explained. “But, Arabella suspected you might’ve left of your own free will.”
“Aye, I did. ’Twas the most foolish decision of my life,” she muttered.
“Your brother…” Arabella hesitated, glancing down at Cormac in her lap. “You know how he worries. He feared Aaron might’ve harmed you in some manner. Or, that he might’ve…that is, I mean to say, that the two of you…”
Mairi closed her eyes as a wash of shame swept over her. With anyone else, she would’ve denied the truth but Arabella and Nora were her closest friends. Both women had entrusted her with their deepest secrets, she owed the pair the same respect. Neither woman would condemn her for the choices she made.
“We did,” she confessed in a whisper. Fresh tears blurred her field of vision. Speaking the truth hardly lessened the burden or pain of her loss.
Arabella’s spine snapped straight as an arrow, her countenance darkening with a scowl. “Did he hurt you, Mairi? You must tell me right this instant. If so, I vow I’ll have Calum—”
“Nay,” Mairi rushed to assure the redhead before she worked herself into a state. “He was…that part was…pleasant.”
“Pleasant?” Arabella raised a dubious brow.
Mairi rolled her eyes. “You know what I meant.”
Saints, she could not begin to put her feelings into words. The intimacy she shared with Aaron far transcended pleasant. The soul-shattering connection between them had left her shaken and breathless. Her love for Aaron had overflowed, spilling over into a deep sense of belonging, as if she’d always belonged in his arms. That naught could tear them apart, until it did.
“Afterward…he asked me to marry him.”
“What? In truth?” Arabella screeched, rousing Sorcha in Nora’s arms.
Rocking the babe back and forth, Nora’s dark gaze narrowed on Mairi. “Is that not what you hoped for?”
“Aye,” she admitted. For more than a year, she’d foolishly dreamed of the day Aaron would come for her, confess his undying love, and sweep her away. What a silly, girlish fantasy.
Arabella frowned. “What happened?”
“I told him of Patrick, and that I could not accept until I ended our arrangement.”
For a few moments, Arabella and Nora peered at each other as confusion clouded their features.
Nora spoke up, “I do not quite understand.”
Mairi grasped the reasons for his upset, but wished he’d merely given her a chance to explain. Instead, he’d let his distorted insecurities step to the forefront, destroying both of them. Then again, she should’ve informed him of the whole affair with Patrick from the start and expressed her intent not to follow through with the agreement.
“He believed I set out to deceive him. That I had no wish to truly wed him and I’d merely used him.”
“Why the devil would he think such a thing?” Arabella growled. “You have no wish to marry MacEwan. Did you tell him of your plans to end the agreement?”
“Nay, he did not spare me a moment to explain. I hurt him. If you had seen his face…”
The memory was too new, the wound still too fresh. The pain stung now as much as it had when it had happened. She’d never once wavered in her love for him. How could he have ever doubted her?
“So, he sent for your brother in a fit of anger?” Nora surmised with a frown.
Another wretched tear slipped free as she nodded.
Arabella worriedly glanced at Mairi. “What do you plan to do now? Surely, ’tis not the end of things between the two of you. It cannot be.”
She did not wish to believe it any more than her friend, but the truth was there before her eyes. “Aye, Arabella. I fear ’tis over.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
MAIRI ACCOMPLISHED LITTLE more than piddling around her bedchamber over the next three days. Unable to find the effort to force a smile for the sake of her kin, she locked herself away, seeking a bit of privacy as she learned to cope with a broken heart.
Sinking into despair and wallowing in regret would not spare her a speck of pain or mend the piercing wound in her chest. Not to say the hurt had slackened by any measure. In fact, the passage of days without Aaron stung more. But, what other choice did she have? She and Aaron had both made their decisions and now they must live with the consequences.
One such consequence was set to arrive later in the day. ’Twas no point delaying the inevitable with MacEwan any longer than necessary. Though, she had no liking for the task that lay ahead of her any more than the one she currently faced.
Sucking in a deep breath, she lifted a hand to lightly tap on the solar door, praying her brother was anywhere else but inside. It had taken her all morning to muster the courage to
speak to Calum. Alas, he beckoned her to enter and she muttered a curse.
Mairi eased the door open and slipped inside, glancing around the chamber. She found him seated in his chair near the hearth holding Cormac in his lap. He stuck out his tongue and the little lad gurgled with laughter.
Her brother glanced at her with a grin. “Ah, look who had decided to pay a visit. ’Tis your Aunt Mairi.” He motioned to the chair opposite him. “Come, have a seat with us.”
Despite her apprehension, she crossed the chamber to join him. “Where’s Arabella?”
“She offered to watch Sorcha while Nora and Liam have a nap.” He playfully rolled his eyes. “Odd, but I do not recall the same gesture when I wished a nap with my wife after Cormac was born.”
Settling in the seat across from her brother, she chuckled. “Ah well, ’tis Liam we’re discussing.”
“Aye, you have a point. Are you feeling better?” He casually asked while bouncing his giggling son on his knee.
Nay and, in truth, she doubted if she might ever feel better. But, her brother did not need to know the truth, so she stretched the truth. “Aye, much.”
“You know, you’re no better a liar than Liam.” He snorted. “You’ve been unable to pass off a falsehood since you were a wee lass. Try again, Mairi.”
Leaning back in the chair, she heaved an exasperated sigh. “I suppose Arabella has spoken to you.”
“Revealed your secrets, you mean?” He shook his head. “Nay. Despite my badgering, she’s held her tongue.”
“That’s surprising,” she admitted. “I suspected she might’ve shared the tale.”
“She values your and Nora’s friendship. She would not betray that trust unless she feared either of you were in danger. Besides, I thought if I waited long enough, you might come around to speak to me on your own.” He shrugged. “You and I have always been able to talk. Now should be no different.”
Saints, she adored her brother’s practical nature. Even as a young girl who’d often gotten into mischief, he’d never scolded her or forced a confession from her. He’d merely bided his time and waited for her conscience to get the better of her.
She smiled at him. “I’m glad you’re my brother, Calum.”
“And I’m thankful you’re my sister.” The same deep understanding he’d never failed to provide her reflected in his light blue eyes. “’Tis good to see a smile cross your lips.”
Her grin eased into a frown. “I’ve had my fair share of regrets of late, but putting you and Liam at risk is the one I regret most. I know not what I would’ve done if something had happened to either of you. For that, I am deeply sorry.”
“We’ve discussed this already. Neither Liam nor I blame you in slightest.”
Glancing away toward the fire, she bit her lip. “I left of my own free will, Calum. So aye, I claim full responsibility for my actions.”
Tucking Cormac in his arm, he grunted. “I thought as much.”
Her gaze darted to his. “You did?”
He tossed her a droll stare. “Do not forget that I, too, witnessed you and Aaron together. I noted the way he sought to protect you when I entered that chamber the year before. I had no trouble reading the longing in his eyes when he looked at you. I’m a man, Mairi. I comprehend more than you give me credit for at times.” A frown creased his brow. “I also fully grasp what might occur when two people drawn to one another are in close proximity.”
His keen observation caught her off guard and her cheeks burned from her mortification. Saints alive, she dared not speak of that aspect of her time with Aaron. Not with her older brother. “I…I…”
“You are a woman grown, Mairi. You make your own decisions and do not owe me any explanations.” As Cormac slipped into a light slumber, Calum leaned over the chair to place the bairn in the wooden cradle at his feet. When he leaned back his in seat, a pensive expression crossed his features. “Do you love him?”
Her brother was no fool. ’Twas no use denying what was painfully obvious to everyone close to her.
“Aye,” Mairi admitted in a clear, concise tone.
He nodded, as if digesting the single word. “Then, why did he let you go?”
“I told him of Patrick,” she stated in a flat tone.
“Ah, well.” Calum snorted. “I hardly see why MacEwan should matter.”
Surprised, Mairi straightened in her seat. “What do you mean?”
“Anyone with eyes in their head can see you and Patrick are not suited. In truth, I could not fathom why you agreed to marry him to begin with. Not when you clearly love another.”
For a moment, the words stunned her until her indignation rose. “What good would that have done? You forbade Aaron and me from seeing one another. Why do you think I could not bring myself to tell you when I’d left with Connor? Saints, Calum. Of course, I never truly wished to marry Patrick. I merely agreed so that I would no longer be a burden to you.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but she lifted a hand to silence him.
The words streamed from her mouth, “I see you, Liam, Aunt Elena—all of you have found the loves of your lives. At every turn, ’tis there in my face, reminding me that I shall never find the same happiness. That I am destined to wind up old and alone, without a husband who loves me and children of my own. Do you have any notion how that makes me feel? As more and more time slips away, this strangling pressure weighs on me. ’Tis why I accepted Patrick’s offer. He harbors no illusion of love any more than I do. Truth be told, we were a means to an end for each other.”
“Forgive me for failing to understand your plight sooner, Mairi,” Calum quietly spoke. “’Tis true, I did not grasp the load you’ve carried for so long. I wish you’d spoken sooner. I vow you’ve never been a burden, nor shall you ever be to me. Regardless of what happens in the future, you should know that. This shall always be your home as much as it is mine.” With a heavy sigh, he leaned forward. “I’m sorry, Mairi, but I cannot apologize for MacRae. I had just reason for my actions the year prior. Though, had you spoken to me and explained your feelings, I would’ve never denied you. Since you were a girl, when have I ever? You’re my sister and I love you. I’d do anything you asked of me just to see you happy. If wedding Aaron shall bring you happiness, then you have my blessing.”
Not surprisingly, tears sprang to her eyes. If a single day passed without her shedding a tear, then she would count it as a success. Alas, she could not get a handle on her emotions to save her soul as of late.
With an elbow on the chair arm, she lowered her forehead in her palm. “I’m sorry but I cannot wed MacEwan, Calum. He deserves far better than I could ever give him.”
“He should be so lucky to have you,” Calum grumbled. “Who you decide to take as a husband is your choice, Mairi. I shall explain the matter to Patrick when he arrives.”
She huffed a sigh. “Nay, ’tis my mess to sort out.”
“Are you certain?” Her brother offered, “’Tis no trouble for me to handle the matter.”
“I shall speak to him myself once he arrives. I owe him that much.”
Calum glanced down at his son sleeping peacefully in his cradle. “What of MacRae?”
Mairi shook her head. “You have no cause to worry. ’Tis over.”
Her brother stretched the short distance between them to grasp her hand with a tight squeeze. “Does he love you?”
The query gave her pause. Before, she’d never questioned Aaron’s love for her. And in truth, after everything that occurred between the two of them, she did not doubt the earnestness of his words. There was no mistaking the validity of his admission. The truth had shone bright in his intense gaze.
“I believe so, aye. But, there are other matters.”
“Such as?” He quirked a brow.
Rubbing her temple, she admitted, “For too many years, his father neglected their clan and left the MacRaes struggling to survive. Aaron worries he has naught to offer even though I’ve assured him that I care not a
bout such things.” She bit her lip. “And then there’s the matter of Patrick. I did not reveal the arrangement I’d struck until much later. When he learned the truth…I hurt him, Calum.”
“If you remember, Arabella and I went through our share of troubles. I understand the whole affair might seem impossible, but naught is insurmountable.” With one last squeeze, he released her hand and leaned back in his chair. “I assure you, Mairi, if the man truly loves you, naught will stand in his way.”
Though she appreciated her brother’s encouraging words, she disagreed. Her time with Aaron would soon sift into naught but lasting memories which might carry her through the lonely years in her future.
*
MAIRI GRINNED AT her white mare as she stroked the beast’s muzzle. The stable doors opened, announcing someone’s approach—a particular someone she’d awaited the past half-hour since his arrival late that afternoon. With one last scratch behind the horse’s ear, she shifted to face the entrance and the fair-haired man who stood watching her.
“’Tis good to see you home, safe and sound, Mairi.” Wearing an enticing smile, Patrick ambled toward her. “Your brother said you wished to speak with me.”
Lanterns strung from the stables gleamed off his striking, golden features. ’Twas no denying MacEwan was a handsome man. Alas, she would always favor the dark, brooding looks of another.
She clasped her hands in front of her, twining her fingers in a tight wring. “Aye, there’s a matter I must discuss with you.”
He strolled closer until pausing before her. His smile turned playful while his green eyes sparkled with humor. His assessing gaze swept over her features. “I wager I know what you wish to discuss.”
“You do?” she blurted in surprise. Surely, her brother had not spoken to the man before giving her an opportunity to handle the matter.
Patrick’s grin stretched wider. He lifted a hand to caress her cheek. At once, the air seized in her lungs. A bolt of alarm shot through her stiffened spine.
What the devil was the man doing? Aside from a brush of his hand, he’d never reacted with such familiarity toward her. Frankly, his actions caught her off guard.
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