by Lee McKenzie
And she really needed to take better care of herself. No more skipping meals, although missing dinner tonight was hardly her fault. She could blame Donald for that, and Luke.
Chloe strolled into the room, looped around the coffee table and paused in front of Claire’s chair before leaping onto her lap.
“I’m having a lousy night. Did you know I needed some attention?”
The cat arched her back, turned herself in two full circles, then did one complete revolution in the other direction before tucking her paws beneath herself and doing a side-wrap with her tail.
Claire laughed. “I know, I know. You’re the one who’s being needy.” And that was okay. She didn’t need anyone to take of her.
She yawned. She’d always believed everyone who said pregnant women had to eat for two, but who knew she’d also be sleeping for two?
“Come on, girl. Time for bed.”
* * *
LUKE SAT IN HIS TRUCK for what felt like a long time, but when he pulled out his phone to make a call, it was only half past eight. He called Kate Bradshaw for an update.
“Luke. How’s your friend?”
“She’s fine.” It was a rhetorical question and that was the only right answer. “Just checking on where we’re at with Robinson.”
“We’re keeping him overnight. I was going to call but I figured you might, you know, be kind of busy.”
Ha. She didn’t know the half of it. “Good to know he’s off the street. Call me when he’s released tomorrow?”
“Will do,” Kate said. “Have a nice night.” Clearly she thought he was spending the night with Claire, and it was easier to let her believe that than set her straight.
After he disconnected, he poured himself a cup of coffee from the thermos on the seat next to him. After Kate had called to tell him about Donald’s arrest, he had stopped at his place to feed Rex, and while he was there he made the coffee and grabbed a warm jacket. If Donald had been released tonight, Luke would have spent the night here to keep an eye on Claire’s place.
That wasn’t necessary, and now his head was full of questions with no answers, problems with no solutions and accusations with nothing to refute them. He only knew one way handle situations like this and he didn’t dare let himself go there. If he went back to that liquor store tonight, there’d be no way he could walk away.
One day at time just didn’t cut it right now.
He wasn’t a religious man but there were times when only a prayer would do. This was one of those times.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
He rested his forehead on the steering wheel and recited the words again, and then he picked up his phone and called Norman.
* * *
CLAIRE SET HER WATER and the plate of soda crackers on the nightstand and crawled into bed with her phone and the pregnancy book, intending to read everything she could about morning sickness. Before that she checked her voice mail. There was only one message, from Officer Bradshaw, letting her know Donald was being “detained” overnight. She liked the picture her imagination created of him in a jail cell. Served him right.
She also had two text messages, one from Sam and the other from Kristi.
Did you and Luke work things out? Is he spending the night? xoxo
That was from Kristi.
Sam’s message was a little more graphic.
OMG, that man is hot! Hope he’s heating things up for you. S.
She replied to both with the same message.
Things did not go well with Luke. TTY tomorrow. C.
She set the phone on the nightstand, picked up a cracker and opened the book to the table of contents.
Her phone rang.
“What happened?” Sam asked.
“He explained everything about the undercover operation, and I believed him.”
“But you wouldn’t forgive him?” Kristi asked. Apparently Sam had linked them with a conference call. “Why not?”
“Oh, I did. We talked and agreed to take things a little slower this time. And everything was okay until I went into the kitchen to make coffee and came back to find him looking at the pregnancy books you gave me.”
“Oh, no!” Sam said.
“Where were they?” Kristi asked.
“On the coffee table.”
“You should have told them they were mine,” Sam said.
“There was no point. He’d already read the inscription. I knew he’d be angry, but I never imagined this.”
“Sweetie, you had to expect he’d be shocked,” Kristi said. “Even angry.”
“Of course, but he accused me of deceiving him, and then he accused me of lying to him, and then he stormed out. Oh, and then I threw up.”
“Oh, dear. I can relate to that,” Sam commiserated. “How are you feeling now?”
“I’m okay. Exhausted, though. I’m already in bed.”
“What do you think will happen with Luke?” Kristi asked.
Claire wished she knew. “Honestly, I’m not sure. Before he slammed out of here, he said he couldn’t talk to me tonight. He said he’d call me tomorrow, but I’m not sure if there’s much point. He doesn’t want a family, so there’s no possible way this is going to work.”
“He said that?” Sam asked. “He definitely doesn’t want kids?”
“Several times, and he isn’t going to change his mind.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Kristi said. “The guy’s crazy about you. You should have seen him when I answered the door tonight. He was so worried. If I hadn’t opened it when I did, he might have broken it down.”
Claire rolled her eyes at the ceiling. “Just what I need. Two break-ins in one day.”
Sam laughed.
“Okay, you know I was exaggerating. What I’m saying is that I’ve seen guys in love, and this guy has it bad.”
“Kristi’s right. Give him time, give him space if he needs it, but don’t slam the door just yet.”
Luke had already slammed it, literally and figuratively. “I’ll see what he has to say tomorrow, but I’m not counting on him having a change of heart.
“What about Donald?” Kristi asked. “Would you like us to come back and spend the night?”
“Just say the word,” Sam added.
“He won’t be released until tomorrow.” She still had trouble wrapping her head around that.
“That’s a relief,” Kristi said.
Sam simply let out a whoop.
“I’ll be fine here on my own. I love you guys.”
“Will you call us tomorrow after you’ve talked to Luke?”
“I will, I promise.”
* * *
LUKE SPENT THE FIRST half of the night with a pot of coffee and the TV remote, and the second half lying in bed in the dark waiting to nod off. Sleep eluded him, and by dawn he knew this would be a lousy day. Maybe the lousiest on record.
That was confirmed when he threw on a load of laundry, a hose or a seal or something went on the washing machine, and water leaked all over the utility room floor. He was mopping up the mess when Kate called to let him know Stalker Don was out on bail. And then Norm called, insisting they meet for coffee.
Luke didn’t want to see anyone, he really didn’t want any more coffee and he sure as hell didn’t need a lecture on the dangers of having a drink or having sex without a condom.
Norm wasn’t taking no for answer and, as he always did, he managed to say exactly what Luke needed to hear. Luke had started out not wanting to hear any of those things, but Norm didn’t give a rat’s ass about that. And that, Luke thought wryly, was an exact quote.
He’d taken Norm’s advice and called Claire, just as he’d said he would. She answered, and he didn’t know whether to be surprised by that or not. He suggested they get together for coffee...what the hell, it wasn’t like he was ever going to sleep again...and she had agreed.
He knew better than to sugg
est her place, this would be better done in public, someplace where they, well, mostly he would be on his best behavior. No chance of theatrics like the raised voice and door slamming he’d been guilty of last night. Claire had agreed to meet him and suggested a place near her office in Pioneer Square.
He arrived half an hour early and was nursing his second cup of coffee when, through the window, he caught a glimpse of her crossing the street. She would always be the one woman who would turn his head, not only because she was beautiful, but also because she had always been able to cut through his crap. Maybe if he’d paid more attention, he’d have figured out how to cut through hers.
* * *
CLAIRE HAD TRIED ON half a dozen outfits before she left for the office that morning, but as she went to meet Luke, she was having serious second thoughts. Instead of one of the suits she usually wore, she’d decided on dark jeans and a black turtleneck sweater under the cobalt-blue jacket she’d worn the first time they’d gone out. Marlie had been surprised to see her dressed so casually, but she had assured her that she didn’t have any appointments that day. Technically true, since she had already rescheduled them.
Now, as she crossed the street to the coffee shop where she, Sam and Kristi met for their weekly business meetings, she had second thoughts. She wanted to show Luke that she could be as cool and casual as he was, but she was more herself in a suit. More polished and professional, and a lot more confident. She should have gone with that.
Too late now, she thought as she opened the door and went in to face the music. She spotted him right away, and her heart did that skip-a-beat thing it always did. He was wearing his leather jacket, his helmet on the seat next to him. Now she really wished she’d worn a suit. Not that it would make her heart behave, but it might disguise its misbehavior.
He saw her, too, and his detached gaze suggested that although he could see her, he would rather not look at her.
She stopped at the counter and ordered a decaf latte, then reluctantly crossed the narrow space and joined Luke at the back corner table he’d chosen. He leaned back in his chair, watching her like she was a petty criminal. He had a lot of nerve.
She set her briefcase on the floor next to her chair, still not sure why she’d bothered to bring it but willing to acknowledge it was part of that professional facade she wished she’d gone with. Right now the only thing that gave her the upper hand was waiting for him to be the first to speak.
“How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
“Did you hear Donald’s out?”
“I got a call this morning.” She should have known that Kate Bradshaw would call Luke, too.
“You should think about getting a security alarm.”
One step ahead of you. “I have a company coming this afternoon to give me an estimate.”
“That’s good.”
The barista set her latte on the table in front of her, table service being one of the perks of being a regular customer.
“Thank you,” she said, not missing the young woman’s appreciative assessment of Luke.
If he noticed, he didn’t let on.
She sipped her drink and a few seconds of silence ticked into ten, twenty...
“I’m sorry about the way I behaved last night,” he said, running a hand through his hair. He looked tired, she noticed, as though he hadn’t slept well.
“I’m sorry you had to find out the way you did. Not that there was a good way to tell you.”
“What happens now?” His question was so direct, it caught her by surprise.
“Nothing has to happen. I know how you feel about kids.”
“So you’re planning to go through with this?”
Go through with this? He couldn’t even bring himself to say the words. Pregnancy. Baby.
She could be as direct as he was. “I am.”
He leaned forward, forearms on the table, coffee cup cradled in both hands. “Last night, after two weeks of ignoring my messages, you let me back in your life. You said you wanted to take things slow. Since you knew you were pregnant and I didn’t want kids, exactly how did you think that was going to work?”
How this worked was really up to him. “I’m not sure, Luke. Last night I was going to tell you myself, and I was prepared for you to be upset—”
“Upset? Jeez, Claire...” He seemed to catch himself, lowered his voice. “I get ‘upset’ when I get a flat tire or the damn washing machine breaks down. Getting a woman pregnant the first time I sleep with her, that freaks me out.”
“You didn’t ‘get me’ pregnant. That was my fault.”
“It’s mine, that makes me responsible.”
It is a baby, she wanted to remind him.
“You should have said something as soon as you knew. I mean, there were options.”
Now she was angry. “I’m very well aware of the options. I’ve already chosen one.”
His expression finally registered the reality of the situation. “You really plan to go through with this?”
“I told you I do.” She couldn’t tell him this might be her only chance to have a baby. That had nothing to do with him, and he would never understand anyway. “That’s my decision, which makes it my responsibility.”
He looked bewildered. “Do you want to get married?”
“Is that a proposal?”
He shoved his cup away. “It’s a question.”
A dumb question, she thought. “And the answer is no. I don’t.”
He slowly reached into his pocket, pulled out a folded piece of paper and slid it across the table to her. “This is the best I can do right now.”
She didn’t have to unfold it to know it was a check, but she had to ask. “What’s this for?”
He shrugged. “Whatever you and...whatever the two of you need.”
He was offering money? This was his solution? Curiosity being what it was, she picked it up, opened it and was pretty sure she gasped. It was payable to her, in the amount of ten thousand dollars.
So this was it? Throw money at the problem and make it go away?
She refolded it, set it on the table and made a show of slowly sliding it back.
He watched with narrowed eyes. “What are you doing?”
“I’m not trying to land a husband, and I’m not looking for money.”
“What do you want?”
“Nothing.” Just as well, since he couldn’t give it to her anyway.
“There has to be something.”
Since she had nothing to lose, she told him. “I’ll tell you what I want. It’s all or nothing, Luke. With kids, there’s no halfway. You’re either in or you’re out.”
“But—”
She cut him off. “I have a home, money, a stable career. I’m perfectly capable of raising a child on my own and providing everything she or he needs.”
The only thing worse than no father was a reluctant one. This was his loss, even though she couldn’t bring herself to say it. She didn’t want to hurt him, she just wanted him to go away and let her get on with her life. And she needed to take the first step.
She reached for her briefcase and stood up, actually grateful that Luke was at a loss for words.
“If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me.” And she walked away from the one thing she wanted even more than a baby—the man who’d given her one.
Chapter Sixteen
Luke spent the next four days alternating between anger, disappointment and relief. The only constants were the struggle to stay sober and the feeling that he was a bigger jerk now than he’d ever been. After Claire told him it was “all or nothing”—and since she didn’t want financial support or marriage, he didn’t have a clue what that meant—he had talked with Jason Wong and taken a leave of absence. One thing was certain. In his current state of mind, he was no good to anybody.
This morning, like every morning since Claire’s ultimatum, he joined Norman at the coffee shop.
“How’s it going?” Nor
m asked.
“Good.”
“I didn’t ask how you are, I asked how it’s going.”
Luke knew what the question was. “Somewhere on the road between step four and step ten, with a stopover at eight.” Except the moral inventory wasn’t so fearless, and while he figured he was more than willing to make amends, he still hadn’t figured out what he’d done wrong.
“It is a journey, all right.”
Luke rolled his eyes. “That’s the best you’ve got?”
Norm laughed. “How are you sleeping these days?”
“Better.”
“That’s good. What are you doing to keep yourself busy now that you’re not working?”
He shrugged, feeling a little a kid who’d forgotten to take out the trash. “Watching TV, taking Rex for a run. I fixed the washing machine.”
“Driven past Claire’s place?”
It was the first time Norm had mentioned her since Luke told him about the baby. Why would he ask if Luke was keeping an eye on her? And how the hell did he know he was? Norm was smiling, like he knew everything.
“A time or two.” Every day. To make sure Donald wasn’t hanging around.
“Do you love her?” Norm asked.
“I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I’ve never been in love so it’s hard to tell.”
“Let’s forget about the baby for a minute. Do you think about her very often?”
“All the time.”
“Is that right? So when you’re doing all this thinking, is it all about the sex?”
“Jeez, Norm. What kind of question is that?”
“Just answer it, and be honest.”
Honestly, he did think about the sex, it was amazing, but more often she occupied his thoughts in other ways. “It’s more about the things she’s said, or how she takes her glasses off and cleans them on her sleeve, or watching her in the kitchen. She’s a really good cook, did I mention that? Best lasagna I’ve ever had.”
“Huh.” Norm had sat quiet for a few moments, drinking his coffee and no doubt pondering his next question. “You think about her all the time and it’s hardly ever about the sex. But you’ve had a lot of women, right?”
