“I’m not wearing a tiara, no matter what,” Aidan said, picking a brisk pace that I struggled to keep up with on the way back to his Cherokee. He sighed when he saw me straggling. “Hop on, gimp.” He gestured toward his back. “We’ll lose him at this pace.”
I wanted to argue. It hurt too much to muster the effort, though. I jumped onto his back and let him carry me the rest of the way to the Jeep.
I had to know what Dad was up to. I couldn’t explain why.
“OKAY, I admit this isn’t the library,” Aidan said fifteen minutes later, slouching low in the Cherokee so Dad couldn’t see him as he moved toward the ritzy French restaurant’s front door. “What the heck is he doing here?”
“Maybe his book club meets here.”
Aidan rolled his eyes. “He’s not in a book club.”
“Well, if you’ve got a better suggestion for why he’s wandering into a romantic restaurant in his best suit, I’d love to hear it.”
“That’s not his best suit,” Aidan scoffed. “The charcoal Armani is his best suit. This is his second best suit.”
“You’re such a girl.”
“And you have the fashion sense of a blind professional wrestler,” Aidan shot back.
We lapsed into silence. Finally, Aidan couldn’t take it any longer.
“What do you want to do?”
“Let’s just … look inside.”
“No.”
“Come on,” I prodded. “You know you want to see what he’s doing in there as much as I do.”
“I know no such thing.”
I pinched his side, digging my short fingernails in deep.
“Ow! You’re such a witch!”
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s just look.”
“Fine,” Aidan said. “If we get caught, though, I’m blaming this all on you.”
“What else is new?”
By the time Aidan and I made it through the front door, skirting the curious hostess at the stand, we were on edge. Neither of us knew what we’d find, but we were convinced it would be big.
I scanned the restaurant, my eyes taking a few minutes to adjust to the dim lighting. When my gaze finally landed on my father, I was dumbfounded. “I … .”
“Where is he?”
I couldn’t speak, so I pointed.
Aidan followed my finger with his eyes and nearly choked when he saw what caused my silent stare. Dad sat at one of the center tables, a tall woman with auburn hair seated across from him. I had no idea who she was. I had no idea where they met. I had no idea why they came to this restaurant. All I did know was that Dad was holding her hand and … ugh … kissing it.
“Holy cannoli,” I hissed, finally finding my voice as I turned my wide eyes on Aidan. “Is he on a date?”
Fifteen
“It’s the end of the world as we know it!”
Aidan was a babbling mess by the time we made it back to the townhouse. I was much more dignified – mostly because I couldn’t make my once reliable voice work when I wanted.
“What’s wrong?” Griffin jumped to his feet as we rounded the corner into the living room. “What happened? Are either of you hurt?”
“This had better not ruin my pageant night,” Jerry snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. “If you two have manufactured some drama to get out of this … .”
“The Rapture is finally here,” Aidan said, twirling twice before throwing himself onto the couch and covering his eyes. “We’re all doomed.”
Griffin’s gaze bounced between us momentarily before settling on me. “You don’t look hurt. Are you in pain?”
I opened my mouth but no sound came out.
“She lost the ability to talk during the drive home,” Aidan answered for me. “The Rapture has rendered her mute. And to think … that’s the part of the Rapture I looked forward to.”
“What do you mean she can’t talk?” Griffin asked. “I … has something happened to her?”
“Life is ending,” Aidan replied. “Prepare yourself, because nothing will ever be the same.”
“I am going to beat you,” Griffin snapped. “What the hell is going on?”
Aidan didn’t get a chance to respond because the front door of the townhouse flew open, and Redmond, Braden and Cillian rushed in, their faces flushed as they hurried toward us.
“We got Aidan’s text,” Braden said. “There was no detail. It just said to meet you guys here because something horrible was going down. What happened?”
“Oh, good luck getting that information out of either of them,” Griffin muttered.
“Why?” Redmond asked.
“He keeps talking in ridiculously obnoxious riddles and she’s apparently lost the ability to speak.”
Cillian moved closer to me. “You can’t talk?”
“Oh, well, this is too much fun to ignore,” Braden said. “We should do something to her before she gets her voice back.” He tweaked my nose. “Think of something particularly bad to do to her.”
“Knock that off,” Griffin ordered, slapping Braden’s hand from my face and pushing between my brothers and me. “What has the power to render her speechless?”
Braden tilted his head to the side, considering. “Maybe Angelina Davenport finally found a gypsy to cast that curse she threatened Aisling with in high school.”
“Maybe the world really did end and Keanu Reeves was nominated for an Oscar,” Cillian suggested.
“Maybe acid-washed bib overalls are back in style,” Redmond interjected.
“Bite your tongue,” Jerry snapped. “There’s no need to bring up the dark days of fashion unless you want to render me speechless, too.”
“Don’t tempt me,” Griffin said. “Aisling, … why can’t you talk?” Griffin looked miserable.
“She’s in shock,” Aidan explained. “I … we saw something terrible today.”
“At the old folks home?” Redmond asked. “Why were you there together?”
“That’s not important,” Aidan said. “Although, did you know that one of the guys on Aisling’s list had a heart attack from using Viagra to become the stud of the nursing home? I honestly thought that would be the worst thing we saw today.”
“I’m going to be the stud of the nursing home when it’s my time,” Jerry said, puffing out his chest. “I’m going to be famous when people try to put me out to pasture.”
Aidan made a face. “Where will I be?”
“Oh, you’ll be there, too,” Jerry replied. “You’ll be the one telling everyone what a stud I am.”
“Oh.” Aidan was nonplussed.
“Besides the old guy on Viagra, what did you two do today?” Redmond pressed. “And, more importantly, why can’t Aisling talk?”
“No, more importantly, how do we fix it?” Griffin corrected.
“I like her better this way,” Braden said. “I don’t think we should fix her.”
“Aisling said you two fight the most because you’re so much alike,” Griffin said, disgusted. “I didn’t see it until right now. She’s right. You two are more like twins than she and Aidan.”
“That’s the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me,” Braden grumbled.
“That’s exactly what she would say if your roles were reversed right now,” Griffin charged. “Why don’t you suck on that for a few minutes, huh?”
“Aisling will be fine in a … a few hours or so,” Aidan said. “She’s just … processing.”
“What is she processing?” Cillian asked, waving his hand in front of my face, as if testing to see whether I was blind instead of mute. “I think she’s broken.”
“We can only hope,” Braden said.
Redmond cuffed him before Griffin got a chance to wrap his hands around my brother’s neck.
“Don’t start a fight,” Redmond chided, warning off Griffin. “Aisling is obviously fine. We just need to find out what happened.”
“Prepare yourselves,” Aidan warned. “You’ll lose your minds when I tell you what we sa
w.”
“I can’t wait,” Griffin said, his hands on his hips. “By that, I mean if you don’t tell me I’m going to start throwing punches.”
“After we were done at the senior living center, Aisling wanted to stop at the cemetery,” Aidan explained.
“Why?” Griffin glanced at me, concerned.
“She wanted to see the mausoleum and she didn’t want to make you go with her,” Aidan replied. “She said she couldn’t explain why she wanted to see it and she didn’t want you to think she was crazy.”
I said nothing of the sort! Dammit! Why can’t I make myself speak?
“I wouldn’t have thought you were crazy,” Griffin said, gently pushing some of my flyaway hair from my face. “You could have told me that. I would have gone with you.”
“I went with her,” Aidan countered. “We were perfectly safe. The mausoleum is gone. It’s been completely torn down.”
“Is that why she’s so upset?”
“No.” Aidan made a face. “We saw someone leaving our mausoleum while we were there. It was Dad.”
“Why is that so terrible?” Redmond asked. “He was probably visiting Mom’s grave.”
“I’m sure he was, too,” Aidan said. “He was dressed in one of his best suits, though, and Aisling had the bright idea to follow him, because she was convinced he was up to something. I told her it was a terrible idea, but she wouldn’t let it go.”
“You followed Dad?” Cillian wasn’t dazzled. “What an exciting evening.”
“I’m not done,” Aidan said. “We followed him to that French restaurant downtown.”
“That really romantic one with all the candles?” Redmond asked.
Aidan nodded.
Everyone’s eyes turned to him, surprised he knew about the restaurant.
“What? I go on dates. That restaurant makes women extremely … pliable,” Redmond said. “I’m a romantic at heart.”
Aidan snorted. “Well, it seems everyone in that restaurant feels exactly the same way,” he said. “Aisling made me go in and … well … Dad was not alone.”
“Are you saying Dad was on a date?” Braden was dumbfounded.
“Not only was Dad on a date, she was his age and holding his hand.”
“No way,” Redmond said. “You guys have to be imagining that.”
Griffin rubbed his forehead as he studied my face. “Are you telling me you’ve lost the ability to speak because your father was on a date? If that’s what you’re telling me I’m going to start yelling.”
“Leave her alone,” Braden said, taking me by surprise as he pushed Griffin away. “Don’t you even think about yelling at her.”
Griffin’s eyes widened. “Wait … now you’re standing up for her? Two minutes ago you were trying to think of something evil to do to her and now you’re her best friend?”
“I’m her best friend,” Jerry said, moving to my side and slinging a sympathetic arm around my shoulders. “I’m sorry, Bug. That must have taken you by surprise.”
“You have got to be kidding me,” Griffin muttered. “I … there is no way … I can’t even find words to deal with you people.”
“Then leave,” Redmond snapped, causing my heart to flip. “If you don’t want to deal with our family madness, get the hell out.”
Cillian held up his hands to still them both. “Do not do this right now,” he ordered. “Aisling wants Griffin here. Don’t make this worse, Redmond.”
“I’m not going to fight with you,” Griffin said. “I don’t understand why this is such a big deal, though. Your mother has been gone a long time.” He glanced at me, his face unreadable. “Your father deserves some happiness. Why is it such a travesty for him to go out on a date?”
I finally found my voice. “Because he’s never done it.”
Griffin reached for me, tugging me away from Jerry so he could give me a hug. “Thank you for speaking. I never realized how much I would miss your voice until I couldn’t hear it.”
“Join the club,” Braden sniped.
“And now you’re back to being you.” Griffin kissed my forehead. “Can someone rationally explain to me why you’re all freaking out?”
“After Mom died, Dad declared he would never date again,” Cillian said. “At the time, we all thought he was making grand pronouncements that he would back away from eventually. Since then, though, he’s never even looked at another woman. We never thought it would happen.”
“You think we’re being dramatic and we are,” Braden added. “It’s just … this is our family. To you this might seem ridiculous … and we know it’s ridiculous. It’s just … none of us ever expected this.” He threw himself on the couch and leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling. “This is unbelievable.”
“We’re overly dramatic by birth,” Redmond said. “We can’t help ourselves. It’s in our genes.”
“Okay, maybe I was a little harsh,” Griffin conceded. “You have to understand that when they came in declaring that the world was officially going to end … I thought something horrible happened.”
“Something horrible did happen,” Redmond said. “We found out our father is human after all.” He joined Braden on the couch. “What do we do now?”
“Here’s a wild suggestion,” Griffin offered. “Why don’t you tell him you know and then find out about this woman before you toss her to the wolves. She could be a business acquaintance … or an old girlfriend from before your mother … or some distant relative you know nothing about.”
“He was holding her hand and … nuzzling it.” Aidan involuntarily shuddered. “It was horrifying.”
“Oh, you poor baby,” Jerry clucked, moving to Aidan’s side and wrapping his arms around him.
“We can’t tell him we know,” Cillian said. “He’ll shut down.”
“We have to pretend we don’t know anything,” Redmond agreed. “Maybe if we pretend to stay in the dark … .”
“He’ll what?” Griffin prodded. “Are you people actually telling me that you’d rather your father be miserable and alone than introduce you to the woman he’s dating? I’ll bet the reason he hasn’t told you is because you’re all acting like huge babies.”
“We know we’re acting like babies,” I said, lifting my eyes. “It’s just … he’s Dad.”
“And you’re all hopelessly codependent,” Griffin finished. “I get it. Still … you guys are adults. I think you should be able to accept the fact that your father is dating a woman.”
“Eww, he’s probably having sex with her,” Braden said, wrinkling his nose. “They probably go to seedy motels.”
“Dad wouldn’t go to seedy motels,” Redmond argued. “They’re probably going to expensive hotels.”
“Ugh, I’m scarred for life and I didn’t even see it,” Braden muttered.
Without realizing what I was doing, I lifted the bag I’d remembered to grab from Aidan’s Jeep and pulled out a tiara. I plopped it on Braden’s head. “I know what will make everyone feel better.”
Braden lifted his eyes, but didn’t remove the tiara. “What?”
Jerry jumped to his feet and clapped his hands. “The Miss American Pageant! We can all watch it together.”
“That’s how you’re going to fix this?” Griffin asked. “You’re going to watch a beauty pageant together?” He was dumbfounded. I didn’t blame him. We don’t do anything like normal people, including getting used to our father … dating.
Redmond shrugged. “I’m not sure watching scantily clad women parade around on a stage will make me feel better,” he admitted.
“So why watch it?”
“It couldn’t hurt.”
Griffin sighed, resigned. “I’ll order pizza.”
“I’ll go on a beer run,” Cillian said, moving toward the door. “How drunk does everyone want to get?”
“Drunk enough that we’ll need a cab to take us home,” Braden replied.
“This is going to be so much fun,” Jerry enthused. “Way to go, Bug!�
��
I couldn’t share in Jerry’s excitement, but I was happy for him. “As long as you’re … okay with everyone joining us.”
“It’s going to be the best pageant ever,” Jerry declared, his eyes sparkling.
“I am never going to understand this family,” Griffin announced. “Never!”
Sixteen
“My head feels like it’s going to explode.” Braden rubbed his forehead with one hand the next morning and held out his empty mug in Jerry’s direction with the other. “Perhaps it would be better if you just threw that in my eyes.”
Jerry filled the mug, smiling brightly as he glanced around the table. “You guys are all real snots in the morning, aren’t you?”
“We’re not snots,” Redmond argued. “We’re hungover. There’s a difference.”
“I’m not hungover and I drank last night,” Jerry pointed out. “Do you want to know the difference between all of you and me?”
“Not really,” Redmond muttered.
“I know how to do things in moderation,” Jerry said, ignoring Redmond’s bad mood. “I stopped drinking alcohol before midnight and started drinking water. Did you guys do that? No. Moderation is key.”
I narrowed my eyes as I rested my cheek against Griffin’s shoulder. Our kitchen table was small, so everyone squeezed together to make room. Thoughts of calling a cab to take my brothers home fell by the wayside at some point the previous night – I think when Cillian passed out on the floor – and everyone spent the night. My head hurt too badly for this much togetherness before noon.
“Dude, you know I love you, right?” Braden asked, his expression serious.
Jerry nodded.
“I say this with love, but I have no idea how you can preach about moderation when you’re wearing a paisley pink shirt and white boat shoes without socks.”
Uh-oh. Those are fighting words. No one picks on Jerry’s fashion choices and lives to tell the tale.
Jerry sucked in a long, calming breath and squared his shoulders. He was about to scream … or say something really snarky. I’ve been friends with him long enough to read the signs.
“Braden?” Jerry’s voice was sweet.
“What?”
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