by C. Lymari
“Five minutes!” was shouted from the open hallway.
Dr. Wozniak started to remove the bag at my arm, taking his sweet time doing so.
“Until next time, Doc,” I said, pretending that I didn’t care he was leaving.
I felt the needle slip from my arm and his cold fingers as he put a Band-Aid over the pierced skin.
He squeezed my arm lightly. “Unfortunately, I don’t know when I’ll be back.”
Because the festival was a day away and I looked healthy, and that was all Silas cared about.
The bad thing about panicking when high? It made you trip out, and I was about to have a bad trip. I looked at the doctor’s eyes, full of panic, and wished I could tell him to take me with him, but knowing damn well that would put his life at risk.
“Is there anything I can do?” His hand was still on my arm, and his fingers rubbed it almost soothingly.
Did he want me to ask for help?
“Can you do me a favor?”
He seemed to stop holding his breath, and tilted his head, but his hand remained wrapped in my arm.
“There was a photoshoot that needed my approval,” I said, and the doctor looked at me funny at the stupidity coming out of my mouth. “I know a long time has passed, but if you can email the photographer on my behalf. The code to get into my laptop is Reddiamonds420. Once in, you will go to my folders, and once in there, find the one that says shoots. Once in that folder, find the one that says vanity, and then find the one that is labeled ICE. All the info will be in that file.”
“After all this time?” he said skeptically as if this was what I was asking help for.
“Please, he will be waiting to hear from me.” There was no denying the urgency in my voice.
Before he could reply, Gio was there telling him it was time to go.
“Thank you for everything, Doctor.”
His eyes flashed as he noticed that this was me saying goodbye to him. One of two things could happen. I could escape and be free, or Silas would capture me and get enraged and maybe even kill me.
“Any plans for the weekend?” he casually asked as he put away his things.
“Day of the Dead parade.”
He nodded with understanding. He’d been with me all my life, and this was one parade I never missed.
I watched him walk away, knowing it was probably the last time I would see him. Before he got to the door, he turned back to look at me.
“There’s a tiny little coffee shop across the main street from the parade. It’s a serene place, should you need a break from the festivities.”
“Out.” Gio pushed the doctor out.
He couldn’t see me wave goodbye.
The night before the parade, I laid on my bed, twisting and turning, anxious to see what the day would bring. I had a dress brought to me…except this year, I wasn’t allowed to wear face paint. It would make me too easy to blend in, and that was the last thing Silas wanted. He did relent and had his assistant bring me a makeup palette and fake black flowers. He even got me some diamond earrings.
After all, who was Ember Remington without her diamonds? I was no one. Plain and simple. I had been reduced to an object in someone’s house.
Just then, I heard said someone walking down the hallway. I closed my eyes and clutched the pillow, knowing that it wouldn’t matter if I was awake or sleeping. Most of the time, nightmares didn’t happen at night or when you were sleeping. Nightmares happened while you were awake, and you remembered every dreaded second and replayed it over and over again in your sleep.
The worst part was, nightmares didn’t always start as nightmares; sometimes, they were dreams.
When the door creaked, the blood in my veins froze. My body wanted to quake with fear, or maybe ask for more drugs to numb the pain that was to follow.
Because the pain was a reminder of how far I had fallen from grace.
“I know you’re awake,” he chastised me as I heard him take off his clothes.
I remained silent, knowing that speaking didn’t help my case. I heard the bed creak, and mentally, I tried to brace myself. He moved like a snake, silent but deadly, striking when I least expected. When I met his dark shadow, I wanted to not fight and just let him use me as he pleased for one more night.
But why should he get my complicity? Why should he get my surrender? There was a reason diamonds were created with pressure, and to make a tiny jewel yield, you had to cut it many times. They were indestructible.
His breathing stopped for a second as he waited to see if I was going to finally give in to his promises. The things a foolish little girl believed. I was weak, looking for love in all the wrong places, and all I found were sins. He wanted to own me without telling me why. I wanted to fly and never be bound to any man.
We clashed.
If this was my last time with him, I wanted him to feel my hate. To feel the rage he provoked when he put his flesh on me. I hit him even if it was in vain. Scratching, biting, and pulling hair, we became savage beasts seeking dominance. He told me I was his, whether I wanted him or not. I told him I’d rather be dead. Through the dark, I saw his sadistic grin. I thought he’d half fuck me to death, but what he did was much worse.
He went soft on me when I wanted him to keep being brutal.
He reminded me that he knew my body as well as I knew it myself.
When I came, I felt hatred and loathing all for myself.
As he walked away, I swore that, one way or another, Silas was going to die.
The air on my skin felt divine, prickling my pores and breathing life into me. My eyes still burned from the sleepless night. And right now, I tried not to think of all the things I had to live through in the confinement of my luxurious penthouse.
“This way,” Gio said.
He grabbed my arm, dragging me into the car.
I followed him, trying not to get my hopes up because I didn’t think my soul could handle the deception.
This morning as I got ready, Silas came in and reminded me not to do anything stupid.
He gripped my chin and said, “You try to leave me, and I’ll do everything shy of killing you.”
I bit my tongue, trying hard not to think of last night. When Gio and the other security that was set to accompany were set to take me to the parade, I was happy to follow them.
Now I sat in the back of one of Silas’s Explorers. Gio was next to me while one man drove, and there was another in the passenger seat. Every precaution was taken when I was escorted. I looked down at my black dress and played with the skirt. It was a traditional Mexican dress, with red ribbons weaved at the bottom and at the collar of the dress. On my head, I wore a crown of black flowers, with red eyeshadow on my face, and, much to Silas’s dismay, I had outlined a Catrina—sugar skull candy as Americans referred to it. I looked like Death’s wife, ready to go back to the underworld.
I wanted to relish the feel of the car—the way it vibrated under my skin, the blur of the skyscrapers, and the mindless people walking by. Still, my mind kept going back to Dr. Wozniak.
Everything today depended on him if he could follow instructions to a T. In the folder he would find instructions on how to log into the dark web. He would discover how to navigate it, and lastly, in the notes in bold red, I had put the sigil for the webpage I had accessed months ago.
So if the doctor did as I asked, he would hire the hitman I had talked to months ago.
He didn’t care for the motive; he just wanted his money. He did his job, and I wasn’t above rewarding him generously.
If all went well, Silas would die, and I would have the last laugh. The only thing that would let me have a shred of sanity in this whole mess.
The closer we pulled toward the parade, the more people dressed with Death’s face could be seen—so many colors bringing life to a holiday honoring the dead. When the car finally stopped, I took a deep breath. First, I was going to walk up to the vendors to get a candle for my mother. If it was true and the vei
l between the two worlds was thin, then I hoped she heard my prayers.
Without fail, I felt eyes on me once again. After being alone for so long, they were welcome. With the world looking at me, it meant Silas was a little out of reach.
I held my head high as I made my way through the crowd, aware of every movement from the two security guys in front of me and from the two next to me. For now, I had to play by their rules even if I hated it.
Every year I hung out at the same vendor, pretending that I was with family just like everyone else.
My hands went to a white candle with an angel helping two kids cross a bridge to safety. Taking it, I gave it to the old lady and handed it to her, hoping she could get the hidden meaning behind my candle of choice.
“Pay her,” I snapped at Gio.
As he handed her the money, the lady gave me a look because I was not my usual self, and she knew it. In this place, among the living worshiping the dead, I was not Ember Remington; among them, I was another girl making an ofrenda to a dead mother she never knew.
“¿Estás bien, niña?” Are you all right, child? she asked.
“En cuando me quite mis sombras, lo estare,” I told her. As soon as I get rid of my shadows, I’ll be fine.
“Let’s go, Miss Remington,” Gio said, pissed.
Apparently this was one of those things people were surprised I could do. I wasn’t ignorant. I went to the best schools and wanted to know everything about my mother, down to her native tongue.
“The dance is about to start,” the vendor lady said, and I smiled at her.
“Gracias.”
Gio put his hand on mine, dragging me away. “What did Silas tell you? If you tried anything, it would—”
“What, my ass on the line?” I bit back. “I was getting a fucking candle. Let me go before there’s a picture of you manhandling me.”
He looked at me with hate, but ultimately he let me go because I was right.
I made my way to where they had altars where people were putting out their candles as others said a prayer to walk the poor souls to a happier afterlife.
A day like today, I really missed the diamond against my skin, reminding me that I had a lot to lose. I did the sign of the cross as my heart thrummed faster. My ears began to pound, but it wasn’t my own heartbeat; it was the drums from the parade. I made my way to the farther edge from where the parade had already started, having missed the beginning.
The guys were at my back, their presence fueling the fire I’d carried since the day in the limo. I got up on my toes, and across the street far off, I could see the coffee shop Dr. Wozniak had mentioned.
We never talked about coffee or shops, so for him to mention this place after finding out my whereabouts, it had to mean something. Or maybe I was grasping at straws, but I wouldn’t know until I tried.
“People saw enough of you. Let’s get going.”
“Give me a second. This next float is my favorite.” I removed my hand from Gio’s grasp.
The drums got louder and faster, and the people in the crowd got hyped, me included.
Just then, women dressed in black and red dresses came into view. They twirled their skirts in synch. It was hypnotic watching all these women who looked like death dancing to the beat of the drums. I waited as I felt the beating of my heart in my throat and my hands wanting to shake a bit. Men dressed like charros and Death stepped in front of the sidelines. My eyes met Jorge’s, knowing he had probably already spoken to his grandma, and that was when I ran.
I moved fast and in between them yelling, “¡Ayúdeme!.”
Help me!
I ran past the women who were twirling and dancing, not wanting to miss a beat, and then pushed against the crowd on the other side. I heard shouts and people yelling. I knew Gio and the men wouldn’t care to use their force, but I just needed enough time to pull away.
My lungs were on fire, my throat burned with the breaths I was barely taking, and every cell in my body begged me to slow down. It asked me to get high, but right now, fear and survival dominated.
A car honked, and people yelled, but I didn’t care to stop. When I made it to the little coffee shop, I opened the door and ran in. I didn’t dare look back, but I ran to the back, and then I locked myself in the men’s bathroom—just in case.
As soon as the door was closed, I slid to the floor, my chest heaving, trying to get air back in my body. I felt like I was dying. There were no other doors and no exits this way, so if Silas wanted me, he would have to drag me through the front door. Not before I sing bloody murder. Silas changed the game on me thinking he still had the upper hand, and all he’d given me was the courage to do what I had been too cowardly to go through.
Not. Any. More.
He took my home.
He took my life.
My father.
My dignity.
And he left me with nothing to lose.
That was dangerous.
Going over to the sink, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My makeup had run a bit, making me look more macabre, my eyes a little soulless, and I knew this was not the me I had once loved before, but this was a me I could be in awe of.
Putting my hands in the lukewarm water, I brought it to my mouth and rinsed away the cottony feel I had on my tongue. When I heard someone trying to pull the door, my heart stopped. Looking myself in the mirror one last time, I walked away, ready to face whomever was on the other side of the door.
I closed my eyes and pulled it open.
“Uh, you’re in the wrong bathroom.” Relief spread through my body at the guy in front of me—one of those hippie coffee-loving guys.
“My bad.” I stepped aside, cautious and alert.
The hallways were empty, and I prepared myself for whom I was going to meet in the lobby. With every step, my craving for a hit grew, and my body demanded just to give up, but I didn’t want to let my addiction win. The first thing I had to do was find the closest pawn shop and get whatever money I could from this; then, I would try to find a way to get out of this mess.
Where would I go?
Maybe it was time I learned how the other half lived.
The place was empty, just a few patrons sipping their drinks. I was about to walk out when I turned around. There had to be a reason why the doctor had told me to come here.
The woman at the counter looked at me expectantly.
“Sorry. This is going to sound dumb, but does the name Wozniak ring a bell?”
Her eyes seemed to flash with understanding or recognition.
“Yes. The old guy says he’s a doctor?”
“Yes,” I said hesitantly.
“You Ember?”
“Yes…”
She nodded, then turned around, going to the back.
“He said you left your purse at his practice and couldn’t reach it since you live on the other side of the city, but since you were going to be around the area, he left us this.”
“Thank you,” I said, reaching for it.
“Thank you—his tip was amazing!”
I nodded as I made my way to a back booth, hoping Gio and his men didn’t come looking here. There was a reason why I’d chosen the float I had to make a run for it. The vendor lady, her family, ran it. I was hoping her people held off Gio and his men long enough.
With shaky hands, I opened the bag, preparing myself for what I would find.
Dear Ember,
I will not ask questions about what you asked me to do. I may be an old man, but I’m not dumb. At five o’clock, your guest will arrive, and I hope you know what you’re doing. I want you to know that your father is in great hands.
Be safe.
I couldn’t keep my hands still. I took a deep breath, wanting to believe things were finally looking up, but happily ever afters had never been in the cards for me before, and I didn’t know why it would start now.
“Here. The doctor paid for this,” the chick said, putting a cup of tea and a sandwich in front o
f me.
Moisture gathered around my eyes at his generosity, making me feel ashamed, ungrateful, spoiled.
My hand shook as I went to grab the tea. I had thirty minutes. As I waited for the time to pass, I kept digging in the bag. There was a clutch inside with a few hundred-dollar bills and pieces of jewelry inside. My favorite perfume, a pack of gum—and my heart stopped beating for a second when I touched the small pen containing my wax. The need to hit it overrode everything else. It wasn’t what I craved, but it was enough to calm the thirst I had. At the bottom of the bag I found a pair of clothes, and in the pocket of the jeans was a small black burner phone.
In this day and age, you never notice how voiceless you are until you go dark. When there’s no phone by you. When there’s Wi-Fi, but you can’t log on. It’s a desperate feeling, knowing it’s so easy for everyone else to have a voice except for you.
Opening the small phone, I noticed it was three minutes to five. My nerves shot up, my skin went through flashes, and I shot up in my seat, going straight for the women’s bathroom this time. My hands started to shake as I brought the dab pen to my mouth. I took one long drag, then another and let myself relax a little.
I was going to remove my makeup, but I figured it would help me blend in to go wherever I went to next. I did remove the dress. Underneath, I had black leggings and my black shirt. The temperature had probably gotten chillier, but I was going to have to survive like this, at least for tonight.
Once the smell of THC had cleared, I opened the door, getting ready to meet the man who would kill Silas.
My hands shook, and I held on to the door for support. The blood drained from my face, and I felt cold. How stupid was I to think I could escape. I looked up again, hoping he wasn’t standing there with a dark grin on his face.
“Did you think you could hide from me?”
You Can Run But You Can’t Hide
Ember held on to the frame of the door as if that would stop me from barging in and collecting her. She looked like death, and I found it amusing. A crown of black roses adorned her head, and it was just too fitting that she looked ready for her own funeral. She wanted pain. I would give her hell.
