by C. Lymari
Power was never something I coveted. I had my jobs and had enough money to live comfortably. Greed wasn’t my problem—it was Pam’s. It was the reason we were in exile right now. There was an organization that was not spoken of. The government probably knew about it, but they buried it in files with a lot of red marker.
Once you belonged to them, you didn’t have to worry about anything else. They were the crème de la crème. You didn’t buy your way in; you had to be invited, and to score an invite, you had to prove your worth. If you failed, then you had to pay a fee for your life, or else it was death for making them waste their time.
So here I was, back to square one, trying to come up with cash to save my life. I was a killer, a hitman, a gun for hire. Pam was good with computers, but she was also a con. The bitch had charisma in spades.
“How much is the buy-in?”
The Estacados had one of the strongest operations in the world. Three brothers, each with their own kingdom to control, and lucky for us one of them happened to be here in New York. It was fortunate because they didn’t care for laws other than their own, so the predicament Pam and I found ourselves in was of no importance to them.
“Fifty,” Pam said. She at least had the decency to look remorseful.
“I have like twenty stashed here. The rest is back on the west coast.”
“I have five,” she told me.
I glared at her.
“I could hack—”
“Fuck that shit. You and I both know they’ll be searching for your digital fingerprint.”
“Well, what are we going to do? You got yourself fired before you could get the—”
“Shut the fuck up. If you weren’t such a greedy fucking bitch, we wouldn’t be here.”
Pam got up, throwing her laptop on the table.
“Fuck you, Ren! I did what I did for us. So we could live the life we always wanted.”
I took another hit of my joint as she walked away. I wasn’t worried. She was smart and knew how to get around undetected. I didn’t have to worry about waking up to her head on the doorstep.
Once I finished smoking, I went back to the room where Ember was sleeping. I walked to the side where she slept and let my finger glide over her face. Her cheeks were too sharp, and I didn’t like that. The drugs did a number on her body. My eyes landed on her arm and the bruising that had formed from where I’d put an IV full of vitamins while she went through the hardest part of her withdrawals.
I’d felt rage before, but never like I had those days. Still, I looked at Ember, and I told myself I wasn’t getting attached, that she didn’t mean shit to me. She was just a means to an end. Ember Remington was nothing special to me.
Taking off my shirt, I climbed into bed with her.
Every night she got chills, and she would beg to make the pain go away. And every night, I would sit in the corner watching and waiting, but tonight I wanted to be close. Not because she was under my skin, not because I had finally fucked the diamond princess. It was so that I could be close when her demons spoke freely.
“Your boner is digging into my ass.”
My eyes remained closed, and I found myself smiling. Ember was in my arms, and she made no move to try to get out of them either.
“You could always move,” I told her.
She stood quiet, and when she spoke, I almost wished she hadn’t.
“I figure I don’t have much life left to live, so while I wait for hell to claim me, I’ll enjoy all the little things, even if they come covered in lies.”
“What little things?”
“Being like this…in a man’s arms…it’s something foreign to me.”
“Bullshit,” I spat.
“Do you have family?” She changed the subject
“No. My whore of a mother dipped out, and my old man overdosed.”
“That’s why you don’t do drugs?”
“I don’t do drugs because the more addictions you have, the weaker you are.”
She went still in my arms.
“You and I have a lot in common, dog.”
I hovered over her, bringing her body under mine, my hand to her throat as she stared defiantly at me, and fuck, that got me hard. Her hands came to the top of the bedsheet, making sure it covered her breasts, as if I didn’t have her naked body plastered all over me last night.
“What did you say?” I asked, squeezing her neck a little and letting go so she could have enough air to speak.
“You a poor boy, and me a rich girl, and we have one thing in common,” she said.
“What do we have in common?” I humored her.
Ember blinked, and then she looked away from me. She licked her lips, then spoke.
“No one has ever loved us.”
I laughed.
“Love? Seriously, princess?” I gripped her chin so she was forced to look at me. “Love is one of the words that gets thrown around like it’s nothing. That word is a weakness—a disease. People say it without meaning it; they use it for manipulation. Love is just a word with no meaning.” I bent my head, my mouth millimeters from hers. “A word is just a word. It’s actions that give them power.”
I always thought love was power, something that money couldn’t buy. I knew it was dangerous, but maybe Ren was right, and I was scared of the unknown. Or perhaps we both had no idea what something we’d gone without meant or how to wield it—two sides to the same word.
Ren kept staring at me, and when I didn’t say more, he got out of the bed and went to the bathroom. I needed a moment to gather my thoughts. Hell, to figure out exactly what was going on. I was his prisoner, right? Except being in his arms didn’t feel like a cage. They felt strong like pillars, something to give strength to a crumbling structure.
There was no doubt in my mind I was crumbling. Who was I after everything essential to my being got stripped away? No money, no jewelry, no drugs, and no home. I had nothing to hide behind—no place to cower. Everything I’d hidden behind the façade was now in the open, all the ugly parts of me on display, ready to pick apart and dissect. Who am I now that I have nothing?
“Get up. Get dressed. We have shit to do today.”
Ren walked out of the bathroom, the steam from the hot shower he took coming out like a fog behind him. A towel was draped across his waist. The ripples of his abs glistened with water droplets, and his hair was messy, but he looked divine.
“What are you going to do with me?” I held on to the bedsheet tight, as if it were a shield protecting me against him.
“That’s none of your concern,” he said as he made his way to one of the drawers.
“So am I like your sex slave?”
Ren snorted. “You’re weak, princess. You couldn’t take me how I want you. For now, you’re going to be whatever I need you to be.”
Right. Because right now, he owned me. He needed his pound of flesh, and I was available.
“I have nothing,” I reminded him.
I had been out of it for I didn’t even know how long. Except now that I was wide-awake, the craving was there in the back of my mind, a small buzzing sound begging me to feed and give in to it.
Ren didn’t answer. He dropped the towel, showing me his ah-ma-zing backside, put pants on, and walked out the door, leaving it open. Where was I going to go naked? The asshole probably did it on purpose.
Not even five minutes later, Ren walked back with clothes in his hands. “Put those on.”
He threw the clothes at me and then went to the chair in the corner to tie his shoelaces.
I guess no privacy for me today.
Who was I when everything got stripped back and I was left with nothing?
You are a diamond, and diamonds don’t break.
So I swallowed my shame because the one thing I had, one thing no one would ever take away from me, was my pride. I threw the bed shit aside and got out of bed, aware that I had lost weight. I was just skin and bones now. I knew it, and Ren did too. The clothes were big on me
, not only because of my weight loss, but they were meant for someone curvier, and that had never been me. I bit my tongue and didn’t ask who they belonged to.
Once changed, I looked up, holding my head high. Ren was leaned back in the chair, still shirtless, just looking at me. As I looked at his body, I noticed things that I never had before, like the way his skin was puckered in certain areas with faded scars, all of them a road map to who he was. I didn’t want to look into his gaze for fear of what I would find behind his icy stare.
I raised my brow at him, fighting the urge to cross my arms.
You are a diamond, and diamonds don’t break.
His eyes trailed from my head down to my toes, making me feel naked in a way I hadn’t felt lying down in bed next to him. He then got up, opened another drawer, and grabbed a shirt.
When he walked out the door, I took a deep breath, then followed him. The place was spacious but not very bright. It looked like I was inside a warehouse that had been duped into a home. Small windows were on the top high enough so no one could snoop in and big enough to offer sunlight to come through. The stairs were made from concrete and tile—cold beneath my bare feet.
As I walked down the stairs, I started to close and open my palms, the chills had nothing to do with the coolness of the warehouse. They weren’t as strong as they used to be, but still an inconvenience. A reminder of how far I had fallen.
Ren walked to a kitchen—small but practical. Without being told, I took a seat at the table that was by the corner. I was stronger, but nowhere near my old health. Ren was right; I couldn’t even take a good fucking at the moment since I passed out on him right after.
I sat in silence as I watched Ren get to work in the kitchen, my mind going to drugs, Silas, and my father. One I was dependent on, the other one got deep in my skin, haunting from within, and the last was someone I wanted to protect even if he never protected me. What would Silas do now that I wasn’t his punching bag? Would he take it out on his brother? One thing I was sure of was that family didn’t mean shit to him. I was a means to an end who fell for empty words and hollow promises.
I snapped out of my thoughts when Ren put a drink in front of me.
“What the fuck is this?” I asked as I looked at the smoothie in front of me.
“It’s a green smo—”
“I know what a green smoothie is. Why are you giving me one?”
Ren grabbed the chair next to me and turned it around, then straddled it.
“You’re going through withdrawals cold turkey, your energy is shit, you knocked out right after you got fucked, and you look anorexic. If and when you die is up to me, not because you were weak to give in to the temptation of fake relief…now drink.”
I felt a shiver run down my spine at his words. He thought himself a reaper; I wanted to show him you couldn’t even bargain with death. Apparently I should be grateful I was alive.
“Why didn’t you kill Gio?” I asked between sips.
“And risk getting caught? No, thanks. Besides, having Silas throw him on the street was more than enough.” Ren smirked at me.
“How do you know?” I felt my blood race all over my body, wondering how closely Ren had kept an eye on my “family.”
“Got contacts.” He shrugged it off like it was normal.
Taking another drink of the smoothie, I asked a question that was in the back of my mind since I’d found out who he really was.
“Was it the hit?” I licked my lips, and Ren followed the movement. “Did you infiltrate with the intention of killing me?”
My head had a price, and he was a gun for hire. It made sense.
Ren cocked his head. “Had I been after that hit, you’d never have seen me coming, princess.”
I shivered from the toxic combination of fear and withdrawals.
“What were you after, then?” I asked, loathing myself for the answer that was in the back of my mind.
“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.” He shook his head. “You don’t get to ask the questions.”
“Is there anything you can tell me? What am I doing? Are you going to kill me? What do you want from me?” I snapped.
Ren smacked his hand on the table, causing me to flinch.
“Focus your mind on something else other than the damn fucking drugs,” he growled. “You’re feeding, and you are letting it control you.”
He was right. I knew he was right, and I hated it.
“I’m weak, remember?” I bit back.
I waited for his comeback, but it didn’t come. Instead, I heard a door—more like a gate—opening, followed by the tapping of footsteps. Ren’s head swung toward the newcomer, but I refused to turn to look.
“You won’t believe what I found out today—”
A female voice was getting closer.
“I see your little bitch is up,” she purred with disdain.
I didn’t know her, and I already didn’t like her. I lifted my hand and flicked her off. She huffed, and it was small barely there, but I swore I saw Ren grin.
“What did you find out?” Ren asked her.
“I’m not sure I should say in front of your puta.”
My body shook with rage at her word, and everything temporarily faded. Slowly I craned my neck.
“Esta puta tiene nombre,” I told her. This whore has a name.
No wonder the clothes Ren threw at me didn’t fit. The woman in front of me was gorgeous, despite me wishing otherwise. My blood boiled the more I looked at her—a lot of tits, curves, black hair with amber eyes, and a golden tan. Compared to her, I looked like a child.
Her eyes met mine, and her hate for me was apparent. Well, fuck her too.
“Pam, speak,” Ren commanded.
“The price on her head just tripled,” Pam said.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Who could possibly want me that bad? I tuned out part of their conversation, but then I wished I hadn’t heard a thing.
“…either we kill her or someone else will. She just became a liability. Anyone who knows shit will be looking for her.”
My eyes met Ren’s, and I silently questioned what he would do with me, well aware that I was a ticket to a better life.
“About the fight. Did you find out the location?”
“Yes, but without the money, it’s no use.”
Ren seemed to think about it for a moment before he spoke again. “Can you find any tables that are open?”
I wasn’t as dumb as I looked, so I knew he wanted to gamble.
“I’ll make some calls,” Pam said before she walked away.
My hand came to my neck out of habit when I remembered Ren had walked away with my most prized possession that night.
“My mother’s choker,” I said.
Ren looked at me, confused.
“What?”
“My mother’s choker was in your pocket the night—”
“You let everyone accuse me of raping you. I got shot at because of you.”
Riiiight. Guess someone was still pissy about that. My stomach did tighten at the mention of him getting shot, but since he was still here making my life hell, I filed that away to process later.
“As I was saying,” I kept going as I turned to look at him.
I was not going to apologize for the things I had to do to survive. Men stepped on toes all the time and didn’t bother to turn back to see if it caused pain, but when a woman did it, they couldn’t handle the sharp burn of the heel.
“You have my mother’s choker. That alone is worth a couple of hundred thousand.”
Ren brought one of his hands to his chin, and his mouth parted in surprise at my suggestion.
“You’d let me sell your mother’s jewelry?”
“No. I’d let you gamble it.” I looked at him, unflinching. “I don’t think you have any intention of losing.”
Ren smirked at me. “Point taken. Too bad I already got rid of it.”
He shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. As if he hadn’t disposed of
the only thing that meant something to me in this world.
My throat clogged, and my lip quivered.
“You had no right,” I said through gritted teeth.
Ren got up from the chair in an instant. I held my breath, waiting to see what he would do next. It was fascinating watching his face transform in a matter of seconds. He looked serene one second, and full of rage the next. Like a dark sky right before it lit with thunder. He came to stand behind me, and I exhaled. His hands rested on the top of my shoulders, and he slowly brought them down. His right hand curved to my neck. He then glided it up to my chin and gripped it, forcing me to tilt my head so I could look at him.
“I had every right after what you did to me,” he spat.
I turned my head, trying to get him to let me go.
“You survived. Stop bitching,” I said to him, but here I was, not sure if I called what I went through surviving—more like faking it.
Pam and I were talking, trying to figure out which poker game to hit, but my eyes kept going to Ember. After talking to her in the kitchen, I made her stay close—punishment for her, enjoyment for me.
When she started to scratch her arms, I gave her a joint that I had rolled for her earlier. I knew she was in pain, but I refused to give her a fix, not when she was almost over the worst of it
“I mean, with the money we have, they won’t turn us away,” Pam said.
Ember let out a dark chuckle, smoke coming out of her lips as she did so.
“What’s so funny?” Pam bit out. It was safe to say they didn’t like each other.
“You’re going to show up to a table, uninvited, and then rob them under their noses?” She raised her brow at us defiantly. “I’m no expert, but I don’t think that’s wise.”
Pam glared at her. We both knew she had a point, but it was a risk we had to take.
“You have a better plan, princess?”
She didn’t answer me immediately; instead, she took a slow drag of the joint, finishing it off. After she released the smoke, she spoke.
“Zeke.”
“Come again?” I said.
“Every Friday, Zeke likes to host poker games. You know, us rich kids get bored.”
