by Ava Hunt
Jeneva shifted out of Bear form, followed by Jaime. She looked with disbelief at all the eyes in the room. "Why are you all just standing around like that? Why did you let him go?" Jeneva raged. She whirled on her brother, who put up hands of defense. "And you! You helped him! You pulled me off of him!"
Jaime was the only voice of reason in the room. "Jeneva, you don't want his blood on his hands. Not like that. You need to calm down."
"No, I know exactly what I need to do." Jeneva shifted back into Bear form and burst out into the street. She ran all the way home, alone.
Chapter Nine
Jeneva shifted out of Bear form and collapsed on the porch of her home, exhausted. Huge, angry sobs tore out of her body, and she wrapped her arms around herself to try to keep them inside. Each sob hurt worse than the last, as if trying to tear out each piece of her mate that had made its way into her heart. That was impossible, of course. They were connected for life. Why didn't Rayner understand that?
Jaime had been right. Rayner was the wrong Bear to mate with.
Jeneva couldn't choose again. It was too late. She was right back where she started, alone forever. Even when she had been so happy, finding out that they could have cubs together, this was how the day ended. Was there a curse on her? It felt like she could never be happy. Maybe she just would never be able to find happiness there, in Reserve Park. Her time in the place where she had grown up seemed to have come to an end. Even if she wanted to stay, she couldn't now.
The man she had given her soul to had called her out in front of all of their friends. He'd said hateful, ugly things to her. And he'd meant it. And those "friends," didn't bother to defend her, or to hurt him. They didn't come to her aid when he pinned her against the wall. She had no idea why. Wasn't there anyone here that she could trust?
Jeneva pulled herself to her feet, fighting the temptation to stay curled in a ball on the porch forever, crying her brains out. She went into her room and threw clothes all over. She was furious. Where could she go now? What could she do? She looked at the open notebook on her bed, where just this morning she'd called Father Mallory to tell him she wouldn't come. But he'd told her that her spot would remain open. It had barely been a day. She could still go.
If she left, she had to leave before Jaime got back. He would stop her. No more excuses this time. The happiness wasn't coming, no one was coming to save her. She had to accept her unhappy fate. Big fat tears rolled down her face while she packed her bag, entered the address and information into her cell phone for safekeeping, and wrote a note to her brother to tell her where she had gone, and why she wasn't coming back. Jaime. He had stopped her from taking her vengence on Rayner. In the end, she was truly alone.
Jeneva zipped up her carry-on backpack. Maybe this sort of thing happened to the missionaries all of the time. Maybe Father Mallory constantly got calls from people desperate to get away, who canceled on him when they got a glimmer of hope that they should stay where they were and try to work things out. Maybe he knew everything in her life was going to fall apart again, and he knew that she would still be coming to live with them anyway.
"God is fucking cruel," Jeneva packed herself onto the newly fixed bike. When she turned it on, it purred under her. She kicked the stand up, looked at her home with anguish, and took off for the airport.
Jaime returned home. There was a note written for him on the front porch, from Jeneva. He read it quickly, and jumped back into his truck, to go to the airport. He'd stayed around the bar to clean up Rayner's blood and the shards of glass, and apologize to Marcus for all of the commotion. Marcus understood and wove it off. "Happens more often than you'd think." But instead of chatting with the guys, Jaime should have left after Jeneva right away.
He kicked himself internally. If she had left for the airport right after she got back home, she'd be in the air by now. Jaime's heart dropped into his stomach. She was right to be angry and disappointed in Rayner. He was, too. He understood her anger, but even justified, she couldn't kill Rayner. Killing their own mate was the worse pain in the world for a Bear to endure. The body rejected the Bear, the way the Bear had rejected her mate. If she had killed Rayner, she wouldn't have ever recovered.
What Rayner and Jeneva both needed was just to cool their heads and talk it out. That wouldn't happen if Jeneva left. Whatever was going on could be sorted out if she stayed. Rayner loved Jeneva, he wouldn't have treated her like that unless he'd gotten a really wrong idea about her. But how could that happen?
Jaime searched his memories while he pulled into the sparse parking lot for the human town's airport. He couldn't think of a single thing that could have set Rayner off so badly. He left the door open, and ran into the sleepy airport, looking for Jeneva. The airport was basically empty, and she was nowhere to be seen. Jaime's heart sank. He was too late. A flight attendant was clearing a schedule for the next bunch of planes. Jaime ran to her, hopefully.
"When did the last plane leave?" Jaime asked her.
"Oh, about an hour ago, sir."
Jaime walked over to the waiting area and sunk into a chair, "Jeneva, what have you done?" Jaime said out loud.
What was he supposed to do now? Jeneva left. All that she'd left behind was a letter. Just like Lorna did. But unlike Lorna, he knew where she was going, or he could find out. He called her phone.
Jeneva wouldn't have service in the air, but he would leave her a voicemail anyway, telling her to come home, that everything would be okay if she came back. When he ended the call he realized, stubborn as she was, she would just delete the message when she got off of the plane. He needed a plan B.
"Think Jaime, think," he murmured. She wouldn't listen to him. The only one she would pay attention to was probably Rayner. Jaime called Rayner next.
Rayner had bound himself up with gauze and antiseptic when he got home. The external wounds Jeneva gave him needed time to heal, but they weren't worth going to the hospital over. Jeneva had really gone for it, though. Now that Rayner's head was starting to clear of the alcohol, he realized that he'd made a terrible mistake, calling her those names in public. No woman deserved to be called out like that, and never in front of her Den. Shame sizzled in his stomach. He called Jeneva's house, but received no answer. Jeneva was probably going to ignore him for a few days. When she came around, he could apologize, and ask her about the text messages on George's phone. She couldn't really leave him for Brazil, could she?
Rayner's phone started to ring. He picked up, "Jen?"
"No, it's Jaime. Listen, Rayner. You went too far. She's left."
Rayner's sight went blurry. He blinked to focus. "What are you talking about, Jaime?"
"Rayner, I'm at the airport. She left me a note. I found it when I got home. She's going to join the mission. She left for Brazil an hour ago. I couldn't stop her, Rayner. But maybe you co--" Rayner ended the call and threw his phone against the wall, shattering it. Jeneva left him? Then the text messages were true. Rayner's claws emerged and his teeth sharpened. He tore up the inside of his trailer. He destroyed the sink, the bathroom, everything. Then he sat down on all of the debris and sobbed.
Chapter Ten
After a week, Rayner was anxious as hell. He'd stopped shaving. Even the inmates at the correctional center had stopped giving him a hard time. His clothes were always wrinkled and musty. His superiors thought about talking to him about it, but he looked so fierce that they lost the gall to confront him every time.
If Rayner that that losing Lorna was bad, losing Jeneva was a hundred times worse. He couldn't get her out of his mind. When he slept he saw her. He thought he felt her hugging his body and woke up in a cold sweat, calling her name. His trailer was still a mess. He walked on broken wood and slept on a shredded mattress. He could barely feel anything except for the pain of losing her.
He looked at the remains of his phone by the sink. He shouldn't have done that. He ran his hands through his beard, laughing over yet another dumb mistake. Now if she called him, he would
n't know. He wanted nothing more than to hear her voice.
The anger was small in comparison to the pain of missing her. It was gnawing into him everyday, making him harder and more sad. He stopped reading. He relied on alcohol to make him feel better now, something he knew Jen wouldn't want him to do no matter what.
He chucked a broken tile at the wall, angrily. "Where are you!" He screamed. From what he heard, no one knew how to get in touch with her. The only other people who had Jill Campbell's information had moved away, and Jeneva wasn't answering her phone. It was as if she had vanished from the earth.
Rayner curled over on the broken debris of his trailer and sobbed helplessly. He needed her so badly. He hadn't understood how badly until she was gone.
Jeneva shielded her eyes from the sun. The trees here were different, everything was different. There were a million new dangers to be aware of hiding in the trees, and she tried to get familiar with the scent of each one. There was tasty new meat to be had though too. She was surprisingly fond of the taste of anaconda. But it wasn't Reserve Park. It was hot, buggy, and humid compared to the cool mist of the evergreen forest she came from.
Being away from Rayner, as happy as she was to hurt him even a fraction that he'd hurt her, was causing her terrible pain like Jaime had warned her. It was coursing through her body all of the time. The pain made it hard to stand for long periods. Jeneva had to sit to rest her aching bones over and over. The Father and other nuns had been understanding. Rayner had, surprisingly, been right about Jill Campbell. She was still bitter, after all the years that had passed. Jeneva didn't like catty women. She tried to keep her distance from her whenever she could.
She deleted Jaime's voicemail without listening to it when she touched down. She knew what he was going to say – that she was making a mistake, that she needed to calm down and figure things out with him. But she wasn't interested in any of that. Despite the humid heat, Brazil was just where she needed to be. Working with the indigenous people did take her mind off of home, for a little while.
It was at night, alone with her thoughts, that everything rushed back to her, over and over. Rayner pinning her against the wall, calling her a slut while her Den watched and did nothing. Jaime pulling her off of Rayner and holding her by the scruff of the neck until Rayner drove away. Jeneva's head hurt – she was never prone to headaches before – and she would toss and turn every night, unable to sleep.
Talking to Father Mallory could be helpful sometimes. He was older and had lived here a long time. Though he didn't do a lot of services, he knew the Bible front to back and quoted it often, just casually as if it were normal to do so. He was endearing but very standoffish. Since she didn't have Jaime anymore, she tried to get close to him as a mentor, but he always kept her at arm's length.
As the day ended, she decided to go talk to him in his office instead of going back to her sparsely furnished nuns' cell. She knocked on his door and heard his warm voice welcome her in.
"Jeneva, anything wrong?"
"I've been having so much difficulty sleeping since I got here, Father. Can I talk to you about what's bothering me?"
"Have a seat, Jeneva," Father Mallory gestured to the empty chair in the room.
"Father, how do you let go of the past? I have a terrible memory that's haunting me every night. I want to kill the man who hurt me."
"It's not easy to get rid of anger," Father Mallory poured two glasses of water, and gave one to Jeneva. "The people who hurt us often get deep inside our hearts."
"He is deep in my heart, Father. More than anyone."
"That's the worst pain to suffer," Father Mallory said. "The pain of the beloved, who has turned against us. Have you read Proverbs, Jeneva?"
"Not yet, Father," Jeneva admitted.
"Proverbs 15:1, 'A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.' You're angry because he spoke to you harshly, instead of with love. So, you will be angry with him until he can rectify this."
"What if he never does, Father? What if I never talk to him again?" Jeneva doubted she ever would.
"Then you will be angry forever, Jeneva," Father Mallory said sadly.
Jeneva thanked him and left, feeling worse than before. Father Mallory was right. Rayner had to apologize to her, take his words back. But she was here in Brazil, far away from him, and hurting because of it. Jeneva went outside to the forest, full of screeching creatures. She roared before she was deep enough in the forest, and shifted to her Bear form. Two indigenous women shrieked behind her and ran off. Soon the whole village was awake and terrified. Jeneva took off into the forest.
She padded around for a long time as a Bear, before she had the desire to go back. All the fires in the village were lit, and guards were posted at every entrance. Jeneva shifted back to human before she emerged from the trees. "It's just me," she said, extending her hands. The guards let her through.
Jeneva went back to her cell, and tried to sleep. There was a knock at the door, and Father Mallory entered.
"Jeneva, you've caused a huge panic among the villagers. It took me forever to calm them down."
Jeneva's chest tingled, "I'm sorry Father."
He sat down next to her. "Moreso, you never told me that you are also a Bear."
"I didn't think it would matter."
"Of course it matters," Father Mallory exclaimed. "Your kind can be so dangerous to us, especially when you're feeling hurt and angry. Jillian also had trouble containing herself when she got here years ago. She hurt a villager here once or twice. It took a lot to convince them to let us stay after that. They won't trust me again. I'm sorry but, now that they know your secret, you have to go."
Jeneva sighed heavily. Rejected again. It was good she hadn't been able to get close to Father Mallory after all. "I understand, Father."
"I'm glad. We'll talk tomorrow about where else to place you. Sleep now."
"I will."
Jaime tried Jeneva's cell phone again, after a week had passed. The call came back incomplete, no service. Jaime sighed. He'd tried everything, asked everyone. No one knew how to reach the mission she was staying at. When he went into Jeneva's room to look, it was a mess. Clothes were everywhere. He already looked in the drawers and the closet and in the boxes under the bed.
He went into Jeneva's room again, empty of the sister that had always been there with him, looking up to him, even getting those tattoos on her arms to copy him. He had roared so much at her that day, he laughed to himself. Secretly he was a little proud of her, having the nerve and the balls to ink herself up. But he had always wanted to protect her from harm.
He hadn't done a good job of that, recently. Jeneva was more hurt than ever and now she was gone to the other end of the planet. He couldn't protect her when he didn't even know where she was. He sat down on the clothes-strewn bed and felt something hard beneath him. He pushed the clothes aside. Her notebooks lay open underneath. Jaime picked one up. Jillian Campbell's name and information was scrawled on the open page, the phone number to the mission where she stayed. Shaking, Jaime called her.
The nun who answered the phone in Brazil wasn't Jillian, but another nun in the mission. Jaime explained that he was Jeneva's brother and asked for the address and directions to the mission. The nun gave them gladly.
Jaime let out a whoop of triumph when he ended the call. "Found her!" That was a huge hurdle. He was proud of himself for being persistent. But then triumph turned to fear again.
Jeneva wasn't going to listen to anything he had to say. He could fly there today and she wouldn't go even if he dragged her kicking and screaming. Her determination was admirable but now it was in his way. He stood in the doorway of her bedroom, forming a plan. He'd go to visit Rayner. God knows he didn't want to, and it would be hard to keep himself from smashing his face in when he saw him. But he had to admit to himself that he needed his help now more than ever.
Jaime drove to Rayner's trailer. The truck was gone. He parked outside, nervous, waiting for
an angry Rayner to storm outside, tell him to get off his land. Nothing happened. Jaime went inside the trailer - no one locked their doors around here – it was a complete mess. Everything had been destroyed. The bed was torn up. The walls were shredded. Jaime started to understand. Rayner really did care about his sister. Whatever happened wasn't because Rayner hated her. He was hurt.
Jaime headed to The Big Dipper next. Maybe he would find Rayner inside.
Rayner sat nursing a beer in The Big Dipper. Marcus silently refilled him. Rayner knew Marcus was disappointed in him, not only for his behavior but also for all of the drinking.
Jaime came in, the last Bear on earth Rayner felt like seeing. He hadn't talked to him since that phone call when Jeneva left. The hair on his neck bristled in anticipation of a brawl.
Jaime sat next to him peacefully and ordered a beer from Marcus, without saying anything to Rayner. When the beer came and Marcus went to help another customer, Jaime said, "She misses you, you know."
