by Louise Bay
He nodded. “Are you better? You have a bit more color. What happened back there?”
I smiled. He had no idea that it was him that had me in a state of near collapse.
“I’m sorry. I’m sure I’ll be better soon. I hope I’m better soon.”
He reached out and clasped the base of my neck, his thumb and forefinger rubbing against my skin. “Talk to me, Haven. We had a deal. You tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Remember?”
I smiled again, a sad smile this time. That deal felt as if it had been made a lifetime ago.
“I just want to stop having to make such an effort to be okay all the time. I just want to be okay,” I finally said.
“Are you sick?” he asked, his voice faltering as he moved closer to me.
I shook my head and felt the words begin to tumble out. “It was the picture and you. I just miss you and I keep telling myself that walking away was the right thing to do, but it still feels so wrong. I just want you and I hate that Millie has you, and I just ruined everything—”
His arms swept round me and suddenly I was in his lap, my head on his chest.
“You’re missing me?” he asked.
“I feel like I’m dying from missing you,” I replied, no longer able to hold it in.
“I should have fought harder,” he said. “I shouldn’t have given in so easily. It’s been killing me, being apart from you.”
“But you have Millie now,” I said, not quite processing what he had just said.
“Millie was never a part of me. You always will be.”
“But you’re together. I saw you. On a date.”
He sighed. “Beth was right all along. Millie was trying to get us back together. I should have seen it, but because I was so focused on the baby, I ignored her or excused her. I don’t know. She was never pregnant.”
My body tensed and I lifted my head off his chest to look at him. Had I heard that right? “She made the whole thing up?”
He nodded, his eyes soft and sad.
“Are you upset?” I asked.
“I think I was, at first.”
I slumped back against him, wanting his warmth. “Wow.”
“I’ve missed you so much. I don’t think there will ever be a time when I’m not in love with you.” His words reverberated in his chest and against my body. I felt them in every part of me.
“I love you, too,” I whispered. I’d been holding it in for so long; I felt lighter for sharing it.
My body moved with his as he inhaled. “You love me?” His voice croaked.
“I do, and I’m so sorry I gave up on us.”
“You have no apology to make. Do you think you can forgive me for letting you go? I want you back and I will do everything it takes.”
“I would forgive you anything, Jake, but I chose to walk away. You just gave me what I wanted. You can’t take the blame for that.”
Jake’s hands slid up my back, and I placed a kiss on his chest.
“I called your place earlier today, before I went to the gallery. I tried to call you too, but it went straight to voicemail.”
“You did?”
“I need you, Haven. Even if you’re with someone else, I’ll do anything to win you back. I know that we belong together.”
“There will never be anyone for me except you. Nothing’s changed there.”
He pulled me closer to him and his heartbeat boomed against my chest. We sat like that, in each other’s arms, just savoring being together, letting it seep in and build us both back up. I drew strength from him and for the first time, I realized that he might do the same from me.
“And then you were there in Chelsea, in the gallery. It was as if you were waiting for me. Were you?”
I thought about it. “I think I would always have been waiting for you,” I replied.
“You’re not at work. That’s where I was heading after the gallery.”
“I don’t work at Rallegra anymore.”
“You don’t? What happened?”
“I was offered the promotion to deputy editor and I decided it wasn’t what I wanted after all. I didn’t fit there.”
“I never thought you did,” Jake said. “So, do you just hang out at art galleries now?”
I grinned at him. “I’m trying the freelance thing. I want to write about things that matter to me. I want to be the woman you see in me.”
“God, I’m so proud of you,” he said, grinning back at me and he pulled me toward him.
“You matter to me,” I whispered.
He brushed his lips against mine. My eyes fell shut and hope exploded in my chest.
Jake
From the moment I saw her standing in front of the picture I’d taken when we were together in Paris, I knew she’d come back to me. She was my future. She was my everything. I would never let her go again.
Now we were in the apartment I’d bought for her. This was the place where I’d propose, where I’d get her pregnant. This was our future.
My forehead rested against hers and her breath against my skin, her warmth under my hands was too much. “I want you, Haven.”
Her hands slipped to my shoulders. “I want you, too,” she replied. Her words were like a shot of adrenaline. I stood, gathered her in my arms and headed to the bedroom.
“There’s no going back now. It’s you and me forever. I can’t be without you again.”
She looked at me and nodded. “I know.”
That moment was the beginning of my future.
“Now that you’re freelance, does that mean I can keep you in bed for the next week?” I asked as I set her down on the bed.
She fumbled at my shirt buttons as I stroked her hair.
I bent and kissed her neck and she sighed. I’d missed her sounds so much.
“Jake,” she whispered.
I trailed my tongue up her throat and then closed my teeth around her delicate skin.
She groaned and her hand slipped to my crotch. Instinctively I pushed against her palm. I was straining against the denim already.
“You’ll have to be slow, Jake. I’m not used to you.” Could she have said anything to make me feel more like a man, her man? Fuck, she was perfect.
“I’ll be gentle, baby, this time, but I’m going to fuck you every which way in the next twenty-four hours, and I can’t pretend that they’re all going to be slow.”
In answer, she unbuttoned my fly and I scrambled to get my t-shirt over my head. Her hands on me felt so good. I kicked off my jeans and underwear.
“How is it you’re still dressed?” I asked.
She smiled and tugged her t-shirt over her head. I undid her jeans, kneeling on the bed as I pulled them off with her underwear.
“I’d forgotten how beautiful you are,” I said as my gaze wandered across her skin. “You’re perfect.” I grasped her thighs and slid up her skin to her stomach. I wanted to feel every inch of her, to sharpen my memory of her.
I found her bra clasp and released it, and pulled the bra from her shoulders, her breasts spilling out. I had to look away; the sight was so breathtaking.
I moved across the bed and stood up.
“Jake, come back to me,” Haven said as she held her hand out.
“I’ll never leave. I’m going to make you feel good,” I said as I kneeled by the side of the bed.
“I know you will,” she said. “But I need you inside me. I want you to be close to me.” She looked at me pleadingly. As if she would have to convince me.
“Okay, baby,” I said, smoothing my hands up her thighs, across her stomach and over her breasts. I pulled at her nipples and she arched against the mattress. I would never let her go again. She was mine from this moment on.
I pushed her thighs apart and trailed my fingers across her. “You’re so wet, fuck.”
“Please,” she cried. She reached for me and I bent over her, trying to give her what she needed. She grasped my shoulders and the press of her fingers sent shockwaves through my bo
dy.
“Are you ready, baby? I’ll be slow. Tell me if it’s too much,” I said as I reached for a condom.
She grasped my wrist and she shook her head. “No, Jake. I want to feel you.”
I positioned my tip at her entrance and pushed just slightly. Haven wrapped her legs around me, urging me deeper.
“I’m trying to be careful. You’re not making it easy for me,” I said.
“I want you so much,” she said as we locked eyes. Without looking away, I pushed into her, slowly, deep, without stopping. She was tight and hot and wet around me, owning me, claiming me.
I pushed as far as I could go. “Okay?” I asked.
“It’s better than okay,” she said quietly and she gripped tighter. “Don’t ever leave me.”
“I’m not going anywhere, ever.”
I started to move, dragging myself out of her reluctantly so I could push back in, every time getting faster and deeper and tighter and better. I’d been convinced that she was gone from me and now being here, with her, her wanting me like this. My arms juddered. It was almost too perfect. I shifted so I could see her better. Her mouth was open and I bent forward and trailed my tongue along her bottom lip.
“Jake, it feels too good. I never want you to stop.”
I groaned at her words, knowing I wouldn’t be long. It would take the first spasm of her orgasm around my cock to tip me over the edge.
I twisted my hips and she gasped and closed her eyes. “Oh God, I’m . . .” Her body stiffened beneath me and clamped around my cock. Fuck. My orgasm pushed through the mental barrier that had been holding it at bay and crashed over me and I collapsed over her, sweaty, panting, only partially sated. I wanted her again before I’d come down from my first orgasm.
“I love you,” she whispered into my ear as I lay spread eagle over her.
“I love you, too,” I said, trying to stop myself from grinning like a five-year-old at her words. Hearing her say that was never going to get old.
I rolled over to my back, and pulled her with me so she was half lying on me.
“I missed you,” she said as she rested her chin on my chest and looked up at me.
“Well, you’re never going to have to miss me again,” I replied.
She bent down, kissed me and rested her cheek over the same spot. I stroked that beautifully soft skin of hers.
“You didn’t tie me up,” she said after a few minutes.
“Are you disappointed?” I asked. I hadn’t had the urge to restrain her. Maybe because I wanted her to be exactly who she was rather than submissive. Maybe because I needed her to be able to run and to choose not to.
“No, you could never disappoint me. But I like it when you do it.”
“We have plenty of time.” I grabbed her leg and pulled it over my body. She moved with me so she was straddling me and sitting upright. I clasped her ass in my hands and urged her forward. “Move up,” I said.
“Up?” she asked.
“Hold on to the headboard. I want to taste you.”
I could tell she was reticent, but she moved forward so my head was between her thighs.
Slowly, I traced my tongue along her slit. She was slick from our combined orgasms, and tasted so sweet. I went deeper among her folds and found her clit. I pressed her toward me and heard her first gasp of pleasure sweeping away any embarrassment she might have felt. I rounded the nub, one way then the other, flicking and pushing. I could tell she stayed still as long as she could, but as I started to suck, she let out a moan and her hips began to sway.
The blood rushed to my dick in response to every sense of mine being overwhelmed by this woman. I growled against her. One of her hands pushed into my hair and she started to slip lower against my mouth.
“Oh God, Jake, it feels too good.”
I didn’t stop to respond. My fingers slipped inside her from behind and her breathing became short and choppy. My tongue rubbed up and down her clit, and her hand tightened in my hair as she began to spasm. Her whole body shook as I continued to gently lap against her sex, pulling every last sensation from her.
I couldn’t wait a second longer. I pulled her to her back and in moments, I was inside her again.
Haven
I couldn’t tell if it was my mind or my body that was so completely overtaken by Jake in bed. He seemed to have a way of connecting them so what had been a physical act with previous lovers expanded to become mental and spiritual as well. He owned my body and I gave him my mind. I would do whatever he asked me.
He moved above me, the delicious drag of him moving me away from my last orgasm, closer to my next. It had been only hours since we had been reunited, but somehow I felt a connection that was deeper than before. Maybe it was simply the knowledge of what it was like without each other that pulled us so quickly, so deeply together. Maybe it was what happened when you loved someone so truly and they loved you right back.
My skin began to fizz, knocking my pleasure up to the next level.
“You feel so good, Haven, so tight.”
I pushed my fingers against his beautiful, taut skin, barely able to cling on against his relentless rhythm.
Sweat coated his face in a sheen as he moved so he was on his knees and brought my legs up over his shoulders. He pushed in and he was so deep that way, it was almost too much. I gasped and he groaned in response and thrust sharply. My breasts moved in time to his rhythm and he reached out and flicked my nipple. I arched my back, the pain exploding into pleasure. Blood rushed to my sex and the beginnings of my orgasm seeped in at my edges.
His hands moved away from my breasts and down to my clit. His thumb found the bundle of nerves and I knew if I didn’t stop him, I’d be lost.
“No,” I said trying to pull his hand away. “No, it’s too much.”
“It’s never too much, Haven,” he replied. “It can’t be too good or too much or too often.” His thumb rounded my clitoris and I could hold back my orgasm no longer. Jake began to fall and I gave in to it as our orgasms erupted through us at the same time, as if we’d both been hit by a bolt of lightning, binding us together forever.
Haven
I woke to an empty bed, but was aware of the effects of Jake all over my body. I was sore and bruised and felt perfect. I propped myself up on my elbows to see if I could hear him in the bathroom. I couldn’t make out a sound. Would he have gone without waking me?
I scanned the huge bedroom and saw his t-shirt at the end of the bed. I smiled. Grabbing it, I pulled it on and climbed off the mattress.
Jake was on my laptop as I wandered into the sitting room. The morning sun lit the room as if he was on a movie set. He was perfect. “I thought you might have left,” I said, pushing my hand through his hair. Looking around, my eyes were drawn to the views of London that surrounded us.
“I’m never leaving, I told you,” he said as he reached out and pulled me onto his lap. “What are you doing three weeks from Friday?” he asked, staring at the laptop.
I drew my eyebrows together. “I’m not sure. What date is it?”
“It’s the twenty-second.”
“Nothing, I don’t think. Why?”
“Then you’re free to marry me?” he asked.
I rested my hands on his cheeks and moved his face so we were eye to eye. “What are you talking about?”
“Friday the twenty-second. The registry office is free. We can get married.”
“In three weeks?” I asked.
He nodded.
“We can’t get married in three weeks,” I said. “We just got back together.”
“Do you not want to marry me?”
“Of course I want to marry you! But, we have things to discuss. Logistics. People. Things to do and more things—” My mind was racing but I couldn’t hide my grin.
“What do we need to discuss?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Lots of things. I don’t even know if you want children.”
“I want three,” he answere
d matter-of-factly.
“I can live with three,” I said through a smile.
“What else?” he asked.
“How is your dad? I’m sorry, I didn’t ask.”
“He’s fine, better than ever, so he says. I’ve been speaking to him on the phone.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “That’s great news. I’m so pleased.”
“It is. It really is. So, what else?”
“Where do we live? Will Beth mind if I move in?”
“I don’t care. I bought this place for you, but we can live here or not—”
“You bought this place for me?”
“Yeah, you looked so at home here and I loved that I had memories of you here. And I knew you liked it. At the back of my mind, I believed that if I bought it, you’d have to come back to me.”
I smoothed my hands over his neck and I kissed his jaw. He’d always had such faith in us. Why was I questioning things, why didn’t I just agree to get married? There was no reason not to.
“Last night was my first night in the place and you were here with me. So it looks like I was right. And Beth has her own apartment on the floor below. We’re not flatmates anymore, so she won’t mind. It’s entirely up to you. What else?”
“I want to live here, with you. You’re right, it feels like home.” I could imagine myself here. I could imagine myself anywhere Jake was.
“Later we can go to your place and get some of your stuff. I’ll get the movers to get the rest later in the week.”
I smiled at his eagerness. “What’s the rush?”
“What’s the point in delaying the inevitable? This is it for me and for you, too. I know you. I don’t want to waste another moment not being with you, not being married to you.” He was right. Everything he was saying was making sense.
“Three weeks?” I asked again.
“Three weeks. And if you want a big wedding reception, we can do that later,” he said.
“I don’t want anything big. I just want to love you for the rest of my life.” I leaned forward and pushed my lips against his.
Jake squeezed my hand and I realized I’d let my concentration wander, trying to take in every detail of this moment. “Are you ready?” he whispered. Standing next to me, in the oak-paneled registry office, his hand in mine, Jake looked as handsome as I’d ever seen him. The bespoke suit he’d bought after he’d sold his first business clung to his frame in all the right ways. My dress was very plain; there was no lace or beading. It was ivory silk, off the rack and it fit perfectly, thankfully, because we had no time for alterations. I wore my hair down because Jake wouldn’t have had it any other way, and I had on dangerously high, strappy bright pink shoes. They were the type of shoes that I knew got Jake’s attention.
