I nodded in understanding.
“I’m opening another business. I’d be busy too.”
Her brows raised. “You are?” I nodded.
“Yeah. A tech holdings company. It is something I have been wanting to do. I figured now was as good a time as ever. I shouldn’t keep holding it off.”
“I’m happy for you. That’s so good.” She smiled.
I traced small circles on her back. Distracted by how good she felt.
“Maybe we can try and at least date each other. After the wedding.”
Her face didn’t discourage me, but she wasn’t exactly jumping at the bit.
“Maybe.”
She kissed my chest softly and then laid her cheek against me.
“Emilia,” I said after a while.
“Hmm?” She looked up at me.
“How come you don’t talk about your mom?” I wondered about it for a while. She had only ever talked about her dad. And I wanted to understand her more.
“She…died when I was twelve.” Her voice was sad. I pulled her up next to me and tightened my arms around her.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I cupped her cheek, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“It…was a long time ago. But she’s the reason I love flowers so much.”
It all came into focus. Her shop, her business. She had been on a search to honor her mother for years. She doesn’t want anything to deter her from that. And I felt like an ass for being the one to do that.
“I used to just grow flowers in college as a reminder of her or something. I was a botany major, so I never planned on owning a flower shop. But one-day Sasha came to the greenhouse I used at school and bought some flowers. Since then it always felt like I was sharing the memory of my mother or something when I did that.” She explained. Her voice was soft, full of sadness as she talked about her mother.
It became clear how much she missed her.
“That’s why you want the shop to do well.” I said.
“Yeah. But even if it didn’t, as long as I was doing something with flowers. It reminds me of her. I feel close to her.”
I nodded in understanding.
“It’s good that you’ve found a way to be closer to her. I feel like…I got in the way of that.” She drew her brows in as she sat up, looking down at me.
“You didn’t. And I think…I don’t want to let you go, Tristan.”
I smiled wide at her words, but part of me still wondered if she was sure.
“I don’t want to let you go either, Emilia.” I brought her down to me, kissing her firmly.
She pulled away, “I should get to bed. So, I can be ready for tomorrow.”
I didn’t want to let her go. Not now. We could set an alarm.
“Stay a little longer, please. I’ll make sure you’re on time.” I pleaded. She thought for a second, eyes wary.
“Okay.”
She stayed with me, showing me just how much she didn’t want to let me go once more before we drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Twenty Eight: Emilia
The sun was shining in so bright I had to shield my eyes as they adjusted. I barely saw the hotel room last night, but it was beautiful. Definitely not the same as mine. The back of a couch that was golden and looked fit for a queen faced us. Us.
I turned and faced Tristan. I had never seen him asleep before, but he looked so handsome. And tranquil. His lips parted softly with quiet snores. I ran my fingers through his soft hair, tracing the lines of his face and his soft, pull lips. He didn’t even stir.
I seemed to be in heaven before I remembered. The hotel room. The wedding. I glanced at the clock.
Shit!
I was supposed to be up an hour ago! I was out of the bed and in my shirt so fast I was panting by the time I reached my room. I showered in record time.
My dress was simple, a knee length, royal blue dress with a slight stay in it. I barely had time to do my hair so it just went up in a ballerina bun with some gel. I was so fucking late.
I slipped my heels on and checked my phone from the charger. No one had called me freaking out.
I did call the delivery truck and made sure the flowers were on their way. Forgetting I had woken up late, they were already there waiting on me in the main hall, where the ceremony would take place.
“Good morning.” I feigned smile. I was so hungry and tired.
I stayed up way too late with Tristan. I knew I should have left. Damn it, he convinced me to stay. I told myself not to blame him, I was an adult and I made a decision. But now I knew what decision I have to make.
“Morning,” the guy was nice, smiling at me like I wasn’t an hour late. This was so behind schedule. “Everything is here and unloaded where it should go. Just sign here.” He handed me the electronic signature board and I signed quickly.
I had to get to work.
Most important was the altar. I had two big stone pots where they would stand between. They held an array of pink roses and dahlias. I had been doing this long enough that I could do it right, and still be rushing as much I was. The pots took about twenty minutes, some needed to be clipped. I moved on to the aisle, where the ends of the rows were lined with cherry blossom bundles. That is what took most of my time. There were thirty rows. On each side.
“Ma’am, we were sent here by Mr. Cox, do you need help?” two ladies entered the room, young and dressed in matching shirts that read Floral Girls.
Tristan must have sent them. I guess the way I rushed out of there woke him up, and he realized I was late. A small sense of relief washed over me.
“Hi. Yes, these rows need to be finished.” They nodded eagerly and got to work. I checked a few of them, they knew what they were doing.
I entered the reception hall and had to take a deep breath, or I would give myself a panic attack because there was so much to do. I took care of the bride and groom’s table first. It sat in the front with twelve seats for them and their bridal party. There were three vases split evenly, my plan for them matched the altar, so it didn’t take long.
Each centerpiece had the flowers already in them, I just tweaked the arrangement. I constantly padded my brow sweat with a napkin so I wouldn’t ruin my makeup. But two hours later, I was finally finished.
Ten minutes before the party arrived.
I was to go back to the dressing room to fix the boutonnieres. It was a simple white rose surrounded by Babies Breath. I heard the men’s voices as I rounded the corner. And Tristan. He was with Levi, across the hall was his father and the other groomsmen. I only recognized his father.
I knocked first before they let me in. They were nice and didn’t give me any trouble as I pinned them on, making sure they were perfect. Trouble didn’t come until I was headed to the groom’s room. I knocked softly.
“Come in.” Tristan said. My breath hitched at his voice. I guess I was nervous because of how I left him this morning.
When I entered, it was like the room already knew what happened. My eyes went to his immediately. But I just went to Levi and told him I was pinning it on.
“Thanks…I have to uh, use the bathroom.” I knew he was lying when he shut the door to the coat closet.
I was left with Tristan.
“Are you trying not to look at me?” He said, as I stood in front of him.
I felt a spark in my hands as I slipped my fingers under his coat. Damn, he looked handsome. Especially with his hair slicked back again. I liked the rough look, but this was good too.
“No.” I whispered, still not looking at him.
“Seems like it,” I gasped inwardly as his finger slipped under my throat, forcing me to look at him.
My heart swelled as tears stung my eyes with what I knew I had to do.
“Emilia, last night…”
“I should have left. I was late today, Tristan. This entire wedding almost fell apart because I was distracted.” I secured the pin and stepped back, escaping the heat of his proximity.
“I
knew I should have left. And I knew I shouldn’t have stayed involved with you. I can’t do this. I woke up thinking it was all over—my reputation, everything. I have to focus on my job. I can’t do that when I’m with you. So, this is it, we can’t…we can’t be together.”
I wiped my tears away quickly. Taking a deep breath to calm myself. I looked into his eyes like it was the last time, memorizing the beautiful green hue of them. His jaw tight, he stared back at me.
“But I…Emilia, I love you. We can try to…no. I won’t make you choose.” He shook his head, looking down at the ground.
What did he just say? Maybe I was crazy, or I am still asleep.
“I just want you to know that. When you walk away. That I’ve fallen in love with you. And I thought I would never trust another woman again, or want to be with them. But I do love. And that’s why…if you want to go, I have to let you go.” His voice didn’t even falter.
There was so much I wanted to say. That I was sorry. That I don’t want to hurt him. And I don’t want to do this at all. But as I turned to leave and left him behind…all I wanted to say was that I loved him too.
Chapter Twenty Nine: Tristan
“I want the ten floors at the top. Make the service elevator available to me too.” I barked commands at my leasing manager.
She was a nice girl, but a bit of an airhead.
“Yes sir. And your noon meeting is here.” She tucked her dyed blonde hair behind her ear. When I hired her a week ago, she was a brunette.
But she was young. A business major in college, so I decided to throw her a bone.
“Thanks. Did anyone call back?” I hoped.
“Nope. Is that all?” She stuck her chest out, her black, tight dress wasn’t necessarily work place attire. I knew she was trying to get with me, but I was extremely unavailable.
“Yes.” I answered shortly.
It had been a month since their wedding. Levi and Gab were living it up in Cabo, and I was struggling with my second start up. I was currently working out of borrowed office space, but was moving into the startup I just bought next week.
And of course, I thought to Emilia every day, just like in the beginning. It took me one night to go crazy for her, one month to find her, three weeks to fall in love with her. And now a month of torture for doing so. I felt like shit.
Yeah, the wedding almost fell behind. But it worked out in the end. I hadn’t thought she would stay, if she really needed to go…
She blamed me. She looked at me like she hated me. I told her I love her, and she left.
I know what she said. She can’t sacrifice her business and I respect that. But it was still very…unsettling. She must not love me too. I have always been intense, but I knew I loved her. When she wasn’t around, it’s like I can’t breathe. And I can’t think. The only reason this business is going well is because it was a welcomed distraction.
Otherwise I couldn’t sleep. I ate less. I looked ten years older.
I had called her every day since then. Sometimes twice a day, then three, and then so much it goes straight to voicemail. I started calling on the office phone. She answered the first time and hung up when she heard my voice. I think I cried for the first time in years when that happened. I mean, she hung up right in my face. She was angry and I thought she hated me. When you love someone, that hurt more than anything.
She doesn’t answer the phone. And I just wanted to know how she is, let her know I support her. It’s why I sent those girls to help her the day of the wedding. And when nearly everyone at that wedding asked about a florist, I send them her way.
It was no secret her business was doing well. Mom heard from Sasha that she bought that bigger space she wanted in the city. At least someone knew she was okay, and that brought me some comfort. But I wanted to talk to her myself. Hear that voice of hers, see her beautiful eyes.
They haunted me. I would close my eyes and see them, and see her smile. I was in hell and the only way out was to be with her.
I grabbed my suit jacket, I still hate suits—and headed to my meeting. I was trying to buy an app startup company, something about an app compilation software. I just knew I wanted it, and I was keeping it. I didn’t plan on selling it off. The guys behind it were young and impressionable, but I didn’t plan on cheating them.
They were sun tanned and fresh out of college, it reminded me of myself. We met in the conference room and went back and forth.
“You’re worth ten million, tops.” I leaned back, exchanging looks with both of them.
“We hadn’t expected it to be that high.” Jason—at least I think that’s his name, was the head founder. The other one handled the business side of things.
“Yeah, but I’m only offering eight million and you keep three percent ownership, two percent of profits.”
They asked to discuss it and when I got back, I bought their company for eight million. Everything was looking up.
Until I was home, exhausted, and staring at my phone. Willing it to ring. I did the same thing every night.
Natalie called me, breaking up the noise on the action movie.
“You’re sulking again.”
“I’m not.” I sounded dejected as hell, so of course she was right.
“You know, you weren’t even like this after Vivian. You really loved Emilia.” My throat lumped at the sound of her name.
I had to tell myself to calm down, that it wasn’t that serious. But it was. I don’t even miss Vivian. I am not even mad at her anymore. I literally feel nothing when I think of her, but when I think of Emilia, I feel everything.
“I still do. Maybe she’ll answer the phone one day.”
What I couldn’t believe the most was that I opened myself up to this pain again. The heartbreak. I told myself not to get involved with any more women but Emilia forced her way into my heart. I was defenseless, and we didn’t stand a chance.
“I’m sure she will. She just…probably feels bad about blaming you. Because it was not really your fault at all.”
“I don’t know. Maybe it was. I don’t really want to talk about it anymore.” We would be at it all night if I didn’t shut it down now. Her psychoanalysis skills were dangerous, I ended up divulging every dark secret of my life.
“Okay. Well, Kevin has stopped travelling. Maybe one day we can have dinner.”
“I don’t know, I’m real busy with work now. Maybe.” I downed my third beer. For a time, I was getting drunk almost every night. But then I started getting serious with work, and I was getting too old to do that. I did like my liver. So now I just give myself a good enough buzz to let me get some sleep.
I missed her body against mine. Her softness, and her warmth. I would do anything to get it back.
“I understand. Just try to keep your head up, Tristan. It will get better.”
“Thanks Nat. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay, bye.”
My sister, she was kind of the best. Sometimes. I knew I don’t know what I would do without her. I couldn’t talk to mom about it because she wouldn’t really understand. Her and dad didn’t jump through any hoops to be together.
I kept willing my phone to ring. For Emilia to text me. Anything.
But like every night since Emilia left me in that room, it never did.
Chapter Thirty: Emilia
I wanted to call or text him every day.
I should never have said those things to him at the wedding. It wasn’t his fault I wanted to be with him. I still do.
I loved him so much it killed me so much more every day. And I think that’s why I couldn’t talk to him. I don’t deserve him. I blamed him when he didn’t even do anything wrong. I blamed him for loving me and after all he has been through, he definitely didn’t deserve that.
I buried myself in work and sometimes that made it worse.
I had referral sheets for every new client, to see where my marketing was going well, and they have all said Tristan Cox under family and friends. He
was sending me so many clients, I had the upfront to get a new space and cater to the new clients, all because of him.
My shop was bigger, and while I still grew a lot of the flowers myself, I started outsourcing.
Ivy helped me a lot. She even quit her job to go into marketing and advertising, and I helped boost her resume by having her work for me.
She still loved fashion, but she loved the brains behind making it work even more. She wants to run her own runway shows one day. For now, she organizes everything but the flowers. I would welcome the distraction, but every time I look at a check book I think of Tristan and I burst into tears.
I had been crying a lot, I should have been out of tears by now. But I still cried myself to sleep every night. I’d wake up with swollen eyes and cry through breakfast because I see all of his missed calls. He hadn’t stopped calling.
When I answered that weird number, I heard his voice and freaked out. I couldn’t talk to him because I felt stupid.
I was stupid to think I could have him. I come home every night, saying we could be having dinner together. We could be sleeping in the same bed now, we could be having breakfast, fighting over the shower and then end up sharing before going off to work. Texting each other and falling more and more in love every day. I was stupid and I couldn’t face him.
So, I distracted myself with work and the business got bigger than I could have ever imagined, for that I was happy. I wanted to make my mother proud. I wanted to beg for Tristan’s forgiveness, but he was such a good man, I know he isn’t even angry. But he should be.
He never even left any angry voice mails.
Emilia, I just want to talk to you. Please call me back.
I want to know that you are doing okay. How are you? Call me back.
I miss you. And I still love you. We can still try and make this work.
Emilia, I’m sorry. Please call me back.
I still love you. I still want you.
Please, this doesn’t have to end.
He wasn’t mad. He was hurt. He doesn’t chase women, he was going against all his norms for me. I hated myself for driving him mad like this and I didn’t know how to fix it.
2X The Hear Page 24
