My mother-in-law was out. So I didn’t have to explain anything to her.
I couldn’t stop thinking of Suraj after that meeting. I was HIGH on him. I so enjoyed his company, and it was an out-of-the-world feeling, seeing the magnificent Shaniwar Wada with him.
The next day, I had my usual classes at Sankalp. Kanika remarked that I was glowing. She asked if I had used a face pack. She is a big fan of beauty masks. I just laughed.
‘Come on—don’t hide it from me! You have definitely used something new,’ she said. She pestered me so much that I told her I had used a face pack made with besan. Remember how we both used to make it and religiously use it, when I was there? I told her all the ingredients and she wrote them down, saying she would try it on the weekend! It is a good mask, no doubt, but I know that the ‘glow’ came from meeting Suraj. I had no idea I could be that happy, Vidya! I am so very glad you nudged me in that direction. If you hadn’t, I don’t think I would have met him this way and spent time with him.
When Bhuwan came back on Tuesday, I told him that I had met a friend on Sunday.
‘Oh good,’ he said, absentmindedly. I cannot believe it, Vidya—he did not ask who I had met!
I cannot believe he can be that disinterested in what is going on in my life. I asked him how his trip was, and he just said, ‘good’. He was very tight-lipped about that too.
Anyway—now my conscience is clear. I did mention to Bhuwan that I had met a friend. So I am not hiding anything from him. If he had asked me details, I would have told him about Suraj, and that he is a friend from college. But he didn’t, and that’s that.
Even though I haven’t yet got a reply to my last letter from you, I couldn’t wait to tell you all this, hence I wrote!
Your turn to write back now.
Write soon, my firebrand.
Your rule bender sis (not a rule breaker),
Veda
PS: Happy New Year!
Chapter 26
February 1997
Joshimath
Dearest, dearest rule breaker didi,
Hooray! As far as I am concerned, you did break the ‘rules’. You managed to silence that inner voice in your head which was stopping you, and you went out and had fun. I am glad that whatever I told you helped you get a different perspective.
You also told jiju about your friend—now if he isn’t even interested in knowing who it is, why should you bother? Don’t even think about it, didi. It is not worth wasting time thinking about it. Just forget it and carry on.
You will not believe the turn of events that have taken place here. Those very same aunties just will not give up match-making even after what happened. They brought a marriage proposal for me from a widower who is based abroad. Apparently, he lost his wife last year and has a two-year-old daughter. He is very keen to get married, so there will be someone to take care of the child. How preposterous is that? Does he want a baby-sitter or a life-partner?
Ma told me, ‘Now that you have this bad reputation, I think you should settle for this one. He is a good man. He is very religious and traditional. See, even though he lives abroad, he wants a girl from India, from our community.’
I told her that it was probably because he couldn’t get any white girl to fall in love with him! Ma was angry with me and said that they had tried their best from their side, and now I deserved what I got!
You know what the strange thing is, didi? There are two other girls in Joshimath who are more than happy to marry him. Ma told me they are very keen and that he is coming to India with his daughter next month to meet them. She said that if I changed my mind, to let them know.
Ha! I am not going to change my mind.
But I am glad they didn’t spring a surprise on me, and get him home without telling me. I guess they know now that if they had done that, there is no telling how I would have acted. I am pleased about that. It is a small triumph for me.
What I feel angry about is these ‘threats’ that Ma and Papa are making by telling me things like, ‘We warned you. . .’, ‘You brought this upon yourself. . .’, ‘Look what you have done. . .’, etc.
What have I done, didi? I have only expressed what I want. What is so wrong in that?
The other development that has taken place—Kunal Saini came to me (after all these weeks!) and said that I could get back into their ‘gang’ if I apologised to him publicly. I was enraged. I had apologised to him when all this had happened. Now I have moved on. I told him I simply wasn’t interested anymore, and it did not matter to me whether I was in their ‘gang’ or not. He is acting like he is doing me a favour!
I have changed as a person, didi. I feel happy to be with Anita and Rajashree and hit the books. Yesterday, they were talking about the civil services exams. They said that it is an excellent career option as well. The preliminary exam has only two papers—general studies for 150 marks and an optional subject for 300 marks. For the optional subject, Anita says that if you take a less popular one like anthropology, your chances of success are higher.
She said that the UPSC wants creative, innovative people who are leaders and who do not just follow what is the popular opinion. So the more unusual your subject selection, the higher your reward. Rajashree said that, if that was right, then she would opt for animal husbandry. I did not know what that meant, so I kept quiet, and later I looked it up in the library, browsing through the newspapers in the archives section. I must say, didi, I am attracted to the challenge. Let’s see! I have two more years to prepare.
What is happening at Sankalp? The final exams for Class 10 are next month! (And for me too, for my college first year.) Are your students well prepared?
Write back soon to me.
With lots of love,
Your firebrand.
February 1997
Mumbai
Dear Veda,
How are you? I am sorry I haven’t written to you at all after we met in Pune. I enjoyed seeing you. I was so glad you said we could meet. It is always great to catch up with old friends.
It was nice to visit Shaniwar Wada and see all the history there.
After I got back, I was put in charge of Youth Day celebrations. I did not really want to be in the committee, but my boss insisted on it. He said it is mainly for the junior officers, and if young people like me did not participate in it, it would fall flat. The celebrations are on a rather grand scale. They last for ten whole days. Each day, after work, we are supposed to organise one event. It can be anything—like an Antakshari game, or a group dance, or we invite a well-known speaker to address the employees, etc. The main criteria is that it has to be ‘fun as well as useful’. So the people in the committee have to meet, brainstorm and decide upon the events for each day. As the grand finale, we are getting a music troupe to perform exclusively for us. We have a big budget allocated for this, as the chairman of this company thinks celebrations like this are essential. It all feels like an extension of a college cultural festival to me. You would be surprised at how many people are enthusiastic about this kind of stuff. I must admit—though I was dragged in unwillingly, once I got into things, I am kind of liking it!
There is a girl in my office who is also on the committee. Her name is Priya. She is our age. She is extremely smart, funny and enthusiastic. She comes up with a hundred ideas a minute! Some of them are crazy, but some are doable.
It’s the first time since my parents’ deaths that I feel enthusiastic about something. Most likely we will be getting Colonial Cousins to play for us! They won the MTV Asia Viewer’s Choice Award last year. Priya and I went and met them both. They are extremely approachable, humble and down-to-earth. Priya was very chatty with them too. It was like she had known them her entire life.
When we were getting back from meeting them, Priya asked me if I wanted to stop at her place for lunch. She lives in the same residential complex as I do, and I hadn’t known, as she is from another department, which is on a different floor from mine. Priya lives with her paren
ts. She has an older brother. He is married and is based in Australia.
I must admit I was a bit uncomfortable as there was nobody at home when we landed up there. Both her parents work. They have a cook, and he had made some delicious stuff. She said that her cook had mentioned that he was looking for additional work, and if I liked, he could start cooking for me.
So, now I have a cook! He makes breakfast for me before I leave for work, and he also packs lunch for me. I have left a key to my flat with my neighbour, and my cook (his name is Pawan) makes dinner for me as well.
My work is going well. I am able to manage my projects as well as these Youth Day celebrations, as the meetings for the latter typically happen outside work hours.
This weekend, Priya and I are going to see the Ajanta and Ellora caves. The moment she knew I was a history buff, she suggested it. I am so looking forward to it.
What is going on at your end? How are the exam preparations going? How is Bhuwan? Did you tell him about us meeting?
Write back when you can.
Your friend,
Suraj
When you have exchanged many letters with someone, there are subtle clues in the way they write that immediately tell you about what is going on in their lives—things that they aren’t directly saying.
Veda read Suraj’s letter and was instantly hit by a wave of jealousy. It was a feeling that started deep down in her tummy, and made its way up to her throat, and remained there, like something unpleasant that had stuck, which she could neither spit out nor swallow. Each time she read the letter, she grew more and more agitated. The jealousy had now grown into a gigantic wave and she was submerged in it. The more she thought about it, the more she drowned. He was definitely attracted to Priya. Three-fourths of the letter was about her. Priya this . . . Priya that . . .
She chastised herself, saying that it was not the right way to look at it. She tried to be rational. He had not said anything specifically. He had spoken about other things in his letter. As his friend, she ought to be happy that he was enjoying himself and having fun. She ought to be delighted that he had managed to put aside his deep sorrow, at least for a little while. But she realised that there was a huge gap between ‘ought to’ and ‘is’.
She was not able to bridge that gap.
She felt let down. Then she felt silly for feeling let down. She herself had told Suraj several times that there could be nothing more than friendship between them. But she had felt some spark when they had gone to Shaniwar Wada. She now wondered if all of it was in her own head. Maybe he saw her as nothing more than a friend, after all?
She detested feeling like this. It was as though she had no control over her emotions. How was this even possible? Till she had read his letter, she had been over the moon every time she thought about him; and she was reasonably sure that he felt the same way about her too.
But now that he had mentioned another girl (Priya—how she hated the very name!), she was suddenly unsure of his feelings for her.
She knew that she was in love with him. There was no denying it. She also knew that this was a forbidden love that she was feeling. As a married woman, she had to connect that way with her husband, not with an old friend from college. But it was something that had to come from both sides.
She remembered a saying that her grandmother used to utter often: ‘You need two hands to clap.’
But the thing is, you should want to clap, she thought.
Was she jumping to conclusions? Was Priya nothing more than a friend to Suraj? And even if she did declare her love for Suraj, what would they do? She was a married woman, after all.
The questions kept swirling around in Veda’s head. As hard as she tried, she could not come up with any concrete answers.
All she knew was that when love was one-sided, it was the worst feeling in the world.
Chapter 27
February 1997
Sankalp, Pune
Veda did not feel like replying to Suraj’s letter immediately. She first wanted to make sense of it all. She decided to cope with her jealousy by directing all her energy towards preparing the students of Sankalp for the mock board exams which would take place later in the month. These model exams would be conducted exactly in the manner in which the board exams would be. This way, the children would have adequate practice taking an examination, and the process would not be entirely new to them, when they gave their final board exams in March.
One morning, after class at Sankalp, Kajol approached Veda. Veda was with a group of junior children, teaching them the concept of fractions. These were the children who needed extra coaching, the ones whose standard in maths was abysmally low. Veda had been struggling to make them understand why they had to calculate something a particular way. They seemed to be memorising the formulas, and Veda wanted them to have a deeper understanding of it. After thinking hard, she had hit upon an idea. Kanika and she got two round vanilla sponge cakes from a nearby bakery. They sliced the cake into half. The children could now see what ‘half’ meant. Then they cut it further to demonstrate what one-fourth, one-third and one-eighth meant. By combining pieces from two cakes, they could demonstrate the addition of fractions easily. As a reward for getting the sums right, the children got to eat the cake. This motivated them to add faster. It was fun, and that made them learn quicker.
Veda had just finished giving away the last slice of cake, when she spotted Kajol hovering around.
‘Yes, Kajol,’ said Veda, as she dismissed the class and stood up, wiping her hands on a paper napkin, and putting away the box in which she had carried the cake.
‘Didi, I want to talk to you in private,’ said Kajol.
‘Alright. Come with me,’ said Veda, and she led her to the far end of the basement where they could be alone.
‘What is it that you want to talk to me about, Kajol?’ asked Veda, as soon as they were out of earshot of the other students. Veda could see that most of them were leaving.
‘I have a wish, didi,’ said Kajol.
‘What is it?’ asked Veda, amused.
‘It’s my birthday next week. I want to invite you, Ron bhaiya and Kanika didi to my house. Will you come, didi?’ she asked, her eyes shining.
Veda hesitated.
‘Ummm, I am not sure,’ she said. She had been told in her training session that the children would get emotionally attached to them. Was this a warning sign of that?
‘Why, didi? Why are you not sure? Is it because my house is not big?’ asked Kajol, as her face fell.
‘Oh, no, no! It’s not like that at all,’ Veda hastily assured her. She was horrified to think that that was what Kajol had presumed.
‘Then why, didi? I have come to your house, no? Why can’t you come to my house? Only for my birthday, didi. I am not calling everybody. Only special people,’ said Kajol.
Veda did not want to hurt Kajol’s feelings.
‘I will check with Kanika didi, okay? I shall give you an answer tomorrow,’ said Veda.
‘You have to come, didi. I will feel very bad if you don’t come,’ said Kajol. She was emphatic, and she knew how to vocalise what she felt. ‘I will be inviting Kanika didi and Ron bhaiya too. I didn’t want to tell them in front of the other children, as I am not calling everybody.’
Veda nodded. ‘I understand,’ she said, as they walked back to where Ron and Kanika were standing. The other students had left by then. Kajol approached the two teachers and invited them.
‘Sure, it’s your birthday, I will be there,’ Ron instantly agreed.
‘Of course, we will come and help you celebrate,’ Kanika said.
A million-watt smile lit up Kajol’s face.
Veda now felt stupid for not agreeing instantly. Kanika and Ron had not thought twice about it. She wished she had agreed immediately too, like them, instead of telling Kajol that she would think about it.
‘Thank you Kanika didi, thank you Ron bhaiya,’ said Kajol.
As she left, she called out over her s
houlder, ‘Veda didi, you cannot say no. You have to come, okay?’
Veda, Ron and Kanika smiled as they watched Kajol skipping and humming a Bollywood number, as she left.
‘What a cheerful, bright girl,’ remarked Ron.
‘Yes, she is definitely our best student. I am certain she will get a distinction in her board exams; her work is impeccable,’ agreed Kanika.
Veda thought long and hard about what she could gift Kajol. She decided it would be best if she asked Shakubai. She got time only on Sundays now to chat with her, as most other days, she was absorbed in the activities that went on at Sankalp.
‘What do you think Kajol would like for her birthday?’ Veda asked Shakubai, as she swept her bedroom.
Shakubai looked up, startled. ‘Oh, you remember her birthday, madam?’ she asked.
‘Errr . . . Kajol invited all of us,’ said Veda.
Shakubai did not know about it at all. She was surprised to hear this.
‘I don’t know what that girl will do next. We . . . we don’t have space . . . we don’t have proper furniture. Our home—it’s so small. Hai Raam,’ she muttered to herself and continued sweeping.
‘Don’t worry, Shakubai. We are not coming to look at your house. We just want Kajol to have a great birthday party,’ Veda said.
Shakubai wasn’t comforted though, and kept muttering something incomprehensible.
‘So shall I get her books? Storybooks?’ asked Veda.
‘No, madam. No place in our house for books.’
‘What would she like then?’
Shakubai hesitated. ‘Er um . . . she wanted. . .’ she started speaking and then stopped, unsure as to whether to go on or not.
Veda saw her hesitation and assured her, ‘Don’t worry, Shakubai. You can tell me freely what Kajol would like.’
‘She would like a new salwar kurta, didi. She has very few, and expenses are always mounting. I am not able to buy her as many as she would like,’ said Shakubai.
‘It’s a very good idea,’ said Veda.
It was the best shopping spree that Veda had ever gone on. Kanika and she took an auto and went to Camp Area, the commercial centre of Pune. On Sundays, the main road was closed to traffic, and one could walk down MG Road and explore all the shops. Veda took great delight in selecting just the right salwar kameez sets for Kajol. She inspected the material, bargained with the shopkeeper, and ended up buying two of them. Kanika bought Kajol a trendy college bag and a salwar kurta. Ron had handed over some money, and had requested Kanika and Veda to pick up something on his behalf. With his money, Kanika bought a make-up kit and a wooden folding table that could easily be put away after use. Pleased with their purchases, they made their way back to the arch at the entrance of Sitawadi, where Ron had agreed to meet them.
The Rule Breakers Page 21
