by Susan Fox
“That’s good. We’ll hope the baby gets your healthy genes rather than my unhealthy ones.”
He couldn’t argue with that. He hoped the kid looked like her, though. Especially if it was a girl. If it was a boy—well, he had to admit it was kind of a kick to think of his own features replicated on a little-kid face. But looks were secondary; health was what mattered. “You’re positive you want to have this baby?”
Brooke picked up her tea mug, then put it down without drinking. “I wouldn’t have made a decision to get pregnant. But this pregnancy happened, so it was a different decision. I started out thinking about terminating a pregnancy, then suddenly I was picking baby names.”
She touched her abdomen. “This little guy or gal had become a child to me. My, our, child. I loved it and had to give this child its chance.”
He knew what she meant. He thought of it as a child too.
A child he might never know. He cleared his throat. “You’re brave, facing the risks.”
“Says the man who risks his life every day. Jake, there are all kinds of risks. We each decide which ones we’re prepared to take. I couldn’t do what you do. I couldn’t even be married—I mean really married, not just in name—to someone who does what you do. But nor could I deny our child his or her chance to have a life. Not a perfect life, I’m sure, but a life with more joy than sorrow.” Her eyes narrowed in a challenge. “Do you disagree?”
“Nope. I just think you’re one hell of a gutsy lady. And our kid is damned lucky to have you as a mother.”
She ducked her head. “As long as I stay sober. And keep responding to the lithium.”
He reached across the table and lifted her chin so he could gaze into her eyes. “You’ll stay sober. And if the lithium stops working, you and your doctor will find something else that does. I know you, Brooke Kincaid. If I could pick any woman in the world to be the mother of my child, you’d be that woman.”
Her eyes flooded and he said, “Oh, hell, don’t cry.”
She brushed a hand across her eyes. “Sorry. Crazy hormones. But honestly, Jake, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
He shrugged. All he’d said was the truth.
“Eat your breakfast,” he ordered. He picked up her empty mug. “Want some coffee?”
“No, I’m sticking to herbal tea for the duration.”
He leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “See? A good mom already.”
Her teapot sat on the counter, draped in one of those knitted things to keep it warm. He poured tea into her mug, brought it back to her, and took his seat across the table. “Brooke? Whether or not we get married, I want to help support the kid.”
She pressed her lips together, then released them. “You don’t have to. I have it under control. Kate will let me bring the baby in to work, so I won’t even have to take much time off. And I make decent money. Not a lot, but life isn’t that expensive in Caribou Crossing.”
Yeah, he figured she’d have thought it through, and he knew she had Evan, Jess, and Kate to fall back on if she ran into problems. But that wasn’t the point. “Look, this is my kid too. We made him—her—together. I want to do my bit.”
She’d been watching his face carefully as he spoke. “Think about it some more, Jake. If you still want to, of course you can help.” She glanced at her watch. “I need to get to work.”
“And I have to hit the road. Brooke, I’m not going to change my mind. I’ll write you a check when I get home. I’ll send one every month.” He’d buy life insurance too, and name Brooke as the beneficiary. But he wouldn’t tell her, or she’d worry even more about him.
They both stood slowly, and walked outside without speaking. He put on his old leather jacket and shuffled his helmet from hand to hand. “It was good seeing you.”
“You too, Jake. Such a nice surprise.” She was smiling but he saw a shadow in her eyes. He’d come because he cared for her, yet he’d given her more stress.
“Let me know about getting married. Call. I’ll have my cell with me this time. This assignment should only be a couple weeks; then I’m due some time off. You could invite your family and friends, we could do it up properly. Make people think it was for real.”
In her garden, with all those flowers, and one of those flower-woven arches set up. Brooke in a dress that matched those tropical ocean eyes. Flowers in her hair. Jess as matron of honor, Robin as bridesmaid, Evan to give the bride away.
In less time than it took to blink, the whole picture formed in his head.
“Oh, Jake,” she said.
He did blink, and the wedding scene disappeared.
“I don’t think I’m going to change my mind, but you’re so sweet to offer.” She leaned forward and touched her lips to his.
Sweet. He wasn’t sweet. He was crazy about her and he’d knocked her up. He was doing his best to cope, like any decent guy would.
“Drive safely,” she said. Then she winked. “Stay out of the path of speeding bullets.”
Surprised, he gave a quick laugh, then sobered. “You take care too, Brooke. Let me know if you need anything.”
She smiled but didn’t nod or say yes. Then she turned and walked toward her house.
He watched her as he put on his helmet and kicked the bike to life.
When she reached the porch she turned, her face shaded by the overhang so he couldn’t see her expression, and gave a brief wave.
He waved back and drove away, suspecting he wouldn’t be hearing from her. She was independent. And wary of letting herself get too involved with someone like him.
Clever woman.
Brooke let the tears run down her face unchecked as she tidied up the kitchen. No, she couldn’t marry Jake Brannon. If she didn’t love him she might consider it, but loving him would make it far too tough.
She didn’t like highs and lows. They reminded her of her manias and her depressions. Last night she’d been on such a high, seeing Jake again, touching him, making love. And now he was gone and the bottom had fallen out of her world.
In the bathroom she pressed a cold, damp cloth to her swollen eyes until she could face the reflection that looked back at her from the mirror. Normally she didn’t wear much make-up, but today was definitely a day for it.
Her best efforts weren’t good enough, because Kate gave her an extralong hug and said, “You okay, hon?”
“Hormones. I’m fine.” She debated telling her friend about Jake’s visit but knew she’d start to cry again.
Her second customer of the morning was Dave Cousins. She had a soft spot for Dave. He’d been her first customer back when Jessica had introduced her to Kate and Kate had given her the job.
Since his fiancée, Anita, had died of cancer, he’d been quiet and subdued. Typically Brooke tried to draw him out, talking about Robin, the Heritage Committee, and Riders Boot Camp, since he was on the board of directors too. Today she had no energy for chat, so she clipped away in silence.
When she was finished Dave said, “Got any plans for lunch?”
“Lunch?” She wouldn’t feel like eating but she had to, for the sake of her own health as well as the baby’s. “Not really.”
“Come on over to the hotel and I’ll treat you.”
His undemanding company was exactly what she needed. “Thanks. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”
When Brooke walked over to the Wild Rose Inn at noon, the summer sun was hiding behind clouds, a counterpoint to her gloomy mood. It was all she could do to force a smile and exchange a few words with Madisun Joe, a local girl Evan had sponsored to go to business school in Vancouver—removing her from an abusive family situation in the process. Madisun was back for the summer, working in Evan’s office part-time and also helping out at Boots. She’d turned into a confident young woman who wasn’t about to take any guff from her dad.
Evan had been abused by his dad. Physically. Brooke knew that her own parenting had constituted emotional abuse. Yet Evan had turned into a m
an who, rather than replicating that dysfunctional pattern, would help someone else combat it.
He was a son to be proud of, and she did have lots to smile about.
When she stepped into the lobby of the Wild Rose and saw Dave behind the desk, she gave him a genuine smile.
He smiled back, made a quick phone call, and one of his staff came to replace him.
“I reserved us a window booth.” He led Brooke to the dining room.
“Dining in style,” she commented. This room was quieter than the pub where she’d gone line dancing with Jake, and had a touch of old-fashioned elegance in the dark wood, brass, and leather. In the pub, the staff wore informal Western wear; here, they wore costumes modeled on clothing worn at gold rush hotels in the 1860s.
As she and Dave walked through the room, they said hello to a number of people. The air was filled with delicious aromas and now she did have an appetite. “Something smells great.”
“Mitch’s specials today are chicken pot pie and quiche with smoked salmon and chives. They both look terrific.”
She’d had scrambled eggs for breakfast, forcing herself to eat. “I’ll go for the pot pie.”
“Me too.” Dave raised a finger and Karin, the waitress, came over to take their order. When she was gone Dave said, “How are you feeling?”
“Good.” In fact, better by the moment. Now that she was getting over the depression caused by Jake’s departure, she realized a couple of truths. He hadn’t ignored her letter about the baby; in fact, he cared enough about her that he’d hopped on his bike and come to her the moment he got it. And he cared enough about her and the baby to offer something he knew she valued highly: respectability. In the past, she’d won respectability all by herself. She could do it again, and it would be easier than a fake marriage to a man who didn’t love her. But she had to do what Jake had done, and consider her baby’s best interests.
“You don’t look so good,” Dave said bluntly.
“You sure know how to flatter a girl,” she teased. Without lying, she could tell him she’d had a rough night. But Dave was almost part of the family. He and Jess had remained good friends and, even more surprisingly, he and Evan had become pals. Besides, the whole town would know once she was in her second trimester and starting to show.
She glanced around to make sure no one was near them, then leaned across the table. “I’m not sick, I’m pregnant.”
His jaw dropped and his eyes went round. “Preg—”
His voice was too loud and she cut him off. “Dave! I’m not ready to tell the world.”
“Sorry.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “Really? Are you sure?”
“I’ve known for a few weeks, and I’m really happy about having a baby. I’ve told Jess, Evan, and Robin, Kate as well, and sworn them to secrecy.”
An expression of hurt crossed his handsome face. In that instant she realized something. Here was another person who considered himself her friend.
She reached across to touch his hand. “I didn’t mean to shut you out, but there are so many risks in the first trimester. I didn’t want everyone to know, and to worry, if I ended up”—she gulped—“losing the baby.” But, each day, she felt more confident that this baby was going to be just fine.
He squeezed her hand, then released it. “I understand, Brooke. And thanks for telling me now. But wow, that’s a surprise, to put it mildly.” Then he scowled. “So, where’s the Arnold Pitt cop? Did the jerk run out on you?”
“How did you know it was him?”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Dave shrugged. “There was something between the two of you.”
“Oh, come on. You thought he was my cousin.”
“Several times removed, I figured. Your feelings for each other weren’t cousinly.”
Brooke couldn’t help grinning. “No one else picked up on anything.”
He studied her affectionately. “I know love when I see it, Brooke.”
Love. It warmed her immeasurably to think that this perceptive man had interpreted Jake’s feelings for her as love.
“So,” Dave demanded, “where is he?”
Before Brooke could respond, Karin arrived with their lunch: chicken pies in individual ceramic casseroles, and a colorful salad in a big bowl so they could serve themselves. Brooke poked a knife into the golden crust of the pie and inhaled the aroma of chicken, onions, carrots, herbs. Oh yes, she was ravenous. She took up the salad servers and dished a sizable helping of salad onto Dave’s side plate, then her own.
Between bites she filled him in—up until last night. She gave him even more details than she’d felt comfortable sharing with her son and Jessica. There was something about Dave; he was such an easy person to talk to. And she appreciated having a male perspective.
When they had both polished off their pies, Brooke succumbed to Karin’s recommendation of Miner’s Mud Pie—a delicious concoction with a chocolate wafer crumb crust and an ice cream filling topped with chocolate sauce and whipped cream. When the waitress went to get it, Brooke patted her stomach. “Sometimes this little creature robs me of my appetite but mostly I really do feel like I’m eating for two.”
“You’re going to be a great mom, Brooke.”
She gazed at him affectionately, and made a decision. “Can I tell you something, and ask you to keep it a secret?”
One corner of his mouth tipped upward. “You’re feeling guilty for keeping secrets from me before?”
“Maybe. But I’d value your opinion. I don’t want to tell Evan and Jessica, at least not yet. I already know what Evan would say and I don’t want to be pressured.”
“I’m intrigued. And of course I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to.”
“Jake asked me to marry him.”
Dave didn’t seem surprised. “Well then . . .” He paused as Karin placed the pie in front of Brooke and gave him the cappuccino he’d ordered.
“He was here last night,” Brooke said. “I’d written him about the baby but he’d been out of town and only got the letter yesterday. Anyhow, we talked about it and he said maybe we should get married.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Should?”
“For the sake of the baby. And my reputation. He’d marry me, make the baby legitimate, give both of us his name if I wanted. Later, we’d get divorced.”
“A marriage of convenience?” He sounded offended. “Gimme a break, those went out with the Dark Ages.”
She forked up a piece of pie, then put the bite down again, untasted. “You were wrong about the love,” she said softly, sadly. “Jake doesn’t love me.”
“You love him?”
“Yes, but it takes two.”
“Oh, Brooke.” He poked a spoon into the foam on top of his cappuccino, stirred the coffee, then gazed up at her. “Wait a minute. I saw the way the man looked at you when he thought no one was watching. It looked like love to me. Maybe he doesn’t realize it yet.”
“I know he cares. Maybe it’s what you and I would call love. But he’s not ready to believe in love.” She finally ate that first bite of pie, but it didn’t taste as sweet as she’d expected.
“If you build it, they will come.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You know that movie Field of Dreams? A voice spoke to this guy, telling him that if he built a ball field, the players would come. And they did.”
“You’re saying, if we build a marriage, the love will come?”
“Yup.”
What a tantalizing notion. But that was all it was. A fairy tale. “I don’t think so. Jake isn’t talking about living here; he’d just marry me, then go back to work. He’s always undercover, risking his life. A real marriage doesn’t fit with his life. And he loves his work; he loves danger.” She bit her lip and told Dave the rest of it. “I do love him, but even if he loved me back, I couldn’t handle being married to him. I wouldn’t ask him to give up his job, but I couldn’t live with the constant worry. I’m strong, but n
ot that strong.”
He nodded slowly. “I can relate to that.”
Brooke knew he could. Since he’d lost Anita he was Mr. Cautious with the people he cared about.
“What’s your alternative?” he asked. “Never see him again?”
“I guess so,” she said sadly. “That’s probably easiest—best—for both of us. He says he wants to provide financial support, so I guess he’d just send checks, or set up a trust fund or something.”
“How could a man not want to see his own child?” Dave looked utterly baffled.
“Maybe because his parents never taught him about love. They made unreasonable demands; they didn’t ever show that they loved him. He couldn’t wait to escape from them.”
Dave stirred his coffee some more and didn’t look at her.
She winced. “You’re thinking about Evan. Mo and I didn’t teach him about love.”
He shrugged. “Sorry, I didn’t want to say it.”
“It’s true.” She nodded fiercely. “We were horrible parents, probably worse than Jake’s. And Evan figured out about love all by himself when he met Jessica again. She taught him how to love; then he opened his heart to Robin, and to me as well.”
“So, if the right woman comes along, even a diehard like Jake can learn. And I think you’re the right woman.”
“Maybe I do too. But Jake doesn’t.” Then she squared her shoulders. “And it’s just as well. His work would drive me crazy. I like my peaceful routine. I need it.”
“I understand how you’d worry about his work. But as for the routine . . . You needed that when you were first recovering, but you’re better now. That’s why you can handle having a baby. You can bet having a child isn’t going to be peaceful and routine. I’d also point out, your routine went out the window when Jake was in town, and you did okay.”
“Except for getting pregnant.” She grinned. “Yes, I did okay. And I’ll do fine with the baby. But there’s no way I could move to Vancouver and be married to Jake when he’d always be off on dangerous assignments. I’m a lot stronger than I used to be, but I’m not that strong.” She took another bite of pie, this time being sure to get lots of chocolate sauce and whipped cream. Mmm, that was better.
