by Judy Duarte
Of course, that was assuming Kay Logan didn’t have a problem with the illegitimate child of an illegitimate child.
The next morning, at five minutes after ten, Hailey sat across an oval antique oak table in Kay’s breakfast nook, a cheery little sitting area with pale-lavender walls and a large bay window framed by a valance of Irish lace.
A pot of tea and two delicate china cups with pink carnation trim sat before them, as did a matching creamer and sugar bowl and a plate of oatmeal cookies.
It was the kind of setting little girls who liked dressing up and having tea parties dreamed about. The kind Hailey had always imagined.
She noticed the functional kitchen—cheerful, with a wallpaper border of violets. The white countertops boasted all the appliances a woman who loved to cook would need. “You have a beautiful home.”
“Thank you.”
Hailey glanced out the window, into a moderate-size yard filled with plants, ferns and palm trees—each one trimmed neatly. It amazed her to see flowers blooming in winter, especially since Minnesota was so cold and barren. On the patio, a built-in barbecue grill sat amidst redwood furniture. She could easily imagine an outdoor party, with Nick and the guys hanging around the grill, Kay making everyone feel welcome.
“Did you just want to chat, to get to know each other better?” Kay asked. “Or is there something on your mind?”
Hailey looked up and caught the woman’s kind smile. “Yes, there’s something I need to tell you. Harry…I mean my dad, too. But I thought I’d practice on you, if that’s okay.”
“A burden is more easily carried by two.”
Was it that obvious? That she had a burden, a dilemma?
Hailey fiddled with the edge of her napkin, then looked up at Kay, hoping she’d read the woman right. “I’m expecting a baby.”
Kay’s teacup seemed to stop in midair, neither going up nor down.
Was she shocked? Surprised?
The older woman searched Hailey’s face, her eyes, as though looking for something, although Hailey didn’t know what.
“Why don’t I sense a feeling of happiness?” Kay asked.
Hailey blew out a sigh. “It’s not that I don’t want a child, but I’m not married. And this is not how I’d intended to start a family.”
“And the father? How does he feel about it?”
The father.
For some reason Hailey had hoped to sidestep that little complication by announcing him missing in action. But that wasn’t entirely the truth, was it?
Nick hadn’t bailed out. Yet.
“He, uh, doesn’t know about it. And I’m not looking forward to telling him.”
Kay lifted her cup and took a sip of tea. “Are you afraid of his reaction?”
“Yes, for more reasons than one. The pregnancy came as a surprise to me. I’ve always wanted to be a mother, someday. The timing, of course, could certainly be better.”
“And you don’t think the father will be pleased to learn about the baby?”
Hailey slowly shook her head. “He told me that he wasn’t cut out to be a husband or a father.”
“Well,” Kay said, reaching a hand across the table. “Expecting a baby should be a time of joy and happiness. Let’s find something we can celebrate.”
Hailey hadn’t thought to look on the bright side, hadn’t even thought there was one.
“Children are a blessing,” Kay said. “And I’m happy for you. Harry and I love babies. And we’d be happy to help you in any way we can.”
Tears filled Hailey’s eyes, and she quickly swiped them away, as though she didn’t want Kay to know how touched she was by the offer. The support. The understanding. “Thank you. It’s going to be rough, raising a child alone, that’s for sure. Especially since I’ll have to get a sitter while I work, and that wasn’t an expense I’d budgeted for.”
“I’m not sure how long you plan to be in San Diego, but we have a guest room. You’re more than welcome to stay with us. Or to come back whenever you want.”
“I’d like that,” Hailey said. And she would. More than she’d ever thought possible.
But reality struck hard.
If she intended to be part of the Logan family, to bring her baby to visit, she couldn’t keep the secret from Nick. Not anymore.
The guy might not be up on the symptoms of early pregnancy, but he could count.
Would he be angry? Sullen?
Once she told him, she might not be welcome to stay at his place any longer. In fact, she might not want to.
“Would you mind if I stayed here for a day or two?” she asked Kay.
“Not at all. I’ll show you the guest room, then get you a key. If I’m not home, you can let yourself in.”
“Thank you.”
The time had come. Hailey would tell Nick.
Then face the consequences, whatever they might be.
When Hailey had left the loft apartment for her visit with Kay, Nick still hadn’t gotten home from work.
But a feral and haggard-looking Nick was pacing the floor when she got home. His hair hadn’t seen a comb in quite some time, and he needed a shave. “Where’ve you been?”
“Excuse me?” she asked, slipping the strap of her purse off her shoulder and depositing the black bag onto the sofa.
He raked a hand through his hair, giving her a clue as to why it was mussed. “I’m sorry. I guess that was out of line.”
“You told me I could use your car and that someone would bring you home. I didn’t think—”
“It’s not that,” he said. “I was just worried, I guess. You know, that something happened to you.”
No one had worried about Hailey in years. His concern was kind of nice, she supposed, touching, actually. “I went to see Kay.”
“Good.” His expression relaxed a tad. “How’s everything going?”
“Fine.” With Harry and Kay, anyway. “I’ve got something I’d like to talk to you about.”
He plopped onto the sofa, stretched out his feet. “Have a seat.”
She complied, but for some reason the words wouldn’t form.
Today, more than ever, he bore a hard, rugged edge. Maybe it was the result of working late last night, of the risks he’d taken because of his job.
For some reason she hated to mention anything now, not while he was sleep deprived and battle weary from a night on the city streets.
“Maybe you’d rather shower first,” she said. “Or, better yet, get some rest?”
“I’m all right. Besides, I’m not sure I could fall asleep if I tried. Just tell me what’s on your mind. Now’s as good a time as any.”
She wasn’t so sure about that, but she doubted her revelation could wait much longer. Not now. Not when Kay already knew and had suggested that Harry would be pleased to welcome a new grandchild into the fold.
There was, she supposed, only one way to broach the subject. And that was head-on. “I’m going to have a baby.”
His mouth dropped, and his eyes widened. “What?”
“A baby.” She stood and walked to the window, searched the downtown streets for nothing in particular, other than a dose of courage. “In September sometime.”
“September?”
She imagined him doing the math, calculating. Counting backward. And she turned, like an algebra teacher, waiting to see which child had come up with the right answer.
He wore an incredulous expression, as though his detective skills had failed him. “Is it mine?”
She had half a notion to throw an eraser at him, had she really been a math teacher and held one in her hand. “Of course it’s yours.”
“Oh, God,” he said. She could have sworn he’d muttered the word in a frightened, desperate prayer rather than a lame effort at profanity.
“Don’t worry, Nick. I won’t ask anything of you. And in fact, if I didn’t intend to return to California and be a part of Harry’s life, I wouldn’t have told you at all.”
She wouldn’t have
told him?
Why the hell not? She couldn’t keep something like that from him.
An argument, an objection jammed in his mouth, which he supposed was just as well. He was struck dumb. Nick Granger didn’t take chances when it came to sex.
Except that one, snowy night in Minnesota.
The night Hailey had touched his heart and soul, made him forget right and wrong. Made him go all soft and mushy. Weak.
“I’m sorry,” he said, as if that could fix everything and make things right.
“It’s just as much my fault as yours,” she said.
He supposed so, but he still felt irresponsible. Foolish. Left holding a bag he didn’t know what to do with.
Hailey was pregnant. With his baby.
The very idea made him go all sappy inside, while at the same time it scared him senseless.
A baby?
A kid who would depend on Nick to point him or her in the right direction? To set an example?
“I don’t expect anything from you,” she added.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He didn’t mean to snap at her, it was just that this was all new to him. Her news had blindsided him. Made him feel inadequate.
She crossed her arms, facing him yet keeping her distance. “I’ll raise the baby. As a single mother. You don’t have to be a part of its life.”
Not be a part of his kid’s life?
Leave his son or daughter for someone else to raise, like his own father had done?
Let some other guy step in and take his place, someone who might be worse? Even more inadequate?
The thought made him want to puke—
The way she’d done on so many recent occasions. A nervous stomach, she’d said. But as far as he was concerned, she’d lied when she’d neglected to tell him it was morning sickness.
Was she ashamed of his part in all of this? Sorry that he’d participated in the conception?
So what if Nick had never planned on having kids. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t step up to the plate. Somehow.
Maybe if he were handed a kid about ten or twelve, he could manage. But an infant? A fragile little thing he’d probably drop and break? What did he know about babies? Or about parenting?
He glanced at her, caught her watching him with a stoical expression. A guilty expression. Was she feeling badly about not telling him? Or was she just trying to decide whether he’d come to the same conclusion—that Nick wasn’t father material. That he might screw up the kid’s life.
For cripe’s sake. She let him use a condom during lovemaking rather than tell him the truth. Why?
A myriad of emotions snowballed him. Anger that she hadn’t wanted him to know about the baby. Fear that he wasn’t the kind of guy who’d make a good father.
Hell, his own dad hadn’t stuck around long enough to let Nick know what a real family was supposed to be like.
Hailey stood before him, looking strong yet vulnerable. Proud yet scared. In need of something he couldn’t offer. An emotion he was afraid to admit, to give.
She needed someone special, a knight in shining armor. And Nick would fall short of the mark.
His mind drifted to the guy in Minnesota, the accountant. And a stab of jealousy pierced his soul. No, not that guy. Not some guy she already knew, someone she might choose over him.
Someone she might choose over him?
That kind of thinking was crazy. Nuts. Nick never had been the jealous kind. It couldn’t be that. He was just tired. Hit from behind.
“I don’t know what to say,” he told her.
“You don’t need to say anything.” She brushed a strand of hair from her eyes, big luminous eyes that bore an emotion he wasn’t adept at reading.
Then she walked toward his closet and pulled out her canvas bag.
“Are you going home?” he asked, scared spitless that she was leaving for good.
He wanted to stop her, but he was too damn scared to beg her to stay, to tell her he needed her, that he wanted the baby—even though the whole family thing made him as nervous as a whore in church.
“I’m going to spend a few days with Kay and Harry,” she said. “Until I have time to sort things out, to get some kind of game plan that I can live with.”
Yeah, well he needed a game plan, too. He needed some time to figure out what in the hell he ought to do. What he ought to say.
His first inclination was to call his best friend and mentor, but he couldn’t ask Harry for advice.
Not in this case.
Harry would probably shoot him point-blank. And Nick couldn’t say that he’d blame him. Heck, his conscience would probably welcome the slug.
But just knowing the Logans would be there for Hailey, for the baby, was a big comfort. Yet the uneasiness remained, as well as the guilt.
He needed a shower. Some time to think.
Before he knew it, Hailey had packed her bag, then reached for the phone.
“Who are you calling?”
“A taxi.”
“I’ll take you wherever you need to go.”
“I think it’s best if we both have some time alone…if we take some time to think.”
She might be right, but he wasn’t letting her call a cab.
He took the phone from her hand. “Come on. I’ll drive you to Kay’s.”
For a moment he thought she would argue, put up a fight. But she merely slipped the strap of her purse over her shoulder and grabbed her bag.
Twenty minutes later, in Bayside, Nick turned onto Harry’s street. They’d ridden in silence, the news of Hailey’s pregnancy hovering around them like a volatile gray rain cloud that threatened to burst.
Nick hadn’t slept all night, leaving his senses dull, his emotions on edge. He needed time to clear his head. To figure out what he had to offer Hailey and the baby. Money was the easy part. He’d have no problem paying whatever was fair. More than was fair, he supposed. He didn’t want his kid lacking anything.
His kid.
God, it was all so new. So surreal. So damn scary.
Nick stopped the Jeep in front of Harry’s house.
“Don’t bother walking me to the door,” she said. “I’ll be okay.”
Would she? With Harry and Kay in her corner, she’d probably be just fine—one way or another.
But what about him?
For some reason his heart was thudding hard and heavy in his chest, and he felt as though a rug had been jerked out from under his feet.
“I’ll come back tomorrow,” he said. “Then we can talk.”
“It’s not necessary.”
“The hell it isn’t.” He raked his hand through his hair, then snagged her gaze in his. “Honey, give me some time to get used to this.”
She nodded, then turned and strode up the walk to Harry’s house.
Nick blew out a weary sigh. For some reason, he didn’t think time would help him sort through much of anything. What did he know about babies? Or kids?
He watched Hailey fiddle with the key, open the door and step inside.
Maybe deep in her heart she understood. Maybe that’s why she’d kept her secret from him until she had no other choice but to reveal it.
Hailey knew as well as he did that Nick Granger had nothing to offer a wife and kids.
Although he wished to God that he did.
Chapter Fourteen
Hailey spent the afternoon with Kay, sharing pieces of herself until she suspected the woman had put them all together like a patchwork quilt.
Or so it seemed.
They’d talked while sitting on the patio that afternoon and again while eating a light dinner of soup and tuna sandwiches. For the first time in years—maybe the first time ever—Hailey had a mother-daughter chat with a wise, kindhearted woman who cared about what she thought, what she felt, who she was.
Hailey had usually kept personal beliefs, feelings and dreams to herself, but Kay had an easy, gentle way about her, a maternal way that made intimacy seem
natural.
Over the course of the day, she’d opened up and told Kay everything.
Well, not everything.
She’d kept the identity of her baby’s father to herself.
But it hadn’t been easy. She’d weakened several times, almost revealing her secret and baring her soul. And maybe she would have, had she truly understood what she actually felt for Nick, what would be in her heart if she allowed her feelings to rise to the surface.
“Do you love the baby’s father?” Kay asked, as the women sat on the sofa in the cozy living room, wearing their nightclothes and sharing a cup of herbal tea before bed.
Hailey had never really asked herself that question, had never wanted to contemplate the answer. Maybe she’d begun to love Nick that first day she met him, that lonely night when they’d opened up to each other, shared the pain of their pasts. Reached out to each other and allowed that overwhelming rush of attraction to take over.
The night they’d made a baby.
She’d fought the growing attraction, tried to remain unaffected by the detective’s rugged, bad-boy charm, his crooked smile, the depth of character she saw in those soulful brown eyes.
In spite of her best efforts, she’d grown to care for Nick. Deeply, and in a way that went much further than the sexual desire that weakened her knees and her resolve to stay on a steady keel.
She loved Nick Granger, a man who had the power to turn her life upside down.
A man who had done just that.
She released a sigh of surrender. “I do love him. More than I ever expected. But he doesn’t love me.”
Kay took a sip of tea, then held the cup with both hands instead of setting it down. “I assume you’ve told him how you feel about him.”
Hailey slowly shook her head. “No, I’ve just admitted it to myself.”
“Men are a tough breed,” Kay said, a sympathetic smile gracing her face. “They’re not always able to say what they feel. Perhaps you’ll be surprised.”
“Maybe so,” she said, although she didn’t plan to tell Nick she loved him. How could she lay open her heart to a man who didn’t love her back?
He’d told her he wasn’t husband and father material. And he certainly hadn’t given her any reason to believe that he cared about her, not yesterday. Not when she could have used some loving words, a hug and a sympathetic ear. Not when she’d wanted him to say, “I love you, honey. And I want our baby. We’re in this together.”
