by Lily Ryan
“Does it matter what I want?”
“Of course it does. I love you. I didn’t think it was possible to find love again, but I did. And I get that I blew it. I did everything wrong. Especially at the end. I understand that I hurt you. But that was never my intention.”
“What do you want?”
“I don’t know,” I lie, because I’m afraid of his reaction.
I do know. I want Chance and this baby. This miracle baby that I didn’t think could ever be conceived. I want us all to be a big happy family. But I let Chance go. Pushed him away and no matter how much he loves me, things are complicated now. I’m pregnant with a baby he never planned for and it will no doubt have some bearing on his renewed relationship with Ashley.
“That’s the problem.” He crosses his arms over his chest. I’ve never seen his eyes so sad. His face is contorted with pain. “You don’t know what you want. That includes me.”
“Chance please,” I sit up and reach for his hand. He doesn’t fight me. He allows me to take it, to hold on to him with both hands. “I don’t know how or why this happened. Years ago, after Timmy, Mike and I tried to have another baby, but I never conceived. He was tested. The problem was with me. I see this as some kind of miracle. I think we can both do with a bit of miracle in our lives.”
I’m wearing him down. I can see his face softening.
“Great. You’re pregnant. You can have this baby without me if that’s what you want.”
“That’s not what I want!”
I can’t take anymore. My resolve cracks. I think it’s gone for good as tears streak down my face. I’m done pretending to be strong. I’m breaking down in front of him, letting him see the vulnerable, weak side of me, but I don’t care.
“I want you, Chance. I love you, and I know this isn’t the future you envisioned or planned for, but I want to do this with you as my partner. I want you by my side every step of the way.”
He sits on the edge of the bed and strokes my hair, but I’m not done. I can’t hold back, I need to get it all out and let the chips fall where they may.
“And I know that makes me selfish, because you weren’t looking for long term, but I don’t care. Ashley doesn’t deserve you. She cheated on you when you needed her the most. It’s our time now. I need you, and not because I’m pregnant. I need you because you taught me how to be happy again. How to make the most out of every day and find happiness when all I can see is sorrow.” I’m crying and I sound hysterical, but I don’t care.
“I need you because you’re my balance when I’m on the edge. You’re my alternate point of view when I have blinders on. And . . .” I fold my hands across my belly protectively and hug it. “I need you to be part of our baby’s life. To teach it love and patience and how to stand up to a bully because I’m not always good at that. But most of all, I need you because I’ve lived without you before and after I fell in love with you, and that life is cold and lonely. It’s ugly, and I promise to do better this time. I’ll never let you go again.”
He breathes a sigh of relief and pulls me against his chest. I hold him tight. It’s been so long, too long, since he held me like this.
“I’m not with Ashley. I needed a friend. Someone I could trust to give it to me straight. She happened to be in town and we had lunch and talked. About you.” He pulls back to look in my eyes. “As far as the baby, of course I want it. I didn’t want something long term with a younger woman. I want it all with you, Kim. I want a house, a family and a happily ever after.”
“Did I miss something? Did you just propose?” Timmy asks walking in with a tray full of food.
“No way, man. I wouldn’t do that without asking your permission first.”
“Really? Then what’s going on?”
Chance and I look at each other.
“It’s your call,” Chance says.
“No. It’s ours.”
Timmy puts the tray on the rolling table. Before we have the opportunity to get into the details of what he walked in on, a technician comes in with an ultrasound machine. My son looks scared.
“What is that? What’s it for?”
I jump in before anyone else can answer. “Its fine, Timmy. They just need to take a look at something. Can you do me a favor and give us a few minutes. Please.”
“Okay. Do you mind if I take the fries?”
“Help yourself.”
“You coming, Mr. Carter?”
Chance looks at me for help. I don’t want him to leave. Just like I said a few minutes ago, I want him by my side as my partner. I want him to enjoy every part of this experience.
“Actually, honey, I’d really like for Chance to stay here with me.”
“Okay.” Timmy says and walks out.
“If you’re not far enough along, we may not be able to see anything.” The woman says once I pull my underwear down. She dims the lights, and enters our information into the computer, before putting a condom and gel on the wand that goes inside me.
I hold onto Chance’s hand as we watch the monitor, waiting to see what it might show.
“Here’s the little bugger.” She turns a knob and we hear a swishing with a definite pattern. “That’s the heartbeat,” she says, taking pictures and zooming in and out of different parts of the image.
I pull my eyes from the monitor to glance at Chance. He’s watching open mouthed. I squeeze his hand, my heart thrumming. We’re having a baby. Chance and I are having a baby!
Once the ultra sound is complete, the technician hands us a picture she printed of our little munchkin.
“We’re really doing this?” Chance asks, excitement shining in his eyes.
“I nod. We’re really doing this!”
“I love you so much,” he says, leaning in to kiss me.
Once his lips meet mine I thread my fingers through his hair. Chance slips his arms beneath me and holds me close as he deepens the kiss. He pulls away suddenly, and I’m worried the gravity of the situation might have hit him. We’re going to be responsible for a life, a brand new, precious life.
“Don’t look so disappointed,” Chance says trailing his fingers down the side of my cheek. “You’ll have plenty of me once we get you home.” He looks up at the IV bag. “But right now, there’s a certain teenage boy I need to kiss up to.’
“Why’s that?”
“Because he’s going to hate me when he finds out I knocked his mother up. I better go get his blessing to marry you before we tell him.”
I watch Chance walk out of my room. I hate watching him leave. I don’t think that will ever Change, but I’m okay. This time is different. This time I know he’s coming back.
Epilogue
“Since you promised me a brother, and now I have a sister. I think when I pass my driving test, the Camaro should be mine.” The crowd laughs at the best man’s speech. “And don’t forget, I gave you permission to marry my mother,” Timmy says, holding up his glass of ginger ale.
The wedding guests lift their champagne flutes and drink. Seconds later the clinking of silverware against the empty glasses begins.
I give the crowd what they want and kiss my husband.
The reception is small. Close friends and family. Neither side has too many people, although I invited Mike’s family, and Chance invited Ashley and her husband. I wasn’t too thrilled about that one, but I did say the reception is mainly for him and his family to have the experience.
When I was released from the hospital, Chance insisted that he, Timmy and I hop on a flight to Vegas to get married. It was spontaneous and according to him, necessary so that the baby and I were covered under his insurance which is better and cheaper than mine.
“You look like the cat that ate the canary,” Chance says, during our first dance as husband and wife.
“It’s seeing you in that tux, and knowing I get to get to undress you later.” I tease.
“You plan on having your way with me, Mrs. Carter?”
“You know it, Mr. Carte
r.”
After the first dance, Mike’s mother and sister come speak with us.
“You’re baby girl is so precious.” Betty says, pulling me into an embrace.
“Thank you,” Chance responds, with a smile before I can say anything.
“If you ever need a babysitter, you know where I am. And I don’t mean just Timmy. I’d love to look after Mikenna as well.”
I feel bad. I know she hoped Mike and I had other children. She loves spoiling Timmy and her other grandchildren.
“Would you like a moment alone?” Chance asks out of respect for the relationship I still have with my in-laws.
“No.” Maggie answers without hesitation. “You should hear this, too.”
“We want you to be happy, dear,” Betty says. “We’ve been so worried about you since Michael died. He loved you so much, he would’ve wanted you to be happy. It’s clear that Chance does that.”
“He does.” I look up and smile at my husband like a lovesick teenager.
“We just want you to know, Kim. No matter what happens. You’ll always be part of our family. That goes for Chance and little Mikenna, too.”
“Thank you, Betty.” My groom leans down and kisses her cheek. I can tell from the high pitched giggle, that Chance won her over and made her night.
“And I don’t think I can express what it means to me,” Betty tears up. “That you named her after my son.”
Chance rests his hand on her shoulder. “Don’t thank me. He’s a part of who Kim and Timmy are. And I’d like to think somehow he had a hand in bringing us get together.”
She smiles at my husband, touches his cheek with her open hand, and walks away.
“See, and you worried they would hate you for marrying me.” Chance slips his arm around my waist and whispers as they return to their table.
“I think it’s because Betty’s sweet on you.”
“Hey, whatever works.”
He takes my hand in his and leads us back out to the dance floor.
“Are you happy?” I ask, loosing myself in my husband’s beautiful eyes.
“More so than I ever thought possible.”
This time it’s Ashley that interrupts us. “I could attest to that. In all the years I know him put together, I’ve never seen him smile as much as he has tonight.”
“No way!” I protest.
“And he never looked at me the way he looks at you. I saw it, even when he tried to hide it at the pizzeria. I knew he was head over heels for you. I’m really happy you guys worked it out.” She looks over her shoulder. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to my man. With three little ones at home, we don’t have a night to ourselves very often.”
Her husband waves and Chance nods back to him.
“Do you know him well?” I ask.
“Well enough.” Chance shrugs. “He was my roommate.”
I slap at his chest. “You never told me they got married.”
He shrugs with a smile before placing a quick kiss on my lips. “I like it when you’re jealous. It makes me feel wanted.”
“I always want you.”
“Excuse me.” Timmy pats Chance on the shoulder. “Would you mind if I have a dance with Mom?”
“Not at all, little man.” Chance let’s go of me and takes a step back so I can dance with my son. “That was quite a speech,” he says, from a foot away as Timmy and I sway back and forth.
“Thought you’d like it. Especially the part about giving me the Camaro.”
“You got me dude, who would’ve thought with all this testosterone I have in me, that we’d have a girl?”
“Please.” I roll my eyes. “Don’t get ahead of yourselves boys.”
“What? When they couldn’t tell what the sex was, I thought for sure it was a boy.”
“That was reason enough to think it was a girl. If it was a boy, just like the rest of the male species, he’d be happy to show off his thing.”
“Oh gross, Mom. Don’t start talking about my thing, and especially not about Chance’s thing.”
I shake my head. And look at my husband who’s frozen in place, staring at me.
“I know I don’t even have my permit yet. But I’m already fourteen and you say all the time how the years go by so fast.”
“They do.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” Chance puts his hand up. “I don’t think that’s what your mother’s talking about.”
I offer a small, guilty smile.
Chance narrows his green eyes on me, “Are you saying you’re—“
“Pregnant.”
“Eww, Mom, really? Do you two have to go at it like rabbits?” Timmy asks, looking like I just vomited all over him. My son shivers, “I need to get some air and get the image of you two out of my head.”
“You’re pregnant?” Chance asks in disbelief.
I nod with an ear to ear smile. “I’ve been dying to tell you all day. I wanted this to be a surprise.”
“Are you sure?” He asks, pulling me against him.
“I haven’t gone to the doctor yet, but the test came back positive and I’m feeling pretty sick.
Chance’s eyes shine as he lifts me up and slides me down his body. “We’re having a baby?” He says, once my feet hit the ground.
“Yes!” I nod, excitement running like a drug through my veins.
“Hey everybody,” Chance yells to our guests, holding me close to his side. “I knocked her up again!”
The crowd cheers, the glasses clink, and I know I found my happily ever after.
Thank you for reading # Cougarlicious. If you enjoyed it, please leave a review on the site where you purchased it, and recommend it to a friend!
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Continue reading for an excerpt of Loving Lucas
Lucas is as dysfunctional as he is beautiful.
Olivia is as cynical as she is sweet.
Together they are beautifully broken
Lucas –
Broken. Shattered into tiny shards of glass. That’s how love left me.
I’m done with love.
I have no place for it in my life.
Sex- now that’s a different story.
There’s always room for sex and a willing participant nearby.
Until I find myself in the middle of the street with egg yolk dripping off me.
In this moment, everything changes.
All I want is to spend every minute of every day with the woman who came crashing into me.
Olivia-
I’m a romantic at heart.
I read romance novels, and watch the epic movies.
Too bad it’s all make believe.
I know better than to trust in fairy tales or believe in happily ever after.
Lucas scares me. He smashes through my defenses and forces his way into my life. Once he’s there, it’s only a matter of time before he takes possession of my heart.
He’s been hurt and betrayed.
He doesn’t trust me and I’m scared to death of him.
When love has so much against it, can it find a way to survive?
Chapter 1
Olivia
Trying to do the impossible, I transform myself into a female version of Speed Racer. The pursuit: finding a place to park. I fight through the heavy traffic, cutting off before being cut off. Head first I duck my car into a tight spot a block away from the all-night grocery store.
I begin my short walk with a deep breath. The rank smell of dead fish brings to mind all the things I miss most about Brooklyn. Bouts of home sickness had me longing to blanket myself in the haze of exhaust fumes and the deafening noise of the city for the weekend.
I enjoy coming home. Especially since graduation. It’s lonely in my apartment. Just me, myself and I. I didn’t make the long lasting friendships in college some of my friends back home made. I chose a different ro
ute.
Sometimes I give serious consideration to living with a roommate. But I don’t want to move, and there’s only one bedroom in my apartment. Instead I make a point of visiting my parents and sister at least once every two weeks.
Loud, thumping music I feel in my throat blares out of car windows. A red light turns green, bringing with it the sound of screeching tires; that, I don't miss: the immature guys cruising down the avenue trying to impress girls with their way-too-loud-base-heavy-music.
Last night was the first time in months I stayed overnight in Brooklyn. I haven't partied like that in ages. Tired and hung over from a night of club hopping with my high school friends, I hoped to get home and in bed early. I didn’t plan on reminiscing with my family. But nostalgia took over.
Once my mother pulled out the old photo albums I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. The truth is, I didn't want to. Even my sister, Ava, put her social life on hold for the evening. The four of us poured over old photographs of life before our digital cameras.
Only now, I’m not sure I can make it back to my apartment. I’m fighting to keep my tired, burning eyes open. I need to grab a snack packed with enough sugar and caffeine to keep me awake for the drive.
I look around at the stores and shops, most are closed. Metal grates cover the windows. A stark contrast to my current neighborhood. That and the sheer amount of stores.
Here, they are packed close together. In Jersey, the stores and restaurants on the main streets tend to be close, but only for a few blocks. All of Brooklyn has this tight squeezed-in feel.
I’ve reached my limit of city life. At least for the time being. Right now I want to escape the beeping cars, screeching buses and blaring music. I want to climb into bed and feel my cool, crisp, sheets cradle my bare skin. I walk faster, check my watch, and yawn.
“Son of a bitch!” a male voice barks, as I bounce off what feels like a brick wall.
I look up, stunned. He’s beautiful. Sexy. Solid.
“Sorry.”
The striking man shakes his head at me. He looks down at his chest to assess the damage. I follow his gaze, and gasp as I make out the egg carton oozing gook all over his chest.
