by Avery James
“I love you,” she said.
You've lost your mind, she thought. You’ve fallen for him and now there’s no going back.
Nolan leaned in and nuzzled her cheek. “One more time.”
“I love you,” she whispered. “Now bring me to the airport."
Nolan laughed as he wrapped an arm beneath her legs and scooped her up.
“Are you going to carry me there?” she asked with a laugh.
“If that’s what you want, yeah,” he said. As impractical as that sounded, she couldn’t deny its appeal.
Chapter 22
As Abby walked back into the offices of Haven Communications, the whole scene felt surreal. Fresh from her whirlwind trip with Nolan, she’d found herself right back in the middle of her old life. Except everything was different now. Or rather, everything was the same, and she was different. She wasn’t sure what had changed inside her, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that her trip had changed her for the better.
In any case, it was strange being back in the hustle and bustle of work. All around the office, people were coming and going, frantically making phone calls. Amy was working with Liz when Abby walked in. She motioned to her office. “Abby, a word,” she said.
Once they were inside Amy’s office, Amy walked over to her chair and sat down. “I know things have been a bit rocky over the past few weeks, but I wanted to welcome you back. I also wanted to tell you something. I wasn’t planning on making this known, but I might as well tell you now. I believe in you, Abby. I think you have something special. I think everyone here is extraordinary, but you have that that thing…” She raised her hand up like she was trying to pick the right word out of the air. “You have that thing that sets you apart. You know what you want, and you know how to get the job done, and it’s a rare trait. You’re independent, and while I don’t always agree with your methods, I respect what you do. What you did, sticking up for the trainees when you didn’t have to, that took conviction.”
“I know you covered for them with the whole Andrew Heck thing, by the way. Don’t ask me how I know. I wouldn’t have held it against them, and I don’t hold it against you, but that instinct to protect, maybe that’s what I’ve been trying to describe. Anyway, Callie and I have started talking about what this office would look like if we decided to take a step back from the day to day, and you’re the only person we think is up to the job.”
Abby looked at her boss, unsure what to say. Amy was a taskmaster. She was fiercely protective of her clients and her employees, but she almost never heaped praise on people, especially not after a screw up like Abby’s. “Thank you,” she managed to say after a long silence.
“What I’m trying to tell you is this: don’t let what happened with Andrew Heck get to your head. The whole thing was unfortunate, but it’s in the past now, and I want you to take point again with the senator. She trusts you, and I trust you. Welcome back. I need you on this. This will either blow up or it will blow over, and there’s no one better than you at this kind of stuff. I’d pull Callie for a few days, but she’s off working a thing in California, and Maggie’s got the trainees under her wing right now. Even if they didn’t, the senator is your client, and she trusts you.”
“Even after what happened with her husband?” Abby asked.
“Do you know what she said when I told her? She told me she’s wanted to do just that for years.”
Abby didn’t know what to say to that.
“Just keep me in the loop. Find out who knows what and shut this story down.” Amy placed her phone down and shook her head. She had a wary smile on her lips. “Leave it to Andrew Heck to screw us over even in death.”
“I still can’t believe he died.”
“According to my sources he died with a smile on his face.”
“It’s still awful,” Abby said.
“This stays between us, but I kind of regret the whole threatening him with a hammer thing.”
“Well, I wanted to jump up and cheer for you,” Abby admitted.
“It’s good to have you back. I wish it were under happier circumstances.”
“I was gone for a week.”
“That’s ages in this business,” Amy said. “How are things with Casanova?”
“I don’t know if I’d call him a Casanova.”
“Half of the women in this office are married to rich and powerful men, and every single one of us is a bit jealous of you at the moment.” Abby felt herself starting to blush as Amy went on. “Just don’t forget how much you mean to the rest of us.”
“This job means everything to me,” Abby said. As she said it, she realized that for the first time in a long time, that wasn’t actually true. Her relationship with Nolan meant more to her than she’d ever imagined it could.
While Amy’s pep talk had been a pleasant surprise, Abby’s next encounter was the one she’d been looking forward to since she got on the plane back to the US. When she stepped into her office, Maggie was waiting for her, sitting on the edge of her desk. She was drinking another smoothie. This time, it was bright purple and smelled like berries, a welcome change from the green death she'd been trying to push on Abby for weeks. "Tell me everything," Maggie said. “It’s been nothing but Andrew Heck talk since… you know. I need a break, even if it’s just a few minutes. Start from the beginning."
"He said he loves me," Abby said.
"He what?!" Maggie exclaimed. Her eyes lit up. "And what did you say?"
"I told him I needed time," Abby replied. She watched Maggie's excitement wane. "And then before I left, I told him I loved him, too."
"Oh my God, this is so wonderful!" Maggie said. It was more of a shout, really, but it was reserved in comparison to the hug Maggie gave Abby as she shouted.
"So, where is he?" Maggie asked. "I have so many questions."
"He's in New York for a few days, taking care of business."
"So how’s that going to work?”
"I assume he'll be back in a few days."
"No I mean, he lives in New York, right? You said he was in town launching a new website, but what happens when it gets off the ground?" It was meant, Abby assumed, as an innocuous question, probably because Maggie wanted to plan another double date as soon as possible. But the answer was complicated. In truth, Abby hadn't thought that far ahead. There were so many things she'd forgotten about while she was away. Forgotten was the wrong word. It all had just seemed so unimportant while she was with Nolan. But she knew that relationships withered or thrived based on the unsexy stuff. It wasn't enough to want each other or to even love each other. There were logistics.
"We're taking it one step at a time," Abby said. Just being in a relationship was a big enough step for her. She didn't need to figure out the rest from the start. "How was it with you and Harry? I mean, you guys knew each other for even less time before you fell for him."
"He moved here," Maggie said. "Which kind of solved that problem. And you know how I am. Once we were engaged, I made him sit down and make a list. We set priorities." She blushed as she looked down at her baby bump.
"You have a point," Abby said. "Maybe I'll just go back to having sex with him."
"That's not what I'm saying," Maggie replied. "It's just, what happens when the two of you are at odds professionally? You're both in the scandal business, Abby. You cover them up, and he promotes them. What if his new site has something on one of your clients?"
"It's not him personally chasing people down," Maggie said.
"But still, would he be willing to give that up? Would you be willing to let him publish? You don't have to have an answer, but just think about it, ok? Now, that's enough of that. Let's talk about something fun. Tell me more about the castle you stayed in."
"How much detail do you want?" Abby asked.
"It's been a while since I've heard a good ol' fashioned Abby conquest story."
Abby laughed. She'd spent her entire friendship with Maggie openly discussing every intimate detail of
her sex life, from mind-bending sex to incredible let downs, but this was the first time she felt like she had something she couldn't share. The funny thing was that she'd already told Maggie everything there was to hear about Nolan physically, but now it just felt like a betrayal. "Give me a minute," she said. She looked out the window and wondered where Nolan was at that moment, wondered if he was thinking about her, too.
"Imagine the best sex of your life," she said, "and then slow it down, draw out every last caress, every kiss. Give it meaning greater than you can fully grasp. That's how it was, and I'm not sure I can do it justice."
"Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?" Maggie asked with a laugh.
"I let her fall in love," Abby said. "Here's hoping she knows what she's doing."
Chapter 23
Standing in the main aisle of the National Cathedral, Senator Ruth Heck looked tiny. In such a massive space, with its soaring stone arches and its ornate stone ceiling, it was hard for anyone not to seem small, but it was hard not to think the woman looked diminished. There were deep bags under her eyes, and, despite what seemed like her best posture, her shoulders slumped beneath her black pantsuit. She was staring off into space, and she looked worn down, vulnerable. She pulled herself together to greet the family, friends, and colleagues, but between the exchanges, she just looked defeated.
Abby stood at the back of the great open space, hoping to remain invisible between Amy, Callie, and Maggie, but as soon as Ruth glanced in their direction, recognition flashed across her face, and she started to make her way over, marching down the long aisle.
She greeted them one by one, clasping her hands over theirs. She came to Abby last. “Abby, how kind of you to come,” she said.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Abby said. She meant it, too. Even though Andrew Heck had been an awful son-of-a-bitch, she still felt bad for his wife.
“That’s kind of you,” the senator said. “I know you saw the worst of him.”
“I still can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
“I always thought he’d come around,” she said. She looked to Amy, shook her head and said, “Men.” Abby could see the glint of tears in her eyes. “They just don’t understand. I know my husband didn’t. I wonder if he ever would have realized it if he had more time. They think we’re in the background, we’re there for them. But we’re not.” She pointed a finger at Abby. “He never got over that.”
Abby wasn’t sure what to say, so she just stared down at her black leather shoes.
“You know. All you girls these days know. We have just as much a right to this world as they do.” Then the senator turned to Amy. “I was hoping to borrow Abby for the afternoon. We have work to do. Do you have the numbers?”
“Soon,” Amy said.
“Thank you,” Ruth replied. “Now, if you excuse me, I have a eulogy to deliver.” As Ruth made her way from group to group towards the front of the cathedral, Abby gave Amy a quizzical look.
“Numbers?” she asked.
“Polling numbers,” Amy said. She hesitated for a moment and added, “Ruth wanted to gauge reaction before deciding on a strategy.”
“A strategy?” Abby asked. Surely Amy wasn’t saying that the Senator had decided to grieve her husband as a political decision.
Amy just nodded.
As the mass started, Abby couldn’t help but wonder what was going through Ruth Heck’s mind. Was she really so jaded as to use her husband’s death to her advantage? She tried to give the woman the benefit of the doubt. After all, she faced a dilemma that no man would face. If she was too emotional over his death, she’d seem weak. If she was too stoic, she’d come across as a stone cold bitch. Something about it just made Abby angry. She thought back to the memorial for Nolan’s brother. There had been no hidden agendas, no politicking, nothing but genuine grief and loss. But Andrew Heck’s funeral was theater. She didn’t know why it bothered her so much, but it did.
After the priest did his thing, and several family members got up to remember Andrew, Ruth took the stage. “I know what you’re all thinking,” she said. “If my husband had known how much dying would do for his image, he would have done it years ago.” She laughed and tried to choke back her tears. Aside from the opening joke, her eulogy was tearful and somber. It talked about his life and his work, and what she hoped would be his legacy. And then it was over, and before long, the mass was over, and the crowds were following the pallbearers out of the cathedral.
A brunette staffer from the senator’s office came up to Abby just as she got outside. “Ms. Hardigan, the senator asked me to get you. She said she needs to go over a few things.”
“I’m sure she wants her privacy,” Abby said.
“She said to return with you or not to return at all.”
Abby decided this wasn’t a time to ask questions. The staffer led her over to the waiting funeral procession and showed her to a stretch limo.
When Abby climbed inside, she expected to see a few senior members of the Senator’s staff, but instead, Ruth Heck was the only person there.
“Abby, I was hoping you’d ride with me. I’d like a few minutes to discuss something.” It was Abby’s job to agree, so she did. A moment after she got into the limo, the procession started making its way to the cemetery.
Ruth reached into her purse and pulled out a small bottle of liquor. She looked at Abby, poured two glasses, and handed her one. “So what happened?” she asked. “I got a bunch of diplomatese from your boss, but I want to hear the truth.”
“About what?” Abby asked. She didn’t know how much the senator knew about her husband and the threats. She also didn’t know if it would do any good to rehash her husband’s affairs.
“Your disappearance,” she said. “Does it have anything to do with that British man who showed up in my office?”
Abby was taken aback by the question. “Yeah,” she said.
“And not you locking my husband in an elevator?”
Abby froze, unsure of what to say.
Ruth cracked a smile and laughed wearily. “He probably loved that,” she said with a sigh. “Andrew was never happy unless he was angry. And by that measure, I think you made his final days very happy.”
“I’m sorry things got out of hand,” Abby said.
“Don’t be,” Ruth replied. “My husband was a son-of-a-bitch, but he was mine.” She sighed again. “I guess that doesn’t make much sense now, does it. We could barely sit in the same room anymore. There was too much water under the bridge, but he was a constant. A force I could count on. Like the sun in the sky, he was a fact of life. Of course, the sun was never so prideful or stubborn as my Andrew. And in some ways, he could be a vengeful prick.” She smiled as if she were remembering him fondly. Maybe, in her way, she was.
Abby thought better of nodding in agreement.
“But I couldn’t say any of that in there,” she said. “I couldn’t tell them that he was sleeping with half of the town or that I’d stopped caring about it. I couldn’t tell them that he still bought me peonies every year on our anniversary.”
Maybe Abby had been wrong about Ruth. She’d only seen the surface, the calculations, the act she’d needed to keep her position, but there was something more to her.
“You’re probably wondering what you’re doing here with me,” Ruth said.
“I assumed you wanted to go over the plan for putting your husband’s affairs in order.” Abby didn’t realize the double meaning until after she spoke.
Ruth laughed and tilted her head back to keep the tears from running down her face.
“That’s not why you’re here. I know you can take care of that in your sleep. You’re here because I want something good to come from all of this,” Ruth said. After a moment, she added, “I don’t mean politically.”
“Ok?” Abby said, unsure of what the senator meant.
“This might come as a surprise, but you remind me of myself,” Ruth said.
Abby found it hard to hide her surprise. “I think you overestimate me,” she said.
“Well, besides the fact that you’re built like an amazon compared to me, you remind me of myself at your age. I was quite the hellcat. It was what drew my husband to me. It wasn’t always sweaters and blazers and this ridiculous, matronly haircut, but looks fade, and, well, we learn to play our roles.”
Abby wasn’t sure what to say, so she just leaned in and nodded. Something told her that she wouldn’t truly know what Ruth was saying until it was far too late, but she could at least listen.
“I’m going to give you a piece of advice I wish someone had given me when I was your age. I don’t know if I would have listened, but at least you’ll have the choice.”
Abby looked out the window as the limo crossed the bridge into Virginia. There were two crew teams out on the water, rowing, their arms pumping in perfect unison, and Abby wondered if they were headed out somewhere or returning. She focused her attention back on the senator. She was getting life advice from Ruth Heck. This was surreal.
“We had a chance once, back before all of this,” she said. She swept her open hand back and forth in the empty space around her. “I think we could have been different people. I think he could have been different, but we never tried.” Then she steeled herself, sat up a little straighter.
“What you’ve accomplished is incredible,” Abby said.
“You don’t know the half of it,” Ruth said. “There are hidden costs to success. You make a million deals, day after day, to climb your way up, and you compromise. You compromise everything you thought you were in order to become something else, but that’s not what I wanted to say.” She looked into Abby’s eyes. “Decide what you want and go for it. It took me too long to take control of my life.”
“That man, the one who came to my office,” Ruth said.
“Nolan.”
“Decide what you want from him,” she said. “Don’t go into all doe eyed, because I can assure you, he knows what he wants from you.”
