by Avery James
Abby wasn’t sure what to say about that.
“They’ll tell you that you can have it all, the job, the husband, the picket fence, and the loft in the city, and it’s all a bunch of hogwash. That dream is planted in your head to keep you stretched in a thousand different directions, Abby. Choose what matters, and then go and get it. Do you think I got where I am today by worrying about the fact that my husband had terrible faults? Or do you think I saw his strengths and utilized them? Anyway, I asked you to come along because I wanted to tell at least one person the eulogy I really wanted to give today.”
“Ok,” Abby said.
“It’s short and it’s sweet. “My husband was a bastard. He only ever cared about himself. I guess that’s what drew me to him. It wasn’t so much that he was selfish, but that he was transparent about it. You have to understand that everyone is selfish, and those people who think they aren’t are only fooling themselves. I know I seem sweet, but trust me, I take care of myself. You should do the same.”
“I try,” Abby said.
“Don’t try,” Ruth said. “That’s for losers. Do what you want, and don’t rely on some man to give meaning to your life.
“My husband didn’t know what he wanted. He was like a kid in a candy store, trying to get his hands on everything. A handful of chocolate, a handful of gum. He never could step back and really think about what he was going to do next. Impulsive until the end. It took me a while, but I, on the other hand, knew what I wanted. I wanted to get the hell out of my hometown and make something of myself. I was never going to be just some governor’s wife. I always had my eye on the prize.
“What I’m saying is, you have potential, Abby, but you have to decide what you want. You can’t have it all. They’ll tell you you can, but it’s a lie. They’ll say you can have the job and the husband and the white picket fence, but it’s a load of bull. You’ll just spin your wheels and get nowhere, never able to commit to either the personal or the professional. You have to pick your endpoint and do everything in your power to get there. The rules are made to keep women like you and me down. Well… to hell with everyone else.” Ruth looked up as the limo entered the cemetery. “You don’t have to go to this,” she continued. “I know you hated him. I don’t blame you. Besides, you have work to do. And so do I.” Ruth poured herself another glass and downed it, before pulling a pair of black sunglasses out of her purse and slipping them on.
Abby sat alone in the back of the limo, unsure what to think. The driver was waiting for her instructions. “Where do you want to go, miss?” he asked.
She thought of Nolan back at his family home. It was probably getting dark there, the late evening light casting the last color across the sky. She imagined he was out in the field, looking back on the lights of the house the way they’d looked back together. “Unless you can get me to Brigadoon,” she said. Really, she just wanted to be wherever Nolan was.
She caught his puzzled glance in the mirror. “Is that in the District?”
“No,” she said. It most certainly was not.
Chapter 24
This was not the plan. Abby stood in her kitchen, staring down at the carbonized remains of a chicken. She opened a window and tried to waft the smoke outside using a dish towel. This was not the plan at all. She’d taken care to make sure everything was perfect for her night with Nolan. She’d gone to the fancy organic grocer around the corner and gotten the best of everything she could think of. She’d even managed to call Celine for advice on the menu.
The salad she’d made came out perfectly. It was a work of art, the Sistine Chapel of salads. Ok, maybe it was more Bob Ross than Michelangelo, but Abby was just happy it wasn’t a disaster. The sides seemed to have come out right, too. She’d never known the amount of work that went into making mashed potatoes. Now she did.
Everything had been going so well. She’d taken care of the mistress and managed to keep everything off the radar, even with Nolan’s reporter snooping around. She’d even seemed to be back on solid footing at Haven. Everything was going perfectly until her dinner surprise for Nolan had turned into chicken à la Kingsford.
And now, she was dead in the water. Maybe, she thought, if she hurried, she could get a precooked chicken at the market and pass it off as her own work. As she rushed to get ready to head out, the buzzer rang.
Nolan. Abby buzzed him up and decided to face defeat head on.
“It smells great in here,” Nolan said as he walked in the door. “Did you light a fire?” His eyes widened as he saw the blackened remains of the chicken.
“Just some oven-charred chicken,” she said. “I think I might need a few more lessons. How was the rest of the trip?”
“My father gave me the talk again.”
“Somehow I have a feeling you understand how the birds and the bees work,” Abby said. “Unless you Scots have a different version of the talk.”
Nolan laughed. “Not that talk. He wants me to come home and run for Parliament.”
“What did you tell him?” Abby asked. It seemed like a surreal topic of conversation.
“I told him my life is over here. I told him you’re over here.”
“I like that answer,” she said. “What did he think of it?”
“He said to move you there.”
Abby laughed. “Well, that settles it then.”
Nolan stepped up to Abby, ignoring her unfortunate attempt at a main course, and he wrapped his arms around her, pressing his lips to hers in a slow, deep kiss that made her entire body swoon. She knew she’d missed him, but she hadn’t remembered just how good his kiss could be. “It’s good to have you back and all to myself.”
“It was torture,” he said, “being over there and knowing you needed me.”
“Oh, is that right?” Abby asked as he planted another kiss on her lips. She couldn’t help but smile. He slid his hands down her thighs, and Abby felt a rush of excitement as he pulled her tight. She took an excited breath as their lips parted and asked, “Other than that, how was it?” As she awaited his answer, she kissed his neck and slid her hand down his chest.
“My brain isn’t really working at the moment,” he said.
“All the travel?”
“No,” he said as he looked into her eyes, making it clear that she was the cause of his inability to concentrate.
“Right now?”
He nodded.
“Have you eaten?”
He shook his head no.
As much as she wanted to drag him to the bedroom and have her way with him, she felt like they should eat. “Can you grab a jar of sauce from the cabinet? I spent hours preparing this meal, and I won’t have you messing it up by making me want you.”
“So you do want me,” he said.
“Food first,” Abby said. She knew that he could persuade her otherwise with just another kiss, but Nolan turned for the cabinet instead.
“So how was it really?” she asked.
"It was fine," he said as he reached into the cabinet. "Which is an improvement from before. My father still thinks I'm a layabout, and my mother wants to know when you're coming back again. So, it's a step forward."
"Did you tell them about Politicker? I saw the site went live.” They’d been running articles for days, and the site looked good. If Abby hadn’t known it was new, she’d have guessed that it was a D.C. fixture.
"No," he said as he held a jar of sauce up to the light. "Abby, this thing expired in 2012. How long have you lived here?"
"Not that long," she said. "I bought another. I'm sure it's in there somewhere. And don't think I didn't notice you changing the subject."
"I didn't change the subject on purpose. Just, who keeps a jar of sauce for that long?"
"Someone who, as a rule, does not cook," she said. "Also, someone who as a rule doesn't do relationships."
"And we've seen how that one turned out," he said.
"Yeah, a total disaster," she replied with a grin. "Well past our expiration date."<
br />
"Ouch." He turned and locked his eyes on her. Then his hands were around her waist, and he was kissing her, or she was kissing him. It felt so wonderful and natural that it was hard to tell who was doing what. That was what she loved about their relationship, everything just seemed to happen. It was effortless. After spending all day everyday worrying about doing everything right, she could be with Nolan and she knew things would take care of themselves.
When Nolan pulled back from the kiss, he had a funny look on his face.
"Yes?" she said.
"How hungry are you?" he asked. "I still think dinner should wait."
“I’m starting to think the same thing,” she said. Then her stomach rumbled loudly enough that Nolan burst into laughter.
"I think your stomach answered for you," he said.
"So maybe food, then kissing?"
Nolan sighed. "I guess, but I'll need one more to tide me over." He ran a hand down her back and leaned in for another smoldering kiss.
It took a few tries, but eventually they found a jar of sauce that hadn’t expired in the last presidential administration.
With Nolan’s help, Abby managed to salvage enough chicken for the meal. Beneath the outer layer, the chicken was, to Abby’s amazement, still moist and perfectly cooked. She’d been expecting something akin to shoe leather.
They ate at the kitchen island. Abby opened a bottle of wine and watched Nolan’s reaction as he downed his food. When he went back for seconds, she was relatively sure he wasn’t just being polite.
After they ate, they stayed at the island, drank wine, and flirted like they were on a first date. Then something changed in Nolan’s demeanor.
“Did you just realize dinner wasn’t good?” she asked.
“No, it wasn’t that,” he said. “I just remembered something, and I wanted to ask you about it. It was about you and Andrew Heck.”
Abby felt uneasy about where this was heading. “What about me and Andrew Heck?”
“Mostly that I didn’t know the full story.”
“It’s a work thing, Nolan. I didn’t really think you’d want to hear it. Not that it matters now.” She paused for a moment, wondering if she should tell him or just leave the whole thing alone. “The night we got back from Vermont, he showed up her shortly after you and I said goodnight.”
“He what?!”
“He came to the apartment and threatened me. He found out that we’d been following him, and that his wife was paying us to keep his activities under wraps.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Nolan put his wine glass down and started to pace back and forth.
“I didn’t think you needed to know. You’re not my protector, Nolan.”
“There’s a difference between being your protector, and you hiding the fact that someone threatened you.”
“I just didn’t want my work life and our personal life to mix,” she said.
Nolan shook his head. He stopped pacing and leaned over the island, taking in a deep breath like he was trying to keep himself from saying something he’d regret. “We can’t do this,” Nolan said.
“Can’t do what?”
“Compartmentalize.”
“It’s not that easy,” she said. It wasn’t like she wanted to hide things from him, she just felt like it was better than the alternative. She was trying to spare him from worrying and from possibly doing something stupid.
“It is,” Nolan said. “Do you trust me?”
“Of course.”
“Then you can’t hide things from me, and I can’t hide them from you. You’re smart and independent, and I love that about you, but we have to learn to let each other in.”
“Is this our first fight?” Abby asked.
“It’s not a fight. It’s a discussion,” Nolan said, “the kind we’ll have to have if we want this to work.”
“Look at you getting all sensitive and serious,” she teased.
“I mean it, Abby,” he said. He sounded annoyed now.
“I wasn't trying to make light of it,” she said. “I was just being playful.”
She knew what he meant, though. She didn’t want to admit it, but in a way, she was scared of opening up to him. She was afraid of giving over control. For her entire adult life, before Nolan, Abby had always felt whole. She was self-sufficient, self-assured. She was in control. Now, it felt like she had given part of that control away. And in a way, it was scary to take a leap of faith without knowing what would happen, but the thing she was leaping into, her new life that included Nolan, was so much larger than the one she’d been living. And suddenly, she didn’t feel so whole anymore, at least not without him.
It wasn’t just that she’d opened up to him. She’d changed for him too. Hell, she’d just cooked him dinner. That was something she’d never have done for a guy even weeks ago. “I just, I’m sorry,” she said. “This is all still new to me.”
“I know.” He kissed her on the forehead. She wondered if he did know. She just couldn’t put into words how strange it was to reshape her life around him. A few months ago, she had everything figured out and closed off, and now, it just felt like there were too many possibilities to comprehend.
Abby walked over to the couch and sat down, letting her body go slack as she sank into the cushions. “Why does everything have to be so complicated? Why can’t we just be a normal couple?” she asked. It just felt like everything with them had to be big or complicated or contentious, even when it really had nothing to do with them. It just felt like the world was conspiring against them, or maybe, as Abby really feared, that what they had just wasn’t strong enough to survive their differences.
Nolan sat down next to her and nudged her with his elbow. “You don’t have to hide things from me.”
“You did use a senator to get my number, if you recall. And you do run a website that is pretty much diametrically opposed to what I do for a living. If I told you some of the things I know, you’d have to run the stories.”
“So why don’t you?” he said.
“Is that a joke?”
“Yes,” he said. He kissed her temple. “I understand that there are things from work you can’t tell me about, but this is different. A man showed up at your apartment and threatened you, and you didn’t think to even mention it to me?”
“I was afraid of what you’d do if I told you,” she said.
“Why?”
“What would you have done?”
“I’d have ripped his head off,” Nolan said with a laugh. “Ok, you have a point.”
“Yeah, I’d be down a boyfriend and you’d be plus a prison sentence.”
“On the bright side, I’d probably need to hire you for your PR skills,” he said. “Plus you’re a fixer, right. You secretly get rid of dead bodies all the time.”
“It’s not like T.V.,” Abby said.
“Well, a boy can dream,”
“So we’re not fighting anymore?”
“We never were. I need you to know that you can trust me,” he said as he brushed his fingers against her cheek.
“I do,” she said.
“And I you,” he replied.
“So how was your work?”
“Much less interesting than you are,” he said. He leaned in and kissed her. Abby felt that warm thrill she felt whenever Nolan kissed her. She wondered how she’d ever gone her whole life without knowing how good a simple kiss could be.
“I’m serious,” she said. “Other than telling me you want to do right by your brother and hold powerful people accountable for what they do, you don’t talk to me much about work. All I know is you’re running a website that’s one of many you own, and that you have an office in D.C. now.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just all this talk about communication and relationship skills really makes me want to ravage you right now, let you use me like the one night stand I am.”
Abby felt Nolan’s hand on her thigh. She bit her lower lip. She wanted him, too. Her mind wanted to talk ab
out work and know more about his day, but her body wanted him. Ok, her mind wanted him, too, but she was stubborn, and wasn’t going to let a little thing like desire get in the way of principle. She unbuttoned the top button of Nolan’s shirt as he leaned in to kiss her neck. “Give me the quick version of your day,” she said.
“Right now?”
“If you want this to go any further,” she said.
“Don’t you?”
“Tell me about your day and find out,” she said. She traced her finger up and down his torso as he slid his hand to the inside of her thigh. God, she wanted him.
“The head of our newsroom is a little overzealous sometimes,” Nolan said. “You’ve met her. Erin.”
“The blonde from the pictures,” she said. “My competition.”
“No one could compete with you,”
“Remind her of that,” Abby said as Nolan slid his hand down her back. She became aware of her breathing, her cheeks starting to blush, and the full urge of desire from deep within.
“Actually, she wanted to look into Haven Communications,” he told her.
“And what did you tell her?”
“I said no way in hell.”
“Good,” she said, spreading her legs apart and swinging around to straddle him. Face to face with him, she could smell his cologne. She could see the look of desire in his eyes. “Have we worked through all of our relationship stuff for the night or was there anything else?” Before he responded, she pressed her lips to his neck and kissed him, slowly circling her tongue against his skin. Who knew that touchy feely trust talk would turn her on? Maybe it was just how damn attractive Nolan was no matter what he was doing,
“Hm,” Nolan said. She could feel his excitement growing as she rocked her hips against him. “I can think of a few things we should try.” He ran his hands down over her hips and pulled her firmly against himself. She could feel his muscles through his shirt, and she could tell just how badly he wanted her.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“Good,” Abby said again. “Now take me to bed.”
***
