Seth wanted things to stay exactly the way they were right now. And he knew that couldn’t happen.
He had just punched the button on his keyboard to open the most recently saved version of the tasting-room schematic, possibly with a little more force than was necessary, when his phone rang. Seth knew that ringtone and immediately picked up his phone. “Mouse,” he said with a grin. “About time you checked in. I’d begun to think the leprechauns had spirited you away.”
“Katie told me,” Moira said. “You’re hooking up?”
Initially, he and Pippa had decided not to tell his sister, or hers, to avoid this very conversation, but that had been a month ago now. Pippa hadn’t mentioned that she’d told her sister, but for all he knew it had just happened five minutes ago, and she hadn’t gotten the chance to let him know.
“I told you not to get involved,” Moira told him, sounding more worried than scolding. “Seth, she’s—”
“Someone I love very much,” Seth interrupted, feeling as if some huge pressure had just been released inside his chest and he could finally breathe again, now that he’d finally gotten to say that out loud. “Mouse, it’s okay.”
There was a long pause, and he could hear her long exhale of breath. “Promise?”
“As much as I can, yes. I don’t know what Katie has told you, or what Pippa told her—”
“They just got off the phone. Pippa told her she wanted to tell you first, before Katie said anything to me, but she and I were texting when Pippa called, and I kind of wheedled it out of her. Don’t be mad at Pippa.”
“I won’t be. Wouldn’t be.”
Moira paused, then said, “So, you love her? The real kind of love?”
Seth smiled. “Yes,” he said without hesitation. “The real kind of love.”
“She loves you back?”
Seth chuckled. “Don’t sound so surprised.”
“I’m not,” Moira hurried to say. “I’m just ... I didn’t expect this. It’s a lot, Seth. Like huge, big-time a lot.”
He knew it was, just as he knew Moira was talking about more than love. She was talking about him being in love with Pippa MacMillan, singer. “I know,” he said.
Moira’s voice was softer when she continued, and he heard the worry, and all the love. “Are you ready for all that?”
Seth felt the first tiny fissures start to crack the bubble. He wasn’t ready yet. “As ready as I can be.” Which was the first lie he’d ever told his sister. “How has your time gone?” he asked instead, shoving his own feelings aside with phenomenal force of will. “Have you gotten much studying done? What do you think of our ancestors’ homeland?”
“It went by too fast,” she told him. “Katie’s family is amazing, so much like ours, Seth. And the countryside is more breathtaking than you can imagine. Everyone is so lovely.”
She paused then, and Seth could hear some other thread in her voice, one that wasn’t quite as joyful. “But?” he asked.
“You always know,” she said, and her voice broke just the tiniest bit.
“What happened, Mousie?” he said, instantly concerned, but careful to keep his voice gentle. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Or I will be.” She let out a watery attempt at a laugh. “Turns out you weren’t the only one to have a little fling.”
Seth wanted to correct her: what he and Pippa had was no fling, and the vehemence with which he felt the need to do so told him he really did need to have a talk with Pippa. About a lot of things. “What happened?” he asked her again. “He didn’t hurt you in any way, did he?” He felt his stomach knot and his temper—rare as it was—start to rise, but she hurried on.
“Just my heart, Seth,” she assured him. “And that’s not even his fault. He’s a lovely, lovely person. Generous and kind. I just ... well, I fell, and ... he didn’t.” Her voice broke on the last word. “It looks like you found your Kate Winslet after all,” she added gamely. “While I didn’t get so lucky with my Jude Law.” She was trying so hard, but he heard the sniffle, the catch in her throat, and, with four sisters, he knew what was coming next
Seth hated it when anyone cried, but he especially hated it when it was someone he loved. He felt so damn helpless. “Listen to me, Mousie. You know you’re perfect. You’re lovely, smart, and every bit as kind and generous. If he couldn’t realize the gem he had in his hand, then he’s both a fool and an idiot. He lost out, but you haven’t. You want the guy who sees that about you, not the guy who doesn’t.”
Moira gave a watery laugh. “See? This is why I love you. Why I always turn to you. You always say such lovely things, even if they aren’t true.” She sniffled again. “The truth is, I don’t feel like any of those things right now. I feel stupid. He told me he wasn’t interested in starting up anything, but did I listen? No, I did not. I mean, I tried, but we were having such a lovely time, and he was the one pushing things along—not like that,” she hurried to add. “I just mean, he wanted to see me, he’d set up our dates, and we had so much fun together, Seth. How could he not want more of that?”
“I don’t know, Mouse. Not everyone is made for commitment. Or it could be he’s just not mature enough, or where he wants to be in life. I don’t know. It could be a dozen different things. But know it’s not you.”
“It sure feels like it’s me.” Her dry delivery and laugh sounded a bit more like herself. “He even broke up with me the right way, if there is a right way. I made some silly comment about trying to work it out to stay a bit longer, and instead of being happy about that, he was a little concerned. Which surprised me, but that’s when I knew.” She paused, and he heard her breath hitch again, but she didn’t start crying. “He gave me the most beautiful little speech, because he really is lovely. But he made it clear he wasn’t falling in love, and while he enjoyed being with me and thought I was delightful—his words—he’d just assumed we were having some fun together. He told me he’d never meant to hurt me, and I swear, Seth, we both cried. It was both beautiful and awful, all at the same time.”
“I’m really sorry, Mouse.” Seth half wished the guy had been an ass so she could be angry instead of heartbroken. Or maybe so he could be angry instead of sad on her behalf. “There’s nothing easy about that. He does sound like a good guy.”
“Right?” she said, her laugh a bit sadder this time.
“Well, I suppose you could console yourself that your instincts are good and you didn’t fall for some jerk.”
“I feel loads better already,” she said, the wry note back, and they both laughed.
“When are you coming home?” he asked.
“Oh, I am home. I’m back at Mum and Dad’s.”
He smiled at her use of the Irish word for mom, and at the hint of brogue he detected in her voice. “I’m sorry you came back early. You should have stayed and enjoyed the rest of your time.”
“I didn’t come back early,” she said, sounding surprised.
Seth flipped the calendar up on his computer screen. His smile faded as he realized Moira was right. It had been more than six weeks since Pippa had popped up over the ridge and plowed into that snowbank. Your time is running out. “Right, right,” he said, trying to stomp down the surge of panic. But it was too late; the bubble had already gone from having tiny, little fissures to big, huge cracks.
“I am glad I went,” Moira told him. “All in all, it really was a wonderful time. Once I get over having my heart being stomped flat, I’ll have only fond memories. I’m sure of it. Katie’s even talking about coming to see me when I move back to California.”
“You ready for the bar?” he said, feeling like he was having a dual conversation. The nice, calm one he was having with his sister, and the panic-fueled one in which he scrambled to figure out how he was going to save his nice, grounded, perfectly balanced life.
“I still have a bit of time,” Moira was saying. “The exam isn’t until July. But I’ve already registered, so it’s going to happen.”
“I know
you’ll nail it,” he told her, meaning it. “And I know how much you’ll love moving back to California.”
“Actually, that’s happening now,” she told him. “Mom and Dad have been great, but being in Ireland, and yes, having my heart broken, I just feel like I can’t stay in this weird purgatory any longer. I need to take action, move on, get started. I’ve found a place recommended to me by another friend from back in my Stanford days. It’s short-term, but it’s a place to crash until I find the right spot.”
Seth frowned and his focus returned solely to his sister. “Will you be able to study there?”
“I’ll be fine. If the apartment is too noisy or whatever, and seeing as I’ll have three roommates, it probably will be, I can use the libraries on the Stanford campus since I’m an alumnus. I have a few other friends I may end up crashing with, if the room thing doesn’t work out.”
“You sure you wouldn’t rather wait until you have something more permanent lined up?”
“No, it’s time to get on with things.”
“Well then, you’ve got my support,” he said, smiling even as he felt lingering concern for her. But that was pretty much par for the course in his relationship with his youngest sister. “Knock ’em dead.”
“Thanks, big brother. I love you.”
“Love you back.”
“So,” she said, sounding relieved and a tiny bit refreshed, “back to you. What have the two of you worked out for when she goes back to Ireland?”
“We haven’t sorted that part out yet,” he admitted.
“Really?” she said, sounding truly surprised.
“Really,” he said, mildly annoyed, but mostly with himself, because it was true. “Don’t worry, okay?”
“Oh, I’m not. I mean, I trust you. I was just surprised because, well, from what Katie said, Pippa’s got almost enough music written to start thinking about her comeback album. And I haven’t a clue what-all is involved in going from writing music to making a record or anything, but I guess I assumed she’d want to be back in Ireland when she did it. Are you going to go with her? What about the winery? This is your first big harvest before wine making. Did you get the distributor deal?”
“Whoa, slow down, slow down. The winery is fine,” he said, his brain really doing double time now. “I’m actually thinking about pressing some of the grapes from this crop. The distributor can’t take them all, and though I have other avenues to sell to other vintners, I think I might just dive in and get started. A limited edition run.”
“Wow, that’s wonderful!” Moira said. “I’m so excited for you. So, Pippa will be staying with you, then, I guess. I mean, that makes more sense when you think about it. You have all those random buildings on your property; she could probably just turn one of those into a recording studio, right? Wouldn’t that be cool? I mean, why does it matter where she records? Artists record in places all over the world. And you have some of the best musicians around right there in the Falls.” She gasped. “Oh my God, Seth. Wouldn’t it be awesome if she recorded her comeback album there, with the guild musicians? Given she wrote the songs there, it seems kind of fitting. Oh!” she added, on a roll now. “That would be amazing for Blue Hollow Falls and the mill, too. Everybody wins!” She squealed and he held the phone away from his ear. “I’m so happy for you. This helps me so much, big brother. There’s nothing better than a real love story. When are you going to propose? Can I come out? Wait, duh! I’m guessing I’ll be in the wedding. Or I hope I will. She has a lot of sisters.”
Seth let Moira ramble on excitedly in his ear, her honest joy making him surprisingly happy. More than happy. Because out of the mouths of babes—or in this case, his twenty-six-year-old sister—he might have just come up with the perfect solution.
“Moira,” he said, breaking into her excited babble. “Mouse,” he said, more loudly. “Listen, I need to go.”
“Okay, okay, but you have to call me and tell me everything when you can. And thank you for your shoulder. Sorry I got it all soggy. Again.” She wound it back down then, sounding quieter and sincere when she added, “I love you so much. You’re always there for me, Seth. I know I always say I’ll repay you, but I don’t know how that will ever be possible. You’re the very best.”
“Actually,” he told her, grinning now, “I think we’re beyond even. Thank you, baby sister. I love you right back.” He hung up, then leaned back in his chair and propped his hands behind his head. “Adults do make things so much more complicated than they have to be.” He got up and paced his little office stall, trying to force his brain to process everything in a linear fashion, wanting to have it all thought out before he said anything to Pippa. Surely there had to be a glitch he wasn’t seeing. And yes, it wasn’t a perfect solution, and sure, she’d want to spend time in Ireland. He hoped he would, too. At some point. He just had to hope she was willing to not spend all of her time there.
Seth turned in his pacing to find Dex standing on the other side of the stall door, giving him his classic baleful look. “I know,” he told the beast. “I just have to go ahead and do it.” Then he grinned and thought, Yeah. Just go ahead and do it. Before he could change his mind, or God forbid find that glitch, Seth grabbed his wallet and his phone, then opened the stall door and kissed Dex square on the snout. Then immediately grimaced and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “Buddy, you really need to grab a mint.” He waved to Jake and Bailey, who were just coming through the door on the other side of the barn.
“Sheep are up. We just have to do the last feeding for the goats,” Bailey told him. “Then we’ll go bring the hay up to the top level of the round barn.”
“Dad can’t come, but he said I could stay for supper,” Jake added.
“Great, on both counts,” Seth told them. “Listen, I have to run over to the cabin for a few minutes. Maybe a half hour.”
Bailey wiggled her eyebrows at Jake.
“Stop being forty and be a ten-year-old for just a few more months,” Seth told her. “Okay?” When she just smiled and rolled her eyes, he said, “Pretend. For me.”
“Will do, boss,” she said, then did a perfect Pippa curtsy.
“I’m going to grow old before my time,” he muttered, but the grin was already edging back.
“You don’t need to hurry back on our account,” Bailey told him. “Addie Pearl just called and said she’s coming up a little early. Probably in the next half hour. I think she’s planning on commandeering your kitchen. She said something about a new recipe she wanted to try and how it was easier to make it here on your big fancy range.”
“Even better,” Seth told her. “Tell Addie mi kitchen es su kitchen. We’ll be back long before supper, so no worries.”
“Mm-hmm,” Bailey said doubtfully as she and Jake started over to the stalls where the baby goats were still being housed.
“Ten,” Seth reminded her as he went back in the stall and shut down his computer. Then he took off toward the house.
There was something he needed to pick up first.
Chapter Nineteen
Pippa sat cross-legged on her bed up in the cabin loft, facing that view as she always thought of it, and strummed the guitar for a few notes, then stopped, made a few corrections on the blank sheet music she was filling in, then played the same riff again, changing the last note. “Better,” she murmured. She flipped the page back to the beginning, and softly sang the lyrics she’d been fine-tuning all day. As she moved into the song, her gaze shifted from the notes and lyrics she’d penciled in, to the view beyond the window.
She let a little more body come into her voice as she got to the refrain, then a little more on the second run. She hadn’t, as yet, cut loose and sung full out. Her throat felt good. More than good, actually. It felt perfectly fine. She was babying it, doing all the warm-up exercises. She’d even talked to the vocal coach she’d hired and never used, and gotten some additional pointers on how to start pushing herself back toward her full vocal range.
Panic didn
’t lock her throat up tight like it used to, but she and fear were still doing daily battle. Some days she won, some days she didn’t. Her legs still began to tremble when she started to push it, but she sang anyway. Just not very loud. Baby steps, she told herself. “Shoot, any steps,” she murmured, as she paused and erased a few words on the last line, then thought for a moment, pencil poised. She ended up putting the pencil down and played a little with that part of the lyric, filling in this word or that, then finally reached for the pencil when she found the right one.
She might still be struggling with the performance part, but her music was having no such baby-step issues. Her music wasn’t just back. It was back with a vengeance. It was like she had a year’s worth of pent-up soundtrack inside of her, trying to rush out all at once. It pushed her and prodded her, filling her mind up night and day, until she had to put it down on paper. There was no point in fighting it, and the truth was, she didn’t want to. For all that the slow singing progress was making her nervous, the music she was producing was good. Really good. And that gave her some much needed confidence. She might have lost faith in her ability to sing without restraint, but she hadn’t lost her faith in knowing when she was on to something good, something right, when it came to the music itself.
Pippa still hadn’t gotten the fiddle out yet. She wanted the songs polished first, before she worked on that part and started orchestrating the rest of the music for each song. It was all there in her head, so she knew there was no reason to worry. Not about that part anyway. It was really just a matter of whether she’d be able to actually sing the new songs as intended when it came time to finally record.
Don’t mourn what you don’t have. Love what you do. Mabry’s words came to her often these days. That was her mantra.
Bluestone & Vine Page 29
