by Sue MacKay
Lying didn’t come easy, but what else was he supposed to do?
He wasn’t fooling her at all. He’d bet his debatable sanity that she knew this wasn’t the first nightmare he’d had. His recovery from this episode screamed Been there, done that—often.
Her smile returned, as it always did. If he’d learned anything about Karina since arriving it was that she smiled a lot. Except when she talked about her ex-husband.
‘Sure you don’t want a drink of some sort? Hot chocolate?’
Karina’s voice penetrated his topsy-turvy mind, helped bring him further back to the here and now of the pokey room that was temporarily his bedroom until he could persuade this woman to sell.
‘Treating me like one of Mickey’s playmates now, are you?’ The smile he gave was as false as most elderly people’s teeth, but acting normally was beyond him at the moment. When she didn’t answer, he said, forcing more lightness into his voice, ‘Hot chocolate would be good. Three marshmallows this time.’
‘Be back in a few minutes. Don’t fall asleep while you’re waiting.’
‘That’s not going to happen any time soon,’ he muttered.
Experience told him he’d lie awake for hours, fighting sleep and the evil that waited there for him. Those scumbags had a lot to answer for.
The moment he was alone he hauled his aching body out of bed and pulled on jeans and a sweatshirt. He was cold, yes, but more than that he’d seen Karina’s eyes slide across his chest. He’d seen her assessing the way his ribs poked out, seen her gaze stutter on those raw scars crisscrossing his torso. He did not need reminding of how he looked after weeks of surviving on one plate of gruel a day. He knew. He did not need to see the scars to remember the pain of being slapped with a machete. It had been weeks since he’d studied his body in a mirror. It would be months before he looked again.
God, his legs were wobbly. He sank back onto the bed, felt the warmth seeping up from the electric blanket. Luxury. A simple thing and yet he began to thaw, in his muscles and around his heart. Thank you, Karina. Maybe his wariness of people might take a backward step in this crazy, mixed-up home where genuine kindness was the order of the day.
* * *
Karina heard Logan poking at the fire in the lounge and took his chocolate drink and her mug of tea in there, careful not to switch on the main light as she entered. As much as the chocolate tempted her with its sweet smell she had to be kind to her hips occasionally.
‘Here you go.’ Placing the mug on top of the firebox, she turned to head back to bed. There were a million questions buzzing around her skull but she knew better than to voice them.
‘Stay while you drink your tea...’
The hesitancy in Logan’s voice spoke to her in a way his usual in-control tone could not have.
‘Sure.’ Sliding into one of the two armchairs placed at either side of the firebox, she leaned back and propped her feet on the wood basket. It was kind of cosy with the half-light and the quietness of the house. She loved night-time. The dark had always been her friend—like a child’s comfort blanket. In the dark she made the most sense of all her problems.
Logan blew on his drink. ‘I’ll move to the motel tomorrow.’
He sat on the edge of the other chair, leaning his elbows on his knees, the mug held between both hands. The sweatshirt he’d pulled on might cover the chest that had drawn her attention all too easily, but even covered and in the semi-dark the view wasn’t half bad.
‘Stay here, Logan. The motel’s proprietors won’t make you hot chocolate at one in the morning.’
He chose not to answer. Did that mean he agreed but hated to admit it? If so, then he was telling her the nightmare would reoccur.
‘So...’ She sipped her tea and looked to lighten the tension that was turning his knuckles white. ‘Tomorrow being Wednesday, Mickey has gym time at three-thirty. Want to take him?’
‘I guess I’ll have mastered the pee-pee trick by then.’
‘There’s no trick. But you might have to be firm about not bringing him to me. He’s taken to you quite quickly, but I’m still the main constant in his life. Anything new makes him seek me out.’
His smile was wan, but at least he tried. ‘Is he likely to cause a scene if I insist on taking him to the bathroom?’
‘Possibly. I can be there if you want. I take an hour off on Wednesday afternoons.’
‘How do you do it? You don’t appear to be asleep on your feet, yet you should be. You make me tired thinking about everything you manage to fit into your day. Did Mickey always go to kindergarten full-time?’
The questions were coming thick and fast—possibly in an attempt to distract himself from that nightmare.
She explained how things worked around here. ‘It used to be mornings only, but now he’s older and I’m working full-time, he goes all day. He loves socialising with other kids, and he has a best friend, William.’
‘You said something about listening out for Mickey during the night. Does he wake a lot?’
‘He’s getting better. At first, after James and Maria died, he’d wake three and four times. Now it’s barely that often in a week.’
Logan chewed his marshmallows and blew on his drink. ‘I haven’t had this since I was a kid.’
‘It’s one of those comfort drinks, isn’t it?’
‘Yes.’
Oh, cripes. He’d be thinking she was treating him the same way she did Mickey, when he had his waking moments. ‘I didn’t mean—’
‘I like comfort drinks.’
‘Good.’
What else could she say? Did he like comfort hugs? Sexy hugs?
Wash your mouth out, Karina Brown.
Why? She’d love nothing more than to feel those strong arms wrapped around her, holding her against that chest. Even looking out of condition, his chest tempted her—sad puppy that she was. It had been a long time since a man had held her because he cared about her.
Yeah, and if Logan did hold you, what then? You’d stand there pretending you weren’t horny as hell? Because you would be. Parts of your body you’d forgotten existed are already heating up with desire.
No, she wouldn’t have the strength to step back and pretend she could take or leave his hug. It would be impossible not to give in to the unusual sensations that had been assaulting her from the moment she’d first set eyes on him.
Logan asked, ‘How do you feel about being a full-time caregiver to Mickey? It can’t have been easy, stepping up when you were single and not used to parenthood.’
Right. So he wasn’t thinking of anything hot and sexy.
Giving herself a mental shake, she answered the question and ignored the other part of what he’d said. ‘There wasn’t time to think about it. I got the phone call about the accident and went immediately to collect Mickey from the babysitter they’d left him with that night. From that moment on I’ve been his mum. And dad. Surrogate, maybe, but there’s no one else.’
He needed a real father on hand. A male role model. Preferably a permanent one who didn’t disappear to the other side of the world for a year at a time.
‘Your parents have visited twice, staying a few days. They’re great with him.’ And with her. Adele and Mark Pascale never made her feel uncomfortable about raising their grandson, instead encouraging her with everything.
‘How did you feel when Maria and James asked you to be a guardian? Did you realise what it would entail?’ Logan spoke softly, as if aware that he might be stepping outside the boundaries of where their relationship allowed him to go.
She could ask him the same question. The only difference being that he was family while she wasn’t. It was a bit strange.
‘At first I was shocked. Then I felt honoured. But, hey, I never expected I’d actually be stepping up to do it.’ Even now, the f
act that Maria and James had asked warmed her, especially on the days when she doubted her ability to do a good job. ‘As to your other question—yes, I was fully aware of what looking after Mickey meant.’ Another gulp of tea. ‘I have never regretted signing those papers. Not once.’
‘I didn’t mean to suggest you might have. I apologise if you got the wrong idea.’ Logan looked uncomfortable.
‘Were you comparing my reaction to yours?’ Might as well be blunt.
‘I guess. It was easy to say yes because, like you, I believed I wouldn’t be needed.’ He locked his eyes on hers. ‘I’m just being honest.’
Karina shook her head at him. ‘You’re a great uncle, even agreeing to look out for Mickey. I know James was thrilled. He knew you wouldn’t say yes for the hell of it, that you’d have thought it through.’
‘It’s uncanny that they organised the guardianship only a few months before the accident.’ Sadness leaked out of those eyes still focused on her.
‘I understand a lot of parents do it these days.’ Sadness gripped her as well. ‘But you’re right—the timing was impeccable.’
‘Sounds like my brother. He never left anything to chance.’
At last he looked away, to stare at the wall again. He’d gone from a nightmare to talking about this. Not good. Time for her to lighten the mood or neither of them would get any sleep tonight.
‘So, tomorrow you’re going to gym practice, where the mums will love you.’ Maybe she should tag along after all. Huh? Was she feeling a twinge of envy over other women enjoying Logan’s company?
‘Why?’ He looked puzzled.
Didn’t he get how good-looking he was? ‘A new man in town never goes amiss.’ She dropped her feet to the floor. ‘Time I hit the sack.’
Logan’s eyes widened, but thankfully he remained quiet.
Shoving herself upright, she headed for the door and solitude. She needed to think about Logan and this funny hitch in her breathing whenever she looked at him.
She didn’t want another man in her life. Ian had soured her for that, with his infidelity and his other family on the side; a family he’d seemed more tied to than her. She did owe him in a way, because he’d woken her up to herself and made her see how compliant she was to his demands, which in turn had made it easy for him to control her so thoroughly. Just like her dad had done all her life.
She’d become aware of what she wanted out of her life which was not a grand lifestyle, nor a career-driven one. She’d realised she wanted to earn her own way, make her own decisions whether they be about what to have for dinner or where to live. And here she was. Happy and being strong.
‘Goodnight,’ she called over her shoulder, and refused to acknowledge the fact that Logan was watching her as she fled the room. Refused to admit to that glimmer of heat that had lit up his eyes when she’d mentioned going to bed.
Neither of them needed to get close to the other. He obviously had more than enough problems of his own without adding her to the mix.
* * *
Knock, knock. ‘Karina? Wake up.’
Karina dragged her eyes open. ‘Logan?’ What now? Had he had another nightmare? The bedside clock showed five-oh-five.
‘Can I come in?’
Her door was already opening.
‘Of course.’
Her thick brushed cotton pyjamas gave her all the decency she could wish for, and would definitely smother any residual heat he might have felt a few hours ago when she’d left him in the lounge.
She found her bedside light, flicked the switch, blinked in the sudden yellow glare. ‘What’s the problem?’
‘We’ve got a patient waiting in the kitchen. Steve Garrett.’
‘Steve? What’s he gone and done this time?’
Logan handed her the robe from the end of her bed. ‘Slipped on ice outside the fish factory and twisted his ankle. He was heading home after the night shift.’
‘Ice?’ Rain yesterday...frost today. ‘At least we’ll have a fine day.’
‘He seems to be a bit of a toughie. Doesn’t want to go to hospital for an X-ray.’
‘That’s Steve. Hates a fuss. He’ll be wanting to get strapped up so as he can go home and get some sleep before he takes over looking after the kids while Faye goes to work.’
Shoving her freezing feet into her slippers she tightened the belt of her robe at her waist, picked up her cell phone and the keys to the surgery and headed for her door, brushing Logan’s arm on her way past.
‘Welcome to general medicine, Motueka style.’
Logan strode along beside her. ‘I was surprised when I opened the door to his knocking.’
‘How come you heard him and I didn’t?’ So much for thinking she was a light sleeper.
‘I was still in the lounge.’
So he hadn’t gone back to bed. ‘Hope you kept the fire going. Eighty-year-old houses lose their heat real fast.’
Shouldn’t have said that. He’d file that small piece of info away to bring out when their arguments over selling or not selling stalled.
Steve sat at the dining table, his face screwed in pain as he stared belligerently at his right foot. He looked up the moment they walked into the room. ‘Sorry to barge in like this, but you know how it is.’
‘Sure do. How are all those kids? Keeping you busy?’
‘Running me ragged, more like. Can you strap this foot so’s I can work tonight?’ He straightened up on the chair, sucked in a sharp breath. ‘I’m not feeling so flash.’
‘What’s not right? Something apart from your ankle?’ She pulled out another chair. ‘Put your foot on that.’
‘My chest hurts when I breathe deep.’
‘Tell us more about that tumble you took.’ Logan picked up Steve’s arm, placed his finger on his wrist and began taking a pulse.
‘Not much to tell. One moment I was walking to the car, the next I was flat on my back. My right side’s sore. Must’ve landed that way.’
‘You didn’t twist sideways? Hit your chest or shoulder?’ Karina asked as Logan continued counting the pulse rate. ‘You might’ve pulled a muscle around your ribs.’
‘Could’ve. I don’t know.’ Steve held his breath as she began levering his boot off.
‘Sorry. This is going to hurt a bit.’
‘Just do it.’
Logan stopped counting. ‘Pulse is fine. Let me look at your eyes. Pupils all good. Karina, can I get a stethoscope from the surgery? I’d like to be certain that we’re only looking at a pulled intercostal muscle.’
‘Let’s move over there. We’re going to need tape to strap this ankle anyway.’ Karina crossed to the door that led through to the surgery and tugged the keys from her pocket. ‘Leave this open in case Mickey calls out.’
‘You really should have an X-ray,’ Logan told Steve once they were settled in the nurse’s room.
‘I walked on it to get here, didn’t I?’
‘You call that walking? I’ve seen ducks crossing the road more elegantly than the way you hobbled through here.’
Karina opened the store cupboard to retrieve a roll of elasticised tape.
Logan nodded at Steve. ‘I’m not going to ask how you got to the house. It’s best I don’t know that you drove that vehicle I heard pulling up at the gate minutes before you banged the front door down. But I’m thinking you’re right—a broken bone would be giving you far more grief.’
Karina began winding the tape around Steve’s swollen ankle and foot. ‘If you change your mind, give the surgery a call and David will organise an X-ray in Nelson.’
‘Pull your jersey and your shirt up,’ Logan instructed when he’d found the stethoscope. He listened to Steve’s heart, then gently felt his ribs and sternum. He was thorough and careful. ‘Does it hurt when I touch here
? Or here?’
Steve shook his head. ‘No. Only when I breathe deep, so I’ll give up breathing for a bit.’
‘Good idea. Do you want some painkillers to see you through the day?’ Logan put the stethoscope down on the desk.
‘No, I’ll be right, thanks, Doc.’
A small smile lifted the corners of Logan’s mouth. ‘You do realise that the treatment for a sprained ankle is to keep it raised for at least a couple of days?’
‘Yeah, sure. No problem.’
Karina chuckled. ‘Which means you’ll carry on as usual.’
‘You honestly think my kids are going to let me lounge around all day?’ Steve shook his head at them. ‘You have no idea. They’ll be running wild within minutes if they know I can’t catch them.’
Karina shivered in the doorway as she watched Logan walk down the drive with Steve, ready to grab him if he slipped again. Not that Logan would necessarily stay upright himself if that happened. Jack Frost had been heavy-handed this morning, leaving a thick layer of glistening ice. Mickey would have a blast later, jumping on all those puddles in the lawn to smash the ice layer on top.
Walking back to the kitchen, she looked down at herself and smiled. With her pyjamas and slippers she definitely didn’t look elegant—something she’d used to be known for. Funny how in Auckland she’d never even owned a pair of pyjamas, preferring instead lacy negligees, and yet here she didn’t care a scrap for anything that wasn’t warm and practical for getting up to Mickey.
It went to show how removed from life as she’d known it she’d become. Had she spent too long here, hiding away, not being forced to partake in that relentless round of socialising her family was famous for? Who cared? She was very happy with her lot.
She certainly didn’t miss having to have her make-up on, her hair styled, and being dressed immaculately before Ian got up.
She heard the front door close. Logan had returned. She’d liked watching him in doctor mode: so gentle and careful, yet thorough. He could no more help himself when it came to looking out for someone than she could stop worrying about where to find those thousands of dollars she needed.
