“You liked it,” I whispered, my voice filled with disgust.
“A vampire will never feel anything more powerful than the act of killing another vampire, my dear,” he whispered, in a rare act of honesty. “It’s addictive. It’s stronger than the hunger for blood, it’s stronger than the need for sex. It’s even stronger than the urge to hunt and feed off humans. Someday, you’ll feel it. You’ll understand. It’s like conquering a fucking country, darling!” His voice rose to a proud cadence, and I stared up at him with contempt and anger.
“Never! I’ll never do that!” I cried.
He'd laughed at me again. That laugh I can still hear today, even as I sit here on my couch, waiting for my love, hoping like hell that he hasn’t taken another taste of the forbidden drug of death.
THIRTY
LEO
Bessie was even more glad to be back home than I was. I walked through my split level cape cod, trailing through every room to make sure nothing had changed. It was remarkable really.
I’d been gone a few short weeks and besides the molded food in the fridge, everything was still the same. My furniture was in the same place. The pictures of Ma and Pa and Bessie were still proudly displayed on the mantle. My shoes and clothes were still neatly placed in my closet.
Everything was exactly as I’d left it.
And yet, nothing was the same. Not at all.
Beginning with me.
I was still reeling from the fact that I was either hearing voices, or I really could hear the rattling thoughts of Bessie in my own head. And Ma, too?
It couldn’t be true.
Addy hadn’t mentioned anything like this happening to me. So, was I going crazy? Was I finally losing my fucking mind or having a mental breakdown after all this shit I’d gone through?
The thing is, I was happy. I didn’t feel anguish or misery or even mental instability — I was stronger and mentally sharper than ever.
I was just hearing voices now.
That’s all.
Bessie danced at my feet as I returned to my kitchen. I pulled out a thermos of blood that Addy had given me this morning, drinking every drop before looking for the dog treats I knew I had in my cupboards for Bessie.
I pulled one out and held it in the air above Bessie’s nose.
“Sit, girl,” I demanded. Bessie looked at me, her huge furry body unmoving except for the excited wag of her tail.
“No,” I heard. My eyes darted around and I shook my head.
“Sit, Bessie,” I tried again.
I leaned down and she pounced on me, knocking me over, the treat falling out of my hand as I fell on my back on the kitchen floor. She licked my cheek, leaving a long trail of drool dripping from my face.
“Bessie!” I shouted, pushing her off of me and sitting up.
She scurried away, looking up at me like I’d just hit her. She ran a few feet away and rolled over onto her back submissively, her tail still wagging as it swept the floor.
“Sorry don’t yell please rub my belly sorry oh my god this floor is so cold where’s that treat oh my god please come over here and rub my belly…”
“For fuck’s sake,” I muttered, shaking my head, crawling over to her and rubbing her belly. I couldn’t help but laugh, as crazy as it was.
This was my life now?
A pang of hunger shot through me and I stood up, leaving Bessie wiggling like a worm on the floor. I walked over to the fridge, knowing it was empty. I’d thrown everything out and needed to restock.
“Bessie, I have to go shopping,” I said.
“Don’t leave me don’t leave me don’t leave me can I go please let me go c’mon let me go with you I can wait in the car c’mon please please please…”
“No way, girl,” I whispered. “It’s way too hot outside today. You have to stay inside.”
“But when will you be back I'm afraid you won’t come back please don’t leave please don’t go…”
“I’ll bring you back something good,” I said, patting her head as I passed by. “I promise I’ll come right back.”
She jumped up, following me to the door.
“What will you bring me will you bring me steak because your mother gave me steak every night and now I'm used to it please bring me back steak okay please hurry please hurry steak steak steak steak…”
I burst out laughing. I’d caught Ma giving steak to Bessie every single time we grilled in the backyard and I could just see Ma giving it to her regularly while I was gone.
“I’m afraid you’ve gotten spoiled,” I said. “No more steak. Only kibble for you, Bessie.”
“Kibble no I hate kibble come on bring me steak that’s not fair I need steak only steak will do please bring me steak Leo I am a big girl and I need lots of steak…”
I laughed as I collected my wallet and keys and locked the front door, leaving her wagging and now-nagging behind.
Of course, I’d buy her steak, I thought, she deserves it.
Besides, I knew I’d never hear the end of it if I didn’t…
MY TRIP to the store was my first attempt at enduring a public situation on my own, without Addy.
Everything was fine until I stepped through the automatic doors of the grocery store. First, the cold air hit me, then everything exploded.
A low, constant roar sounded in my ears, reminding me of the sound of a chattering audience during intermission of the symphony or something. Everyone talked, all at once, their voices mingling together in a soupy mess in my brain, assaulting me with words and words and more words. So many words that I could barely make out any individual ones, the chorus of them turning into some wild foreign language.
I contemplated walking out. Going back to the truck and calling Addy. I knew she’d been worried, I could feel it. But I needed to be independent and I was determined to do whatever it took to reclaim my life. A task as simple as going shopping was a necessity.
I was afraid of being around so many humans, afraid I’d have a hard time not resisting the urge to feed, but this? This cacophony of thoughts ricocheting in my brain was absolutely surreal.
I soldiered on, grabbing a hand basket and heading to the butcher in the back of the store, threading through the other shoppers, watching their lips to see if I was hearing them speak or hearing their thoughts.
Most of them were alone, staring at some item they’d pulled from the shelf like a silent zombie. But their minds were silent.
“I can’t believe there’s 23 grams of sugar in just one cookie,” a woman thought, putting back a box of cookies on the shelf. I kept walking, my eyes wide as I realized it wasn’t just Ma and Bessie’s thoughts I could hear.
I passed by a young couple, holding hands and looking at the cake mixes.
“What kind of cake do you want for your birthday?” The girl asked.
“Chocolate’s fine,” the boy said.
“Chocolate it is!” She replied, pulling a box from the bottom shelf.
He watched her bend over, his eyes trained on her butt.
“I’d like a lot more than chocolate cake for my birthday,” I heard him say.
But his lips weren’t moving. I laughed as I passed by, winking at him conspiratorially.
When I walked up to the counter at the back of the store, a young girl with blonde pigtails greeted me.
“How can I help you?” She asked, flashing me a flirtatious smile.
“I’m going to be buying a large amount of meat,” I replied.
“I bet you’ve got some good meat in those pants, handsome.”
“What?” I asked, my eyes wide with disbelief as a slow blush crept up my face.
“I said, of course, what can I get you?” She asked, blinking innocently.
“Right,” I said, slowly, shaking my head. “Um…I’ll have ten pounds of those sirloins. And fifteen pounds of the leanest ground beef you have.”
“Fifteen pounds, sir?”
“Yes,” I continued, avoiding her eyes. “I’d also like
five pounds of those ribs, ten pounds of the t-bones, and ten pounds of the buffalo steaks.”
“Holy shit, dude. Who needs that much meat?”
“Um, I own a restaurant. Barbecue,” I said, feeling the sudden need to explain myself.
“Of course, sir. This will take several minutes,” she said, her eyes trailing up and down my body like I was a cut of meat myself.
“Take your time,” I said, nodding.
“I’d like to take my time licking you up and down.”
She turned away and I shook my head.
This sucks, I thought. I don’t want to hear every fucking thing people think. I needed to talk to Addy. Something wasn’t right. She’d never have left this part out and just let me into the world to discover it on my own.
I watched the girl package up the meat and realized I’d not thought about feeding even once since I’d walked in the door. I’d been way too distracted by invasive voices.
Maybe it’s a good thing, I thought, sighing as I waited and watched the other shoppers trail by. Each person who walked by seemed to have a train of thoughts flying through their head faster than a bullet train. A constant stream of babble that went on and on. I tried to turn them off, one by one, quiet them, at least.
They all faded to a low roar until I focused in on someone’s face and then their thoughts were amplified in my head like a microphone had been turned on and the speaker shoved into my brain. Quickly, I figured out as long as I wasn’t looking directly in someone’s face, then the volume was almost bearable.
I turned to a man standing next to me and realized there’d been no sound coming from him at all. In fact, I’d almost not noticed him, everything about him was so quiet. When I saw his skin, I knew why.
He was one of us.
I nodded, speechless. My first vampire stranger to encounter. I wondered if there was some secret handshake we did or a flash of a gang sign or something, anything, to indicate some sort of solidarity with one another. He was obviously a vampire, his skin almost translucent, that blue tinge appearing just under the surface. His eyes shone from within, a deep golden amber that matched his golden brown hair. He was well-built, handsome, blessed with a strong jaw and perfect teeth.
“You’re staring,” he whispered, finally, looking straight ahead.
“Sorry,” I muttered, shaking my head.
“It’s alright,” he said. “I get it.”
“Yeah,” I said, suddenly thinking, what if I was wrong? I was on the verge of asking this perfect stranger if he was ‘one of us’. What if he wasn’t? I could only imagine what he might think.
“How old are you?” He asked, turning to me with a smile finally. I focused on his face, trying to listen for the chatter, but it wasn’t there.
“Excuse me?”
“How old are you?” He asked.
“Thirty-five,” I said.
He burst out laughing, shaking his head.
“That’s not what I meant,” he said.
“Excuse me?” I asked again.
“I’m Jim,” he said, holding out his hand. I shook it, his palm cold and hard.
“Leo,” I nodded.
“Hello, Leo. I’m a hundred and ninety-three. How old are you?” He asked again, his smile open and friendly. Was this a vampire thing, I wondered? Instead of asking where you were from, like humans did, you asked each other how old you were? I made a mental note to ask Addy about this, right after I asked her how in the hell I could suddenly be a mind reader.
“I’m really thirty-five,” I replied.
“Is that so?” Jim asked, squinting his eyes suspiciously. “So young.”
“Yeah, I guess,” I said.
“I don’t think I’ve met one so young, in fact,” he said.
I shrugged, suddenly feeling like I’d done something wrong.
“Who turned you? When?” He asked, suddenly extremely interested in me.
“I don’t, um, it’s not —,” I stuttered, trying to figure out how much to tell him, if anything. I finally settled on keeping my mouth shut.
Suddenly, I realized I had a lot to learn and I couldn’t wait to get back to Addy.
“Sir?” The girl behind the counter called. “Your order is ready.”
“Oh, thank you,” I said, flashing her a relieved smile. I pulled the packages from the counter and loaded them into my cart, feeling Jim’s eyes on me the entire time.
“My pleasure,” she said, “you sexy beast…”
I suppressed a groan and turned away from her. Jim was still staring at me only now he was looking at all the meat in my basket.
“Thirty-five, huh?” He asked.
“Yeah,” I said, hurriedly. “Gotta go. Nice to meet you!”
“Likewise,” he said, nodding.
I felt his eyes on me the entire walk to the checkout counter. By the time I was back in the safety of my truck, I was panting with anxiety.
And starving, again.
I pulled a rib from the package and sucked it dry, my head spinning with confusion.
I drove home slowly, my usual route taking me right by the firehouse. I slowed down, contemplating if this was the right time to show my face. In the end, I figured I had nothing to lose at this point. I was already so full of anxiety after hearing voices and being in public, I might as well rip the entire band-aid off in one quick move.
I put the truck in park half a block away and composed myself as much as I could. The Captain wouldn’t let me off as easy as Ma did. I knew that.
And I had to stick with my story, so I knew as soon as I started talking about spirituality and mushroom tea, they’d rib me for the rest of my life about it. I knew this would be the case when I made up the story. Giving me shit would give them something else to concentrate on, instead of whether I was lying or not.
I walked into the firehouse and was surprised at the silence. Usually, the place was full of raucous laughter and shouting. Quietly, I walked to the back, past the sparkling clean firetruck, past the racks of gear, equipment and uniforms hanging from heavy hooks, ready to be stepped into at a moment’s notice. A surge of pride filled my heart and I realized how much I’d missed it here.
This was my home away from home. I spent three nights and days here at a time, spending time with my other firefighters more than I did with Ma.
The Captain was doing paperwork in his office, his head lowered, a pair of bifocals perched on his nose. He hadn’t heard me walk up and I knocked lightly on the door. He didn’t look up.
“What’s up?” He asked, with a grunt.
“Did someone die? Why is it so quiet around here?”
His head shot up and his mouth fell open when he saw me, his eyes wide with disbelief.
“Leo! Holy shit!” He exclaimed, standing and coming around to hug me.
“Hey Captain,” I said, patting his back. “It’s good to see you.”
“Good to see me? You fucking kidding me, kid? Where the hell you been?” He asked.
“It’s a long story, Captain.”
“No shit?” He asked. “Well, I can’t wait to hear it. Me and the boys had you pegged for dead. So did your Ma! That poor woman, she’s been so distraught, Leo!”
“I know, I know. I saw Ma already, she’s okay,” I answered, pushing away the guilt.
“Leo, have a seat,” he said, closing the door as I walked inside his office. I sat across from him and he sat back in his chair, looking across the desk at me with concern. “How’s your heart, son?”
“My heart is great! I’m healthy as a horse, actually.”
“I don’t understand,” he shook his head.
“I know, Captain,” I said. “But I took off with an old friend for a couple of weeks. We went on a spiritual retreat, I guess you could call it.”
“Like a church camp or something?” he asked.
“Not exactly, no,” I said. “More like a spa, I guess. An old buddy of mine is friend’s with the people who run the place. It’s a new kind of a tre
atment that allows you to cleanse all the toxins from your body and help you loosen up any blockages you might have.”
“Sounds sorta out there,” he said.
“I guess so, but you know what? It worked! I feel great now.”
“Well, what worked exactly now?”
“It’s a tea, actually. Ayahausca, actually.”
“I’ve heard of that. Fella down at the pub I hang out at told me about it. Said it made him puke a lot and that he was high as hell afterwards. So you did some psychedelic drugs and now you’re all better? Is that what you’re trying to tell me, Leo?”
“Something like that, yeah. There was more to it. A lot of clean eating and clean air. It does wonders for the body, you know.”
“So what are you a vegan now, too?”
I laughed out loud.
“Hardly,” I replied. “But listen, Captain, I’m back now. I’m ready to get back to work right away.”
“Son, you know I can’t let you do that,” he said.
“Why not?” I asked, confusion filling my head. I had no idea what I’d do if I couldn’t be a firefighter anymore.
“Because you just had surgery a few short weeks ago, and —.”
“— I’ve recovered fully!” I protested. “I'm stronger than ever, I’m sharp and if I remember correctly my absence was putting a strain on the rest of the guys. They had to take up the slack, right? Well let me back in there so they can rest.”
“I don’t know, kid,” he hesitated, shaking his head. “And besides, you aren’t supposed to be doing drugs, you know. The bureau could drug test you.”
“You’re kidding, right? The doctors at the hospital gave me so much morphine you could kill a horse with it. I had surgery. What’s one more drug in my system? Besides, it’s all gone now and I’m sober as a judge.”
“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head. “Not sure how we’ll explain your absence now. And everyone was so worried, they’re gonna think you’ve risen from the dead when they see you.”
I smiled at the fact that he had no idea just how right he was. I wasn’t about to tell him, though.
“Captain, I’ll do the explaining. I’ll leave out the part about the ayahuasca if it makes you feel better.”
The Sanctuary 2: The Vampire's Passion Page 12
