‘Oh aye, and that would have stopped him, would it, if it had happened t’other way about?’
‘No, I don’t suppose it would.’ He had paid for his decency over and over. Carrie was the first beat of his heart when he awoke and the last before he slept. ‘Mind you, if I had made a move at the time, he’d probably have broken every bone in my body.’
‘Sounds a bad ’un. Does he hit her?’
‘Christ, no. I’m sure he doesn’t. Carrie’s pretty transparent. You can see she’s learnt to tread warily, but she trusts him. I imagine his strength was one of the reasons she liked him in the first place. She was in a vulnerable position. Do you know the story? It was in Carrie’s mother’s kitchen that my father died. Mrs Jenkins suffered a stroke and has been under me ever since. On top of that, Carrie’s young man jilted her because her father had been revealed as a deserter. Don’t spread that around – I mean, with Carrie being Miss Baxter’s sister.’
‘Wouldn’t dream of it, sir.’
‘Of course not. No offence intended. Miss Baxter is understandably sensitive on the subject.’
‘Aye, there’s an unhappy woman if ever I saw one.’
‘Unhappy? I can think of various words I could apply to Miss Baxter—’
‘Careful what you say next, son. I wouldn’t wish to hear the lady spoken ill of.’
‘I was going to say: but unhappy isn’t one of them.’ Adam knocked back a mouthful. ‘General gallantry towards all women or special interest in this particular one?’
‘Special interest, since you mention it.’
‘You’ve chosen a tough nut to crack.’
‘It’s not a question of choice, though, is it? It just happens. Like you with your brother’s wife. That’s not a situation you’d have chosen, any more than I’d have chosen a woman who won’t give me the time of day.’
‘You can’t cross paths much.’
‘Aye, her in the office, me outdoors. It doesn’t bode well, does it? It’s not even as though she’ll be accompanying the lads outside, come the kinder weather.’
Adam pictured Evadne’s frigid distaste for the patients. ‘No.’
‘Still, I do what I can. You’ll know, of course, him being your brother, that she does evening work at the Lloyds. I keep an eye out and when she heads up that way, I make sure I’m there when she comes out, just to see her safely home.’
‘That’s a start. Women like to feel looked after.’
Geeson surprised him by giving a great laugh. ‘You might suggest to Miss Baxter that she wants looking after. Then maybe I wouldn’t have to skulk after her while she stalks along, quivering with disapproval.’
Adam grinned. ‘You’re right. It doesn’t bode well.’
‘One of these evenings, there’ll be a bobby about and she’ll have me arrested for following her, I shouldn’t wonder. That ’ud raise a few eyebrows. I used to be a copper meself before the war – a sergeant.’
‘Really? I didn’t know.’ Adam spent a moment considering the changes the war had brought to Ted Geeson’s life. ‘Not to worry. I’ll post bail.’
The shared laughter made him feel unexpectedly light-hearted.
‘Eh, love’s a bugger, isn’t it?’ Geeson shook his head. ‘Time for another?’
Chapter Thirty-Two
Evadne could tell the table was rosewood and she knew the decoration on top was properly referred to as inlay. At least that was a smidgeon of knowledge to show for the time she had spent in Mr Weston’s company. Today she was with Alex in the home of Mrs Cox, who lived along the road from Grandfather. After Mrs Warburton, there had been Mr and Mrs Keene, who, in the depths of their grief for their three fallen sons, had lost most of their savings to a confidence trickster; the elderly Goudge sisters round the corner, whose inheritance, considerable in its day, was said to be dwindling; and now Mrs Cox.
Evadne knew the form. Alex would visit once, twice at the most, then she would make the final visit.
‘Having their good neighbour Major Baxter’s granddaughter making the last call removes any lingering unpleasantness,’ Alex said. ‘It leaves them remembering the social connection rather than the business side.’
She enjoyed it more each time. Alex always provided money for a taxi and supplied a few appropriate phrases about the relevant item for her to use in front of the client. When he told her how much to offer, he routinely specified a sum, to which she would respond, ‘Guineas?’ and he would say, ‘Pounds.’ It had come to be a little ritual and she liked that too.
One thing she had learnt, however, was that Alex wasn’t reliable about making arrangements for her visits. When he had forgotten to make that first appointment with Mrs Bentley, she had thought nothing of it; but when the same oversight occurred the next time, she started making her own appointments, smiling to herself as she did so. Alex needed a wife to keep him in order.
‘Is it worth anything?’ Hovering as Alex scrutinised the table, Mrs Cox couldn’t disguise her anxiety.
‘I’m happy to tell you it is.’
‘Oh, you can’t imagine the relief,’ Mrs Cox gushed. ‘Things have been so hard. My husband survived the war, only to succumb to the influenza just when we thought our troubles were over. I’ve got myself a little office job, but …’
‘There are many ladies in unfortunate situations these days. Widows, spinster sisters, elderly mothers, all left without their breadwinners.’ Alex was smoothly sympathetic. ‘I can offer you forty for the table.’
‘Forty pounds?’ She sounded as if she could scarcely believe it.
‘Guineas,’ said Alex, just as Evadne knew he would.
‘My goodness! Why, a family could manage on that for weeks – months.’
As they drove away, Alex said, ‘If – or I should say, when – Mrs Cox invites me back, I suggest that you go, just to give the appropriate finishing touch. No embarrassing questions from the neighbours about the man who called. That pair of vases on the mantelpiece: offer twenty-five.’
‘Pounds?’ she asked archly.
He quirked a smile at her. ‘Naturally.’
It was a wonderful moment. Changing the ritual brought them closer. She pressed her hands to her sides, knowing that if she let them loose, they would clasp or, worse, she would hug herself.
Yet how much more wonderful would the moment be when, armed with everything she was learning from Mr Weston, she was able to suggest the price before Alex could say it. She hadn’t undertaken this new form of education to impress him, but it would be a gratifying side effect.
Another side effect would be to draw them closer still.
Bed rest was over. Carrie couldn’t wait to get into the fresh air and show her baby to the world. The final few days in bed had felt interminable, providing far too much time for thinking – and for guilt. After all these months of wishing she could love Ralph, she had fallen in love with his brother. She lived again that breathless moment when her eyes had tricked her, showing her what she expected to see, and her whole self had responded to the sight of the man she believed to be her husband before Ralph, the real Ralph, had come barging in, and after a moment of stupefaction, she had realised the truth.
Her immortal soul must be as black as tar by now with all the sins she had accumulated and never confessed. Fornication, deceit, lies, and now her feelings for another man. Those poky little confessional boxes were all very well, but you could forget about privacy. Father Kelly had sharp ears and made a point of using your name, just to let you know you hadn’t got away with owt.
Worst of all was the fear of what had gone on between Ralph and Adam. She knew there had been a big bust-up. She had heard all that clattering and banging, though Ralph never referred to it. But a few days later, it wasn’t Adam but a colleague of his, Doctor Todd, who had come to check on Mam, explaining he had taken over her case. Carrie had been desperate to know why. Had Ralph banned Adam from the flat? He was furious that Adam had taken the initiative over bringing Mam home. Or had Adam ma
de the decision to stay away? That moment in the bedroom – it hadn’t just been her, had it, that it had happened to? Perhaps he was keeping away for both their sakes. Or had Ralph banned him, not because of Mam, but because he had sensed what had happened between his brother and his wife? Her bowels turned to water.
When Doctor Todd had departed, Ralph came upstairs.
‘What’s the new quack like?’
‘He said I was doing a good job, though it’s disappointing not to have had some response yet.’
‘Just so long as Joey doesn’t miss out.’ There had been a warning in his voice.
‘He won’t.’ It would have been unnatural if she didn’t ask, so she forced herself to frame the question. ‘Doctor Todd said he’d be coming instead of Adam. Was that your decision?’
‘I’m sick and tired of Adam traipsing in and out like he owns the place. That business of bringing your mother home was the final straw.’
Now, at last, after a dinner she was almost too excited to eat, Carrie was taking Joey out for the first time. It was a beautiful day, chilly but fine, though she wouldn’t have cared if it had been chucking it down. It was wonderful to be outdoors and she felt proud to be pushing such a smart perambulator with a jointed hood to put up if it rained and wheels that made a soft tick-tick-tick sound as they went round. All her life, her ambition had been to have a family and here she was with her first baby. It was a moment to be treasured.
Ralph had made her promise not to be out too long in case she tired, but she felt she could walk for miles. It was Saturday and she had always liked Saturdays because the children were out and about. She had her shopping list and Ralph had told her to arrange to have her hair cut. The bob had grown out in the latter stages of her pregnancy.
‘Long hair these days is for old biddies and the working class,’ he said.
The jibe had set memories rolling of the gossipy and judgemental but stout-hearted folk of Wilton Lane, who had pitched in to help when Mam was in dire need. Mrs Clancy and the rest would love to see Joey and would be disappointed and affronted if all they got was a glimpse after Mass. And what must Letty’s mam be thinking, or had she given up on Carrie now? She felt her cheeks blotch with shame. How long was it since she had sat in the Hardacres’ kitchen, supping tea and shelling peas and teaching their Joanie lazy daisy stitch?
A man was running towards her.
‘Carrie! Carrie!’
Billy. Her mind stumbled. She hadn’t seen him since last summer, had dreaded bumping into him, though she had gradually realised she wasn’t likely to. His work took him to town five and a half days a week and they had never attended the same Mass.
Now here he was in front of her. His nose was different, sort of pushed over sideways, and his front teeth were crooked. He was dressed in his suit. Her heart used to expand with pride and desire at seeing him togged up for work. She felt nothing now. The love had been blanked out a long time ago.
‘Hello, Carrie. How are you?’
‘Fine, thanks.’ How normal she sounded. ‘Yourself?’
‘Aye. This must be Joey.’ He leant over to look.
She felt annoyed. ‘Where did you hear his name?’
‘Letty.’
‘Oh.’
Their glances met and fell away.
‘I must get on,’ she said.
‘No, wait. I’m glad to bump into you. I saw you from the tram and jumped off.’ Digging into his pocket, Billy pulled out a florin and thrust it at her. ‘Here – buy summat for’t little lad.’
She didn’t want it, but didn’t know how to refuse. ‘You jumped off the tram to give the baby a present?’
‘I … I’ve been wanting to talk to you.’
‘What about?’ She shouldn’t have asked. ‘This isn’t right. We shouldn’t be seen together.’
‘We’re only talking.’
‘I’m a married woman.’
‘Let’s go somewhere.’
‘Billy!’
‘Please. I need to speak to you. Five minutes – please.’
‘All right. Cross over and stop outside Quarmby’s. But if I see anyone I know, I’ll go straight inside and when I come out, I shan’t expect you to be anywhere in sight.’
They crossed the road separately and met up outside the stationer’s, Carrie doing her best to look as if the window display was of consuming interest.
‘The thing is,’ Billy began, then stopped. ‘Well, Letty said as how you’d had a bad time – you know, with the baby.’
‘Billy!’ she hissed. ‘Don’t be personal.’
‘Sorry,’ he mumbled. ‘But it set me thinking and – and will you come back to me?’
Her head whipped round so fast her neck twanged. ‘You what?’
‘I were a fool, Carrie. I should never have let you go.’
‘Let me go? Tossed me aside, more like. Tossed me on the muck-heap.’
‘Aw, it weren’t like that. There was the shock of your dad an’ everything. My mam took that to heart.’
‘So did mine. Mine wouldn’t set foot outside her own front door, she were that ashamed. You should have stood by us, Billy.’ If he blamed it on his mam, she would crown him.
‘Aye, I should, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve regretted it. He were a good bloke, your dad.’
She softened. Pa would have loved being a grandad.
‘I keep thinking about this time last year,’ Billy coaxed, ‘when everything were all right. Can’t get it out of my head.’
This time last year. She felt a pang. She hadn’t turned eighteen, hadn’t been pregnant; had been mad about Billy, was dying for June so she could marry him.
‘I’ve got it all planned.’ He leant closer. ‘I can work out my notice, then we can up sticks and go wherever you like. I’ve got my savings and I’ll get a good reference. We can start again, the three of us – you, me and Joey. I’ll not let you down again, I swear. You can call yourself Mrs Shipton and no one’ll be any the wiser.’
Carrie couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She waited for him to go all awkward and take the words back, but he didn’t.
‘You mean it, don’t you?’
‘Course I do. Look, I lied when I said I saw you from the tram. I’ve been stood over the road from your shop for the best part of an hour, hoping and praying for you to come out. When you appeared, I waited while you walked off and then …’
‘You followed me?’ It made her feel all prickly. She had been tricked.
‘How else were I to see you? I could hardly come up to you right outside Armstrong’s, could I? What do you say, Carrie? We’re meant to be together, you and me. I’m sorry for what I did and I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.’
‘No, Billy.’
‘Look, love, you’re not giving me a chance. I know this is a shock. How about I meet you same time next week, eh, when you’ve had a chance to think it over?’
‘I said no. You and me – that’s long gone.’
‘You allus said as how marrying me was the most important thing you would ever do.’
‘Aye, well, that were then. I’m wed to someone else now.’
‘But you only married him cos of … you know, the baby.’
‘Keep your voice down, will you? I’m married, and decent women don’t run away from their husbands.’
Billy’s eyes hardened. ‘Aye, and decent girls don’t whip their drawers off before they’re wed, but that didn’t stop you, did it?’
‘Billy Shipton!’ She grasped the perambulator handle and made to move, but Billy blocked her way.
‘I’m sorry, Carrie, I didn’t mean it. Only it’s sort of true – I mean, it showed how much you loved me.’
‘Aye, for all the good it did me.’
‘You’re never going to let me forget it, are you? I made a mistake, a bad one, and I’m sorry. I wish I’d stuck by your family. I wish I could turn back the clock, but I can’t. Now, will you please put it behind you and let’
s start up again.’
‘I don’t want to start up again. I have a different life now, a good life.’
‘A better one than I can give you, you mean? That’s a brand-new baby carriage, if I’m not mistaken, and your coat and hat never came off no market stall.’
Heat stained her cheeks. ‘Are you saying I married Ralph for his money?’
‘Well, you can’t deny you’ve done well. Oh, I’m getting this all wrong. I can’t bear to think of you with someone else when you’re meant to be with me. All I want is to have you back. We can live anywhere you want. I won’t ever have as much money as Ralph Armstrong, but I’ll do my best for you. That was all you wanted not so long ago: me and half a dozen nippers. We can still have it, Carrie. I’ll buy you a ring an’ everything.’
‘How many times must I say it? The answer’s no.’
‘You hate me, don’t you?’
‘I don’t hate you, Billy.’
To her horror, his eyes filled with tears. ‘I’d best cut along then, I suppose.’
Relief spewed through her, weakening her muscles. ‘I must get on an’ all. Please go, Billy. ’
‘Wait. You won’t – you won’t tell Letty, will you?’
Discretion vanished. She stared openly. ‘You mean you’re going to carry on walking out with her? You should have ended it the minute you decided to speak to me.’
‘Anyroad, you’ll not tell her?’
‘I most certainly will. She’s my best friend.’
‘You breathe one word and I’ll tell her about you an’ me. You know what I mean. I never said owt before because – well, because I never. But I swear to God I will, if you tell Letty about this.’
‘You wouldn’t,’ she breathed.
‘I’ll tell her about this conversation an’ all and say it were your idea.’
‘You wouldn’t.’
Billy shrugged. ‘It’s only reasonable that you’d want to be with your son’s dad.’
A terrible coldness poured through Carrie. Then it turned to a controlled fire. Digging in her handbag, she retrieved the florin Billy had pressed on her and shoved it into his hand. When his fingers refused to close around it, she let go, snatching her hand away. The coin clinked to the ground and rolled away.
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