“I have no idea, but I’ll have to tell him at some point.”
“I wouldn’t tell him yet,” Hailey said. “Spend more time with him. Be father and son. Show Callie that you’ll be the kind of father Logan deserves. And once you tell him the truth, give him time to adjust before you remove him from the only home he’s known . . . especially since Callie won’t be a major part of his life anymore. Think about what he needs over what you want.”
Hailey’s words were like a knock to the head. No wonder Callie had looked so panicked. It wasn’t because she’d been caught in a lie. Her life would be torn apart all over again, and this time I was the one responsible for her pain.
22
Callie
It was official. My butt was numb from sitting on the bathroom floor for so long. How long? God knows. But long enough for everyone to wonder if I had an exotic gastrointestinal disease that required a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom.
A knock on the door interrupted my pity party for one. “Callie, are you okay?” Jared asked.
Define “okay.” “Yeah. I’ll be out in a minute.” Or a hundred and fifty.
“Can I come in?”
“I’m busy.”
“On the floor?”
And that was what happens when you had a pity party on the floor next to the door. At least if I had enjoyed it from the toilet seat, I could have easily pulled off the GI disease excuse.
Knowing he wouldn’t leave until I let him in, I reached up and unlocked the door. Then I scooted out of the way.
He entered and lowered himself onto the cold tile floor next to me. “Comfy?”
“Very.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been an ass. I guess I was in shock, but that didn’t give me the right to act that way.”
I sniffed. “You’re right. You were an ass.” And a few other names I could think of that would’ve shocked my mother, had she still been alive.
He let out a sharp breath, as if gathering his thoughts. “When she first told me she was pregnant, I did what any other twenty-one-year-old guy would do—I panicked. I had goals and they didn’t involve a baby, at least not yet. But the truth is that even though I didn’t love your sister, I would’ve been there for her and our child. I would have loved our child. Things would have been challenging, but I’m positive we would’ve figured it out.
“But then two days later she told me that she couldn’t go through with it. She had aborted the baby. She hadn’t even talked to me first. She told me it was her choice and I had no say in it. I was angry. I called her a selfish bitch. I said all kinds of things I shouldn’t have.”
I fiddled with the wet tissue in my hand, unsure what to say. Did I think my sister was a selfish bitch? Far from it. She had been the sweetest, most generous person that I knew.
“She did what she believed was best for you and your unborn child,” I told him.
“Right, she did,” he said. From his tone, it was clear he believed that as much as he believed in Santa.
“If she’d known the kind of father you would’ve been, the father I’ve seen you be with Logan, she would’ve done everything differently.” If only she hadn’t been so blinded by her own insecurities when it came to Jared. Things could’ve been so different, and she might still be alive.
The disbelief in Jared’s tone settled on his face. He shifted slightly, his arm brushing mine. A hum buzzed through my body, radiating from that spot. I gasped softly, but not enough for him to realize what his touch did to me. He never needed to know that.
He pushed himself up and held his hand out to me. “We should probably go back outside, before Logan wonders what happened to us.”
I barely managed to ignore the tightness in my chest as Jared pulled up me to stand. My legs were a little wobbly from sitting on the floor for so long, and I stumbled.
Jared placed his hand on my hip to steady me. His fingertips slid under the hem of my T-shirt and brushed against the skin just above the waistband of my jeans. The nerves between my legs perked up. I was surprised they remembered what to do after the past three years of my self-inflicted celibacy.
“So when are you telling him?” I asked.
“I don’t know. Hailey told me I should give him time to get to know me first. Spend time doing father-and-son activities with him.”
“That makes sense.” I could hug her for that. “So he won’t be moving in with you yet?”
“No. But if you’re okay with it, I thought I’d hang out at your apartment in the evenings. We can do things together . . . and I can still read to him before he goes to bed.”
So we’ll be like a family? I kept that to myself. I still didn’t know how I factored into this—and I was afraid to ask. “I’m sure Logan will like that.”
“Plus I have years of child support to make up for. I’ll talk to my lawyer and the bank and have it dealt with.”
I nodded, even though it wasn’t his money I longed for.
While the tension between us didn’t completely vanish, it did lessen. He didn’t trust me after what my sister had done to him, and I was waiting for him to rip away the only family I had left. But for Logan’s sake, we had to at least try. So much was at stake—and not just my heart.
Logan was yawning when we stepped into the backyard. “It looks like Rocky wore him out,” I said, grinning.
“I think it went both ways,” Nolan said, referring to the puppy lying on his side, fighting to keep his eyes open.
Jared scooped Logan up. The four-year-old rested his head against his father’s shoulder and his eyelids began to droop. The sight of them this way was enough to melt my insides in a good way, despite the tension that lingered.
“Logan,” I said, “what do you say to Hailey and Nolan for letting you visit Rocky?”
He signed “thank you” and murmured something that could have been the same.
“You’re welcome,” Hailey said.
Jared drove us home and carried his sleeping son upstairs to my apartment. “Do we wake him so he can eat dinner first?”
“We could try. Otherwise he might wake up in the middle of the night hungry.” Or wake up way earlier than I wished to get up tomorrow morning. I’d already learned that lesson the hard way.
He lowered Logan onto the couch while I went into the kitchen and made a grilled cheese sandwich and cut apple wedges. Logan was half awake, watching TV with Jared, when I returned with his meal. As painful as it was knowing that one day this scene would no longer be part of my life, I couldn’t stop the smile that snuck onto my lips at how adorable they looked together. I still had no idea how Jared had figured out he was Logan’s father, but if he had seen himself next to his son, he never would’ve doubted it for a second.
I placed Logan’s food and milk on the table. “Dinner.”
Jared carried him to the table, causing the four-year-old to giggle. I returned to the kitchen to cook dinner for Jared and myself. By the time the food was ready, Logan had finished his meal and was in the bathroom with Jared, getting ready for bed.
I joined them for a bedtime story, with Logan sandwiched between us on the bed.
“I never knew you were so talented,” I said, referring to his funny animal voices.
“I’m a man with many talents.” He winked at me. For some reason, my face heated at this and he chuckled.
He read Logan two more books, signing the animal names he’d learned. By the end of the second book, Logan’s eyelids were beginning to droop shut again. I helped him with his implant and signed “good night” before kissing him and tucking him into bed.
Jared did the same. If someone were to peer into the window and watch us, they would’ve mistakenly thought we were a happy family. For a moment, I wished perception and reality were the same. But I had long ago learned that wishing was for dreamers, and my days of dreaming were long over.
I returned to the kitchen and dished out the spaghetti and meatballs. I set the plates on the dining room table, along wi
th two sodas. “Do you want to stay and watch a movie?”
“You okay with that? You don’t have to study or anything?”
Yes, I did have to study, but I wanted to hang out with Jared even more. I wasn’t ready for him to leave just yet. “No, I’m fine to watch a movie.”
Once Jared and I finished our meal, we picked up our drinks and sat on the couch. It felt natural, like when Jared had helped put Logan to bed.
I sat next to him, my legs curled to the side, but careful to keep several inches between us—even though I craved to curl up against him and rest my head on his shoulder.
Jared searched for a movie to watch on TV. “How about this?” he asked.
I read the movie’s blurb. “You want to watch a horror movie?”
“Sure, why not?” He smirked. “You’re not scared, are you?”
“Of course not,” I scoffed. Which was a total lie. Horror movies had always scared me, and he knew it.
“This isn’t so bad, is it?” Jared chuckled as I watched the movie from between splayed fingers.
“No, not at all. In fact, I might let Logan watch it before bedtime tomorrow.”
Jared laughed again. Seriously, was he not watching the same movie as me? There was nothing funny about a deranged doll hacking up people. I thanked all things holy that Logan was a boy and didn’t have any dolls. Otherwise I might’ve had to do some serious spring cleaning the next morning and chuck them.
“Here, I’ll keep you safe.” Jared wrapped his arm around me and pulled me against him.
Too bad for me I actually believed him. I lowered my hands from my face in time for the psycho doll to sink its teeth into the legs of its next victim.
I cringed and turned to stare at Jared’s chest. His very nice chest under the fitted gray T-shirt he was wearing. Maybe I could watch it for the rest of the movie. You know, just to ensure some creepy doll didn’t wander into the apartment and plunge a knife into it.
“Thanks, but as strong as you are”—I placed my hand on his abs, which flexed under my touch, then relaxed—“I don’t think you’re much protection against that.” I waved in the general direction of the TV, my attention still on his hard chest and abs.
Jared laughed once more, and his stomach muscles rippled under my hand—the hand that had returned to his abs right after gesturing toward the TV.
I looked up. Instead of the you’re weird expression I was expecting, his eyes were dark. My gaze dropped to his mouth, and my lips parted involuntarily as I fantasized about kissing his mouth again. Except this time I wouldn’t fall off the couch. This time, if he gave me a chance, I’d kiss him back. Really kiss him back.
And then . . . his lips were on mine.
I had no idea who started it, and I didn’t care. All I knew was if this was a dream, I didn’t want to be awakened.
His mouth briefly touched mine for a heartbeat, then moved slightly away. Fear stroked a finger across my back and I held my breath. Any second he would realize he was making a mistake, realize that the last person he should kiss was me.
His mouth remained in place, hovering close to mine, his warm breath mixing with mine. Then the moment of deliberation was over. His lips crashed against mine again, and this time it wasn’t the sweet yet brief kisses we’d experienced before. This time his tongue slipped between the seam of my lips, and I let him in.
I’d always expected that Jared would be a great kisser. How could he not be? But my expectations were nothing like reality. He tasted me, consumed me . . . made me feel like the earth was shaking under my feet. I’d found heaven—and I was ready to move in, permanently.
I let out a soft moan. Then it was as if my body had taken over my brain’s job. My lips still attached to his, I shifted to his lap and straddled him. His hands settled on my hips, keeping me in place, and the pads of his fingers crept under the hem of my T-shirt, stroking my skin. A slight tremble danced over my body.
My fingers knotted in his hair, relishing the silky feel of the strands, and I ground my aching center against his hardening length. “Oh, God,” I groaned. Forget the kiss—my body wanted so much more. And it seemed like Jared was on the same wavelength.
Or at least I hoped he was on the same wavelength.
“Are you gonna marry Mommy and be my daddy?” Logan’s soft voice said.
Startled, I jerked away from Jared, my breath coming hard. It was only because of his hands on my hips that I miraculously didn’t end up on the floor.
I scrambled off him and tried to formulate some sort of answer, but the words refused to form any coherent sentences in my head. All I was capable of was opening and closing my mouth like a zombie.
“Sometimes when two people . . . um . . . like each other, they kiss,” Jared said, stumbling over his words. “But that doesn’t mean they’ll get married.”
Logan blinked, not having heard Jared’s answer. I signed it. Well, attempted to. They hadn’t exactly covered this scenario in the sign language classes I was taking. And I could guarantee it wasn’t part of Logan’s preschool curriculum.
From the way his shoulders sagged, you’d have thought Jared had just told him Santa didn’t exist. I gathered him in my arms and hugged him. Then I pulled away and signed, “Why are you awake?”
He signed back, “Thirsty.”
“I’ll get you some water. Okay?”
He nodded.
I took his hand and led him to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he was back in bed, eyes closed.
I left his room and walked smack into Jared in the hallway. He had been deep in thought when Logan and I had left the kitchen.
“I should go,” he said. “I’ll pick you two up tomorrow morning. Around eight?”
I nodded. Disappointment gnawed at me that he wasn’t even staying to watch the movie. Although at this point it was safe to say we weren’t watching the rest of it.
I walked him to the door. He didn’t kiss me again. If anything, he couldn’t escape fast enough.
I shut the door behind him, and the light inside me that had appeared when Jared first stepped back into my life dimmed.
23
Callie
With the exception of the one time when Alexis, my parents, and Logan had been driving to San Francisco, Logan had never left L.A. You’d have thought we were driving to a foreign country based on his excitement on the way down.
Then again, we were talking about Disneyland.
Because we couldn’t play music, I sat in the backseat with Logan so it was easier for him to hear me. Fortunately, he never brought up the kissing incident again.
And neither did Jared.
In fact, Jared acted as if we hadn’t kissed at all.
Pathetic. The word twisted around my heart, its barbs digging in. When would I learn? I wasn’t special to Jared. He wasn’t falling in love with me the way I was falling for him. I needed to get over him and move on.
If only it was as simple as that.
“Look. There’s Disneyland.” I pointed to the Ferris wheel and the roller coaster, needing a distraction from the pain.
“Do you remember coming here when we were kids?” Jared asked me.
“I remember you were madly in love with Cinderella.” To Logan I said, “He wanted to get her autograph so badly, he dragged our families around, searching for her.”
“Did you see her?” Logan asked. I couldn’t tell if he was impressed or not that Jared had at one point crushed over a Disney Princess.
I giggled. “No. It was Cinderella’s day off.”
“Did you get any autographs?”
“Yes. But only from Winnie-the-Pooh and his friends.”
Logan’s face lit up at the mention of Pooh.
Jared found a parking spot on the grounds. Holding Logan’s hands, we walked through Downtown Disney, with its restaurants and Disney-themed stores, to the main entrance. Because it was spring break, the lines through both security and the main park gate were long. Once we were through them both, Jared
loaded Logan onto his shoulders.
“Where to first?” I asked Logan. “You want to visit Winnie-the-Pooh and go on his ride?”
“Yes, Pooh!” Logan bounced on his father’s shoulders.
I smirked at Jared. “I guess you’re not moving fast enough.”
“What’s that?” Logan asked, pointing to a white and gray building that resembled a small Louisiana plantation, complete with four white pillars extending to the roof above the second floor. A graveyard on the grounds in front and to the side of the building added to the haunted feel of the place.
“It’s the Haunted Mansion,” I said. I didn’t get to finish what else I was going to say, because—
“Oh. My. God!” a female voice shrieked. A cluster of twenty-year-old females rushed in front of us and suddenly stopped. I swear they were bouncing as much as Logan had been on Jared’s shoulders.
“Oh. My. God,” the shrieker repeated. “You’re Jared Leigh. Guitarist for Pushing Limits.”
Her sidekicks squirmed their way between me and Jared, effectively pushing me out of the way. Nice.
I rolled my eyes and signed to Logan to check he was okay.
“Oh God, he’s sooooo adorable,” the shrieker said. At first I thought she was talking about Jared, because he certainly was adorable, especially with his son on his shoulders. But then I realized she meant Logan.
“You guys look like you could be brothers.” She raised her smartphone to take a photo.
A bad feeling rushed me at the realization that it wasn’t only Jared’s face she was planning to shoot a picture of. I stepped in front of her, blocking her view of Logan.
“What the fuck?” she said.
“Language.” I scowled at her.
“That’s a dollar,” Logan said, holding out his hand.
Jared chuckled and patted his son’s leg. “Sorry, buddy, but that only applies to Mason.”
“No pictures,” I said, pointing to Logan. “I don’t want his picture to end up on the Internet.”
My Song For You (Pushing Limits Book 2) Page 14
