by Jennie Liu
Several times during my shift, he pushes his cart by me and throws me questioning looks. I’m sure he is wondering where I have been all day. I try to keep my eyes averted from him.
I wonder what Ming and his father would think if they knew Yun might be carrying Ming’s baby. I work faster. I can’t think about that now. It doesn’t matter whose baby it is. As far as I’m concerned, the baby belongs to Yun and me, even if Yun doesn’t want it.
I am so glad she is back.
As I settle into my automatic mode, though, my thoughts spin dangerously fast. She’s so big! Does she know when the baby’s coming? She can stay in my room through the holidays, if my roommates agree. They’ll all be leaving for home soon. But then what? We’ll have to find her a room. Find some way to cover the hospital costs.
A boy will go to Yong’s mother. A girl will go to the Institute. The thought of that makes my hands tremble. I remember what Yun said about giving the baby to Yong for private adoption, herself being sold as a wife. But I know she only said that because she’s worried about money. I’ll take care of her until she can find a position.
I glance up at the clock. I didn’t like leaving her back at the dorm. I have a bad feeling.
Chapter 20
Yun
A long time passes while I’m in the stall. Girls move in and out of the bathroom, sometimes tapping on the door, but moving on when I say I’m going to be awhile. No one seems to notice that I don’t come out. The bathroom quiets. I guess the late shifts have started and the girls who work during the day are still on overtime.
The pulling pressure in my lower belly and between my legs becomes so heavy that I have to sit, squeezed awkwardly to one side of the squat toilet. I can’t put my legs together, so I have to lean back with one foot propped up on the stall door and the other straddled across the squat to the opposite corner. My coat is tucked up so the hem won’t fall into the long shallow toilet bowl. It isn’t long before I have to stand up again because the position begins to strain my back in a different way. As I’m struggling to my feet, a hard cramp doubles me over. Worse than any monthly cramp I ever had, worse than the cramps I had on the bus yesterday. I gasp, then hold my breath.
The cramp eases off. I pant to get my breath, shaking and cold-sweating in my coat. I feel clammy in my armpits and back and between my legs where my underwear is still damp. I hate how scared I feel.
Nothing happens for a long while. My panic dies down a little. I decide to see if I can get back into Luli’s room. If only I can stretch out and rest. The few cramps I had yesterday went away once I was resting at the Institute.
I peer out of my stall—the bathroom is empty. Out in the hall—also empty. Luli’s door—locked.
The thought of going back to the toilet suffocates me. I have a sudden urge to just leave the dorm entirely. It’s snowing or raining outside—cold, I’m sure—but I can see myself out there breathing, going somewhere.
But where would I go?
My belly and backside suddenly tighten again, shooting pain all around my middle. I grip the door handle of Luli’s room and nearly cry out, but my voice is caught in my throat. The pain paralyzes me. When it’s over, my legs feel as if they’ll collapse. I steady myself against the wall and lurch back to the bathroom.
I consider the stalls, but the thought of being folded in there again is unbearable. So I go to the far side of the bathroom near the high frosted window, take off my coat, and lay it on the floor in the corner. I crawl onto it, roll onto my side, and wait.
I have two more cramps before I have to admit something is happening. The pressure between my legs hasn’t eased up since I lay down. In fact, the feeling has increased.
I pull out my phone—and curse, realizing Luli won’t be able to answer her phone at work.
I scroll through the numbers. Everyone would be at work now except Yong. He’s probably still in jail, unless Wei has gotten him out already. I bring up his number. My thumb hangs over the call button.
Another cramp. I drop the phone, clutching my belly and groaning. They’re coming more often now.
When it stops, I pick up my phone and check the time. It’s almost 8:30. Another hour and a half and Luli will be back. I clamp my thighs together. I’m sure I can hold the baby inside until then.
Chapter 21
Luli
As soon as the late shift bell rings, I hop off my seat and run out the door while everyone else is still stretching and pushing their stools under the worktables. In the corridor, I hear someone calling me. I turn and see Ming. He grins and waves for me to wait, but I spin around and bolt away. I glance back and see him standing there, confused, workers streaming out of the workroom around him.
I rush back to the dormitory.
Just inside the building, Yuling, who lives on my floor, sees me and streaks toward me, shouting my name. I don’t even ask; I know something has happened with Yun. I follow Yuling up the stairs and along the hall, which is still mostly deserted. I slow as we get close to my room, but Yuling grabs my hand and pulls me to the bathroom.
Yun is on the floor in the far corner, panting like an animal. Her eyes are squeezed closed and her face is twisted in pain, the fluorescent lights over the mirrors giving her skin a greenish cast.
“I came in, and she was calling for you,” Yuling says. “Yelled at me to go get you.”
I dash over to Yun and kneel beside her. She opens her eyes and grabs my hand, squeezing so hard it’s like she’s crushing my bones. I let her. Seeing her in so much agony makes my chest hurt.
After a moment, Yun’s grip loosens on me. Her face is slick with sweat, but the rigid look falls away. “You’re here.” She breathes the words so faintly between pants, I almost don’t hear.
Yuling crouches behind me. “Is she having a baby?”
I nod, fighting down my own panic.
“She has to go to the hospital!” Yuling says.
“Yes. Help me get her up!”
We lift her, and she slings her arms around our shoulders. We half-drag her out of the bathroom, but as soon as we reach the hallway Yun stops. She grabs her sides, clenched in pain again.
I peer down the long hall toward the stairs at the other end. I have no idea how we’re going to get there and then down four flights. And then across the complex to the front gates. And then to the hospital. I have plenty of money for a taxi, but the closest hospital is—
I can hear hollow voices and the clomp of footsteps in the stairwell, girls arriving back from work. “Into my room! Right there!” I fumble for my keys and thrust them at Yuling. She unlocks the door and pushes it open. I get Yun inside and lower her onto my bunk while Yuling clicks on the overhead light.
I drop to sit on the edge of the bunk to catch my breath.
“It’s coming! I know it is!” Yun huffs. She starts twisting side to side on the bed. For a moment, I think she’s writhing in agony. But no—she’s just trying to wriggle off her pants. I reach over to help her tug them off.
“She can’t have a baby here!” Yuling pulls her phone from a pocket. “I’m going to call an ambulance!”
“No!” Yun growls fiercely.
Startled, Yuling freezes. We look at each other, not knowing what to do. I turn back to Yun.
“No. The fines . . . the hospital charges . . .” She’s lying back with her knees up, her eyes closed, a moment of rest. I’m petrified, knowing another terrible pain is coming.
Yuling is right—we need an ambulance, Yun needs to get to a hospital. But I don’t have anywhere near 40,000 yuan. What if we get all the way there, only to be turned away because we can’t pay for the birth permit?
“Yun,” I say, “what should we—”
Yun lets out another smothered cry. Her fingers scrunch up the blanket she’s lying on.
The baby is coming. Right now. Even if Yun would agree to try the hospital, I’m not sure we’d make it there in time.
I turn to Yuling desperately. “Do you know anyone on thi
s floor who has children?” I know lots of women come from the countryside to work in the factories, leaving their children with grandparents, sending money home for their education. Most of them live off grounds with their husbands, though surely someone in this dorm has had a child and would know how to help deliver one.
Suddenly I think of Dali. She came from the countryside, and she has a much younger brother she helps support. She’s the smartest person I know. “Upstairs! Room 606! Get Dali!”
Yuling races out of the room. I joggle my leg nervously, biting at my hangnails as I watch Yun. She keeps her eyes closed, the skin between her brows pinched up like she’s concentrating on something. I want to say something that will help her, but I can’t think of anything. I can’t believe this is happening. I’ve never been so scared.
Yun has two more pains before the door flies open and Yuling is back. Dali is with her. I jump up, relieved.
“Oh, shit!” Dali says when she sees Yun lying in the bed, naked from the waist down. “Move over, move over. I know what to do.”
I scramble out of the way, and Dali crouches next to the bed. “I helped my mother when she had my little brother.” She yanks my blanket off the foot of the bed where Yun has kicked it, folds it into a pad, and places it on the floor. “Yun, get up! Get on your knees and lean over the bed.”
Yun rolls her eyes to Dali and blinks, but when she doesn’t move, Dali slips her arm under her shoulders and hoists her up until she starts getting off the bed. She kneels at the side of it with my pillow folded and tucked under her arms. Her naked bottom shines pale and white. Although it’s astonishing to see her like this, I can’t help thinking that from behind I can hardly tell she’s pregnant. How did all this happen?
Yuling has left the door open, and several girls pass by on the way to the bathroom. They see what’s happening and begin crowding behind her. I gesture furiously at Yuling, and she quickly shuts the door.
I curse under my breath, but then Yun is having another cramp. She grits her teeth, her face screaming pain, but no sound comes out except heaves of breath. I don’t know how she isn’t yelling. I bite on my own knuckle to keep from crying out.
There’s knocking on the door. Someone shouts, “What’s going on?”
I hear the key turn, and the door starts to open.
I push Yuling out of the way, lunge to the door, and shove it closed. I jam my foot against it.
Pounding starts from the other side. “Who’s in there? Luli? It’s Shu! You can’t keep me out!”
A roommate. Most of them are getting off the overtime shift. They’ll all be here soon. They have to sleep. If I don’t let them in, they’ll report me. I look at Yuling, but she just gives me a don’t-know-what-to-do face.
“Wait a minute.” Dali wiggles off her coat and puts it over Yun’s naked backside. She gestures at me to go ahead.
I crack open the door. There are several girls around Shu. I will myself to speak calmly. “It’s my friend. She’s sick.” I gesture for the others to go away. They try to peer in, but I hold the door close and keep myself wedged tightly in the opening.
“Let me in now, ” Shu whines. “I’m tired.”
I nod at her friends. Shu gets the message and shoos them away. Once they’ve gone into the bathroom, I let her slip through.
Shu gapes at Dali and Yun bent over the bedside. “What sort of sick?”
I ignore her, but Yuling pipes up, “She’s having a baby!”
I shush her, but the door opens and three more of my roommates come in. They’re all worn out, and I almost think they would have just gone to their bunks without noticing, except that Shu makes a big show of rushing over to gawk at Yun. The other girls are instantly curious. All their tiredness falls away as they circle around with questions and probing eyes.
“Be quiet!” Dali snaps at them. She snatches the coat off Yun. “It’s coming. I can see the head!”
The girls gasp, then fall silent. I draw back, putting my cold hands to my cheeks.
Yun begins to groan, a deep guttural animal sound. She’s been so quiet with her pain before now. Brave. I’m sure I’m more scared than she is.
“Get some towels or something!” Dali shouts.
We all scramble to our lockers between the bunks. I’m so nervous I can’t get my lock unfastened, and by the time I place my towel on the floor with the others, Yun is squatting, and I can see a dark dome between her legs.
“Luli, get behind her and let her lean on you,” Dali orders.
I quickly move into place, unsure of how to position myself. But Yun leans back between my legs and loops her arms around my bent knees as if she does this all the time. I can feel the heat coming off her. The room is hushed except for Yun gasping and moaning as she pushes. Even Dali looks frightened as she holds a towel under the baby, waiting for it to come out.
Yun groans, nearly a roar, and now the baby’s head is fully out—now a shoulder. “Pull it!” she rasps.
“You have to push it out!” Dali’s hands tremble as she moves the towel closer to the baby.
Yun takes several breaths. Her hair is matted to her flushed, damp face. Beads of sweat spring up at her temples, and she leaks tears. I grab one of the towels the girls have thrown on the bed and mop her face.
“You can do it. You can do it.” I lean forward to put my face next to hers and whisper in her ear, feeling tears running down my own cheeks. “It’s almost out. You’re almost done!”
Her arms clamp hard against my legs. Her jaw clenches, and she pushes with a hard, low moan. I feel her whole body shudder, and she releases a deep, shaky sigh. Then Dali has the baby in a towel.
Chapter 22
Yun
I’m so tired I just want to lie down and sleep. Too exhausted to speak, I weakly nudge against Luli, trying to get her to move so I can stretch out. She understands without needing me to say anything. Gently, she unfolds her knees from under my arms where she’s been propping me up, then scoots back. The baby is crying, a high-pitched, jagged, unreal noise. Around me, the girls are squealing and gushing over it, but they rush to spread blankets out on the cool cement floor before I lie back. I don’t care about the blankets. I just want to rest. I close my eyes against the glaring fluorescent tube overhead, listening to the thrilled and horrified voices of the girls.
“It’s so cute!”
“And so tiny!”
“Is it okay? What’s all that white stuff?”
“Is it a girl or a boy?”
“Girl!” Dali announces.
The clamor in the room swells as the girls get excited again. Girl or boy, it doesn’t matter to me. My body feels deflated, drained, but I can still feel some cramping in my belly.
Dali barks above the noise, “Somebody! Yuling, go to my room and get my laptop!”
I open my eyes and see her squatting beside me, rubbing the baby in the towel on the floor.
“Take my keys.” She thrusts her chin upward at Yuling to show the key hanging on a lanyard around her neck. “It’s in my locker. The top one with my family’s photo.”
Yuling reaches over and lifts the lanyard from around Dali’s neck.
Luli, sitting on her heels beside me, asks Dali, “Why do you need your computer?” Her voice is shaky, nervous, but her eyes are on the baby, full of wonder.
“Who has scissors? We have to cut the cord. I also need some strips of cloth or string,” Dali says.
Two of the girls go to search their lockers before Dali answers Luli. “There’s more to do. I want to check on the internet to make sure we’re doing everything right. I was twelve when my brother was born.” She smiles down at the baby. “I helped my grandma bring him out at home, but that was a long time ago. Eight years. I’m a little rusty.”
Luli swallows. “When you say there’s more to do . . .” She trails off.
Dali answers the unfinished question. “After we cut the cord, something else has to come out, or else she”—she thrusts her chin at me this time—“
can get very sick.”
I curl up against the cramps as the scissors are found, the computer arrives. Dali orders someone to get out a hot plate and sterilize the scissors. It all happens around me like I’m not a part of it. I feel as if I’m not there, only half conscious of some hazy scene.
The cord is finally cut and tied off. Dali gives the baby to Luli. It’s still crying, the noise like the alley cats in Yellow Grain Village. Has it only been two days since I was there? By now, Ma surely knows I’ve left the jail. She’s probably panicked. I have a twinge of guilt about that.
Luli bounces the baby as she paces and murmurs to her anxiously. I just want to drift off, but I do everything that Dali tells me to do to “push out the placenta.” The other girls smother their horror at what comes out. Even Dali makes a face as she folds it up into a towel with stiff arms and snaps at someone to find a plastic bag.
The girls stay up, all excited, helpful, nice. They rush around to help, cleaning up the mess, searching for pads and spare cloth to use as makeshift diapers, taking turns holding the baby until she calms, trying out names. They act like this is a party, and the baby is the center of it. I’m outside all the commotion. Like falling asleep watching a program on television.
It seems like a long time before Luli helps me up into her bunk. I feel so weak, as if my shuddering legs won’t hold me up.
When I’m finally settled under someone’s purple comforter, the girls clean up the floor. Luli sits on the edge of the bed and holds the baby out to me. I don’t want to take her, but Luli presses her on me.
I’ve held little babies before at the Institute. Picked them up to change them, washed them, but never held them just to hold. There were too many of them. Of us.
“I don’t think we’ve ever seen one this new before,” I say. She’s pink-white and so tiny wrapped in the towel, she reminds me of a newborn mouse. She’s not bawling her lungs out anymore, just making weak little sounds as she twists in my arms.
