by S. Nelson
“Don’t tell me you’re going to give him another chance, Quinn. He did you dirty. Once a cheater and all that shit.”
“I’m not going to do any such thing. I’m just not ready to completely let go. I can’t explain it.” I took a moment to think, trying to sort out the jumbled mess inside my head where my ex was concerned. “I just didn’t see it coming. Not at all. He was always so attentive and loving. He was affectionate, always asked how I was, how my day had been, shared in the dreams we had for our future. I had the password to his phone, his computer. He didn’t hide things from me.” I closed my eyes. “I never suspected a thing. I trusted him. I loved him.” Emotions overtook me in the moment, unshed tears gathering behind my lids. “That’s the hardest part of it all, other than the cheating, of course. If I’d been suspicious, if I’d caught him in lies, if I even suspected him of being shady about certain parts of his life, then I could somehow wrap my head around it. But I can’t. I was utterly and completely blindsided.”
Todd Mills and I met right after I started working at DCFS. He was one of the lawyers on staff for the agency and we hit it off right away. He was six years older than me, handsome and very charming. A couple weeks after we started talking, he asked me out and we’d been inseparable ever since. The first couple of years had been wonderful, but when he left the agency and started working for a larger, private firm, things slowly started to shift. He worked later hours, constantly canceling plans we’d made, and because we didn’t live together, our time with one another had dwindled down to only a couple days a week, mostly on the weekends. A few months before we broke up, his work took over those precious days we had left, complaining that he was tasked with larger cases and he had to put his time in if he ever hoped to make partner someday. He strung me along with empty promises and I lapped them up because I didn’t want to lose him.
Then one day, three months ago, he canceled our Saturday night plans once again. He said he’d come down with something and was going to stay home. Like the unsuspecting fool I was, I believed him. I wanted to surprise him, only I was the one who ended up being surprised, catching him in bed with some woman. The dumbass probably forgot I had a key to his place, seeing as how I hadn’t used it in quite some time.
“I love her to death, but you don’t want to end up like Mom,” my sister said. “She forgave Dad for his affair, which he then took as license to cheat again and again.”
“They were never happy,” I argued. “And their issues only got worse after Jimmy died.” The quick recollection of the pain that had sliced our family apart when my older brother passed away took hold, but before I could dwell on his memory, Avery continued talking about our parents.
“Just because they had issues didn’t give him a pass to cheat.” My sister’s relationship with our dad was different than mine. I was more forgiving than she was. That did not mean I condoned what he did, because I didn’t, but the older I became, the more I understood relationships were difficult, some more than others, and everyone had their hurdles to overcome. Our mom chose to forgive our dad and that got her burned in the end.
“I know.”
“Do you?” Her eyes turned into tiny slits once again.
“Yes.”
“Just promise me you won’t go down the same path.”
I didn’t need her to clarify what path she referred to because it was obvious. “I have no intention of getting back with him.”
“And I have every intention to work out each morning, but shit doesn’t pan out that way in reality.”
“What do you want me to tell you? That I don’t have feelings for Todd anymore? I’d be lying. Just let me deal with this in my own way, Avery.” I hoped the sternness in my voice would convince her to have some compassion for my situation, instead of sitting there judging me.
“Fine.”
Her huff of annoyance irritated me, but I tried not to dwell on her reaction, and switched tactics. “How about we stop worrying about what I will or won’t do and focus on you for a change. Whatever happened to that guy you went out with last week? The tattoo artist?”
The faintest smile ghosted over her face before she appeared bored with the change in subject. “It was okay. We had a nice time, but I don’t know about him. There’s something off, yet it’s not obvious, if that makes any sense.”
“Not at all.”
“He was cute, though. Maybe I’m looking for issues that don’t exist.”
“You’re too cynical for someone so young.” Avery was two years my junior, twenty-four, and had never been in a serious relationship. She dated, a lot, but nothing ever turned into anything long term. She seemed fine with it, though, breaking things off before anything had the possibility of turning into something, and I had every notion her aversion to love had everything to do with our parents’ marriage.
“I’m realistic,” she countered.
“Tomato, potato.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not the saying.” She laughed, all tension surrounding my love life, or lack thereof, completely forgotten. If I hadn’t been intently studying her, I would’ve missed the brief expression of reservation that flitted over her lovely face. “Are you going on Saturday?”
I could’ve asked what she referred to, but my question would’ve been asinine. This upcoming Saturday was our brother’s birthday. I thought as the years sped by, the pain would’ve lessened, but all time seemed to accomplish was to drive home his absence from our family.
Each year I missed him more. His smile had been infectious, his sense of humor unrivaled, and the way he cared for Avery and me, while annoying at the time, especially when he warned all his friends away from us, had only proved how much he wanted to protect us.
But Jimmy had been a troubled soul, as my mom would often say. He’d been diagnosed with bipolar schizophrenia when he was nineteen, and while the pronouncement had been a relief of sorts, finally aware of what was wrong, it had also been a blow. Not only to my brother, but to our entire family. Then when he passed, the last thread of whatever it was that held our family together had splintered. Dad left several months after Jimmy’s funeral, moving across town to a small apartment so he was close by in case either of his daughters needed him. The issues between our parents dissolved the night they got the call about their only son, but the tragedy was something neither of them could come back from. Now, they talked when they ran into each other, but the conversations were short. I’d love to say they were sweet as well, but that wasn’t the case. Often, Mom would call me after one of their encounters and cry, and I let her, having no idea what it was like to lose a child, then have my marriage finally implode. I did, however, know what it felt like to have my heart stomped on by someone I loved. On that I could relate.
“I’m not looking forward to it, but yes, I’ll be there. You’re going, right?” Every year we met at our mom’s house for dinner, eating one of our brother’s favorite meals, while sharing stories about him. Then afterward, we went to the cemetery to visit his grave. Last year, though, Avery refused to go. She’d been in a funk and said she couldn’t deal with our mother’s gut-wrenching sorrow, which was worse than ours combined.
“Yes.” Her answer gave me the relief I didn’t even know I needed. “Do you think Dad will show up?”
“Not sure. I haven’t talked to him in a couple days.” While our parents shared in the heartache, each knowing exactly what the other was going through, their presence together seemed to exacerbate the pain.
Several moments of unease passed, my thoughts drifting to our brother, then to our parents. I was relieved when my sister hopped off her chair and flung her arms around me to give me a big hug.
“This too shall pass,” she whispered in my ear, the adage doing nothing to erase the apprehension building inside me. I flashed her a faint grin when she pulled back. “I have to get ready for work. You should stop by tonight.”
Avery hadn’t yet decided what she wanted to do with her life, so in the meantime,
she’d taken a job at a local bar, working nights, which was when most of the action happened. Like me, she didn’t earn a lot, but since we lived together and shared our meager expenses, she wasn’t stressed financially, or not much, anyway.
“Maybe if it was the weekend, but seeing as it’s a Tuesday night and I have to work in the morning, I’m going to pass.”
“Suit yourself. But there’s a hottie who always comes in. He doesn’t say anything, just has a drink or two and then leaves. But I have a feeling all he needs to loosen up is a good lay.” Her and those damn wiggling brows.
“What has that got to do with me?”
“You could be the one doing the laying.” Her teasing tone belied her expression, which hadn’t flickered at all.
“Again, I’ll pass.”
Avery sauntered off down the hall without another word, her invitation to possibly have sex with a stranger one I gladly dismissed easily enough.
The last thing I needed in my life was to have to deal with a man, in any fashion imaginable other than work related.
3
Quinn
“I’m here. I’m here,” I shouted to Paul Leston, my boss, who was currently glancing at the clock on the wall, then to me. “Sorry. Traffic was a nightmare, as usual.” Living in California my entire life, I should be used to the horrific busy lanes of vehicles crawling by, honking horns, and bouts of road rage, but every day my hope that traffic would flow freely was crushed as soon as I entered the freeway.
“You’re due in court in an hour.” His slow walk toward me should’ve made me nervous, but it was his relaxed expression that put me at ease. Paul was a stern, no-nonsense boss, but he was friendly and compassionate, realizing how stressed we all were, our caseloads piling up more and more. He’d often comment on how I needed to find a balance between work and home life, often when he was staying late himself.
“I’m ready. I would’ve gone straight there, but I wanted to grab a few things for my visit with the Grendons afterward.” Rooting through my drawers, I located the file I’d been searching for, flipping through to make sure all my notes were up to date.
When he reached my desk, he leaned against the edge, and crossed his arms over his chest. “Speaking of, I don’t want you there alone. I’m going to arrange for someone to meet you.”
He was worried about Roy Grendon, the husband of Linda Grendon, and father to both their boys, Henry and Matthew. Two weeks ago, when I last visited, he showed up, and once he saw me, he became irate, screaming for me to leave, that I didn’t need to come around and check on his family.
What I hesitated to disclose to Paul at first was that Roy had slammed me against the wall and threatened to make me disappear if I ever came there again. My boss was protective of all of his staff, and my initial thought was that while I hoped he’d trust me to handle the situation and do my job, he’d end up pulling me off the case. I’d become invested in the family, as I was with all the people assigned to me, which was what I believed made me good at my job. In the end, I told Paul the full story and agreed to press charges because I didn’t want to be the reason Linda’s husband felt brave enough to come back anytime soon and hurt her or the boys.
Our agency had initially become involved when Henry, the eight-year-old, had been rushed to the hospital with a concussion and a broken wrist six months ago. He’d been trying to protect his mother from his father when he was thrown across the room.
Even though Linda had filed for divorce, it didn’t stop him from showing up and harassing her, threatening that if she went through with it, she’d regret it. Only this time if he showed up at the apartment complex, the police would be called, and he’d be arrested because of the warrant that had been issued for him for attacking me.
“I’m not going to argue,” I said, flashing Paul a tight-lipped grin as I swung the strap of my laptop case over my shoulder.
“Good.” He patted the top of my desk twice, like he always did, then walked off toward his office. I didn’t have a second’s peace before Krista and Eva crowded around me.
“You’re so lucky he talks to you and doesn’t constantly call you in to reprimand you.” Eva glanced toward our boss’s office before her attention settled back on me.
“Well, if you filled out your reports on time, he wouldn’t have to constantly remind you,” I argued, shaking my head when her left shoulder rose, then fell. If she’d just do her job right, she’d escape Paul’s chastisement.
“He can call me into his office anytime he wants,” Krista dreamily sighed. It was no surprise to anyone around the office that she had it bad for the man. Although I didn’t think Paul had any clue, and if he did, he hadn’t made it known.
I could understand why Krista was attracted to him, with his broad shoulders, athletic build, dark blond wavy hair, and striking green eyes, but he wasn’t my type. Or at least, I’d put him in that category because the only guy who’d held my interest for years had been Todd.
“We all know, woman. You’d love for him to bend you over his desk and reprimand you all day long.” Krista’s cheeks flushed with my tease, but her smile told me she’d be game for exactly what I blurted. “I gotta go. I’ll see you two later?”
They both nodded, dispersing back to their workstations as I headed toward the hallway, then to the elevator.
With my head down, waiting for the chime of the steel car to sound, I wasn’t paying attention when someone approached me from behind. His breath fanned across my cheek before I realized I shared the space with anyone else.
“Hi, Quinn.”
I startled, turning my head slightly to the side, only to see Scott standing there. He was one of the lawyers who worked at the agency. He also happened to be one of Todd’s good buddies.
“You can’t sneak up on me like that. You nearly gave me a heart attack.” Adjusting the strap on my shoulder, I took a step to the side, as he crowded my personal space.
“Sorry.” His apology seemed heartfelt, but the way his eyes continued to roam over me made me feel twitchy. Call it a hunch or a feeling, or even intuition, but his interest in me was more than a casual acquaintance. “You look nice.”
“Thank you.” I glanced down at my outfit, a black pencil skirt, and white blouse, noting that my top button had come undone. After pulling it closed, I glanced up at Scott, hoping he hadn’t noticed, but he had, his eyes landing on mine after several long seconds of being downcast.
We stood side by side in silence until the elevator arrived. Scott swung his arm out, allowing me to enter before him. We were the only two occupants, and unless anyone else called for the car, we’d be riding alone all the way down to the lobby from the eighth floor.
When the digital indicator read four, he turned his body toward me. I held my breath because I had no idea what was going to come flying out of his mouth.
“Are you and Todd really done? For good?” Why couldn’t he have asked me anything but that? “Because if you are, I’d like to take you out.” Nope… that was worse.
Counting to five before answering, reining in my shock, nerves, and slight annoyance, I released a burst of air from my lungs, all while keeping my focus on the doors and not on him. Scott was a good-looking guy, his jet-black hair, brown eyes, and full lips surely turning the heads of many women, but there was no way in hell I was going there, even if I was interested in dating him, which I most certainly was not. Not only did I have firsthand knowledge that he was a one-and-done kind of man, but he was also a good friend of my ex.
“I’m not sure where Todd and I stand right now, but even if we’d been broken up for years, you’re his friend; therefore, you’re forever off-limits. I’m sure if you asked Todd, he would tell you the same thing.” My voice trembled, and I hated how unsure I sounded talking about the man I once thought I was going to marry someday.
I finally turned my head and looked up to meet his gaze and what I saw was that he didn’t look the slightest bit undeterred. Why I eluded to the fact that Todd an
d I stood in limbo was beyond me, but the words were out there, and I couldn’t take them back, and if I tried to skirt around the issue or try and explain further, I’d come off more unsure and rattled than I meant to.
I foolishly thought this would be the end of our conversation and that Scott would apologize and at least be somewhat embarrassed, but instead, he took a single step closer. Because the space we shared wasn’t large to begin with, his small advancement had his arm brushing against mine, stealing whatever amount of personal space I’d been allowed while stuck in this steel cage next to him.
“I’ve always had a thing for you, Quinn.” His forwardness caused my eyes to widen. “Todd knew it and—”
“And he remained friends with you?” I asked, shocked at his admission.
“Of course. I never hit on you, and I didn’t go on and on about you in front of him. I simply told him that if he ever let you go, I’d step in and swoop you up.”
“There will be no swooping of any sort,” I blurted, shaking my head slightly, as if the motion would allow me to wrap my brain around our conversation. “I don’t care what you told him. I’m not interested.” By this time, my eyes had swerved from his and landed back on the doors in front of us.
The chime for our arrival to the lobby broke through the uncomfortable pause of silence between us, gifting me a few seconds to finish composing myself. I ignored the fact he still had not taken a step back. The heat from his body infiltrated and rattled me, and not in a good way. I wouldn’t classify Scott as being creepy or anything of the sort, but his forwardness, seemingly coming out of left field, made me uncomfortable.
