by S. Nelson
The kiss was slow and gentle, his hands cradling my cheeks as he tilted my head. The tease of his tongue made me gasp in want, but he didn’t deepen the kiss. Not at first. He toyed with me, pulling back when I craved more, smirking when I could barely see straight. But when I trailed my fingers through his hair, pulling on the dark strands in my desire to be consumed by him, he growled, the sound hitting me right between the legs. When his tongue finally stroked mine, he took my mouth in a toe-curling kiss.
“Do you want to come inside?” I whispered when our lips parted. I didn’t want to break the connection, but I wanted more of him.
“Yes.” My heart leapt. “But I’m not going to. I don’t want to rush this.”
“Are you saying that for my benefit or yours?” My disappointment was hidden beneath my smile.
“Both.”
“Okay.” There were several things I wanted to say, but none of them would paint me in the best light. I was only just getting to know him, but I honestly believed Nolan wasn’t a “love ’em and leave ’em” type of guy. And I feared if I became too insistent, I’d scare him off.
“I’ll call you tomorrow.” His statement was more of a question. Taking a step back, his eyes never leaving mine, he ran his thumb over the plumpness of my bottom lip. “Thank you, Quinn.”
“For what?”
“For everything.” He pressed his mouth to mine once more. “I’ll wait until you’re safely inside.” The intensity of his stare only made me want to throw myself at him, but our date was over now. I’d have to hold off until next time, praying that he would call me tomorrow so we could make another plan to meet up.
I pushed the door open, the lamp on a nearby table spreading light over the room so I wasn’t walking into a dark house. I took one step inside, turning back to look at him.
“G’night.”
“G’night,” he echoed, gifting me one more smile before he turned and walked down the steps. As I watched him drive away, I couldn’t stop the pang of uncertainty that weaved its way through me.
I liked him, more than I thought I could, which only meant one thing.
Possibly getting hurt again.
“How was it?” Avery bounced on my bed like she used to do when we were kids, startling me awake, although barely.
“You couldn’t wait until a reasonable hour to ask me that?” I groaned, turning over and pulling the pillow over my head. “It’s too early for this.” The digital display on my bedside clock read 3:42.
“I couldn’t go to sleep without knowing.” She shoved my shoulder, and I reluctantly turned back over. “Did you sleep with him?”
“No.” She pulled the pillow from my face, narrowing her eyes at me in suspicion. “I didn’t.” I purposely stalled for time before adding, “We kissed, though.”
“And?”
“It was amazing.” I couldn’t stop my smile from spreading ear to ear, the memory of our mouths fused together making me warm all over again.
“But?”
“How do you know there’s a but?” I fidgeted under her scrutiny, Avery knowing me better than anyone.
All she had to do was tilt her head, and I caved. “But I’m worried.”
“About getting hurt again.”
“Yeah.”
“Not every guy is going to cheat, Quinn. And don’t ask me why I think this, but I don’t believe Nolan is that type of guy.”
“I never thought Todd was that type of guy until it happened.” I pulled the covers over my head, but she snatched them back.
“I can’t believe I’m even going to say this because I’m more of a have-fun-with-one-then-be-done kind of girl, but don’t be scared to take a chance. I see the way that man looks at you, and you at him. There’s something there.” I didn’t know if it was the deer-in-headlights look I gave her or my wide-open mouth, but she felt the need to say, “Just don’t be a chickenshit, that’s all.”
“Oh, that’s all?”
“Yup.” She hopped off the bed and meandered across my bedroom, strands of her hair falling from her messy top knot. “Now, I need to wash off the day and get to bed. Don’t wake me before noon.”
I would’ve tossed my pillow at her, but she was gone before I could lift my arm to do so.
24
Quinn
“Where are you off to?” My sister lounged on the couch, blowing on the hot brew of coffee in her hands. I pretended to ignore her because I wasn’t in the mood for a lecture, but I knew my silence wouldn’t be well received. “Quinn. I know you hear me.”
“What?” I grabbed my keys from the table.
“Where are you going?”
“Do I have to tell you everything?” That’s it, get defensive. I won’t raise any alarms that way.
She placed the mug on the coffee table and leaned forward. “Are you going to see Nolan like that?”
I looked down at the clothes I threw on, not putting any effort into how I looked, other than clean. Jeans and an old T-shirt covered my body, and my hair was pulled back in a ponytail, my face clear of any makeup.
“I don’t look that bad.” Her tone indicated I did. “And no, I’m not going to see Nolan.” I mumbled the last part hoping she wouldn’t ask any more questions, but I should’ve known better.
“Running errands?”
“No.”
“Stopping by Mom’s?”
Again, I answered with “No.” I shifted from foot to foot, hating the way she studied me. “Are you done? Can I go now?” My phone chimed just as I wrapped my fingers around the knob of the front door.
“Why are you being so secretive? Just tell me who you’re…” Her words drifted off, her eyes widening bigger than I’d ever seen before. Avery jumped off the couch and crowded my personal space a second later. “Don’t tell me you’re going to see Todd.”
I failed to mention that tidbit of information last night when she asked if he was still calling me. I didn’t want to lie to her, but she’d be all over me, grilling me and spouting off about how dirty he did me and how I should ignore him until he finally stopped. But Nolan was right. The only way to move on from my past relationship was to confront it and end it properly, which I planned on doing in thirty minutes. I agreed to meet him at his place, with the stipulation that I wasn’t staying long. Meeting in public had been my first inclination, but in case our conversation got heated, I wouldn’t be able to let loose on him if the need struck.
“I have to end this once and for all.”
“You did, when you caught him cheating then refused to talk to him afterward.”
“But I need closure. I’ll hear what he has to say and then tell him I don’t want to see him ever again, to his face so he gets it.”
“Closure is overrated.”
“And how would you know?” We squared off, staring at each other, both of us becoming irritated the longer we stood toe to toe.
“If you want to waste your Sunday talking to him, then that’s your choice.”
“Exactly.”
“But you’re not going looking like that.” She waved her finger up and down my body.
“I don’t care what I look like. I’m not dolling myself up for him.” I yanked on the handle and opened the door, done with our conversation, but she slammed it shut on me.
“Listen to me. That shithead cheated on you. He broke your heart. He made you cry yourself to sleep for weeks.”
“And you’re reminding me of this, why?”
“Because the best way to get back at him is to look fucking amazing. Show him what he can’t have anymore. Rub it in his face.” She snatched my hand and pulled me toward the stairs. “And if you want to mention you’re dating a gorgeous cop, then throw that in there too.”
“I’m not telling him anything about Nolan.”
“Fine. But you are going to look hot as hell.”
After fifteen minutes of arguing with her, refusing to wear a short blue dress, we compromised with the pair of fitted jeans I was already wear
ing and a pink and white striped blouse, leaving the top two buttons undone to show a bit of cleavage. I swapped my white sneakers for heels, and while my sister curled my hair, I applied some makeup—nothing over the top, just enough to highlight my eyes and lips.
With her hands resting on my shoulders, she turned me toward my oval mirror. I met her eyes in the reflection as she stood behind me.
“There. Now you can tell him to go fuck himself in style.” She smacked my ass before leaving my room, and all I could do was laugh. I loved my sister to pieces, and I wouldn’t admit this to her right now, but I felt better about seeing Todd now that I looked as good as I did. My appearance gave me the extra confidence to deal with him, and the end of our relationship.
“Hello?” I was about to exit my car when Nolan called.
“Hi. Are you busy?”
“Kind of.”
“Oh? With what?” His question was breezy, which only made me feel awkward, even though it was his suggestion I see my ex. Well, technically he told me I should talk to Todd, not necessarily see him. Why I even felt a sense of guilt baffled me as Nolan and I weren’t an item. We were just getting to know each other. “Quinn? Are you still there?”
“Yeah, sorry. Um… I’m going to meet Todd.”
“Okay.” His tone shifted from lighthearted to something akin to annoyed. “Where?”
“His place.” He didn’t say anything at first, but I heard him breathing down the line, so I knew he hadn’t hung up. “I told him when I agreed to this that I wasn’t staying long, and I’m not. My intention is to hear what he has to say, then say my piece, then leave.”
“Okay,” he repeated, his tone continuing to have that unexplainable edge to it.
“Are you upset?” I asked, tapping my finger against the wheel.
“About you going to your ex’s place to see him?” I believed I detected a hint of sarcasm in his question, but I was still getting to know him, so I couldn’t be sure, even though my gut told me I was correct.
“Yes.”
“I don’t have any right to tell you what to do, Quinn. If you feel you need to do this, then do it.”
His brief pause allowed me to try and gain some shred of thought over the entire situation. I didn’t want to upset him or make him think I remotely wanted to get back with Todd, but at the same time, I needed to do this for my sanity. I needed to move on, hopefully with Nolan.
“You still didn’t answer my question.”
“And what was that?” he asked.
I desperately wanted his tone to change back to what it had been when he first called me. “Are you upset?”
“Yes and no. I’m not going to tell you not to do something because that’s not my place, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I had some concerns about you going to see him.”
“What concerns?”
“You getting back with him,” he blurted. “I like you and would hate to think I lost out to someone who didn’t treat you right in the first place.”
“Trust me. You don’t have to worry about that. There is no way I’d take him back.”
“Okay.” If he uttered that damn word one more time, I was going to lose it. Another pregnant pause ensued. “Do you want to meet up afterward? We can grab a bite to eat. Nothing fancy, as I’m still on duty, but I can break for a late lunch.”
The excitement of seeing him so soon after our date thrilled me, and I had a feeling I’d need a distraction from my encounter with Todd, so my answer was an easy one.
“I’d love that. I’ll call you when I’m done.”
“Good luck.” His voice drifted away from annoyance and back toward breezy.
“Thanks. Talk soon.”
25
Quinn
My heart used to jump inside my chest whenever I saw Todd, but as I watched him walk toward me, I felt nothing but anger and hurt. I’d trusted him and he’d torn my heart out without any regard. What he did was selfish, and I didn’t deserve to be treated like that.
During the past few months, after I’d cried my last tear over him, I wondered what part I’d played in the demise of our relationship. What had I done that made him stray? Did I not give him enough attention? Was I not affectionate enough? Did I not satisfy him in bed? Did I focus only on the problems I faced and not enough on whatever it was he was going through? In the end, my conclusion was that I was a good girlfriend. I wasn’t perfect, but I gave my all to him and our relationship. Even now, as I acknowledged this, there was still a small part of me that continued to wonder if I’d done something different, would we still be together?
Then Avery’s sound words rang in my head. She’d told me Todd had done me a favor. It would’ve been a lot messier to get a divorce than to just break up.
“Here you go.” He handed me a glass of water, taking the seat next to me on the sofa, the same sofa we used to cuddle on and watch television. The same sofa we’d had sex on countless times. He studied me, looking me over more than once. “You look fantastic.” If I wasn’t mistaken, I thought I detected a gleam of appreciation in his eyes.
“Thanks.” I took a sip, my mouth drying out the longer I was here. Placing the drink on a coaster, I battled with not fidgeting and gave him my attention. The sooner we had it out, the quicker I could leave.
“Quinn,” he started, his voice as deep as I remembered. “I wanted to tell you in person how sorry I am for what I did.”
“Having sex with someone else.” I wanted him to say the words and not trivialize his actions by uttering “what I did.”
He had the decency to look down for a moment before meeting my eyes again. “For having sex with someone else. For cheating on you.” His fingers traveled through his hair. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I had it all, and I fucked up.” He shifted closer, but I remained still.
“Why?” That was the question I wondered the most.
“I don’t have an answer.”
“Then that’s even more messed up.”
“I know.”
Silence captured the moment, heightening my growing unease.
I used to think Todd was the most handsome man I’d ever seen, with his wavy dark blond hair and his pale blue eyes. The way his smile was slightly crooked only added to his allure, and on top of everything else, he had an amazing body. He wasn’t as tall or as muscular as Nolan, but he was well defined.
But now all I saw was a coward.
He reached for my hand, but I pulled back before he could touch me. “I’m so sorry, baby. Can you ever forgive me?” Hearing him call me baby made me cringe. “I’ll do anything, just name it.”
“What do you mean you’ll do anything?”
“To get you back. I’ll do anything you want if you’ll just give me a second chance.” Because of my surprise, when he reached for me again, I didn’t pull away in time, his hand grasping mine tightly. “I love you, Quinn. And these past three months have been hell for me. I can’t sleep. I hardly eat. I’m messing up at work because all I can think about is you and how much I need you back in my life.” He moved even closer than before, his leg bumping against mine. “Please tell me you’ll give me another chance to make things right. I promise I’ll never hurt you again.”
Todd took my silence as agreement, even though it most certainly was not. I needed a moment for my brain to compute everything he’d spewed at me, but before he gave me the chance to do so, his mouth was on me. The tip of his tongue tried to part my lips, and I gasped in shock, again allowing him to think his actions were wanted.
I shoved at his shoulders, pulling back at the same time.
“What the hell are you doing?” I shouted, standing abruptly to get away from him. He was on me before I could fully retreat, grabbing my shoulders to prevent me from running.
“I can’t live without you. Please. You have to forgive me.” He tugged me into him, but I fought back, the look of shock and fright on my face enough to get him to release me. “What’s wrong?”
The Todd I
knew would never manhandle me. If anything, he was overly gentle, sweet. He never pressured me to have sex or did anything I wasn’t comfortable with. But the man standing in front of me wasn’t that same guy.
“I came here to hear what you had to say. But we’re not getting back together.”
“I promise I won’t ever cheat on you again. I need you,” he implored, desperation painting his expression with heavy strokes.
“No.” The strength I wasn’t sure I had rushed through me. “In time, I’m sure I’ll forgive you. But I’ll never forget, and I’ll never be able to trust you again.” I motioned between us. “This is over. It’s time to move on.”
I attempted to leave, but he blocked my escape, his hand pressed against the door so I couldn’t open it. “Quinn. Don’t go. Please, let’s talk about this.” He was behind me now, literally breathing down my neck. If I’d talked to him soon after he’d cheated, there might’ve been a chance I would’ve taken him back, my emotions too raw and wrapped up in him, in our relationship, but the months apart gave me the clarity I needed.
“I don’t have anything else to say.”
“I can’t let you go again.” His tone was a mix of anguish and certainty.
“I’m sorry, Todd, but my answer is no.” Facing away from him was best because if I looked into his eyes, I’d falter. Not “take him back” falter but agree to stay and talk more, which would only draw out the inevitable, which was me leaving without taking him back.
“Is there someone else?” he asked out of the blue, as if his cheating wasn’t enough for me to refuse him. “Is it Scott?”
“What?” My shock had me turning to face him, even though I shouldn’t have moved at all. “Of course not. Even though I have every right to date whoever I want, I wouldn’t stoop that low. Besides, Scott’s a manwhore.”
