But she only took what was hers, nothing of his, and nothing that could be construed as “theirs.” Teresa was funny that way, had a strange sense of integrity. If the shoe were on the other foot, he’d have cleaned her out.
Yet strangely enough, it irritated him that she hadn’t. Weren’t all the things he had bought good enough? No, that wasn’t it. He wasn’t being fair. But he didn’t want to be fair. Then again, he didn’t know what he wanted. Was it Teresa? Did he want her back? Maybe…probably…yes. He never thought she’d go through with it. Never thought she had the guts to go it alone. Never thought the house would feel so…empty.
It was her expectations that ruined them. Her always expecting to be happy. Expecting him to be happy—as though happiness were the natural human condition instead of sorrow. Maybe if she’d spent time at one of his clinics she’d see for herself how miserable people were, how fortunate she was.
The intercom buzzed and his secretary’s voice sputtered out of the box. “Flo Gardner on line one. Says it’s urgent.”
Thor walked over to his desk. “Eleanor, I thought I told you to hold my calls.”
“I tried to tell her you couldn’t be disturbed, but she started yelling something about an emergency. If I didn’t tell you and there really was some trouble at the Brockston clinic, you’d be mad and then—”
“Put her through…Flo? What’s the problem?”
“Dr. Newly.”
Thor ran his fingers through his salt-and-pepper hair. “I’ve told you, you’ve got to try to get along, to make the best of it. Until I get a replacement, he stays.”
“He can’t stay, Thor. He simply can’t. Sooner or later he’s going to kill someone and you’ll be paying lawyers for the rest of your life.”
“What’s he done now?”
“He’s in there, drunk as a skunk, doing a procedure. Can hardly stand. These girls deserve better, Thor. They come to us for help and they expect a competent physician to work on them. The other day, I saw him molest one of the patients again. I’ve instructed the staff that one member of the team must be with him at all times. They are never to leave him alone in the room with anyone. But you know how it is, Thor. People get busy. Some of us are doing the job of two.”
“Okay, Flo. Okay. Work with it. Just until I can come up with a solution. See if one of the techs can finish the procedure, then try to sober him up.”
“A tech? You can’t mean it, Thor.”
“What’s worse? A tech finishing the job or a drunk? I’ll let you make that decision. No one knows the Brockston clinic like you.”
“Stop trying to manipulate me.”
“I’m not manipulating. I know how much you care about these girls. That’s why you’re the best OM I’ve got. I’m just trying to tell you that I know you’ll make the right decision, so I’ll leave it to you. And as far as Dr. Newly’s concerned, just hang in there. I promise I’ll speak to him.”
“Speak to him? Thor, you’ve talked to him a dozen times already. The man’s incorrigible. He’s a menace. He’s—”
“Flo, you know that with the new accounts we can’t afford to get rid of anyone right now. We’ve got to work at maximum output or we could blow these contracts. You know how much good we can do, Flo? We’re supplying some pretty important research teams. You know the cures they could find? The number of medical advances? I don’t want to jeopardize that. Do you?”
“Well.” There was a long pause.
“Flo?”
“Okay, I’ll try. But you better find a replacement for Newly soon, or so help me I’ll quit!”
Thor laughed good-naturedly. “Now Flo, you know you don’t mean that.”
“Don’t put me to the test.”
Again Thor laughed, but this time it was dry, hollow. “Okay, okay, I promise I’ll do something.”
A brisk wind whipped through the open window of the car, and Maggie let it tangle her long red hair. She tilted her face, then closed her eyes. She felt the wind flutter her eyelashes and gently tickle her skin. It felt so good to be racing down the highway toward a destination that only God and Kirt knew. She breathed in the fragrant mountain air and glanced over at her friend behind the wheel. He almost made her feel carefree and young. Almost.
Maggie watched trees, packed like bristles in a brush, whiz by in a blur of green and brown. Here and there clusters of wildflowers grew along the roadway—a patchwork of blues, yellows, and reds. Everything shimmered and glowed and was wrapped in gold. Had there ever been a more beautiful spring? She didn’t think so. Color everywhere, and smells of good rich earth—life bursting in all directions. The joy of resurrection. The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof.
So why didn’t she feel that joy now? She rested her head against the seat back and let the weariness ooze from her. She hadn’t realized how terribly tired she was. Was it because of the Life Center? No, that was God’s burden. She could never carry it on her small shoulders. She loved her work, even though it often broke her heart, just like she knew it broke the heart of God. But it wasn’t her work that was draining her. So why did she feel like a dried-up old woman? Because she was dried up—thirty-five and all dried up. But she had come to peace with that. Hadn’t she? So why was it starting to bother her again? After all these years? She watched Kirt navigate a pothole and knew the answer. She hadn’t counted on falling for someone like him.
“Don’t you want to know where I’m taking you?” Kirt said with a smile.
“Nope.”
“Trusting soul. I could be taking you to my office where a pile of dictation is waiting to be typed.”
“Are you?”
“My secretary quit. Did I tell you? Said I worked her too hard. I’m really piled up now.”
Maggie turned toward Kirt. “You should see the mess of paperwork on my desk. It’s scary.”
“I guess the rat incident really put you behind.”
“Don’t even mention that word! I have nightmares when I sleep. I see hundreds of them, crawling all over me.”
Kirt laughed.
“It’s not funny. The exterminator’s been trying to clean them out for a week. Says the Center may have to stay closed for another five days. Now the Board of Health has gotten involved. They say they have to inspect the facility before it can reopen. I’ve tried to keep up, paperwork-wise, to hold my head above water. But it’s hard. You know, I can still feel them crawling over my feet. In the office, I walk on tiptoe.”
“So, this is a good break for you. Gives you a chance to learn how to walk again.”
Maggie laughed. “Yes, I’m so glad you called. It’s great you’re in town now, when I can see you. If the Center hadn’t been closed—”
“Why do you think I came?”
“To see your family? To check out how Fergason, Fergason, and Fergason is doing?”
Kirt shook his head.
The Chevy climbed upward, its nose pointing toward an emerald-colored mountain. Maggie could feel the car downshift to maintain the set speed of cruise control.
“I hope the rat incident won’t discourage anyone from coming to the Center. Many of the ladies who just finished Project Rachael said they were planning to send a friend or family member.”
“They’ll come, Maggie, rats or no rats, because they have to. Because they hurt and they need to stop hurting.”
“They really do hurt so badly, and it takes so long to recover. The pain’s so deep only God’s hand can touch it. I want so much to help them, to show them there’s life after an abortion. But it’s such a long, painful journey and takes so much patience.”
“I know.”
“What?” Maggie turned her full attention on Kirt.
“I know all about patience. I’ve been waiting for you, haven’t I? Waiting for you to come to the end of your own journey.”
Maggie’s face reddened. “That was a long time ago. God has healed me.”
“Has He?”
“Yes. What brought that on?”
“Look at us, Maggie. Really look at us. We’re both alone, never married except to our jobs. And forty isn’t that far away. Do you want to be this way forever? I don’t. I love you. I’ve told you that before. And I want to marry you.”
“I’m not ready for marriage.”
“Why? Because you can’t trust me? Because you don’t believe I could love you just for you? That the other thing doesn’t matter? That I don’t care about that?”
“I’ve heard this before, from other women. Before the marriage, the man says he doesn’t care that she can’t have children, that they’ll adopt. Then after the wedding, after the glow fades, the resentment settles in. It’s not their fault. The men don’t want to be resentful, but it happens when they realize they’re never going to have that son or daughter they’ve always dreamed about. Then they begin thinking about that other man in their wife’s life and the whole reason she can’t have children in the first place. Kirt, I know you believe what you say, but you don’t know how it is, and you just can’t know how you’ll really feel.”
“And you’re not willing to take a chance on me. Right?”
“You put things so harshly.”
“Do you love me, Maggie?”
“I can’t afford to.”
The car had reached the summit and Kirt made a sharp right. Stately maple trees dotted the sides of the road, and between them were clusters of flowering azaleas—white, red, pink—all pointing the way to a large Tudor-style building overlooking a bluff. Maggie had only heard about this place. Her finances could never stretch to accommodate an outing here.
“The Eagles’ Nest! Oh Kirt, I never dreamed…”
Kirt pulled the car into a spot not far from a maple that looked at least a hundred years old. Then he turned to face his companion.
“From the restaurant you’ll be able to see the valley below. They say it’s the best spot in the entire county. I think they’re right. When I first saw it, it made me think of that Scripture in Isaiah: ‘They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles.’” Maggie felt his hand gently cover hers. “But it takes courage to fly.”
“Your mother did what?”
“She told your mom about Skip.”
“I don’t believe it!” Becky glared at Paula Manning. “Now I’m in for it. Thanks a lot!”
“How was she to know you hadn’t told your parents?”
“Why couldn’t you keep your mouth shut? Why did you have to tell her anything?” Becky shoved some books into her locker and slammed the door.
“She heard me talking to Kate about you and Skip, and then she asked me about it. What was I supposed to do, lie?”
“You’ve done it before.”
“How was I supposed to know she’d bump into your mom at the food store? Besides, she likes Skip. I’m sure she didn’t say anything bad about him.”
“That’s not the point,” Becky said, walking down the hall so fast her friend had to jog to keep up. “Now they’re going to ask me about him. And they’re going to be really really mad! Especially my dad. He always overreacts to everything.”
Becky felt Paula’s hand on her arm pulling her to a stop. “Sooner or later you were going to have to face your dad. This isn’t the dark ages. Girls and guys date. So what’s the big deal?”
“My dad works very very hard. He’s partners with a man he can’t even stand.”
“Yeah, so?”
“He’s been doing all this for me. He’s been saving for my college since I was two years old.”
“Like I said, so what?”
Becky shook her head. “You don’t understand anything, do you? I don’t want to let him down.”
“You’re just afraid of him.”
“No I’m not!”
“Yes you are. You’re so afraid of him you’d rather sneak around than tell him the truth.”
“I just don’t want him to be disappointed…in me.”
Becky wiggled into her jeans in the cramped backseat of the car. “I though we were going to have more time together tonight.” There was a whine in her voice she hadn’t noticed before.
“Sorry, hon, but I promised Tommy I’d go look at a car with him. The seller’s only holding it one day and then Tommy’s got to decide. He wants me to see it.”
“What about his dad? Why can’t he go check it out?”
“Not all dads are like yours, Becky. Some dads know nothing about cars. His dad’s an accountant, for heaven’s sake.”
“Lately, you’ve been spending more time with Tommy than with me. Between basketball practice and—”
“C’mon, Becky, cut me some slack. I spend every spare minute with you. What do you want? Blood?”
Becky bit into her lip. She hated acting like this. So possessive, so desperate and pathetic. But she also hated Skip picking her up and having sex with her and then running off. Skip had been right about one thing. Sex had gotten better for her. Still…that nagging feeling persisted, that feeling of sadness, like every time they were together in an intimate way, she was losing part of herself, like she was being drained of something and didn’t know how to get it back.
“I’m sorry,” she found herself saying, her voice small, almost babyish.
Skip drew her to him and gave her a hug. “You know I’m crazy about you, Becky. I think of you all the time. And when I’m not with you, I feel sort of lonely…like I’m missing something. But I have to have a life too. I can’t be with you every minute. Even if I wanted to. You can see that?”
Becky bit her lip again, trying not to cry. She’d just die if she started blubbering all over Skip’s shoulder.
“But we’ve only been together two nights this week and both times…both times we just did it and then you had to go. How do you think that makes a girl feel?”
“It should make you feel good. I thought you liked it now. Didn’t you tell me that? You weren’t lying to me were you?”
Becky pushed him away, then opened the door of the Mazda to get out. “Don’t be a jerk, and don’t try to twist my words. You know perfectly well what I’m talking about. It makes me feel cheap. Like you’re just using me.”
“I’ve never forced you to do anything you didn’t want to do, so don’t go trying to give me a guilt trip. Okay? All I want to do is spend some time with Tommy. I did promise the guy. I mean, you’re really getting possessive.”
Becky slammed the back door and got into the front. “Just take me back to Paula’s.”
Skip slid in beside her and started the engine. When it turned over, it sounded like a rocket taking off.
“Why don’t you get that muffler fixed? The whole world knows we’re here, for Pete’s sake!”
Skip looked over at her and made a face. “So now you’re tying to boss me around. Tommy said you’d do that, but I said no. No way! Not Becky. He said after a while, the girl thinks she owns you and gets mad every time you go anywhere or do anything without her. And then she starts trying to tell you what to do. But I didn’t believe him. That’s because I never believed you could be like that.”
“What did you tell him?” Becky asked, pacing Paula’s bedroom.
“I told him you had gone to the convenience store for soda.”
“You think he believed you?”
“No.”
“He never calls here. Mom must’ve told him about Skip.” Becky looked at her watch. “If I call now, he’ll really know something’s up. Nobody spends an hour buying soda. I’ll just tell him I forgot to call back.”
“You shouldn’t have taken so long with Skip.”
“I didn’t take long.” Becky watched Paula shove a textbook off her bed and plop down. “And keep Skip out of it!”
“You don’t have to bite my head off just because you two had a fight.”
“Who said we had a fight?”
“It won’t be your last.”
Becky could feel her face flush and hoped it wasn’t as purple as the po
lish Paula was using to paint her nails.
“And pretty soon, when you’re fighting all the time, that’ll be the tip-off. That’s when you’ll know he’s going to dump you, or maybe you’ll dump him.”
“You think I’m like you? That I go through guys like Kleenex? Skip and I aren’t ever going to break up! Not ever!”
By the time Becky got home, she didn’t want to talk to anyone. She still couldn’t believe she had yelled so loud at Paula that even Mrs. Manning, who seldom bothered them, came running into the room frightened that someone was hurt. But how could Paula even think Skip would dump her?
She was irritated when she heard a knock on her bedroom door. She pulled open the door, almost savagely, and saw the worried face of her father.
“I want to talk to you.”
Becky groaned and looked at her clock on the nightstand. The large green hands pointed to ten. She hadn’t even started her homework.
Her father entered without an invitation and began pacing the room, not caring that he stepped on the tank tops and skirts and socks and jeans littering the floor.
“I know you weren’t at Paula’s tonight. And I know who you were with. Your mother and I know all about Skip Johnson.”
Becky dropped to the bed as though she had been pushed, and sat limp at the edge.
“I’m really disappointed, Becky, disappointed and hurt that you couldn’t come to your mother and me and tell us that you had a boyfriend. Disappointed and hurt that you felt a need to hide it.”
Becky looked up at her father. She saw his gentle face streaked with worry and grief.
“Why did you lie to us?”
Becky opened her mouth, but nothing intelligent came out.
“Didn’t you know that we would understand?”
“Well…I…”
“I can’t have you lying to us.”
Becky rose slowly. “You mean you don’t mind that I have a boyfriend?”
“I knew sooner or later there’d be boys in your life. That’s how it is. I just wish you’d told us.”
“I’m sorry, Daddy. I know that was wrong. But Skip is so nice. I think you’ll really like him. He’s so nice and—”
Tears in a Bottle Page 5
