by Amanda Milo
She throws her hands up and lets her head bang back down. “I can’t even…”
“What did you do?”
She exhales hard and long. “Since I’d just jogged my brain into rational mode with the list a few minutes before, I examined my analysis, scrutinized my feelings - and in doing that, I realized I could just ask Dohrein to make me a pregnancy test, so that I could make an informed decision. He did. I wasn’t pregnant.”
My throat seizes convulsively, but I manage to quietly force out, “That’s good.”
We’re both silent for a time, and I notice the guys have gotten quiet too.
She whispers, “Are you going to keep it?”
I haven’t let myself think about this.
A hand suddenly landing on my ankle has me yanking my knees up - only to see Z hold up his hands, his eyes conveying sincere apology.
He’d been his usual gentle self; the touch soft. But the unexpectedness of it had still startled me. I let out a shaky breath and slide my legs down again. Then I nudge his hand.
He looks at me, curious.
I nudge it again, my toe catching under his thumb enough for me to wedge my foot under his warm palm.
He smiles at me.
I smile back.
It's basically like we're holding hands. Maybe even more intimate than that - it's pretty swee-
He clamps down then, his long fingers wrapping around and deliberately fluttering against the ball of my foot.
I kick. “Zadeon!”
Gracie gets out of the way. Smart, because I end up going into an alligator roll as I struggle to free myself from the grip of a madman.
Then Z’s entire body jolts and he’s not smiling now.
He also stopped tickling so I pant, and recover, and stare up at him with feigned sullen defiance even when inwardly my heart is lighter than it has been all day.
I hear it; a soft poof! and *thwick* before Zadeon’s body jolts again.
He drops my foot.
Carefully, of course. What’s alarming is how he turns and starts stalking away from me.
Two red suction darts are stuck to his back.
And he’s hunting Gracie.
Is she suicidal?!
“Callie, do something about this animal he’s gone extra crazy!” Gracie shrieks - with a whoop.
Not of fear. Excitement.
She thinks she is enjoying riling him up and I think she’s going to die.
“What did you do? Are you out of your mind!” I shout over her maniacal laughter.
I’ve seen how fast Zadeon can move, so I know that he’s letting her get ahead of him. And Dohrein isn’t intervening, exactly; that gives me hope that Zadeon considers this all... a game?
Dohrein’s wings are out though, the very sharp talons at the top flexing. He looks like he’s ready to leap on Zadeon if he makes a grab for Gracie.
This could get ugly.
What was she thinking?
The crazy woman tosses aside her huge, heavy looking dart gun in favor of speed and weaves between equipment. She circles back and makes it to an extremely unimpressed Dohrein, and leaps into his arms. Instantly, his features start to turn softer, more amused. “You’re going to get me killed.”
“Never! I’d save you from him if I had to,” she declares.
“I can see that,” he tells her dryly.
With measured, menacing steps, Zadeon reaches them - and thrusts his fist at Gracie’s throat, making her squeal and strangle Dohrein a little.
But Zadeon only opens his hand, and drops two darts into the space between her belly and Dohrein’s chest.
Zadeon growls, “I expect there to be room allotted for everything I asked for.”
Dohrein’s shoulders go down a fraction - and he is staring meaningfully at Gracie but he nods. “I will do what I must to make that happen.”
I sigh in relief when Zadeon turns from them - and that’s when Gracie winks at me. Is she… is she insane?
◆◆◆
ZADEON
I consider the demented female that Dohrein is nuzzling.
“You know you can’t kill her, right?”
Ignoring her incorrect statement, I look down, and I too nuzzle my female. Behind her ear, and down her neck.
Once I start; I can’t stop myself. I scent mark her thoroughly, and when I begin to lick at the edges of her clothes just in case she’d feel comfortable letting me lick under them with others watching - she makes it clear she does not by gently squeezing my nostrils shut.
Gracie is making that strange hooting.
Callie swirls her wrist and flicks a digit upward in a graceful, elegant move that only causes Gracie to laugh and Dohrein to scramble to make his own record of the behavior.
I take her gesturing hand and kiss her finger.
Callie turns darker all over.
I pull back, admiring this pigment shift. I like that I can affect her body in a way she can’t control - and apparently can’t hide, because she presses her hands to her cheeks and laughs. “Wow.” She fans a hand at her face now. Shyly, she peeks back up at me, and I feel my tail pound the floor.
She grins and preens a little.
“I believe Gracie intentionally engineered a way to help us,” I say to her.
“I did!” she shouts proudly behind me. “You’re welcome, you big hot bastard.”
Dohrein’s wings half cup around her in warning.
Warning her, or me, I don’t know.
Don’t care either.
My tail curls around one of Callie’s ankles.
“Did she just call you hot?” she mouths.
“I am hot,” I say slowly - but I am well aware of this human slang now, and I know why this would make her scent like aggression.
She bares her teeth, showing off the ones with the more prominent - if useless - little points. “Not because of your body temperature right now, it’s a… on earth it’s a compliment.”
My ears perk at this. “And you do not like that she compliments me?”
“No!”
My tail wraps even tighter and she looks down. “I mean- you are hot, but I don’t want-” She digs her nails into my arms a little in frustration.
I like it.
Her voice tries to move into a whisper, I think, or my hearing is dimming. “It’s just that you’re mine.”
And she brings my hand to her mouth and bites my wrist.
I wrap an arm around her back - I’d tug her into me but I don’t want to dislodge her teeth from where they grip me.
Gracie hoots again. “You won’t have to keep him safe from me for long since I’m gonna be going on the Earth mission soon and all.”
Callie’s teeth let me go so fast I feel a little… cheap.
“What do you mean you’re going to earth?”
◆◆◆
CALLIE
Gracie stares at me. Then she flicks her eyes to Zadeon. “Seriously? She doesn’t know?”
Zadeon’s fingertips glide along my face, from the edge of my jaw to my chin. My head swings up to see he is looking at me patiently. “I asked you if you would want to go to Earth. You said there was nothing for you there any longer.”
Okay, he had asked me that. I thought it was kind of a wish in a bucket sort of deal considering we are basically in lockdown here in a very posh laboratory cage.
Me living a less ‘labratory’ lifestyle than the others, despite my internal grumblings.
Because when I told Z no doctors?
Doctors were no longer a problem.
When I was struck with horror at the thought of cameras filming me in our room and Zadeon saw how that made me feel?
No more cameras.
Because of him, I’m not afraid. Of anything. I don’t have to be - because I have the scariest, best monster watching over me. And he wants to keep me safe.
But even if my circumstances allow for more freedom than the others, I never thought I’d have any actual chance of going home again.
He takes my hands gently. “Callie,” he chides. “I told Dohrein I would ask you if you wanted to fly with the group, and if not, I told him we needed to have a team assembled that we can send to your former dwelling to collect your things. I also put in an order for one metric ton of coffee beans, and a metric ton of the nutrient Chocolate. Also in bean form, so that we can grow it.”
I sniff. And blink fast. “You did?”
A metric ton? Something tells me Gracie-
He smiles. “I also told him to bring back marshmallows.”
I burst into tears. I mean to laugh. I do think it was funny - hormones. It has to be hormones.
I throw myself forward, and Zadeon catches me to him, hugging me hard.
When he lifts me into his arms, and I lay my head on his shoulder, Gracie gives me a discreet thumbs up.
And she’s snickering. “Marshmallows? That’s awesome.”
I pull back so I can look at Z. “How much chocolate?”
Zadeon looks worried. “Gracie has assured me that it will be sufficient for you. When we learned that humans require coffee and chocolate for survival, I made certain to secure as much of it for you as I could. I’m sure you will consume an initial excess until your body replenishes the lack, but with luck you won’t be so deficient as to suffer health effects…” his eyes search me, as if he’s looking for the chocolate-deficiency equivalent of rickets.
I slide a questioning eyebrow to Gracie.
And a shamefaced Angie, who showed up just in time to hear this.
It is important to note that Gracie does not show any shame. None at all. In fact, she’s nonverbally threatening me, if I’m not mistaken. Her eyes are saying, ‘I will CUT you if you screw this up for us’.
Coffee and chocolate coming to a planet near me? No way am I getting in the middle of setting anyone straight. I think I love her right now.
She warns, “It’ll be a damn shame if I can’t find Michigan to bring back your shit. You know how it is: all that blue surrounding it makes it so hard to spot.”
“You haven’t even asked for my address.”
“Don’t answer right, and I won’t.”
“Oookay, okay.” Whispering out of the side of my mouth - but making sure to turn so that Zadeon can clearly see my lips move, I say, “What makes you think she’s helping us?”
Zadeon’s eyes are bright. “Dohrein told me in order to bring back all the supplies requested, they'd have to hire outside fleets. He needs approval from his dam to cover that cost, something he hoped to avoid because it means he will have to approach his sires and must convince them to let him see her. He said he wouldn’t go beg before his sires unless his mate’s life hung in the balance.”
Gracie sighs happily. “So romantic. Thanks for saving me, babe.”
I make a face. “He has to ask his dads' permission before he can talk to his mom?”
Gracie groans. “I have the MIL and FILs from hell.”
CHAPTER 39
ZADEON
When she thinks I’m sleeping, she holds her stomach and cries.
I don’t turn on the light.
We used to communicate the best in the dark of the night. “Callie,” I rasp. “Come here,” and I pull her into my chest.
I, of course, can see her fine. So when she looks up at me, my hearts twist to see her eyes are haunted.
“Does it hurt?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “I guess I should be grateful for that much.”
“Then what is it? Tell me. I want to understand.”
She sighs and spreads her fingers on my skin. I expect her to pull back, but she doesn’t. I have an urge to tuck her head under my chin, but then I won’t be able to read her words.
“This is supposed to be a joyous occasion, lauded by proud grandparents-to-be. My family is dead. My…” her throat must be going tight because she brings her hand up to it and forces the words out. “My baby is half rapist. Who knows which rapist.”
I can’t hear myself growling, but I can feel it.
So can she.
She pats my chest, but I note with relief that the growling actually seems to relax her.
She reaches to turn on our latest lamp.
I want to hold her, but I think she needs to talk this out, and I can’t miss any of her words so I begin to soothe her by massaging her temples. Then I stroke the backs of my fingers down her face.
“They don’t bother you?”
“Does who bother me?”
She smiles. “My scars.”
My ears flatten. “No.”
She laughs. “I actually believe you.”
“You should.” I bring my hand up to trace one of them. “It looks like you’ve gone through the gladiator rings.” I rumble softly and carefully trail my fingers along her jaw, tracing her proud, brave face.
She flinches. “Gone through the ringer.”
“Brave little fighter. And winner. The defeated go down, but victors take their scars and live to fight another day.”
She smiles and relaxes a little. But it doesn’t last long. Her voice trembles when she tries to express her fears. “I feel things for this baby, Zadeon. I don’t want to-” her voice breaks. “I keep thinking that if this were your baby, I wouldn’t even be struggling with this. I picture it in my mind, and I… I see little horns, and that crazy expressive tail of yours, and fire breathing, and spines that move with the emotions you are experiencing. I would be happy with your baby, Zadeon. I would-” She swallows hard. “I would love your baby. I would love our baby.”
She slaps the lamp off, giving herself the illusion of privacy while she cries.
I clutch her hand and press it over my hearts. I know she can’t see my face twisting, but I can see hers, and I’m certain mine is a near match for her grief-stricken visage.
“But… the things they- they did to me-”
I’m glad she didn’t need the teveking lamp to see. It sounded like I broke this one too. I grab my tail and stuff it under my forearm to keep it from doing any more damage.
She is sobbing so hard now I don’t think she even noticed.
“What if I can’t get over it? What if every time I look at his face, I see them?”
I hug her to me, forgetting - then not caring - about reading her words. She needs comfort. I need to comfort.
She pulls back and faces me again, aware I can see her. She tearfully erupts, “Sometimes fighters lose a battle,” echoing my own words to her from what feels like so long ago. “I’m scared I’m going to lose this one. I’m scared, Z.”
This time, I do tuck her under my chin.
Scared, my little dream? So am I.
◆◆◆
I’m leaning against the wall, watching Callie jump rope, when Angie approaches me, Arokh trailing behind her like they are tethered together.
This must be what I look like following Callie.
Angie has lines bracketing her mouth. It is unsettling when she is, for the most part, a naturally cheerful creature. “How’s she holding up?”
I wouldn’t betray Callie’s confidence, but because she specifically told me I could share her concerns with the others - she knows they are worried and asking after her - I sum the situation. “She asked me what will happen if she can’t love this baby. I’m afraid I wasn’t swift enough of tongue to assure her.”
I scrub a hand over my quills. We have danced and worked out all day, but it does nothing to settle the ache in my chest.
Angie seems to be searching for delicacy. “...What if she can’t? What if she can never love the baby?”
All the frustration that's been building in me explodes. “I LOVE OUR BABY! And she does too!”
I didn’t mean to shout. If Angie had Rakhii ears, I bel
ieve she’d have them pinned right now in discomfort. Just like Arokh's are. He gives me a threatening scowl for essentially shouting in his mate's face. I give her an apologetic look and strive for calm. “Hear me - she HATES how he was conceived - but she LOVES him. She wants him to be ours, wishes it - she just needs to see he IS.” I swallow to get control of the tremor in my throat. “He already is.”
Her eyes are full of sympathy. “I don't know what to tell you except... tell her that.”
When Angie turns around, she sees Callie standing there.
But Callie’s eyes are on me. They are leaking and scared.
I hold out my hand for her.
◆◆◆
CALLIE
We don’t say anything.
I really hate that we’re watched. This is a discussion I don’t want to have aliens ‘studying’, cataloging our every private thought and emotion.
Too, too, too invasive.
And I feel like we’re stuck in one of those plastic hamster cages - sure, it’s a big cage, but we only have two and a half stations that we feel comfortable using.
That I feel comfortable using.
With no where else I want to have this conversation, we go back to our room.
I drop to my back on the bed, and Z crawls up beside me on his stomach.
I stare at his horns.
He stares at me.
Finally I blurt, “Z… What if- like them… What if this baby is evil?”
Then I bite my lips and inhale a shudder.
He eases to his elbow, facing me so he can run his fingers through my hair. “It’s not.”
I’m shocked at how angry I instantly feel. It’s like it was simmering right there under the surface this whole time. “You can’t know that!”
He shrugs. “Yes, I can.”
If he didn’t outweigh me by about two hundred and change, I’d shove him off the bed right now.
His look says he’s well aware of my sudden, violent mood and he’s tolerating my prickliness anyway. “It’s spirit smells like you, Callie. And sunshine. Sunshine just after a storm.”
I’m dumbstruck.
He can smell the spirit?
And… like sunshine?
My eyes burn and I feel… hope.
