She’d planned on bringing her chocolate cherry cookies for their dessert. She’d already boxed up the treats earlier that day. However, when she was leaving the bakery, she’d been daydreaming about Jason. She’d forgotten all about her cookies until now.
Sheila shrugged and went into the kitchen. “No biggie. I have some store-bought chocolate chip cookie dough. We can have that for dessert. You can put these into the oven while I go and get the mail.”
Store bought cookie dough? Toni fought the urge to cringe. The last time she’d had that was when she was still living in the trailer park with her parents. She loved making her own cookie dough using fresh, local butter. She went into the kitchen and washed her hands. She then ripped the package open. The dough was in the shape of a large rectangle, already pre-cut into neat little squares. She preheated the oven and was placing the cookies onto the sheet when Sheila returned.
Sheila clutched an envelope, her dark face pinched. She rushed over to her friend, placed her hand on her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
She handed Toni the envelope. Confused, Toni stared at the envelope, not recognizing the block-style writing. Glancing into the corner, she spotted the return address: the penitentiary. “Who is this from?”
Sheila slumped into a chair, removed the envelope from Toni’s fingers. “It’s from my dad.”
“Your dad?”
Sheila had not seen her dad since she was a girl. Toni had heard about it many times. It had always bugged Sheila that her dad abandoned her mom when Sheila was seven. One year later, he’d been imprisoned, and her parents had gotten divorced. Her mother had never remarried and all throughout Sheila’s life, her mom had done nothing but bad-mouth her no-good father. They’d never called or visited her dad, but Sheila had often wondered about the man whom she had not seen in over two decades. “I’m scared and excited to read this letter.”
She clutched the envelope, stared at the return address. “I’ve thought about my dad so much over the years, but never contacted to him. I still think about the last time he took me fishing, right before he abandoned us. Now I’m scared and intrigued to see what he has to say.”
“I know how hard this is for you.” She hugged her friend. “I honestly don’t know what to say. I can only tell you that you need to read that letter.”
She shook her head. “I’m going to read it, but not right now.”
“Did you want me to leave?” Toni figured Sheila wanted to be alone when she read it.
Sheila shook her head. “No, I don’t want to be alone. Please stay.”
Toni hugged Sheila again before returning to her chore of baking the cookies. She doubted Sheila wanted the cookies anymore, but Toni just wanted to do something, anything, to make her friend feel better. She placed the sheet of cookies into the oven, set the timer.
Minutes later, the wonderful scent of chocolate filled the house. Shelia continued sitting at the kitchen table, stroking the white envelope, holding the letter. Once the cookies were done, they went into the living room. They watched a romantic comedy while Toni ate some of the cookies.
Sheila stared blankly at the TV screen, occasionally wiping her wet eyes. Toni just couldn’t stand to see her friend’s pain anymore. If Sheila’s faith was so strong, then, wouldn’t it make more sense if she prayed, asked God to make her feel better? Asking for courage to read the letter and see what her father wanted?
Toni glanced at the TV screen again. They were watching Runaway Bride and Julia Roberts stood in a vast open green field, marrying Richard Gere. Finally! Had Sheila’s parents gone through a lot of turmoil when they were dating? Why would God allow Sheila’s dad to treat them so shabbily?
She knew Sheila felt sad, but Toni just couldn’t resist. She had to ask this question. She picked up the remote, turned the TV off and took a deep breath. “Sheila, why does God let bad things happen to Christians? You’ve been angry at your dad for years. You’ve told me so. His leaving has affected your entire life.”
Sheila shook her head, her dark eyes rounding. “Toni, I just don’t have the energy to talk about this now.”
“I can’t help but ask. Both you and Jason get on my nerves with your Christianity sometimes.”
“What’s Jason got to do with this?” Sheila’s voice hardened.
“Why did God let Jason’s mother die? He’s so devastated. So sad. Yet he tells me I need to give the Lord a chance. Why?”
Sheila shook her head. Whiskers scuttled into the living room. She scooped up the cat, holding him, as if using the creature to protect her from Toni’s unwanted questions. “I think it’s time for you to leave. I can’t talk to you about this now.”
Sheila’s hands shook as she stood and walked to the door, opened it, still holding the cat.
Stunned, Toni stared at Sheila. She may need to give her friend some space. She probably should not have asked her that question right now. Feeling awful about her insensitivity, she stopped at the door, balling her hands into nervous fists. “I’m sorry, Sheila. I—”
Sheila rubbed her forehead. “Just leave, Toni. I don’t feel well and I have to be alone right now.”
Sheila’s stony tone made Toni pause, but she had no choice but to leave. She’d give Sheila some time before she contacted her again.
Chapter 12
Over the following week, Toni got into the habit of not answering her phone when the number did not appear on the caller ID. She realized there was a slight chance that she may have been ignoring a legitimate phone call, but she just didn’t have the energy to listen to the caller’s rough, threatening voice. Her last conversation with Sheila haunted her, making her upset. She’d snapped at Jason a few times, and he’d calmly asked her if she were okay.
She eyed Jason while they worked in the kitchen. He pulled a pan of brownies from the oven he’d made from her secret recipe. Made with three kinds of imported chocolate and plenty of macadamia nuts, these brownies were well-liked by most of her customers. She only made them once a week and they usually sold out before the end of the day.
The heavenly scent of chocolate filled the kitchen as Jason placed the pan on a cooling rack. He glanced over at her, caught her staring at him. She quickly focused on the ingredients she’d removed to make a special-ordered cake. She should have started the batter, but she’d been ogling Jason instead. Jason quickly winked at her, and her heart thumped. So humiliating, to be caught staring at him.
He gestured toward the seating area. “You don’t have any customers right now. Do you mind if we take a short break?”
She glanced at the clock. “But it’s not lunch time yet.”
“I know. But I wanted to talk to you about something.”
She got up from her stool, followed him into the bakery. Buttery sunlight spilled into the sitting area, making the room appear fresh and joyous. The chant of birds filled the sky, and Toni took a deep breath as she sat. Because she’d been so emotionally moody and upset, she wouldn’t be surprised if Jason told her it was time for him to leave. She braced herself to hear the supposedly upcoming bad news.
“I wanted to ask you what was wrong. Are you still getting those phone calls?” So he wasn’t going to talk about leaving? He just wanted to see how she was doing?
So far, she’d only received the phone calls when Jason wasn’t around. They usually happened before or after the work day. She explained how she no longer answered the phone when the caller Id screen was blank. Jason nodded. “That’s a good idea. I’ve been worried about you.”
She blinked, stunned. “You have?”
He nodded. “You’ve been upset all week. Is there anything else bothering you besides the phone calls?”
She squeezed her eyes shut, recalling the argument she’d had with Sheila. She’d called Sheila twice, but all she got was her voicemail. Toni had left messages. She wondered if Sheila did not want to be her best friend anymore.
The disturbing thought plagued her the previous night. She’d been Sheila’s best fri
end since elementary school. Now, after Toni’s blunt question, right when her best friend had been feeling devastated, she’d wanted an honest answer to a question she’d been asking herself for a long time.
“What’s the matter?”
“Jason, I’m such an idiot sometimes.”
“Why do you say that?”
He didn’t understand. Once she explained everything to him, then he’d probably agree with her. Not wanting to break Sheila’s confidence, she didn’t tell him about her imprisoned dad. “I can’t give you all the details, but Sheila heard from a long-lost relative and she’s scared. It was probably one of the most important moments in her life, and I had to go and foul things up by asking her a question about why her relative treated her so bad. I also asked her about your mom.”
Jason raised his eyebrows, his mouth mashed down. “My mom?”
Toni nodded. “Sheila and I have been arguing about faith for twenty years. Not constantly, but the subject does come up often enough. I asked why Jesus let your mother die, and Sheila threw me out of her house.”
“She really threw you out of her house?”
She was doing an awful job of explaining. “Not literally threw me out, but she told me I needed to leave. I feel like you gave Jesus lots of chances, and He didn’t do anything to help your mom.” The words exploded from her mouth, her heart pounding.
Jason just sat there, his face stricken. He gripped the edge of the table. He was angry, she just knew it. Toni shook her head, feeling more awful when Jason remained silent. He was probably one of the nicest men she’d met in a long time. She’d probably alienated him with her bold question. It wouldn’t surprise her if he decided to stop working for her.
“Oh, Jason, I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot. I had no right to ... to ... to add to your pain.” She squeezed his shoulder. “I’m just so angry at her. She’s been my best friend forever, but ever since we were teenagers, I’ve felt like I came in a far second to her church life. Then the other day I wanted an answer—a real answer—and she wouldn’t give me one.”
Jason recovered slowly from his shock. He rubbed at the back of his neck. Then he turned back to her, shaking his head. “You have a right to be angry. Sheila made a mess of that situation, though I don’t know if I could have done any better. And I’ve had a lot longer to think about it.”
“Wait, Jason. You don’t have to answer that question. I don’t want to tear open an old wound.”
“Toni, the wound has never healed over.” He bowed his head for a few seconds, as if searching for the right words. “There’s nothing to tear open. And maybe it would be good for me to talk about it with someone.” He paused, still collecting his thoughts. “I’m a Christian, but that doesn’t mean I have all the answers to life’s problems. I’m a long way from being perfect. But following Jesus isn’t about knowing everything or acting correctly in every situation. It’s about being forgiven. And even more than that, it’s about being forgiven for all the things we do wrong. Like making a friend leave your house because you’re scared.”
Jason took a deep breath and then continued. “I don’t know why God allowed my mother to die, but I’m sure of this: Jesus Christ has never run out on anybody. The night Mom died, all of us had a sense that Jesus was with us. It was still terrible, but we weren’t alone. For all of us, and for me especially, the real sense of despair came later. I no longer felt Christ’s presence the way I did before Mom died—still don’t, for that matter. But even though I don’t feel His presence, I believe that Jesus has remained close to me during these dark times.”
“You don’t feel God’s presence in your life right now?”
“I’m struggling with my own faith.”
“Because of your mom’s death?”
He nodded. “Sort of. But I have other problems too. It’s my dad. He doesn’t like me very much. Never has.”
Whoa, this couldn’t be true, could it? But from the dejected slump of his shoulders, she figured it had to be true. “Did you have a fight with your dad?”
“It’s more than just a fight. It’s a life-long battle.” The tortured pain in his voice sliced through her. She sighed. Why couldn’t life be easy, so everybody just got along and was happy?
“Jason, I’m here for you as a friend if you ever wanted to talk about your dad.”
He gave her a quick nod, squeezed her hand. “Thanks.” Maybe he’d open up to her, tell her more. After a few moments of silence, it was obvious that he didn’t want to talk about his problems.
“My Aunt Grace used to say that faith in God is a lot like baking. You begin with a recipe that you got from someone else. The process it sounds nothing like what you’re trying to create, but you go ahead and mix all the ingredients together anyway. Many times, even after everything is mixed, what you’re left with looks nothing like the finished product. Then you put it in an oven at a specific temperature for just the right amount of time, and in the end, something wonderful happens. The process is never the same twice, even when you’re making exactly the same thing, and it takes lots of practice to get good results.”
Jason smiled. “That’s an interesting analogy—though I’m not sure how I feel about being a half-baked Christian.” They both laughed.
Laughing with Jason felt so good. A sliver of joy swirled through her, lifting a bit of her sadness. The urge to lean into Jason and hug him washed over her. She resisted, pressing her hands together. “And speaking of baking, I think we’d better get to work. I need to make that chocolate fudge birthday cake, and you need to slice those brownies.”
Jason returned her grin. “Yes, we do have some work to do.”
Chapter 13
Jason studied Toni while she baked the birthday cake. Working with her every day had been wonderful. He loved seeing her pretty face every day. He had to remind himself that there was nothing romantic between them. No way could he allow himself to get emotionally involved with Toni. He needed to keep some emotional distance between them, and just be here for her as a friend.
He had not heard from his father or Ms. Clara in a few weeks. He figured they were giving him the time he needed to accept their relationship. A lifetime of wanting his dad’s approval continued to eat away at him, making him wonder if there was any hope of their having a normal relationship. He wondered if he should call his father and try to have a civil conversation with him. Could he possibly do that? Maybe that conversation would be a first step to solidifying their shaky relationship.
The bell above the door tinkled and two non-regular customers strolled into the bakery. A tall, dark-skinned, skinny woman clutched the arm of a large, broad-shouldered man. The stocky guy reminded Jason of a football player. His black jeans had holes, and his T-shirt was ripped. He grinned, giving them a view of his gleaming gold tooth. The skinny woman wore an extremely short, tight orange dress. She puffed on a cigarette, and her bony arms and legs were so unappealing that Jason wondered if she were ill. Her dark short hair was slicked with gel. She pursed her lips, taking another puff from the cigarette while she scanned the room.
He needed to say something. “I’ll have to ask you to put your cigarette out. This is a non-smoking establishment.” In the short time he’d been working with Toni, he’d not had to ask anybody to stop smoking. It wouldn’t surprise him if this woman was here to start trouble.
She mashed her mouth down, stomped outside, threw the cigarette onto the sidewalk and then ground it out with her foot. She then returned to the bakery and peered behind the counter.
He gestured toward the sidewalk. “Thanks.” He paused, studying the strange customers. “Now, may I help you?” The woman narrowed her eyes. She might be an attractive woman if she’d drop her tough attitude and gained a few pounds.
She licked her lips and grabbed his hand, hooking it firmly in place around the crook of her thin arm. “I’ve never seen you around here before, handsome.” She batted her eyelashes, eyeing Jason from head to toe.
He jerked his ha
nd away.
Her stocky companion grunted, smacking his lips, chewing on a huge wad of gum. “Eva, what I tell you about flirting with other men?”
Could this be Toni’s cousin, Eva? Toni had never told him the magnitude of Eva’s problems. She kept rubbing her skinny arms. Her mouth was puckered with tiny wrinkles. One of the ministries for his home church helped drug addicts. Eva reminded him of an addict. Lord, help this poor woman. He eyed the man, whom he presumed to be Eva’s husband. If Eva had a drug problem, did it bother him, or was he saddled with his own set of issues?
Filling this order was taking a long time. It appeared the two of them wanted to do more than just buy dessert. “What can I get for you?” he asked again. Toni was in the kitchen making a batch of her chocolate crunch cookies, and he didn’t want to disturb her. Her mood had brightened earlier. He didn’t want to spoil her good mood by letting her interact with Eva.
“You can get me your phone number.” Eva giggled.
Her friend squeezed her thin arm. “Ouch, you big oaf! You’re hurting me!” She pulled away and rubbed her arm. Toni came out of the kitchen, apparently hearing the commotion. He could tell by the tense bend of her shoulders and the way she rubbed her hands that Eva’s visit had already spoiled her happy mood. Jason gritted his teeth, glaring at Eva. This had been the first day that he’d heard Toni laugh. Why couldn’t Eva have stayed away?
“Eva, what do you want? You haven’t been here in years.” Toni glared at Eva and her companion.
Folding her skinny arms in front of her chest, Eva walked toward Toni, her mouth mashed down. “I have to talk to you.”
Toni shook her head. “I’m busy.”
Eva narrowed her eyes. “Just for a few minutes.”
No way was he going to let Eva intimidate her. “I think Toni wants you to leave.”
Toni touched his arm, her fingers cool against his skin. “Jason, it’s okay. Don’t let my cookies burn.”
Shades Of Chocolate (The Bakery Romance Series Book 2) Page 7
