by Tamara Leigh
“It’s midnight,” he said.
“All right, all right.” She unfolded and pushed up off the sofa.
He rose beside her, took her elbow, and led her from the library and up the stairs.
At the door to her bedroom, she turned to him. “I love you, Collier.” She levered onto her toes and kissed him. When she drew back, she was frowning. “You feel warm. Might you be coming down with something?”
Warm, and yet so cold. Forcing a tone of amusement, he said, “A combination of sitting before a fire for hours and being in the company of a desirable woman.”
She rolled her eyes, shook her head, and opened the door. “Good night.”
Now, his pain said as she closed the door. Two. No more than three.
He pressed a hand to his pocket. Empty. But he knew where it was. Time and again distracted by the vial while he and Aryn prepared supper, he had slipped it in a drawer.
He started back toward the stairs. And halted. He was in pain, but less so than earlier. If he could sleep through it, he would be that much closer to beating this thing.
One, then, pain bargained. No more than two.
One was reasonable. And didn’t slowly weaning one’s self offer a better chance of success than going cold turkey?
He growled low, turned on his heel, and strode to his bedroom where he removed only his shoes before stretching out atop the covers.
Staring at the ceiling, he forced his thoughts to the phone calls that needed to be made before dawn, to the day he would spend with Aryn, to anything other than that which called more loudly to him with each passing minute. But sixty of those minutes later, he was no nearer sleep.
He cursed, sat up, and dropped his feet to the floor.
CHAPTER TWO
Something skidded across his desk and fell to the floor.
His solicitor’s voice on the other end of the line becoming white noise, Collier stared at the vial whose contents had spilled across the carpet, then swiveled his chair opposite the window.
Aryn stood in the doorway, eyes wide, chest quickly rising and falling.
“I’ll call you back, Heath.” He ended the call.
Aryn swallowed loudly enough to be heard across the room. “I forgot my shampoo…thought I would borrow yours.” She pointed to the pills. “Surprise.”
After downing one last night and two this morning, he had left the vial on his bathroom counter. Fool!
“You lied to me, Collier. You told me you were off them.”
He could lie to her again, but he wouldn’t. She would just have to understand.
He pushed his chair back and stood. “I was off them.”
“But?”
“I needed them again.”
“Strivling?”
Though he knew she sought more than confirmation, that was all he could give. “Yes.”
She swung away.
“Aryn!”
She halted. “I’m leaving.”
Not just leaving. Walking out of his life. “Stay.” His voice was so choked he wasn’t sure it was his.
He heard her swallow again, and when she turned back, her eyes brimmed. “I can’t.”
He jerked his head at the pills. “They have nothing to do with you.”
Her huff of disgust caused the tears to spill over. “That’s the problem. Those things shut me out. Not that I wasn’t out before, but I was finding you under all those layers. But you don’t want to be found, do you, Collier? You don’t want anyone that near you.”
Pride kicking and screaming all the way, he said, “I want you, Aryn.”
“Want me, but don’t trust me.”
“Of course I do.” A pitifully automatic response. He didn’t trust women—not since his mother had walked out on her tyrannical husband without looking back at the sons she left behind.
“No, you don’t. If you did, you would have told me about Strivling.”
“We’ve discussed this before, Aryn. It’s never a good idea to mix business with personal.”
Bitter laughter. “Do you love me? And if you do, can you say it?”
Did he love her? Was that what moved through him even in her absence—when he had only the memory of her beside him? “I want to marry you, Aryn. I’m ready.” There. That ought to be enough.
She quickly shuttered her surprise. “What about love?”
Silently, he cursed her for pushing him, demanding of him what he couldn’t give. But he could lie…
Once more rejecting that option, he opened the center desk drawer. “I want to marry you,” he repeated and reached for the elegant little box. And drew his hand back. This was not how he had envisioned proposing to her. Far from romantic—worse, desperate.
“You do love me,” Aryn said and briefly closed her eyes. “You just can’t see it past those pills and the drive to outdo your brother.”
He eased the drawer closed. “If you believe I love you, why are you leaving?”
“Because I’m not supposed to have to tell you what you feel.” She drew a shaky breath and crossed the room.
He turned to her, but though he longed to take her in his arms, she would not welcome his embrace.
Leaning up, she kissed his cheek. “Goodbye, Collier.” Then she was gone.
He wanted to go after her and tell her he loved her if that was what it took to hold on to her, but he turned to the window. A quarter hour later, he watched her duck into a cab.
As the car wound down the driveway, he assured himself he would get her back. All Aryn needed was time. All he needed was a way out from under the pills beneath his feet.
Staring into clouds as the plane rose through them, Aryn tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but it was stuck and would only be dislodged by the muffled sob she finally let past her lips.
Turning to the window, she let the tears make a mess of her. She cried for the day she had met Collier, the one night they had made love, his continued pursuit of her though she refused to repeat the mistake of falling into bed with him, and a hundred other remembrances of the man she loved. Then she cried for the climbing accident that had been the beginning of the end of them.
The large dosages of painkillers prescribed to ease Collier’s suffering had caused changes in his personality—so marked that, six months following his accident, she had issued the ultimatum that if he didn’t break his dependence on the pills, their relationship was over. Where he had gone wrong was in believing he could handle the withdrawal without professional help.
A sudden tightness in her chest, she snatched her purse from the floor and rummaged through it. Where was it? In a zippered pocket? Her cosmetics bag? What if she had packed it in her suitcase? Beginning to cough, she dug deeper and—blessedly—closed her fingers around the cylinder.
Relieved she hadn’t misplaced the inhaler as she sometimes did, she put her mouth around it and dispensed the metered dose. Shortly, it was as if the asthma attack had never been. But Collier had been.
Hurting so much she wanted to cry aloud, she closed her eyes.
A hand touched her shoulder, and the elderly woman who had earlier taken the seat beside her said, “It will all work out, dear.”
It wouldn’t. Her battle for Collier was lost as surely as Catherine Algernon’s battle against the Yorkists. Perhaps in another time and another place, but not now, not here.
“Another time, another place,” the woman said.
Drawing a sharp breath, Aryn peered into the matron’s softly wrinkled face. Her eyes glittered like moonlight on snow, mouth curved sweetly, and over her brow fell a lock of dark hair that contrasted with the silver crowning her head.
“You will see.” She settled back and closed her eyes.
Aryn stared at her until the woman began to softly snore, then she turned her face to the window and tried to see beyond the impenetrable clouds.
Lord, she silently appealed, if only Collier hadn’t fallen. If only he had that day to live over…
Dear Reader,
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TAMARA LEIGH NOVELS
CLEAN READ HISTORICAL ROMANCE
THE FEUD: A MEDIEVAL ROMANCE SERIES
Baron Of Godsmere: Book One Amazon
Baron Of Emberly: Book Two Amazon
Baron of Blackwood: Book Three Amazon
MEDIEVAL ROMANCE SERIES
Lady At Arms: Book One Amazon
Lady Of Eve: Book Two Amazon
STAND-ALONE MEDIEVAL ROMANCE NOVELS
Lady Of Fire Amazon
Lady Of Conquest Amazon
Lady Undaunted Amazon
Lady Ever After Releasing Fall 2016 Amazon
Dreamspell: A Medieval Time Travel Romance Amazon
INSPIRATIONAL HISTORICAL ROMANCE
AGE OF FAITH: A MEDIEVAL ROMANCE SERIES
The Unveiling: Book One Amazon
The Yielding: Book Two Amazon
The Redeeming: Book Three Amazon
The Kindling: Book Four Amazon
The Longing: Book Five Amazon
INSPIRATIONAL CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE
HEAD OVER HEELS: STAND-ALONE ROMANCE NOVELS
Stealing Adda (ebook) Amazon; (print) NavPress
Perfecting Kate (ebook) Amazon; (print) RandomHouse/Multnomah
Splitting Harriet (ebook) Amazon; (print) RandomHouse/Multnomah
Faking Grace (ebook) Amazon; (print) RandomHouse/Multnomah
SOUTHERN DISCOMFORT: A CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE SERIES
Leaving Carolina: Book One (ebook) Amazon; (print) RandomHouse/Multnomah
Nowhere, Carolina: Book Two (ebook) Amazon; (print) RandomHouse/Multnomah
Restless in Carolina: Book Three (ebook) Amazon; (print) RandomHouse/Multnomah
OUT-OF-PRINT GENERAL MARKET TITLES
Warrior Bride 1994 Bantam Books
*Virgin Bride 1994 Bantam Books
Pagan Bride 1995 Bantam Books
Saxon Bride 1995 Bantam Books
Misbegotten 1996 HarperCollins
Unforgotten 1997 HarperCollins
Blackheart 2001 Dorchester Leisure
*Virgin Bride is the sequel to Warrior Bride
Pagan Pride and Saxon Bride are stand-alone novels
www.tamaraleigh.com
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Tamara Leigh holds a Master’s Degree in Speech and Language Pathology. In 1993, she signed a 4-book contract with Bantam Books. Her first medieval romance, Warrior Bride, was released in 1994. Continuing to write for the general market, three more novels were published with HarperCollins and Dorchester and earned awards and spots on national bestseller lists.
In 2006, Tamara’s first inspirational contemporary romance, Stealing Adda, was released. In 2008, Perfecting Kate was optioned for a movie and Splitting Harriet won an ACFW “Book of the Year” award. The following year, Faking Grace was nominated for a RITA award. In 2011, Tamara wrapped up her “Southern Discomfort” series with the release of Restless in Carolina.
When not in the middle of being a wife, mother, and cookbook fiend, Tamara buries her nose in a good book—and her writer’s pen in ink. In 2012, she returned to the historical romance genre with Dreamspell, a medieval time travel romance. Shortly thereafter, she once more invited readers to join her in the middle ages with the Age of Faith series: The Unveiling, The Yielding, The Redeeming, The Kindling, and The Longing. Tamara’s #1 Bestsellers—Lady at Arms, Lady Of Eve, Lady Of Fire, and Lady Of Conquest—are the first of her medieval romances to be rewritten as clean reads. Look for Lady Ever After, a medieval time travel romance, in Fall 2016.
Tamara lives near Nashville with her husband, sons, a Doberman who bares his teeth not only to threaten the UPS man but to smile, and a feisty Morkie who keeps her company during long writing stints.
Connect with Tamara at her website www.tamaraleigh.com, her blog The Kitchen Novelist, her email [email protected], Facebook, and Twitter.
For new releases and special promotions, subscribe to Tamara Leigh’s mailing list: www.tamaraleigh.com
