by Taylor Dean
“Please tell me I’m not a Callie Lewis.” Her voice quivered with suppressed emotion.
“No comparison.”
“Then what am I to you, Luke?”
“Everything. You’re everything.”
“Then why do I suddenly feel like nothing?”
“It’s not like that, Jill.”
“What is it like, Luke?”
They stood as if in a stand-off, waiting for the other to make a move. A strip of sunlight poured into the room, sending a shaft between them, as if drawing a line, separating them. It was quickly overtaken by clouds.
“Tell me, Luke. Tell me now.”
28
Luke and Troy
March 2003
One Month Earlier
“Hey Troy, how’s it going, buddy?” Luke was unable to hide the downbeat in his voice. Troy picked up on it immediately.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Uh-huh. You look like your house just burned down, your dog ran away, and your goldfish died.”
Luke let out his breath heavily. Yep, that about summed it up. He glanced out the large picture window in Troy’s kitchen. The usual crowd splashed in the pool, braving the cold water on an unseasonably warm March day. The music over the loud speakers sounded muffled from inside the house, as did the happy voices. He spotted Jill, chatting with Lacy. Lacy and Jeremy were still seeing each other and Jill hoped they’d be engaged soon.
Jill.
She looked so happy, so serene. He loved her more than he’d ever loved anyone in his life. This news was going to crush her. He didn’t want to tell her. It was going to break her heart.
“Luke?”
“Yeah?”
“You all right?” Troy asked.
He shrugged. “Pretty bummed right now.”
“Join the crowd, my friend, join the crowd.”
That caught his attention. He turned toward Troy. “What’s up with you?”
Emma and Jane walked in then. They were adorable twin sisters he and Troy had gone to high school with.
“Hey Luke, hey Troy. Great party, Troy. Thanks for inviting us.” They hurried off to the bathroom. Why did girls always go to the bathroom together? It was just plain weird. But then, twins tended to do everything together.
“C’mon, let’s go to my office,” Troy invited. “We can have some privacy. I need to talk to you too.”
Luke followed him, wondering what Troy wanted to talk about. While Troy settled himself on the couch, Luke studied his framed book covers on the walls. They were, in essence, his trophies. Troy had done well for himself. Even if his stories were . . . unsettling. He often speculated over whether or not Troy’s twisted stories were a direct result of their experience on that mountain top so many years ago. Had the incident warped his mind? How could it not have done so? Several of his covers boasted eerie pictures of wolves with blood dripping from their sharp, pointy teeth. The coincidence niggled at his psyche.
Luke didn’t feel like entertaining the disturbing thought right now, he had other things on his mind. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and faced Troy. Talking wasn’t high on his agenda at the present moment either. He just wanted to bury himself in Jill’s embrace and never let go.
“All right, Graham. Spill it. What’s bugging you?” Troy propped his legs up on the coffee table.
“How can you tell?”
“We’ve known each other since we ate baby food. How could I not tell?”
Luke sat opposite Troy, running his hands over his face. “I just received orders today.” He even hated how the words sounded out loud. It made them real.
“Orders for what?”
“My unit is being deployed to Iraq. I’ll probably be gone for a year, maybe longer.” Luke scoffed. “I don’t even know how long I’ll be gone.”
Troy fingered his cane thoughtfully. “My grandfather fought in World War II. He was gone for three years.”
Luke felt his heart sink. He didn’t want to be gone that long. It was the beginning of the war and no one knew how this was going to play out. His orders were currently open ended. He’d been told it would probably be a one year rotation, but no one could really make that call as of yet. “One thing I know for sure, I leave in three days.”
Shock registered on Troy’s face. “Three days? What about the wedding?”
“Exactly.”
“Aw crap. Does Jill know?”
“Not yet. She’s gonna be so upset. I don’t know how to break it to her.”
“What are you gonna do?”
“I’m not sure. I haven’t even come to terms with the news yet. I need time to absorb it before I speak with Jill. We’ll figure something out. The wedding will just have to happen much sooner than planned. At any rate, I have to leave for at least a year, with no idea when I’ll return, and that’s not gonna be fun for newlyweds any way you look at it.”
“Wait. You’re still gonna marry her?”
Why did Troy seem surprised by the news? “Absolutely. Are you kidding? Of course. I’m not letting her get away from me. I love that girl.”
“You’re gonna marry her, have a day together, and then leave her alone for a year or longer? More than likely, longer. Uncool, bro. As a matter of fact, it’s cruel.”
The thought stung, no doubt. He felt like he was abandoning her. Was it wrong to want to marry her before he left? “Jill and I will decide what to do together. It will be her decision as much as mine.” He wanted marriage. Right now. Tomorrow. They needed time together before he left. It wouldn’t be her fairytale wedding and he hoped she’d be okay with that. She’d put so much work into their wedding. So had her mother.
Troy scowled and stared down at his hands, making Luke speculate over what was bothering him. “What did you want to talk about?”
“Sorry to pile bad news on top of bad news.”
Luke wondered if Troy’s mother was sick again. Her health had declined over the past year and she spent much of her time in bed. She used to love helping Troy host his get-togethers. “What is it?”
“Remember a while back when I tripped walking up the stairs?”
“Yeah.” Troy’s mom had called him in a panic. Troy was fine, just a little disoriented.
“And I knocked over the vase in the hallway?”
“Yeah.” Luke had cleaned up the broken glass.
“Then I dropped a muffin tin filled with muffins.”
Luke hadn’t been called about that one.
“And I dropped a pitcher of lemonade all over the kitchen floor.”
It had taken Luke forever to clean up every shard of glass and scrub away the stickiness.
“Well, besides becoming a world class klutz, I’ve been getting headaches lately too. And, I don’t know, it just seemed like I was . . . off.”
Luke nodded.
“So, I went to see the doc.”
When Troy didn’t say more, Luke asked the begged question. “And?”
“Found out I have an inoperable brain tumor. How’s that for luck?”
“What?” Luke’s head spun. “What will they do about it?”
“Keep me comfortable. Shoot me full of chemo to prolong my life a bit.”
Luke stilled. “A bit?”
“They’re giving me a year, Luke. If that.”
Luke stood. “What?” he said again, feeling thunderstruck.
“Aw, don’t look so upset. It’s not like we’ve been the best of friends lately.”
“You’ve always been my best friend, Troy. You know that.”
Troy said nothing.
Luke paced the office a few times, walking off nervous energy. “We should get a second opinion.”
“Already did.”
Luke collapsed onto the chair again. This was too much. He felt numb, like his body had turned into itself and was protecting his vital organs. The rest of him tingled and sweat beaded his forehead. Just this morning, his future looked bright. H
ow had so much changed in a matter of hours? Not only would he be leaving his brand new wife behind, but a dying best friend. Leaving could not come at a worse time.
“I’m sorry, Troy. I’m really sorry.”
Troy cocked his head and shrugged his shoulders, hiding his true feelings. It occurred to Luke that Troy and his mother were going to need help. And he was going to be overseas. Perhaps Jill would help. His mom would too. His mom and Troy’s mom had always been close.
“What can I do for you, Troy?”
Troy was quiet for several minutes, staring into space.
“You could let me have her,” he mumbled under his breath.
“What did you say?”
“I said you could let me have her.” Troy enunciated every word perfectly.
“Let you have who?”
“Jill.”
Luke stood. “Excuse me?” He knew his face turned red as anger washed over him from head to toe.
“Let me have Jill for the year. You’ll be gone. And by the time you get back, I’ll be gone. No harm done.”
“What in the hell are you talking about?” Luke sputtered.
“I’m talking about having happiness in my life, Luke. I’m talking about having the girl I love in my life. I’m talking about a dying man’s final wish.”
Stunned, Luke could only stare at Troy. He shook his head. Finally finding his voice, he said, “Did I just hear you correctly?”
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your ears.”
“You are in love with Jill?”
“I saw her first and I met her first. You stole her from me,” Troy yelled. “You’ve stolen everything from me.”
Luke felt the blood rush to his head like a tidal wave. Troy may as well have hit him. His words stung as if he had.
“If you hadn’t swooped in, it would be me and Jill getting married right now. But you just had to butt in.”
Luke felt as though he couldn’t put two cohesive words together. What was Troy talking about? “Jill said there was nothing between you two.”
“No, but there would’ve been if you hadn’t cut in.”
Luke stared at Troy as though he hardly knew him. He suddenly realized he didn’t know this man, not really. They’d gone their separate ways years ago and had become two very different men. “You don’t know that, Troy.”
“No, I don’t, because I never had the chance, did I? Give me that chance now. That’s all I’m asking.”
“Give you what chance?” Luke said, anger churning in his belly.
“Give me a chance with Jill.”
“Are you kidding?”
“Not at all. You’ll be gone for the next year or so. Let me have a chance with her while you’re gone.”
Luke scoffed. “It doesn’t work that way, Troy. She’s not something you can borrow while I’m gone. She has feelings and emotions of her own. Those sentiments don’t switch on and off like a light bulb.”
“I know that. I’m just asking for a chance, that’s all. It’s my last year on this earth. I’d like to have a little happiness in my life. Is that so much to ask?”
“Yes. You ask for too much.” They weren’t in high school anymore and this was Luke’s life Troy wanted to mess with. He can’t expect . . .
“You owe me, Luke.”
Luke swallowed. Hard. Troy did expect it. His throat felt dry and tight. “I beg your pardon?”
“You heard me. You owe me. You owe me this chance at happiness.”
Luke felt his gut clench and twist and turn, like someone just gave his stomach an Indian burn.
“Don’t marry her before you go. Whatever happens happens. That’s all I’m asking.”
“You can’t be serious. You can’t toy with people’s emotions like that; you can’t toy with Jill’s emotions like that. I won’t do that to her.”
“Scared she’ll choose me, Luke?”
“She’s already made her choice, Troy. I love her and she loves me. It’s not something that can be changed or borrowed or given. She’s not a thing, she’s a person. I can’t give her to you for a year. It doesn’t work like that and you know it.”
“I’m not asking for you to give her to me. I’m asking for a chance with her while you’re gone. I’m asking you to step down, to not marry her, and give me a chance. It’s my dying wish. That’s all.”
“That’s all?” Luke belted, exasperated.
“Yes, that’s all. If anything happens between us, it will be Jill’s choice.”
“It’s manipulative and you know it. She has a soft heart and she loves you.” Jill loved Troy because Luke loved Troy. But Troy didn’t understand that.
“So, you are scared she’ll choose me. You can’t face it, can you? I repeat, it would totally be her choice, Luke. No one would be forcing her to do anything.”
“Absolutely not.”
Troy’s eyes narrowed. “Some friend you turned out to be.”
Luke felt himself pale. It felt as though the wind just got knocked out of him. “Don’t say that. It’s not fair.” Luke knew Troy’s behavior toward him was often manipulative. Yet he’d never been quite this blunt about it.
“Life isn’t fair. Do you think I want to limp around all my life? Do you think I enjoy never being able to run? Do you think I enjoy watching you live out my dreams? Do you think I want to kick the bucket when I’m 28 years old? Hell no!”
Luke couldn’t believe Troy would even ask this of him. It was downright cruel. Actually, it was outrageous and completely out of the question.
“All I want is someone to be by my side while I’m dying. I’ve loved Jill since the moment I met her, long before you ever met her.”
Meeting her one day before Luke had met her hardly qualified as a “long” time. “She’ll be there for you. Jill will be happy to be at your side. She loves you. She won’t let you go through this alone.”
“Not the same thing. I want her at my side as my wife. I want to die having experienced love, real love. Then, and only then, will I be able to die a happy man.”
Luke felt speechless. He would do anything for Troy, but this was the one thing he couldn’t give Troy.
No way.
Absolutely not.
29
Luke and Jill
April 2003
Present Day
Jill stood deathly still. Tears streamed down her face. The only sound in the room was her gasps in between each breath.
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
“And yet you did it. You stepped down and cleared the pathway for Troy,” she managed to say.
“I did what Troy asked of me. I didn’t marry you before leaving. That’s all. I couldn’t ignore his request and live with myself.”
“But you could live without me.”
“I knew you’d be waiting for me when I returned home. I knew it. I didn’t doubt it for one second. I didn’t think you’d do it, Jill. I really didn’t.”
Jill felt every single part of her begin to shake and tremble, even her lips quivered with raw emotion. “You were wrong.”
“I knew I was wrong the moment I left you that horrible night. I ignored your mother’s request. I went to the hospital that night. I saw you in the emergency room. I heard you crying. I’ve never heard anyone cry like that in my life and it killed me. I underestimated your love for me, I know that now. I had to leave early that morning and I couldn’t get out of it. I vowed I’d return as soon as possible and explain. I thought I’d be able to get here sooner.” His eyes glittered. “I couldn’t and it’s been killing me ever since.”
If only he’d just explained right then and there. If only he’d admitted his mistake then. Things would be very different right now. Maybe he’d underestimated her love for him, but she’d underestimated his loyalty to Troy. It reached into the depths of his soul and held him hostage.
Jill controlled the rising storm brewing inside of her. With an edge in her voice she’d never heard before, she said, “My dad had a
Mustang when he was in high school. It was his pride and joy. He loved that car more than anything else in his life.”
“No, Jill,” he whispered. He already knew where she was going with her story.
“He spent his Saturdays washing it, vacuuming it, and waxing it until he could see his reflection in the paint job. It was pristine. He joined the Navy at eighteen and was sent overseas. His biggest worry was what to do with his baby while he was gone. So he let his best friend drive it. He promised to take good care of it. When he returned home, he found his car in terrible shape. It had been used and abused by an uncaring driver. It was dirty and dusty, the tires were bald, the gear shift was stripped, and the brakes squealed. His car was never the same.”
Devastation could only describe Luke’s expression. “It’s not like that, Jill.”
“Isn’t it?” Her voice sounded so fierce, so unrelenting even to her own ears. A sob escaped, deafening in the silent room as it echoed off the walls. He wasn’t loaning her to Troy, she knew that. But it felt that way, as a matter of fact the entire situation reeked of utter betrayal.
“I know now that if I’d just come to you right away and told you everything, you would have helped me to see the situation for what it was. I may be late, but I’m here. I’m telling you everything. I know I was wrong. Now the choice is yours.”
Jill felt her face crumple as she lowered her head and began to cry in earnest. Luke took a step toward her and she held her hand up, meaning stop. She needed to get out. She needed sky, she needed space, and she needed breathing room. She turned towards the door and headed out.
Luke grabbed her arm. “Jill, wait.”
“No, let me go. Please, just let me go. I just need some time.”
He seemed to sense her need to escape, to have some alone time. He nodded. “All right. Please don’t go far.”
Jill walked briskly with no destination in mind. She just wanted to walk, to flee from the intensity of the confines of the ranch house, and from Luke’s despair-filled eyes. They needed to talk this out, but first she needed time to process. The red-hot anger burning inside of her needed to be squelched before she could think straight.
