by Natalie Ward
I tilt my head, pressing a kiss to Ben’s jaw as I whisper, “Nothing means not leaving this bed all day, Ben.” I press more kisses along his neck and watch as he closes his eyes, hear the soft groan that falls from his lips. “Because the way I see it,” I continue as I sit up and straddle Ben’s hips. “This day is anything but a waste. It’s a huge bonus.”
And it is. Because this is a day I’d never normally get with Ben. It’s an extra day where I get to have him, all to myself, when I never should have expected to. Never before have I woken up with him on my real birthday. Never before have I even found him on my real birthday. So today is anything but a waste. Today is the best day of my life, and I intend to spend it doing exactly what I want.
“Evie,” Ben groans, as I slide over him. “I totally agree with doing nothing, baby.”
And I can only smile as I start to move.
“Want something to eat?” Ben asks later, my stomach rumbling right on cue.
I laugh. “Yeah maybe I do, you might have worn me out for a while.”
“Worn you out,” Ben scoffs, flipping me onto my stomach as he presses down on me. I feel his mouth at my ear. “Baby, we’re just getting started.” And my stomach flips at his words. Best birthday ever.
I feel his teeth on my shoulder, gently biting me and I twist on the pillow as I wrap my arm around his head and bring it to mine, where I press a kiss to his lips. “In that case, I’m definitely gonna need to replenish,” I whisper. “So, go make me some breakfast, tough guy.”
Ben laughs, his arms on either side of my body now as he pushes himself up. I take the opportunity to roll over so I’m lying on my back beneath him as he’s pressed up on his arms above me. I practically pant with desire; the guy is nothing but pure muscle.
Ben smiles at the obvious lust that must be written all over my face. “Breakfast or me?”
I swallow, hard. “Both,” I whisper.
I actually groan now as Ben lowers himself, push-up style, to press a kiss to my lips. “Done,” he whispers and then he’s up and out of the bed with far too much energy for a man who’s just spent all morning giving me the best workout ever.
I watch as he bends over to pick up a pair of boxers, giving me the most gorgeous view of his arse and it suddenly gives me an idea. “No,” I say quickly. “Nothing, you make me breakfast wearing nothing.”
Ben stops as he looks at me with a big grin on his face. “Nothing?” he asks, standing beside the bed in exactly that.
“Yeah,” I say smiling back at him. “My birthday, my choice. So that’s you,” I add, pointing at him. “In nothing.”
“Baby,” Ben says laughing now. “I’m gonna be working with dangerous goods here; oil, frying, heat. Do you really want this guy,” he says, gesturing towards his hips. “Unprotected out there?”
I burst out laughing, thinking maybe he has a point. “Okay fine, but boxers and nothing else.”
Ben laughs as he pulls them on. “Yes, boss,” he says, leaning over to pull me out of bed and sling me over his shoulder. “However, you, my sexy little firecracker, can be naked.”
I’m squealing as I pound my fists into his back knowing it’s going to make no difference. Ben smacks me on my bare arse, which is currently propped over his shoulders as he walks us out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, depositing me on a kitchen chair along the way. “Stay,” he says, his voice firm even though he’s wearing a huge grin on his face.
I give him a salute as I cross my legs and say, “Yes, sir!”
Ben laughs and I watch as he moves about the kitchen, putting the kettle on and pulling out eggs, bread and a frypan.
“What are you making me?” I ask, hopping up to turn the heat up a little. If I’m going to sit here naked, it’s going to need to be warm.
Ben turns and catches me by the thermostat. “Did I say you could get up?” he asks, his voice stern now.
I bite my lip in an attempt to stop smiling as I sit back down. “No,” I answer fluttering my lashes as I look up at him.
“Up,” Ben commands, trying to fight a smile.
I’m not bothering to hide mine, because I just can’t help it. I know he’s only playing with me and even though he’s trying to look completely serious, I can’t help but smile. He’s so fucking hot when he acts like this. This is sexy, bossy, protector Ben and I love it.
I stand up and Ben walks towards me, his eyes locked on mine, his body moving like a cat stalking its prey. I have to swallow hard and my fingers are twisting themselves together behind my back as I try to stop myself from reaching out to grab him. When Ben reaches me, he stops, only a foot of space between us that is humming with energy.
“Turn around,” he says, his voice low, and I immediately do as he’s asked.
Ben steps closer and I feel his arm wrap around my waist, his mouth at my ear as he whispers, “This is just a warning, baby.” And then his other hand is on my back, between my shoulder blades and pushing me forward, so I’m bent over the table now, a jolt of pure lust running right through me. As he pulls my hips against his, I can feel just how turned on he is by this and for a second, nothing happens. Then, without warning, Ben’s hand smacks me hard on the arse. It causes me to groan because it’s hard, but in that fleeting pain followed by a whole lot of pleasure kind of way.
Ben and I have always fooled around like this, ever since we were kids and first started fooling around at all. Maybe because neither of us has ever been with anyone else, or maybe because we trust each other completely, I don’t know. I do know that I’m not afraid of him though, and I know he will never hurt me.
I push against him now as his hand starts to rub my backside, right where he smacked me and I swear I hear Ben groan this time, his fingers tightening around my waist a little. He smacks me once more before his hand is on my neck, pulling me back up. Still wrapped in his arms, he spins me around so I’m facing him, my whole body pressed against his.
“Will you behave now?” he whispers against my lips.
No, I immediately want to say. “What happens if I don’t?” I ask, my body literally trembling with desire.
Ben’s arms tighten and I see his eyes sparkle with mischief as gives in and finally smiles at me again. “Then breakfast won’t be the only thing getting eaten off the table, baby.”
And I groan as I press my lips to his and my brain immediately starts thinking up ways to earn me that punishment.
Ben eventually manages to serve up french toast on baked beans, still my favourite, without having anymore distractions from me. I’m tempted, but honestly, the sight of Ben moving around the kitchen in his underwear is enough at the moment. Plus, I’m starving.
“Good?” he asks, sitting in the chair next to me.
I’m nodding as I stuff another forkful of food into my mouth. I’m also now wearing a t-shirt; my suggestion after I said my assets might also need protecting from the hot food. Ben laughed and agreed, the only condition being it had to be one of his and I wasn’t allowed to put anything on underneath it.
“Happy birthday, baby,” Ben says, leaning over to kiss me.
I swallow the mouthful of food. “Thank you, and thank you for breakfast.”
He smiles, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Anytime.”
We eat in silence, the sound of the music that’s playing on the radio in the kitchen, the only noise filling the room. But eventually I have to say it, the one thing we haven’t discussed this morning, even though it’s the proverbial big elephant sitting right here in the room with us.
“So, do you think this means it’s over?” I ask, quickly shoving another mouthful of food into my mouth. Ben looks at me and shrugs before he continues eating. “What?” I ask, my mouth still full. “That’s it?”
“That’s it,” Ben says, raising his mug to take a sip of tea. I watch his movements, not sure what to make of his seemingly unconcerned take on this morning’s events. To say this is out of the ordinary would be both ironic and an understatement.
>
My life is clearly anything but ordinary. As far as I know, no other person on the planet, or even in existence, enjoys the same fate I do every time February twenty-nine rolls around. Yet the fact that I’m sitting here, with Ben, enjoying a breakfast that he’s made for me on my birthday as though we are two regular people, like it’s the most normal thing in the world, is actually pretty extraordinary. And I don’t quite know how to wrap my head around this one.
“How can you say, that’s it?” I ask him, lowering my fork as I pull one leg onto my chair and wrap my arm around my knee.
I watch Ben glance down and see his eyes darken. I remember I’m not wearing any underwear and lower my leg again, scowling at Ben, who’s not taking me seriously.
“What?” he asks, a wicked grin on his face. “A man’s not allowed to enjoy the view?”
“I’m trying to have a serious conversation here, Ben,” I say, reaching over to smack his shoulder.
“Hey!” Ben says, laughing. “And I’m having a serious one back with you, baby.”
“No, you’re not,” I say.
“Evie,” Ben says, his voice serious now. “I have no idea what today means. I don’t know why you stayed, or whether it’s all over now, or how we can make sure this happens next time the leap year rolls around.” He stops, finishes his cup of tea before reaching across and taking my hand in his. Bringing it to his lips, I watch as he presses a kiss to the back of my hand before continuing. “But one thing I do know, with absolute certainty, is that waking up next to you this morning was the best thing in the world for me. It was a day and a moment and a chance that we never normally get, baby. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to question that right now.”
I’m staring at Ben as he says these words to me and the only thing I can think is you are so goddamn right. Why am I wasting time wondering about this? I don’t know why it happened and I don’t know how long it’s going to last, but the point is, it has happened. And Ben’s right, we shouldn’t waste it. We shouldn’t waste any chance we get to be together, because we of all people know just how limited that time can be.
“You’re right,” I eventually say, nodding at him.
Ben smiles now, his cheeky grin lighting up his entire face. “Um, you want to say that again, please?” he says.
I shake my head and laugh, unable to help it. Ben just has that way about him; he can always lift my mood and have me laughing, with only a smile or a cheeky comment. It’s one of the many things I love about him.
“Evie,” he says, still smiling. “I’m waiting, baby.”
I bite my lip. “Waiting for what, Ben?” I ask, trying to play coy.
He laughs now. “You know exactly what.”
Smiling I ask, “And if I don’t say it?”
“Well,” Ben says, standing up as he stretches his arms in front of him, his fingers linked together and knuckles cracking. “Then it might be time to put this table to its other use.”
And before I know it, Ben’s t-shirt is on the floor and I’m lying flat on my back on the table, just like Ben promised.
“Have you had a good day?” Ben asks, sliding us further into the tub as he lies with his head back against the edge, a towel rolled beneath his neck.
We are now in the bath. It was kind of necessary after our very late breakfast turned to sex, which turned to messy on the kitchen table, then even messier on the kitchen floor. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to look at that table with a straight face ever again, let alone when we next have people over and eating off it.
“A perfect day,” I say, my head leaning back against his chest.
“Doing nothing all day was everything you hoped it would be?” he asks, pressing a kiss to my shoulder.
“The only thing I wanted to do today, Ben, was you,” I say, tilting my head so I can kiss his lips. “And that was definitely everything I hoped it would be.”
I feel Ben laugh, his body moving beneath me. He wraps his arms around my shoulders, as he leans in and presses a kiss against my neck. “The day’s not over yet, baby,” he whispers, making me groan.
I stretch out in the hot, soapy water. My feet can just reach the end, dwarfed by Ben’s, which are resting on the lip of the tub. There’s plenty of room in here for both of us though and right now, I’m laying between Ben’s legs, resting against his chest, my arms on his hard thighs.
The bathroom is actually one of the things we loved about this flat when we first looked at it. We only have one, but it’s big and it has this huge tub beside a window overlooking the city. Right now, that window is lined with candles, a bottle of wine and two half-drunk glasses. The whole room is warm and a heavy steam hangs in the air. The weather outside has turned to rain and sleet, which is hitting the window in a constant patter. But inside, the lights are off and there is music playing and because it’s practically dark already, there is a dreamy romantic feel to the whole room. It is absolutely perfect.
“What would you have done today had I not been here?” I ask, reaching out to grab my glass of wine.
Ben’s hand smoothes the hair back from my face. “Been miserable,” he simply says.
I glance up at him and see he’s watching me, an intensity in his eyes that confirms not only how true his words are, but also how glad he is that this didn’t happen.
“Me too,” I say, knowing it’s true, even if I wouldn’t have known the reasons why.
“Tell me what it feels like when you go?” Ben suddenly asks. It surprises me because for the most part, he never wants to talk about this. Not about me leaving, and not about what it’s like when I’m gone or we’re apart. Ben only ever focuses on the here and now, the us.
“You mean the moment it actually happens?” I ask him, putting my wine back on the windowsill.
“Yeah.”
I take a deep breath, smoothing my hands down Ben’s thighs again. With my toe, I gently turn on the tap, add a little more hot water to the tub while I try and work out how to explain it to him.
“It’s hard to describe,” I start. “The whole thing happens very quickly, but at the same time, it’s like I’m watching it all unfold in slow motion too.” I shut off the tap with my foot again, before rolling over so my chin is propped on Ben’s chest. He stares down at me as his hand pushes my hair back and I wrap my arms around his waist. “I told you, back when we were kids, how I can feel it coming, right?” Ben nods and I continue. “Well, when it does, it’s like watching a movie and as much as I want to pause or stop it, I can’t. You’re there, right in front of me and you’re staring at me. I can see your face and hear your voice. I can remember you and us and everything that’s happened, right up until the very last second. And then there’s the moment when I blink, and…” I trail off, hating this next part.
“And?” Ben prompts, his finger under my chin so I’m forced to look at him.
“And I remember you, how you look, how you make me feel. I remember how much I love you,” I whisper. “And then it all goes dark.”
“Dark?” Ben says, his thumb stroking my cheek now. He looks at me with so much love, it’s impossible not to lean in and kiss him. I don’t know how the hell I ever manage to forget this man, but I’m so glad I always find a way to remember him.
“Yes, dark,” I say quietly. “Everything goes very dark and then it’s all just gone. Everything is gone.”
“Are you scared?” he asks me.
“Not scared,” I say. “Mostly I’m just trying to find the light again, trying to find my way back.”
“Back to the light?” he asks.
“Back to you,” I say quietly. “You’re not just the first thing I remember. You’re always the last thing I remember too, Ben, and you’re always the one thing I’m trying to find again, even if I don’t realise it straightaway.”
“Baby,” he breathes out, his arms hauling me up his body now before he presses his lips hard against mine.
“How do you explain all of this to people?” I even
tually ask him, pressing a kiss to his stomach before sliding up the bed and laying my head on the opposite pillow. We’ve left the bath now, along with a huge puddle of water on the floor. We’re up to four different rooms in the flat today, although we’re finally calling it a night back in bed.
“You leaving?” Ben asks.
“Yes.”
This is the most we’ve ever talked about all of this too, our conversation from earlier only delayed while we did other things. But it’s been good to talk about it for a change. It almost feels like closure and I can’t help but wonder, hope even, that it’s happening today because after today, it’s all going to be over.
“I didn’t want to say anything at all when you left last time,” he says quietly. “I didn’t want to admit to anyone about what had happened between us.”
“You didn’t?” I ask.
Ben shakes his head. “No, because if I said it out loud, then that made it true, and I didn’t want it to be true.”
My eyes close as I can only imagine how hard that must have been. Not just because we were living together back then, but that it happened on that night. A night that we both knew was not going to have a tomorrow and so wasn’t going to have a resolution either. Refusing to listen to Ben, fighting with him like that and then disappearing was awful, but staying away for so long was the worst thing I have ever done. I will never lose this regret.
“I know what you’re thinking, baby,” Ben says quietly, his fingers running gently down my nose before he touches them to my lips. I press a soft kiss against them.
“I know,” I whisper, my heart aching with all that I did to him. “It’s just hard. It’s the one thing I want to forget, you know.”
“Don’t, Evie, please,” Ben says, leaning in to kiss me this time. “We have to let it go, baby. It was a bad time for both us and I don’t want to think about it anymore. Please.”
I shrug, knowing there will never be any right words for this moment.
“The past is in the past, Eva. We can’t change it now, no matter how hard we try, or how much we want to.”
