by Sarah Miller
At last he managed to speak. “I have lived a full life and seen five children grow to become wonderful people. I have seen eleven grosskinner born and played with them so much that the memories will last me for eternity. Most of all I had the love of a wunderbaar woman for sixty whole years. These last three without her have been long and difficult.”
Anna dropped her eyes. Had she let him down?
“Now don’t you go feeling guilty. You have looked after me better than I could have imagined. You have given me a home and love and so much joy in such a dark time. You have been the best dochder a mann could ask for and I love you so much for all you have done. But your Mamm was my soul mate and without her it feels like part of me is missing. Like there is a thorn in my side that I just can’t reach, and I am ready to join her. I want your blessing to go to her, to go before my Gott.”
Tears streamed down Anna’s cheeks, but she fought back the sobs and screams that threatened to come with them. “I’m not ready Daed,” she said.
“I know, but it is time.” He reached out a frail hand and took hold of hers.
Anna felt the papery flesh of his fingers and she wanted to crush his hand in hers. She could not, it would hurt, so instead she patted it gently and sent her love and gratitude through her fingers.
“I have to tell you something before I go,” he said. “I am ashamed of this and sorry that I leave you with this burden.”
Anna looked up. What could he be ashamed of? It made no sense. “Do not worry Daed; there is nothing you need to be ashamed of.”
His eyes were weaker now and his grip on her fingers loosened. “Forgive me,” he said.
“Always, you are forgiven any sins…” Anna fought hard to control the break in her voice. “Surrender your will to Gott and you will journey to heaven. You will see Mamm again and be at peace.”
“That is what I needed to hear, now I am free to share my shame,” he said and then let out a long sigh.
Anna squeezed his hand afraid that he had gone and her own heart seemed to stop in sympathy. Her hands shook and tears ran down her face, but then she noticed him take a breath. Joy replaced despair and she leaned forward and listened to his chest: his breathing was steady, he was simply asleep. She left the room and walked into Samuel’s arms. He pulled her close.
“It is Gott’s will,” he whispered into her hair.
“You need to fetch the familye,” Anna said. “I do not think he has long.”
Samuel gave her a last hug and she watched him walk away, taking some of her strength with him. He would harness the horse and drive to all their kin spreading the news that Abe’s time was near. Samuel paused at the top of the stairs, but all she could see was the look in her daed’s eyes. It haunted her. Why would he be ashamed? “Samuel,” she called wanting to discuss this with her own soul mate… but she could not. If Daed had shame, he wanted to share it with her alone.
“Jah,” Samuel said turning.
“It is nothing. I just wanted to say I love you.” She stepped back into Abe’s room before she broke down and ran to him. There would be time for tears later but for now they were both needed. She sat quietly in the corner, trying to ignore the secret Abe said he kept, but it worried away at her mind like a dog at an old bone.
Find out what happens to Anna and Samuel in Amish Baby Hope http://amzn.to/1P1WRLn
