by Faye Sonja
Sheriff Brown had been shocked and slightly concerned over the fast decision, but Brendan wasn’t waiting for him to ask any questions of Emma in Salt Lake City. It didn’t matter about her past. No one was perfect and this was a whole new world out here, and people came from all walks of life for a second chance. Brendan didn’t want his past dragged up and he didn’t expect Emma’s to be either.
He’d made the decision to wed her before he saw her and when he did meet her, he only wanted to marry her more. She was a woman of substance and thought. She had opinions and she had heart. He could see she had a compassion for those less fortunate and an innate desire to make the word better for them, and for them to believe the world could be better for them; they just had to believe.
That was exactly the type of woman he wanted by his side. Though it may seem rash and impulsive to others, Brendan had been waiting for such a woman for a very long time, and he’d almost given up hope of ever finding anyone. He’d find Emma very easy to love, and he hoped she could love him once she looked upon the less than perfect parts of him.
His heart beat wildly at the dread of showing himself to her and the horror of the past being out there for her to see. But he didn’t have to do that right away. They’d get to know each other. He never wanted to speak of his tortured childhood, but he knew living with secrets wasn’t fair either.
Today, he’d just enjoy his wedding and the hope it signified. Once their afternoon tea was over he’d take her to the tavern, where he lived upstairs. Making enough money to build a house was first on his list, but for now being at the tavern with the workload he had there made the most sense.
Emma would be able to help him now, and whatever she thought she’d be best at, he’d let her do. Even if she could just make an evening meal, he’d be grateful. If it wasn’t for his mother feeding him most nights, he’d go to bed hungry because he never had time to make hot meals for himself and the tavern kitchen wasn’t quite up and running with a cook yet.
Everyone here smiled and he could see the ones that whispered and twittered their assumptions. He didn’t care and he wouldn’t let Emma care, either. She was his wife now and they’d show her respect for that. Women could be very funny creatures at times, wanting to discuss what someone wore before anything else.
“Ah, Brendan. I trust you’ll take care of our Emma.” Ada spoke as he and Emma finally made it to a table to sit for some refreshment. Ada and Anna were both sharp as tacks and their love for Emma was obvious.
“I will, Ada. In fact, as soon as we can, we’ll come for a visit and I can prove it to you.”
“That’d be lovely. Do let us know and make it weekend, and I can bring my husband and the children to meet you all.” Anna smiled.
“Ada and Anna, leave the poor man alone. I’ll be taking care of myself from now on; you two needn’t worry about me anymore. I love you both for caring so much, but I do promise I can do this.” Emma smiled and Brendan couldn’t take his eyes off her. She just had something about her that was undeniable.
* * *
6
New Beginnings
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“No… My son won’t be here to meet you,
as he was married on Sunday just passed.”
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Because of their busy schedules and Anna’s long travel day ahead, Emma bid her sisters goodbye the next day just after an early lunch. She couldn’t help but cry, but they were tears of joy and finally feeling like she was an equal to them now and not a responsibility anymore.
“I’ll be there to visit next month, Ada. Thank you for inviting us.”
“There’s plenty of room and Bobby will be thrilled to have a man on his side for a change.”
“We’ll come on the Friday evening, so we’ll have two days together. The children will be so excited to meet you.”
“You’ve done so well, Anna, considering they’ve lost their own mother.” Emma wished she could one day have a family of her own too, but that didn’t bear thinking about right now. That required a closeness she doubted she’d ever have with Brendan.
“It hasn’t been without trials, Emma. Nothing ever is. But if you believe in your vows before God, the most wonderful things can happen, even if you don’t expect them.” Anna hugged Emma.
“I don’t think Brendan and I will be that close. I mean, look at him…he’s so handsome. I’m just…well, I’m not like that.” Emma smiled; she really didn’t mind.
“Nonsense. It’s who you are inside that Brendan will see if he’s any kind of decent man. Besides, the only one who can’t see your attractiveness is you. It’s about time you stopped assuming everyone is as critical.”
“That’s kind of you to say, Dear Ada.”
“Ada’s not being kind, Emma. It’s quite true.” Anna climbed in beside Ada in the fancy carriage.
“I’ll write, dear sisters. Stay well and Godspeed.” Emma sniffed and hugged herself as the horses drew away and she was truly alone to begin her new life.
She’d spent her wedding night in a separate bedroom at her husband’s insistence. Though, she was grateful in many ways, it cemented the fact that this wasn’t to be a romantic marriage. She’d likely sleep alone for years to come.
She sighed and thought she wouldn’t complain, as God had given her so much just by being here and getting a decent man as a husband and not the scoundrel she might’ve had. Not that she’d met him yet. But it was inevitable that she would. She walked back to the tavern and greeted Brendan.
“Do you have a few minutes, Emma, to go over what you feel best to do here?”
“Yes. I’d like that. The girls have gotten away well and we’ll see them at the end of next month.”
“Very good. I’ve made us some tea.” Brendan seemed like he was forcing himself to stop and take the time to sort through what needed doing.
Emma sat down, and she had no intentions of taking all day about this. She took her side of the deal very seriously and she meant to give some relief to Brendan as soon as possible with the workload. “Please tell me what needs doing on a daily basis and what’s most pressing today for you.”
“I’d like to have the kitchen serving some light snacks, something to appeal to women taking short breaks from shopping one day soon. I’ve heard that ice cream is to be a favored treat and I think that will suit the summer climate well, but that will be too expensive for now.”
“Brendan, let’s start with what needs doing today.” Emma knew how it was to have so many things going on that it was hard to find any one job that took priority.
“Yeah, yes. Of course. Forgive me. I’ve cleaned the bar area already as it opens first for the menfolk’s business.”
“So the family and ladies lounge area opens later?”
“Yes. For now, it opens at three and we serve cold drinks. Although we never seem to get many groups of ladies or families from our local area. The odd family passing through will stop.”
“And the rooms upstairs?”
“We’ve not rented any out yet.”
“I see. What is the main income from?”
Brendan frowned. “The men who come to drink mostly, and for the entertainment. There are some who prefer the quieter atmosphere here, but Barnaby gets many, many more.”
“Let’s not worry about the saloon. Let me take care of the family lounge, and I’ll see if we can get some more in and you take care of the men’s bar.” Emma had some ideas that might get a few ladies in with their husbands; she wasn’t sure if the ladies here would come along in a group without their menfolk, but she’d try anyway.
“That’s a good start.”
“I’ll make sure everything is clean and ready and then I’ll pop up to see your Ma; I think she’ll be a great help to what I have in mind. Then I’ll see to the kitchen and work on some light snacks we can offer.”
Brendan poured the tea and
gave Emma her cup. “I feel like the weight of the world has lifted off my shoulders already.”
“I feel like I’m useful for a change.”
“We’re going to make a great team, Emma.”
“I do think so as well, Brendan. I’m so glad we went to the early morning church service with Ada and Anna. It was lovely. But next week I’d love to be organized enough to go to the one at eleven in the morning and join everyone for lunch afterwards. This will help me get to know some other people.”
“If we can get enough done for the week, we may even be able to have Sundays off, or almost.”
“I think we should try. This would be a good time for us to spend together and plan the week ahead.”
“Brilliant suggestion. You really are a shining light, Emma. I’m very fortunate to have you here with me. I know the tavern will succeed with you around.”
Emma smiled. What she wished he was saying was, I love you, Emma, but she pushed all romantic notions out of her head.
* * *
Brendan couldn’t quite explain the relief he felt with Emma around. She was perfect for here. He couldn’t believe how she could ever be a burden to anyone or feel like she was. Whatever had happened in her past had given her a quiet determination. Brendan just wanted to hug her right there, but he didn’t want to embarrass her.
He’d thought of her in the next bedroom late into the night. It was far from a regular wedding night and though Brendan didn’t want Emma to feel pressured, he also didn’t want the added pressure himself. He didn’t want to face the pity in her eyes if she saw his imperfect body. He didn’t want to relive the horror or tell her how he’d come to be half-covered in hideous scars.
He didn’t want her to be as repulsed by him as he was by himself. It was easier to just avoid her seeing him without a top on, ever. Even if they ever came to share the same bed, he’d always have his nightshirt on. No one had seen him. No one at all. He’d kept them hidden for years, even from his Ma.
Even from himself, by refusing to look in the mirror and avoiding touching there when he bathed. He prayed every night he’d wake up and those reminders of that time in his childhood would be gone. But he couldn’t shake the nightmares that came each and every night no matter how exhausted he was.
Brendan feared there was no power on this earth strong enough to bring him the inner peace he longed for. He couldn’t get rid of the eyes identical to his father, the cut of his chin and the fall of his hair…he looked like his father’s son. People often commented on that fact, but many never knew the truth of it.
He could look like his father but he wasn’t like him, not in any way. The cruel mind and sadistic nature would never be a part of who Brendan was; he tried very hard to see it wasn’t who Barnaby was either, but he feared he was fighting a losing battle there. It wouldn’t stop him trying to save Barnaby from himself, though.
There were a few men in the bar today, all drinking and trading services and goods. A lot of business took place in here with it being a perfect meeting place for people who needed things and people who had things to offer. Brendan had a noticeboard put up for anyone to use for things they may have in surplus and things they may need.
He hoped that next week he could offer hot meals for supper time. And that there’d be ten rooms ready for those who needed accommodation. His dream was slowly coming together and if he didn’t go broke trying, he’d see it be more than a dream. Now he had even more reason to make this work, to provide a future for Emma. Her sisters were both very talented and successful and he could understand how she’d feel like she had to live up that.
He hoped he could help her do that. In his eyes Emma didn’t need to live up to anyone. She was honest and genuine, and she had a love of God that she shared with him. He’d like for them to become close and to learn about each other. He loved her generous smile and her soft, brown eyes.
He checked his pocket watch and saw it was two in the afternoon. The time had gone so fast. He served the remaining men another drink each and popped out to see how things were coming along for Emma in the lounge. She may need some help before it opened for the afternoon.
He drew in a fast breath and let out a whistle. This area had never looked so clean and sparkling and Emma had placed fresh flowers in vases around the room. The scent was divine and on the large blackboard she’d written a timetable.
Mondays were book club, Wednesdays were crafting and Fridays were mothers’ group.
“Emma, I can’t believe how different you’ve made it in here.”
“I hope you approve. It can’t hurt to see how it goes. I’m hoping established women here will come and help out the newcomers and we can all share our talents.”
“Great ideas. Get Ma in here, she’ll help.”
“I shall.”
“Have you had lunch? I know we had a late breakfast.”
“I really couldn’t eat. Perhaps an early supper. If we close in here at six, I could have supper ready by seven.”
“It’s Sunday, so we close early. We’re only open for two hours in here and the bar will close at five as well.”
“Perfect. Perhaps you’d like to invite your family to supper?”
“I’m not sure you need that on your first day as my wife.” He didn’t like the idea of Barnaby being anywhere near Emma yet. Brendan could never trust what he’d say to her.
“Best to get the things we dread most over with. I don’t want Barnaby and his wife thinking there’s any grudges held. It’s best to know where we stand. If he’s to be awful to me, I’d rather know now.”
“No, I won’t have him here in my tavern. I’m sorry, Emma. It’ll just be you and I for supper. Ma has the night in reading every Sunday and I try not to disturb that for her.”
“Very well. Well, I’m fine in here and I’ll see you around six in the kitchen.”
Brendan smiled. “You don’t know how good it feels to have you say that to me. Normally I’d eat something cold and fall into bed after I’d finished shutting the place up.” He wanted to hug her and say thanks, but again he stopped himself. He didn’t want Emma to think he was trying to take advantage of his good looks and the situation.
It was just easier to remain emotionally distant as much as possible. He looked into her very kind and understanding eyes and wondered just how long he could do that. But he had to because he wasn’t a man on the inside, not fully.
With the things his father had done, the part of him that might’ve developed to stand up and fight for himself had given in to submission and despair. Emma didn’t deserve what little emotion he had left, so he was best to keep it to himself.
* * *
7
A Successful Month
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“No… My son won’t be here to meet you,
as he was married on Sunday just passed.”
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Four Weeks Later
Emma was at an absolute loss as to how to bring Brendan more out of his emotional shell. She was still in the other bedroom and though everything couldn’t be better with their friendship, anything deeper was stalled by him. All his Ma would say was that it was his choice to share if he wanted, but there was no way to force him.
She’d seen little of Barnaby, and from what she had seen of him, that was a very good thing. He was openly hostile towards her and she knew he couldn’t be trusted. Barnaby Radcliffe was a dangerous man and Emma wasn’t at all happy when she’d seen three young ladies come on the stagecoach this morning and he was there to meet them.
She was going to speak with Brendan because she was sure Barnaby was luring them in to become prostitutes for him. She wouldn’t have it. She’d done time over a man like Barnaby Radcliffe and she wouldn’t see other innocents go the same way. Her free lemonade on the hot summer afternoons had attracted quite a few groups of ladies who were out shopping, and the town had
added ten more stores since she’d first arrived.
Emma was well known and, she thought, well liked in Black Creek. She felt her past was in the past and though she’d tried to tell Brendan about herself, he wouldn’t entertain any such talk and only wanted to discuss the present and the future. This weekend was the weekend they were all to meet at Ada’s for Ada’s birthday.
They had enough income to employ two staff while they were away and Emma was very excited about the trip. She’d been working hard and Brendan put every waking hour into the place, so they both needed the break. The tavern had come ahead in leaps and bounds and she was sure it would rival the takings for the saloon by now.
Emma knew a couple of the ladies who came over for free lemonade were dancing girls from the saloon, and they were always polite and lovely. She’d no reason to suspect they were doing anything untoward in addition to dancing, and even if they were, she’d wouldn’t judge them. It wasn’t her place but God’s to bestow the final judgment.
If they came in this afternoon she’d hand out the notices she’d written up about newcomers being welcome to come and say hello. Perhaps she’d get the new girls and at least offer them friendship so they didn’t feel they had nowhere to go if things didn’t work out.
This was very important to Emma because even knowing there was someone there for you didn’t mean it was easy to ask for help. Even though she could’ve gone to her sisters before she’d gone to court, she honestly thought she’d be acquitted as she’d been promised. But instead the opposite had happened and Emma had endured six months of torture. She’d die before she ever went through that again.
Today was Wednesday and that was the busiest day in the lounge. The ladies all got together to make items for charity. The goods would either be donated or sold for money to donate. Being charitable was a pastime that was very well received, and people liked to feel they were contributing, especially the ones with little to offer but time.
