by Faye Sonja
"Please God..." she said, gulping, as she turned around as slowly as she could, keeping Charlotte clutched to her chest.
She let out a silent gasp as she saw the creature in front of her. A wolf, with steel grey coat, steely, and focused straight on her and the child she was holding.
Mollie took in a sharp breath. Clutching Charlotte in her arms, she took a step back. The wolf gazed up at her with cold blue eyes. It bared its teeth at her and switched its gaze directly to Charlotte.
She could feel her own heartbeat beating straight into Charlotte’s, and worried that even though she had the baby's face away from the danger, that she would still be able to sense that something was wrong.
"It's okay...it's okay..." she whispered. Charlotte's crying had completely stopped, which worried Mollie more than if she'd still been wailing.
In front of them the wolf just stood, staring at the mother and baby.
"Good boy..." Mollie said, trying not to show she was scared. But she knew she hadn't tricked Charlotte, and she wasn't tricking the wolf.
As she felt the baby in her arms, instinct kicked in, and she knew she had to do whatever it took to keep her safe. She gripped Charlotte as tight to her chest as she could and turned, sprinting back to the house, her legs moving so fast that her dress almost ripped apart at the seams. She never thought she could run that fast - it was as though God gave her the power to move that quickly as she sprinted towards the back door and pulled it shut behind her.
"Shh," she said, placing Charlotte down in her crib. Mollie's heart was thudding as she thought what to do next. Outside, she could hear the wolf's footsteps in the dead leaves, an awful crinkling noise that made shots of terror run through her. There was another growl, and then Mollie heard the thud of the animal's head against the back door.
She jumped at the sound, reaching into the crib, trying to reassure Charlotte that it was okay. "Shh, don't worry baby girl. Mama will be back in just a few minutes. You just stay there, safe."
She crept over to the door, gingerly reaching a hand towards it. She jumped when she heard a growling noise, and the snarling of the dog's breath.
"Get away!" she yelled. "Get!"
She kicked against the door, trying to scare the wolf away. There was silence for a moment, and Mollie took a step back, wondering if she'd frightened the dog off. But it lunged towards the door again, growling. She shot a look over her shoulder at the crib, where Charlotte was laying peacefully, still remaining uncannily silent.
There was only one thought racing through her head: "I have to protect Charlotte."
She turned back to the back door, triple checking that it was locked before she took off, passing Charlotte as she went. "Mama will be back in a moment. Just stay there. It's all going to be alright."
She walked out the front door and closed it quietly, before creeping quietly around the side of the house. Her only plan was to keep the wolf away from Charlotte, to keep her baby safe.
"It doesn't matter what happens to me," she thought. "As long as Charlotte is safe."
As she walked down the yard towards the back of the house, she looked in through the window to see Charlotte laying safe in her crib. "God, please protect her," she said, as she kept walking.
She brought a hand up to her chest, and noticed, for the first time, that her breathing was steady, that the familiar tightness in her chest was gone.
"It's up to you, God," she thought, putting her trust in His hands. "All this time I've been so scared of dying, of something going wrong..." she stopped.
"I've been so scared that Thomas is going to leave. Leave us. Like John did," she realized, stopping dead in her tracks.
The realization hit her, and suddenly she knew what the pains had all been about. "All this time, I've been so worried that Thomas would leave, go away like John did and not return. I thought I might be left all alone again. That Charlotte might be left alone."
But as she stood there praying for God to take care of her baby, she realized that Charlotte would never be left alone to fend for herself.
And that she'd never been left alone.
"When John died, I thought that I had been abandoned. But God never abandoned me. He led me here..."
She took a deep breath and one step forward, no longer afraid. She stopped to pick up a large stick and continued towards the back garden, where the wolf's growls had softened.
Suddenly there was a gun shot, and she jumped back, falling to the ground, as she heard the sound of a wolf howling as it fell to the floor.
"Thomas!" she thought, picking herself up, running now towards the back of the house. "I knew he wouldn't abandon us. I knew he would be here when we needed him the most!'
She ran, flying around the corner, ready to fling herself into Thomas's arms, to thank him for being there, to swear to him that she would never be afraid again, that she had learned her lesson. That her faith and trust had been restored. In him. In God.
But she stopped as she turned the corner, and instead of seeing Thomas standing there with a riffle, she found Jedediah.
"Oh." She stopped and took a step back.
"Mollie..." he said, dropping the rifle to the ground.
She just stared at him. "I thought you were Thomas," she said quietly. She switched her heavy gaze to the wolf lying on the floor. "But now I see it's just you here, out hunting."
"Mollie, I wasn't hunting, I was..."
"It's fine, don't worry. Thank you Jedediah. But can you please get off my property now? I have Charlotte to worry about..."
"Mollie..."
"Please get that wolf away from here and leave," she said, quietly, as Jedediah nodded at her and picked up the wolf carcass, throwing it over his shoulder before he left, wordlessly.
As he walked away she glanced down at the riffle, still laying on the ground. She quickly looked through the window to check that Charlotte was still sleeping, before hurrying over to pick up the gun. She didn't like the idea of it laying there, so close to the house, so she quickly dragged it to the back of the garden, and walked into the shed, fixing it securely in position against the wall.
She dusted her hands off and headed back to the shed door, pulling it back with all her might, desperate to get out of there, but it was stuck.
"Oh no..." she said, jiggling it more frantically this time. "No...No..."
She kept pulling at the door, wiggling it, pushing it forward as hard as she could, then pulling it backward as hard as she could. No matter what she did the door wouldn't budge.
"Help!" she called out, but she knew the shed was too far back from the house, too far back from the street for her to be heard.
"Charlotte!" she called out, knowing it was helpless, but all she could think about was Charlotte lying alone in the house. "All this worry about her being abandoned, now I've gone and done just that!" Mollie wondered what other creatures might be out there, worried there could be other wolves around.
'I knew this shed was a dangerous place! So badly constructed! I was right to fear it... Oh, why did I have to send Jedediah away...just because I was angry he wasn't Thomas!"
As she sat down on the cold dirt floor and put her head on her knees, she began to sob, wetting the material of her dress, as it gathered in the dirt below her.
"Why wasn't it Thomas? Why couldn't he have been there?"
She stopped crying, wiping her eyes as she remembered the lesson she had learned earlier. "When God teaches us a lesson, he often tests us on it soon after," she reminded herself, wiping her cheeks with the sleeves of her dress. She remembered to breath, not to panic.
She stood back up and headed towards the door; this time, instead of pulling the door back as hard as she could, she tried it gently. And the door popped open.
She heaved a deep sigh of relief. "Thank you, God."
She ran out of the shed, racing up the house, all the while thinking that couldn't wait to see Charlotte laying in her crib, to see her cute round rosy face and her pale gr
een eyes. To hear her cry. To feel her gripping her finger with her tiny hands.
She pulled the back door open and sprinted to the crib.
But Charlotte was gone.
* * *
10
A Reunion
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“ My heart will remain my own, on
that I give my promise. But I need
to do what's best for my baby...”
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"Come on Kit, work with me here. You're Charlotte's Godfather now, so I was hoping that you and I would be able to see a little more eye-to-eye," Thomas said.
Kit put his axe down and squared up, looking Thomas right in the eye. "Don't go bringing Charlotte into this. The baby ain't gonna change my mind. I don't think you ought to be spending so much time away from home, and I ain't gonna change my mind on that. If anything, it is Charlotte I am thinking of. She needs her dad with her."
Thomas hung his head. "I know," he said, scuffing his boot into the dirt. He glanced up finally, shoving his hands in his pockets. "It's just that sometimes I don't feel as if I'm making a very good father."
"What do you mean?" Kit asked. "You're providing for Mollie and the child, and loving them."
"And I do love them, so much," he said. "It's just..." he sighed, digging his hands further into his pockets. "I found a photo of her first husband, hidden amongst her things." He brought his head back down, his shoulders slumped, as he began to kick the dirt again.
Kit reached out his hand and planted it on Thomas's shoulder. "Ah, Thomas, that's completely normal, ain't it. She was young when they married, and he was killed too young, before his time..." Kit trailed off, his voice breaking a little.
Thomas kept looking at the ground. "I know. He died on the battleground, just like so many men we knew. It could have been me that died, Kit. How come I got to be lucky, how come I get to be with Mollie, and be a father to Charlotte, when this poor kid died?"
"Hey now," Kit said. "You can't go feeling guilty about that, like you're taking his place or somethin'. Mollie wouldn't want you to feel like that."
"I'm worried she feels like that," he said quietly. "Worried that she feels that I took John's spot. That I'm not good enough for her."
"Well look here," Kit said. "I sure don't think that's what she believes, for one thing. I've seen the way she looks at you, and she loves you, Thomas. Despite all your flaws. Despite the fact that you're out here, when you ought to be at home. Despite everything. Don't you think that says something? That she still wants you to be a father and husband, in spite of everything?"
He shrugged. "Why does she keep that photo then? Why did she hide it from me?"
Kit sighed. "Because he was her first love. And an important part of her life. She was probably trying to spare your feelings by not telling you about it. But, Thomas, you can't go clinging onto the past, or trying to compete with it. You've gotta look forward, appreciate what you've got here in front of you. Do better."
Thomas looked up, the realization dawning on him. "I need to go home," he said, reaching up to rub his brow. "Oh, I've been such a fool Kit. Trying to make plans, thinking of travelling, leaving home, when I've got a wife and baby there. Shucks, I've been so stupid."
A grin stretched over Kit's face. "Well what are you waiting for, Son? Go!"
Thomas nodded, giving the older man a thump on the back before he ran off. "Thanks, Kit. This is going to be the start of a new era, you mark my words!"
* * *
Mollie ran out onto the street, calling out frantically for help. Screaming "Charlotte, Charlotte," over and over again, thrashing around wildly, calling and crying for her baby.
"Charlotte! CHARLOTTE!"
Susan ran out into the street. "Mollie, what's happened?"
Mollie was frantic. "Charlotte has gone missing. Susan, I put her down in her crib just for a moment - to protect her you see - and now she is gone." She brought her hands up to her mouth and began to sob. "There are wild creatures around here, Susan, you know that, you've seen them yourself!"
Susan placed an hand on Mollie's shoulder. "I've seen them in the woods, but not here in town, Mollie. Please be calm, I'm sure nothing has taken your baby."
"Then where is she?" Mollie wailed. "Susan, where is she?"
"Mollie, calm down. Look down the road, will you?"
Mollie stopped and looked in the direction Susan was pointing. She leaned forward to catch her breath as her eyes focused. She saw Thomas walking towards her, holding a small bundle, wrapped in wool, in his arms.
"Thomas..." she said, breathlessly, "You've got her?" She ran up to them both and reached for Charlotte, bringing her into her arms. "Oh, my sweet girl," she said, kissing her on the forehead. "Oh, I was so terrified." She turned to Thomas. "What happened, how did you get her?"
"I came into the house when I heard the gun shots, and found her lying there all alone..." Thomas said. "She was screaming, so I took her, brought her up to see Isabella to make sure she was okay."
Mollie struggled to get her breath back as she nodded, tears falling down her cheeks as she hugged the baby tight, smelling the sweet smell of the top of her head.
"I couldn't find you..." Thomas said. "I looked, and looked, but I had to protect Charlotte..."
"It's okay," Mollie said, nodding. "You did the right thing. You were there to protect her when she needed it. I just left her for a moment, and then I got trapped...Oh Thomas, I am so glad you were there for her, after all, when she needed it the most. I should have trusted you all along."
"Come here," he said, reaching out an arm, wrapping it around her and pulling her tight to him, so that both her and Charlotte were buried tight in his arms. "It's not going to be like this anymore, I promise, Mollie. I've been so busy trying to run the town, that I forgot what is really important..."
She glanced up at him. "But you were there when we needed you most, that's what really matters."
"It's going to be this way from now onwards."
* * *
"I'm just glad she wasn't hurt," Thomas said, laying Charlotte down in her crib. "She is, after all..." he almost choked up as he said the next words. "She is the only daughter I'll ever be able to have." He stared into the crib, not wanting to look at Mollie. Scared of her reaction.
"Thomas, what do you mean?"
He pulled back from the crib and looked at her. "I went to see Isabella about it. About an injury I received in the war. She confirmed what I feared, that I'll never be able to have children of my own."
Mollie stood still for a moment, then reached out for his hand, gripping it in hers. "Thomas, I'm sorry. I've been so caught up in my own health problems, I never even thought to ask about yours. Thomas, I'm sorry you had to go through this alone."
"Don't you be sorry," he said, reaching out to give her a cuddle. "Oh, Mollie, I'm the one who ought to be sorry. I'm sorry I kept this from you...sorry that I won't be able to give you any more kids." His eyes fell away from her. "Can I ever be enough for you?"
"Of course you can be, Thomas - why do you ask that?"
"I found that photo you keep, of John."
She dropped her head. "Oh." Then she whispered, "Thomas, I never meant for you to see that."
He stood there, staring over the crib. "I thought that you kept the photo - hid it from me - because you were still hanging on to him. Maybe you thought he was the perfect father and husband - the man I can never be."
"Oh, Thomas, don't be silly..."
He kept talking. "I need to say this, Mollie. Need you to tell me that I can be enough for you. That you trust me to take care of you, to provide for you and Charlotte."
She reached up and put an arm around him, her eyes filling with tears. "You are enough, Thomas. You, and Charlotte. You are all the family I need. All the family I have ever needed." She reached up and pulled Thomas's face back towards her. "And don't go t
hinking you need to prove yourself to me. All this running around, all these business deals, that's what they are all about, aren't they? Trying to prove something to me. When all along, all I needed was to know that you will be here for me. That you'll come home at the end of every day, safe and sound."
He nodded. "I think I was pushing so hard to prove something to you, that I almost ruined everything."
"Thomas, sometimes you can be a foolish man. Can you please trust, from now on, that I love you, and that you are a father to Charlotte? That you don't have to compete with anyone? Or prove to me that you are a man?"
"I can, Mollie. I love you as well." He reached down and stroked her cheek. "Can you trust that as well?"
"I can," she said, before she burrowed her head back into him, the tightness in her chest disappearing once and for all.
* * *
Epilogue
Two Months Later.
Thomas brought the photo out of his pocket, before setting it down on top of the fireplace. As Mollie watched, Charlotte in her arms, he reached down and picked up the brand new frame that was sitting on the arm of the rocking chair, as he carefully took out the back of the frame, before sliding the photo into it.
"You know, you don't have to forget John altogether. In fact, that's the last thing I want you to do, Mollie."
Mollie nodded and burrowed her face into Thomas's chest. "Thank you for being so understanding." She was quiet for a moment as Thomas pulled out the stand on the back of the frame, so that it could sit upright on the fire place, taking pride of place in the center. She gazed at the face for a second, before adding. "I did love him so, you know. I was awful young though, Thomas."
"I understand," Thomas said, quietly. "And I know he was a brave man, and that he must have loved you so much, Mollie." He leaned back and smiled down at her. "How could anyone not?"
She laughed a little and ducked her head, almost embarrassed at the compliment. "I'm sure people could not love me."
