by Faye Sonja
She lifted her head gently and smiled a little. She still didn't feel that brave, or strong, but hearing the words from Benjamin meant so much to her. It felt like he could see something in her that she couldn't see herself. She usually felt like that strong, outgoing girl that she'd once been was dead and buried.
But on that day, she'd felt a little of her spirit come back to her. And that made her lift her head a little higher, and - if she wasn't imagining it - she felt her throat loosening up a bit. Or at least, the panicked feeling from earlier was subsiding.
"Maybe I can be brave from now on..." she thought. "Maybe things don't have to be as they have been for the past thirteen years. After all, I wanted Gold Creek to be a fresh start for me - and so far, it really has been."
Her smile deepened, till it lit up her entire face. There was something else making her happy, and that was the way she and Benjamin seemed to be 'talking' to each other. Sure, she'd had to write down her thoughts about the robbery, but everything since then had been unwritten, and, of course, unspoken. They'd cleared up the misunderstanding about the robbery without words at all, and, by working together, had made sure that the right man was blamed.
"It seems like we really can communicate in our own special way," Rosella thought, her heart warming. "This is what I've wanted all along, to know that we can communicate in our own private language, that my handicap won't matter."
* * *
After the excitement of the day, Rosella needed to get outside to clear her head. She hadn't intended to go past Ruby's field, but she found herself drawn down that way. She approached the mare with a little hesitation, but the events of the day had made her brave, and she got a little closer than she usually would have.
To her surprise, Ruby didn't buck, or flare her nostrils at Rosella. Instead, the mare seemed to cock her head to the side, to look at Rosella not as an enemy, but as a potential friend.
"Wow, I've never seen you like this before," Rosella thought, reaching a hand out gingerly to touch Ruby on the head. When she reacted calmly, Rosella stroked the horse on the head.
"Hmm," Rosella thought. "This is the calmest I've ever seen her. I've never been to see her on my own before - perhaps that is making all the difference?"
Rosella looked the horse deep in her eyes, wishing that she could speak to her. She knew that Benjamin had wanted an assistant horse whisperer, and she felt as though she was letting him down, though he never said it.
"Ruby is reacting to me so well without words...perhaps with words she'd be even better?" Rosella thought, getting a little excited at the idea. "Imagine the possibilities, if I were able to talk to her, to whisper to her like Benjamin does with his horses..."
"No, you're getting ahead of yourself. No sense thinking silly things like that when you're never going to be able to talk again," she thought, giving Ruby one last pat before walking away. She was the Silent Bride. Whoever heard of a Silent Horse Whisperer?
From a distance Benjamin watched the two of them.
“Maybe, just maybe, there's a little bit of hope,” he thought.
* * *
Just as twilight was breaking, Benjamin headed back down to his paddock, calling Ruby for her to come over. The horse neighed and flared her nostrils. She didn't respond to his call, and instead ran to the other side of the fence. Benji sighed. Not as bad as she'd been earlier, but it was still clear that the horse had not settled down.
He just didn't know what to do with her.
With some frustration, he sat down on the ground with his back against a wooden post, Ruby running around behind him. "What am I going to do?" he thought. "It seems like she will never become tamed."
He was facing a very difficult decision to make about whether to keep Ruby or put her down. He knew Rosella had grown fond of the horse, so he had not wanted to share this decision with her just yet. "Rosella already has enough to deal with..." he thought, troubled at the idea of keeping the problem from her, but not wanting to add to her stress, especially after the events surrounding the robbery.
Behind him, Ruby snorted and let out a loud neighing noise. Ben looked around, startled by the sudden, aggressive noise. "Come on girl, what's wrong?" he asked, walking just a little too close to the wild mare.
Before he could duck out of the way Ruby kicked out her back legs, hitting Benjamin in the face.
"Ouch," he cried out, knocked over onto the ground. He was dazed a little from the hit to the head, and reached his hand up to his face. Pulling it away again he gazed down at his palm. "Blood..."
He reached his hand up again quickly, checking to see if his nose was broken, and how bad the damage was. "It doesn't seem to be broken...will make a nasty bruise though." He pulled himself to his feet, a little shakily, and took two steps away from the wild horse.
"It's not safe to keep her..." Ben thought. "What if that had been Rosella out here, instead of me?" He shook his head at the terrible thought. "I'm going to have to make a decision that's best for all of us. I'll keep it from Rosella for now. This is my problem anyway, and I will fix it in my own way."
* * *
6
Trouble Brews
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“ Could this really be a fresh start?”
.
one month later
As the weeks passed, Rosella made attempts to make friends in Gold Creek, but without words to speak she was finding it difficult to bond with the other women in the town. She heard the way they laughed and gossiped, and wondered if she would ever find a way to fit in with them. She had one hope: the church fair that Sunday, where she hoped to finally make some connections in town. She had a secret weapon: her famous orange cake.
Rosella popped her head into the general store, not sure at first if she was still welcome to go in there after everything that had happened. But behind the counter Mr. McGillicuddy beamed at her. "Come on in, dear!"
She smiled shyly and bowed her head. Coming over the counter she reached into her purse with her gloved hand and coyly held out a note.
Mr. McGillicuddy read over it and nodded. "Don't worry, we've got all these ingredients for you!" He peered at her from over his spectacles. "What are you making - some sort of cake or something?"
She nodded eagerly.
"For the church picnic," she thought, excited about the upcoming event. She was hoping that her famous orange cake would finally win over the women of Gold Creek - and that she might even make some new friends that Sunday.
"Well then, let me fetch this ingredients for you." Mr. McGillicuddy fixed his spectacles back on his nose and began browsing the shelves. "It might take a little while, Miss - if you've got other business to attend to you can come back in a short while. I'll keep everything safe here for you behind the counter till you return."
She mouthed "thank you" to the man and smiled at him with gratitude.
"Anything for my little saviour," he returned, and Rosella blushed a little as she exited the store. It felt good to be in the good graces of the people of the town, at last. In fact she had to think, as she wandered along the street, that things were going very well for her recently.
"It seems like Benji and I are finally communicating," she thought, as a warm feeling entered her stomach. She'd been so worried that they would never understand each other, but the way they'd worked together to make sure that Horton wasn't wrongly put back behind bars had proven to her that they could communicate, in their own way. And that if and when trouble presented itself, they'd be able to handle it, together. She kept this thought in her mind as she wandered along, and it warmed her.
She stopped walking for a second when she spotted Benjamin up ahead. Her face broke into a grin as she approached him. Seeing that he was talking with another man, she slowed her pace a little, not wanting to interrupt them. She didn't recognize the other man so she became quite shy as she approached them, h
anging back a little.
Benjamin didn't seem to notice her approaching. With his back to her, and the quiet way she moved, she was able to move towards them undetected.
"Should I make myself known?" she suddenly wondered, noticing how deep in conversation they were. She began to think she should slink away again, suddenly nervous and unsure about what to do.
"But it will look very strange to see my husband in public, only to turn and walk away! What if others notice?" Not keen to incite any more town gossip, she took hold of her courage and got a little closer to the two men, choosing her moment to make her presence known. She was hoping that Benjamin would sense she was there and turn around, relieving her of the burden of needing to interrupt.
She heard Ben speak the word "Ruby..."
"I wonder what he is discussing Ruby for," Rosella wondered. "I hope everything is alright with her." She stopped walking completely, worried at the tone Benjamin was using. He had his head down, his hat tipped over his face, and Rosella could tell, even from his back, from his posture, that he was deeply troubled as he spoke.
"I think..." he said, he voice low, "that it might be time to give up on the girl."
The other man shook his head and murmured in low tones. "I'm sorry to hear that, son. I know you don't like to give up on any one of your animals."
"It's hard. But it's only going to get harder. After the incident, I don't feel as though I have any choice left in the matter. We're going to have to have Ruby put down. Humanely, of course. Still, it's going to be hard. I haven't told Rosella yet. Not sure she can handle it, to tell you the truth."
Rosella, her heart frozen, took silent steps backward before turning on her heels. She no longer cared if anyone saw her: she just needed to get out of there. She couldn't believe what she had just heard.
"Put Ruby down?" The words made her sick to her stomach. How could this be happening?
Hot tears sprang to her eyes.
"How could he have kept this from me?" As the tears began to fall down her face, hitting the hot dusty road beneath her, she wasn't sure whether she was more upset over the fact that her husband had kept this news from her, or that Ruby might have to be put down. She decided that the pains were just about equal in her heart.
"Oh, Ruby..." she thought with devastation, as the tears kept falling. How could she say goodbye to her beloved horse?
"Was Benjamin ever going to tell me about this? Or was he going to let Ruby die without so much as giving me the chance to say goodbye to her?"
She rushed back to the house, just wanting to be alone with her sorrow. She didn't want anyone to see her crying, to see how distressed she was. When she reached the homestead she burrowed her head in her pillow and began to sob.
* * *
"Rose...I'm going out to see Ruby," Ben called gently, as Rose still had her head buried in her pillow. He hesitated a second before asking, "Do you have any interest in coming out with me?"
She shook her head. She couldn't bear to go out and see the horse, knowing what was going to happen to her. It would only break her heart even more.
Ben sighed. "Fine. I'll see you later then."
"Just as I thought," Ben thought to himself, as he walked out of the house. "Rosella has no interest in the horse at all! I suppose that tenderness I saw between them was just temporary, or perhaps just for show. If she cared she would come out to see Ruby with me!"
He had to stomp along for several yards before he began to calm down a little. Still, he couldn't help feeling disappointed in Rosella, and it made one thing firm in his mind.
"If Rosella doesn't care about Ruby then I guess the decision really is made: she will have to be put down."
* * *
The following day Benjamin seemed cold and distant, and Rosella was left wondering what she had done wrong. She held out a spoon of cake batter for him to try, and he simply shook his head and turned away, claiming that he had no appetite.
"What is wrong with him?" Rosella thought, knowing that he must have had quite a hearty appetite from a morning spent riding, and it was hours since breakfast. "He seems mad at me. When it is me that should be mad at him! For keeping such news from me." She had to shake her head to keep her mind off Ruby.
"The horse's fate is sealed..." she told herself. "There's no sense in getting upset about it and making matters worse."
She took a small nibble of cake batter herself. "Mmm, quite good, if I do say so myself. At least something is going right today."
She saw Ben headed for the door, and, unable to call out to him, was not even able to say goodbye as the door swung shut. Watching him walk away down the long dusty track, Rosella couldn't believe how much things had turned in the last few days.
"It had all been going so well!" she thought, with sorrow. "And now we seem to be stuck back at square one again." She couldn't figure out what had happened, what had gone so wrong. She knew why she was upset with Ben, but she was trying not to show her anger. As far as she could tell, it was all coming from his side. After a brief period of warmth between them, the distance had made an unwelcome return.
She racked her brains for an answer.
She could only think of one: it was her silence, it had to be. The fact that she could not speak.
She stirred the batter with too much vigour, thinking it over. “He has decided that it is too much for him after all – that he can’t bear it.” She felt unbearably hurt by this. She’d been starting to think that maybe Benjamin could come to understand her, to love her even with her handicap, but now that all seemed impossible.
She glanced down at the cake batter, which had become over beaten and was in danger of collapsing.
“Perhaps there is no use me being here at all,” she thought, throwing the spoon down.
* * *
To cover up her devastation over the horse, Rosella had started to act ‘distant’ from the animal, to make it seem as though she didn’t care. Any time she passed Ruby’s paddock from that point onwards, she would turn her head away.
“It hurts too much to look at her,” Rosella thought, ignoring the horse’s neighing and snorting. She had to fight the urge to go over and comfort the horse.
“What’s the point if Benjamin has already decided her fate? He seems so convinced there is no hope for her. He is the expert after all, so if he says that he’s likely to be right.”
Rosella knew only too well the pain of losing someone she loved. Even thinking back to her beloved Ma and Pa hurt too badly, and when the memories of them sprang into her mind she tried to block them out, or the pain became unbearable. Since losing them she had sworn she would never let herself love that much again, in case she lost again.
Even though the action was just to protect her heart, as Benjamin noticed her walking past Ruby and turning her head away, it seemed to confirm what he thought from the start – that she didn’t care about the horse.
Without words to communicate with, the misunderstanding hung in the air, driving a wedge between them, with neither side knowing what was wrong with the other.
* * *
7
A Disaster
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“ Could this really be a fresh start?”
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One Week Later.
On the morning that Ruby was due to be put down, Benjamin was particularly grave and dark faced. Catching sight of himself in the mirror, he could have sworn he’d gained five new wrinkles during the last week. The lines seemed deeper, and even forcing a smile couldn’t do much to mask the sorrow that lay behind his brown eyes.
He didn’t want to put Ruby down. In his career as a horse whisperer, he’d never given up on a horse before. It was something he considered a last resort, only when all other options had been tried. Ruby was the most difficult horse he ever had to deal with. After months and months of trying, and people getting hurt trying to
help her, there was no other option left.
He crept through the house, hoping to leave without Rosella noticing. He still hadn’t told her what was happening and he still thought it was better she didn’t find out.
Just as he was about to leave he noticed Mr. McGillicuddy coming up the pathway. The older man was running, a look of trouble on his face, clearly eager to talk to Benjamin. Benjamin flung the door open. "Why, whatever's the matter, old man? You shouldn't running like that, you know that! Not with your heart in its condition..."
Rosella heard the commotion from the next room and peered around the doorway to catch a glimpse at what was going on. She saw a breathless Mr. McGillicuddy, doubled over, trying desperately to explain something to Benji. She saw her husband place a hand on the old man's back, reassuring him that whatever was wrong, it was going to be alright.
"Can you come with me?" she heard Mr. McGillicuddy ask.
Benji looked around behind him and Rosella pulled back, hiding herself on the other side of the wall. "It's not a great day for me, man..." he said. "I was supposed to deal with Ruby today."
Rosella's heart leapt. So, today was the fateful day. She felt her heart thudding as Benjamin kept talking.
"But it's okay. I can come help you, of course. I can deal with Ruby at some other time."
She heard the door open and bang again, and then the footsteps of the two men walking away down the path.
She tried to take deep breaths to steady her heart beat. Today was the day that Ruby had been scheduled to die. She had no way of knowing how long Benji and Mr. McGillicuddy would be, what the crisis was, or how easily it could be resolved.
