by Faye Sonja
"It's time to put all that behind me now," he thought, as he adjusted his shirt and jacket. "After all, that's what I've come here for. A fresh start, and a total change of identity."
He stepped through the door with confidence, showing that he wasn't going to be intimidated by a school room full of children. Still, he felt out of his element, to put it mildly. "Good morning, class," he said briskly, keeping his voice friendly, yet authoritative.
He heard a few giggles, much to his discontent. This was not the start that he was hoping for. "Well, I suppose they're simply sizing me up. Must be interesting to them, to have a new teacher." Ignoring the giggles and sniggering, he coughed and began to teach the lesson.
"This morning's lesson is Literature," he said firmly. "Now take your seats, quietly please, and let's get started."
* * *
"What a day," he thought. "One day teaching these unruly children seemed tougher than five years out on the land!" He sat down and took his hat off his head, his boots scuffing in the dirt as he sat on the rickety bench outside the school yard. "I thought this would be a change of pace...well, it is I guess, but it's sure not any easier."
He sighed and thought everything over. "I suppose I've got to commit to it now." He lifted his head and glanced around the town of Gold Creek. The settlement was over a year old now, and the population was starting to grow, but it was still a modest-sized town, and a good place for him to hide away.
But already people were talking: one of the hazards of moving to a town with such a small population. Some people had nothing better to do than gossip about newcomers. And already people were whispering about this new teacher, wondering if he was up to the task, if he would be a good teacher for their children...asking questions about his past. "Too many questions," Nicolas thought. "If people were ever to find out who I really was..."
He shook his head. No sense in worrying about that. All he could do was move forward. Make a new life in Gold Creek.
"That means a real life - a full life," he thought. He'd been mulling the idea over for months and he'd firmly decided on one thing: it was time for him to get married. The population of Gold Creek was small, though. There were no unmarried women in town, and San Francisco, the nearest city, was 100 miles away. Besides, he had his reasons for not wanting to go back there...
There was something interesting though...an idea that had taken hold and refused to shake. He'd heard that several of the men in town had placed notices for mail order brides. And things had worked out well for them. Nicolas was still settling in, still finding his feet in town, but he had made friends with a man called Benjamin, a horse whisperer, who'd married a woman called Rosella. She was known throughout the town as The Silent Horse Whisperer, as she’d been mute when she’d arrived, but had learned to speak again and now had a magical way about her for taming horses. A special talent despite her handicap.
“They are happy together,” Nicolas thought. “It seems like this could be a good idea for me as well.” He had reservations, though. Marrying a woman he had never met? Perhaps these other men had just gotten lucky. What if it all went badly for him?
Still, he was used to taking risks. His past was proof of that. He could be brave now, take the leap into the unknown.
Picking up his hat and placing it on his head, he decided to take a walk across town to speak to his friends Benjamin and Rosella. Maybe they could help him out.
* * *
Rosella was delighted to hear that Nicolas was considering sending for a wife. With her hands clasped together she exclaimed, "Nicolas, I know just the woman for you! Oh, trust me, she will make the perfect bride for you." Rosella was not used to speaking so freely in front of men she didn't know so well, but this was a special case. She was so excited that she might have found a husband for her friend that she was overcome with the emotion of it. "Her name is Luanna, and she's wonderful...my age, twenty-nine years old. She took my old post in Chicago, but I knew her before that, ever since we were young girls. She's smart, beautiful, creative, very imaginative...Oh, she will make the perfect wife for you! I can write to her immediately, if you like, start getting things all arranged..."
Nicolas frowned, exchanging looks with Rosella's husband Benjamin, who was sitting beside them at the dining room table. "Rosella gets a little excited when she speaks about Luanna," Benjamin offered as an explanation. "She doesn't mean to overwhelm you with it all...after all, you haven't even decided that you want to marry yet."
"Oh, it's not that," Nicolas said, smiling across at Rosella. "It's nice to hear that you're so excited about the idea. It's just the way you describe her..."
"Oh?" Rosella said. "What do you mean?"
"I'm sure she's a wonderful women, don't worry about that," he replied quickly, trying not to offend Rosella, or her friend. "But, you see, I'm settling down here in Gold Creek, with my new job as a school teacher...I'm wanting a bride who can settle down with me. Someone a little more...sensible than you are describing, I feel." He tried to speak gently, for fear of making Rosella feel bad.
But Rosella didn't seem to harbor any ill feeling. In fact, she kept right on talking. "Oh, Luanna can be very sensible, don't worry about that, Nicolas. She's caring, and considerate, and - you can trust me - she is very much looking to settle down and take on the role of a wife. There will be nothing to worry about with Luanna, take my word for it."
"Well..." he replied, hesitating for a second. He tried to catch Benjamin’s eye, but the other man was little help, just shrugging at him. "I suppose you can send a letter to her...
"Ooh!" Rosella cried, clasping her hands as her eyes lit up. "I will get it arranged immediately! You won't regret this Nicolas, I promise you." Then, calming down a little, she settled in her chair and gazed adoringly across at her own husband, reaching for his hand as she spoke. "After all, God always guides us in these things. Put your trust in God, if not in me."
"I'll have to put my faith in both of you," Nicolas replied, standing up and grabbing his hat, nodding his head at Rosella as he made his way to leave.
As he walked out of the house and away down the path of the farm, passing a field of horses to his left as he walked, he started to get this strange feeling in his stomach, like the wheels were already in motion for something he couldn't control. Looking upwards at the sun-drenched setting sky, he said out loud, "It's in your hands now, God."
* * *
3
The Wedding
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“ No. They were real. Someone
wanted to marry her,”
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Gold Creek,
Two Months Later, 1851
The big day was finally here, and Luanna, despite her three weeks’ journey, was not going to let fatigue ruin her special day. She stepped off the coach with her eyes glossy and wide, eager to see what her new home looked like.
"Oh," she thought, her feet hitting the dusty earth underneath. "Where...IS my new home?" It appeared to her that the station was in the middle of nowhere. She had to squint and look off into the distance to make out what she assumed was a small town. "Is that it?" she wondered. She looked around at the other people on the station platform, her fellow passengers and the family members who were greeting them. Everyone was dressed very plainly; there was no sense of any grand occasion taking place.
Luanna thought about the woman in the wagon she had seen all those months ago, that beautiful bride in her fine white gown, being drawn in an expensive carriage.
"I suppose no one will be picking me up in such style," she thought. "Oh well, I have no right to complain. I'm sure that life here in Gold Creek will be filled with excitement, nevertheless!"
She suddenly realized that she must have looked quite a sight, the way she was jumping around on the platform, standing on her tiptoes to peer out at the town, hopping eagerly, trying to get a good look at every
thing and everybody.
She caught one woman throwing her a very harsh glare. "Oh," Luanna thought. "They must think I am very odd to behave so brashly when I've first arrived here." She bowed her head and walked towards a seat, before placing her hands properly in her lap and keeping her head set forward, her back straight and proper. It wasn't that Luanna lacked manners - she just occasionally got so wrapped up in her excitement that she forgot how she was supposed to act.
"I know that Nicolas wants a sensible wife who can be a good homemaker, and wife, to a respectable school teacher. That's how I've got to behave now. I need to watch my act, and remember where I am."
* * *
Nicolas had heard so much about his new bride - mostly secondhand, from Rosella - that he felt as though he knew her before they'd even met. She was just as described; sandy blonde hair tucked delicately under a bonnet, tall, a slim figure, and a pretty face with bright blue eyes. "Rosella wasn't lying when she told me Luanna was beautiful," he thought, walking towards her to greet her. "I suppose it will turn out she was right about the rest of it as well."
But there was an early shock in store for Nicolas as he approached the pretty blonde woman. Not wanting to startle her, he called out her name when he was a few meters away, wanting her to know that he was there, in case she was worrying what had happened to him. "Luanna..." he called out. She didn't lift her head up, so he stopped in his tracks, frowning.
"Perhaps that's not her," he thought in surprise, as he looked around the station. There were no other women there, though, at least, none that were strangers to him. The other women milling around he recognized from town, at least by face if not by name. As he spun back now it was clear that the woman in the blue and white dress was a stranger to the town. Her dress was fine, and spotless, made from delicate material, and looked like it had been tailored by a professional from a large city. It was unlike the way the rest of the women dressed.
"No, that's gotta be her," he told himself, still frowning. Moving a little closer to her, he tried again. "Luanna?"
Still no response. She didn't even seem to respond to the sound of his footsteps, and with his heavy boots they were difficult to ignore.
It wasn't until he was directly in front of her that she finally recognized him, lifting her head up. Even though her face broke into a smile, she quickly ducked it down, hiding her face under her large bonnet. "Luanna?" he asked, for a third time. "It is you, then?"
There was no immediate response from her, till she lifted her head again and nodded.
"Oh, I'm glad," Nicolas said, a little relieved. He was starting to think that maybe his new bride had gotten cold feet and run away. Maybe taken one look at the town of Gold Creek and decided to stay on the coach. "Can I take your bag for you?" Nicolas asked, noticing that Luanna watched him carefully as he spoke, seemed to be staring at his lips.
She nodded. "Thank you," she said, very softly.
"Are you...are you okay?" he asked, not wanting to pry too much, especially as they'd only just met, but he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something a little odd about her. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on. "Are you feeling okay? Is it the heat? Probably much warmer than what you are used to in Chicago."
She shook her head, still not pulling her eyes away from his face, and his mouth while he was speaking. He found her behaviour quite odd, if he was being honest with himself. "First she ignores me, pretends not to hear me, and now she can't stop staring at me! Rosella told me she was a sensible woman. Instead it seems as though I've been sent an eccentric!"
He picked up her bags and smiled at her, reaching out an arm for her to take, being the perfect gentlemen. She smiled shyly and placed her arm gently through his.
"We'll be heading straight towards the church, if that's okay with you..." he started to say, glancing to his left, expecting to see Luanna with her head still bowed, but instead she was staring straight back at him. Nicolas was a little taken aback. "Are you sure okay? You're not feeling ill, are you?" he asked, thinking that she may be a little lightheaded or something.
"No, I'm fine," she replied softly. "I just need to be able to see your lips when you are talking."
Now he was very taken aback. "Oh!" he exclaimed. "Well, if you say so..."
She looked a little troubled. "Didn't..." she started to say, the worry showing in her face. "Didn't Rosella say anything to you?"
"About what?" Nicolas asked.
"About me?"
"Well, she said a lot of things," he had to admit. "Would hardly shut up about you, to be honest with you. Kept telling me all manner of wonderful tales about you."
Luanna stopped walking, which also caused Nicolas to stop in his tracks. "So she didn't tell you...everything, then." Now it was time for her to hang her head, and Nicolas could see the spirit drop out of her. "Luanna, what is it?" he asked, concerned. What hadn't Rosella told him? What could be so bad that it was causing Luanna to drop her head in despair?
She didn't seem to be responding to his voice, so he gave a gentle tug on her arm to let her know that it was okay for her to bring her head back up. He wanted to look at her face, to check that everything was okay.
"Rosella didn't tell you that I'm deaf, did she?"
Nicolas tried to hide the shock on his face. No, Rosella had definitely not told him that. He chose his next words carefully, wanting to save face for both himself and Luanna. "She...she told me a little..." he tried to say, but the shock was still showing on his face, and Luanna saw it. She smiled up at him to show him it was okay.
"She didn't tell you. It's alright. I can tell you're very shocked. It's a lot to take in."
He turned his face away, feeling his cheeks blush a little red. "I'm sorry...I just..."
She spoke to him, smiling again. "I need to be able to see you when you speak, if that's okay. That's how I can know what you are saying. Can you turn your face towards mine?"
He smiled, looking a little embarrassed. "Of course that's alright. I'll do my best to remember that, Luanna."
* * *
Luanna held his gaze for a moment, trying to figure out what his expression was really saying. Was he disappointed in her? She wished that Rosella had been more upfront about her condition.
"I wonder if he ever would have wanted me if he'd known," she thought. "No, I need to push thoughts like that aside. I'm here now, and I need to think the best of both my new husband and our new life together.
"Oh, I just wish Rosella had been a little more up front! Then it wouldn't have been such a shock. I can tell he doesn't know what to say, or what to think. I'll need to have a stern word with Rosella when I see her next." But she didn't truly harbor any ill will towards her good friend. She knew that Rosella probably thought she was just helping, doing the right thing, trying to find her a good husband. It wasn't really lying, to be strictly fair. It was just not explaining the whole truth.
As they walked along, Luanna's worries started to rise. What if Nicolas truly was disappointed in her? What if he felt he'd been tricked in some way? "He's so handsome..." Luanna thought. "I'm sure he could get any woman to marry him. He doesn't need someone like me, with my handicap, making life difficult for him.”
There was another worry as well. After all, she knew it wasn't just her handicap that could cause potential trouble. "I am going to have to take care to be extra sensible now that I am here. Time to settle down, take things seriously. I'm more than grown up now, so it's time to put all childish and silly things behind me, once and for all." She stared up at her handsome soon-to-be-husband. "After all, this is no wild cowboy here beside me. Nicolas is a sensible school teacher, who probably expects decent manners and proper ways at home as well as in school. He doesn't want an unruly wife with a wild imagination, who's always getting herself in trouble."
She kept one eye on Nicolas as they walked, in case he was speaking to her, but part of her was lost in another world. She was deep into her thoughts, her imagination, as she often wa
s, her mind already racing with all the things that could go wrong, all the calamities waiting to happen.
"What if I have to make dinner for the pastor and his wife, and I ruin it?
"What if I accidentally leave the gate open, and all the animals escape, and we never find them again, and we lose everything..."
She had to snap back to reality. "You're doing it again, Luanna. Imagining things that are never going to happen! And doing just the sort of thing you're not supposed to be doing: letting your imagination run away from you."
As the church loomed in front of them, Luanna really snapped back to real life. "Oh my," she said, looking up at the small, pretty building.
"You like it?" Nicolas asked. "We've just had it all rebuilt and repainted."
"It's beautiful," Luanna gushed. "So different from the churches in Chicago, but I love it. Oh, I feel at home here already."
Nicolas replied but his face was turned away. She reached out a gentle hand to place on his arm to remind him.
"Oh," he said. "Sorry. I keep doing that."
"You don't need to be sorry," she said. Over his shoulder, she saw the church again, and the enormity of the situation hit her.
"I am about to be married, to take my vows in front of God. Now, more than ever, I must put all childish things behind me, and vow to live a straightforward, sensible life from this point onwards."
She took Nicolas' arm, along with a firm nod, and they entered together.
* * *
Even though it was far from a fairytale, the wedding was everything Luanna could have asked for.
"Yes, there's no grand gown, and no horse drawn carriage," she thought, staring at the handsome man that stood across from her. "But who needs any of that? The most important thing is that I'm here, saying my vows before God. Everything else would only be window dressing. Oh, I can just imagine the splendid life we are going to have here together, in this wild town..."
