by Faye Sonja
She lifted the hem of her long skirt up so that she could run freely, not caring about what she must have looked like as she bolted down the lane.
"Hens!" she called, looking around frantically, "Where have you gone to?" Of course, she was unable to hear any noise the hens might have been making, so she had only her eyes to rely on. She felt tears spring to her eyes as she continued to search around frantically. "Oh, why was I so stupid?" she asked out loud, hardly believing what had happened. Just when she had vowed to be on her best behaviour as well.
"Nicolas was understanding about the dinner, but this is another matter," she thought, still hiking her skirt up as she ran around the muddy paddocks, searching for the missing hens. "He's going to think I'm so absentminded to have let this happen."
It was starting to get dark out, and without noise to help guide her to where the chickens were hiding, Luanna had no other choice but to go back to the house, defeated and devastated about what had happened.
Nicolas returned home only to be met with dismay. He knew immediately something was wrong; he dropped his bag full of books onto the dining table, racing over to Luanna to comfort her. "What's wrong?" he asked, but by that stage she had her face buried in her hands and she didn't hear him.
Bringing her face up, Nicolas saw it was a blur of tears. "You'd better tell me what is wrong," he said, concerned. "So I can help. Please, Luanna, tell me what has happened. Have you had an accident or something?"
"No," she said, shaking her head. "Well, yes, sort of. It was an accident..."
"Tell me what happened, you're worrying me."
With tears still running down her face she explained the whole sorry story. Finishing up, she started to cry again. "It was an accident, you've got to believe me."
"Oh, I believe it was an accident alright," Nicolas said, his face dark and his voice low. "That's the trouble, Luanna. Too many accidents! You're so absentminded, all sorts of trouble can happen. It's one thing to ruin a meal, but to lose all our chickens?"
"I'm sorry..." Luanna said, struggling to keep up with Nicolas' lip reading when he spoke so quickly. But she could grasp most of it, and she knew he was mad.
Nicolas cut her off. He couldn't believe she'd been so careless to leave the chicken pen open, and emotion had quickly taken over him. "You know you need to be extra careful, Luanna!"
"Extra careful?" she asked, double-checking she'd understood the right thing. Standing up right, she crossed her arms over her chest and asked, "What does that mean?"
"With your condition!" he sputtered.
"You mean with me being deaf?"
"Yes," he replied. He'd not meant to bring it up, not like this, and he hated the words as he said them, but he continued on. "You need to take extra care, to be more careful than other people are."
"Oh, because I'm so different from other people?"
"Yes, Luanna, you are!" He stopped when he saw the look on her face, the way her chin was trembling, threatening to break into sobs again. "I mean...Luanna, I just mean...take the chickens, for example. You probably lost them partly because you couldn't hear them. Didn't hear them escape, and then couldn't hear where they had gotten to. That's all I mean. Someone who could hear might not need to be so careful."
"Anyone could have let those chickens out, Nicolas, whether they can hear or not! What does my disability have to do with anything?"
"Anyone could have done it, yes, but would anyone? It seems like this sort of trouble just follows you around, Luanna."
"So you think I am completely hopeless, then?"
"I think you don't pay attention to what you're doing, and accidents like this tend to happen a lot with you..." Nicolas didn't mean the things he said, didn't want to insult his wife, didn't want to hurt her, but he was overcome. He couldn't believe they'd lost all their chickens, just as the result of absentmindedness. He grabbed his hat and headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" Luanna called out.
"I'm going to try and find the hens," he called, with his back turned, and Luanna didn't hear him, couldn't read his lips.
"Nicolas!" she called after him.
He halted, realizing she wouldn't have heard what he said. For a split second he considered pressing on anyway, leaving without an explanation. No, that was no way to solve matters, he told himself. Running out without an explanation. What kind of man would do something like that? He turned back around. "I'm going out to find the hens, if I can." His voice was lower and gentler now. "I'll be able to hear them at least." He saw her wince. "Do you want to come with me?”
“Oh, what good would I be to you?”
“Luanna, please don't be like that." He took his hat back off for a second and looked at her, his eyes sorry. "I didn't mean what I said."
"Yes, you did."
He sighed. "Maybe, but only in the sense that I'm worried about you. Whether you like to hear it or not, you do need to be extra careful. You could end up hurt, or anything. I worry about you, that's all. If something happened to you I would be devastated. The hens are one thing...but what if you get hurt or injured one day because you are not paying attention, and you can't listen out for danger?"
"That's not going to happen," she said, her voice softening. "You don't need to worry about that, Nicolas." She took a few steps closer to him, seeing that his distress was genuine.
"It could, you know." He hung his head a little. "You might not realize it - I know that you think everything is fun and games, and you see the world in such a lighthearted way, but bad things can happen."
"I know bad things can happen," she replied softly. "Don't worry about that. But nothing bad is going to happen to me."
He looked up at her again. "Do you promise me you'll be more careful? It's not about the hens, or the dinner, or anything like that. But just for your own safety."
She nodded a little, a slight smile coming to her face. "Okay, I promise. I will take extra care from now on."
He let out a sigh of relief. "I'm glad to hear it, Luanna. Please don't take any of this to mean that I...judge you for your handicap, or that I think less of you."
"I don't think that. You were only speaking in anger, I know that."
"I was just worried."
She nodded. "It's all okay now. So, should we go and find these hens then?"
His face brightened a little. "So you will come?"
"Of course," she said, smiling brightly now. "Two heads are better than one, and I don't want you going out there all alone when I am perfectly capable of helping."
"Of course you are," he said, reaching for her hand. "Come, let's go together."
* * *
With the hens located they headed back home, walking along together under the moonlit sky. Luanna had never seen so many stars in her life. They took her away from the moment and soon she was busy day-dreaming, lost in her own thoughts. One thing was playing on her mind more than anything else. How worried Nicolas had been that she might hurt herself one day.
"I've vowed to be more careful," she thought, "but last time I vowed that - today! - I ended up losing all of our chickens." Still gazing upwards, she began to imagine all the other things that could possibly go wrong. But worse than that, she doubted herself. She didn't trust herself not to get into trouble. "I make promises all the time that I'm going to be good, and sensible, and stay out of trouble...and it never works out!" There was more at stake now: her husband as well as herself. She didn't want to let him down. Didn't want him to worry.
She was so busy gazing up at the stars, so lost in her own thoughts that she missed the fact that Nicolas was talking besides her. He put his gentle hand on her arm to let her know she needed to look at him.
"Sorry," she said. "I'm looking now. What were you saying? I can't see you too well in the dark, to read your lips."
"Oh, nothing too important, don't worry. Were you lost in your own thoughts?" he asked. "Staring up at the sky?"
"I've just never seen a clear sky like that. It s
eems so magical, out here. So different from the city. Do you think we'll live here forever? In Gold Creek, I mean," Luanna asked.
Nicolas coughed for a second before answering. "Yes. I don't see why not."
She furrowed her brow for a minute while they continued walking in the warm evening. "You never told me much about your life before you came here."
When there was no answer, Luanna squinted up at his lips to make sure she wasn't missing anything. "Nicolas?" she asked. "Are you okay?"
He wrapped an arm around her. "Yes, of course," he replied quickly. Then, with a brisk smile he said, "There's just nothing much to tell about my life before Gold Creek. Very quiet and uneventful."
"Hmmm," Luanna replied. "Really? Nothing happened at all before you came here?"
"Nothing at all."
Luanna squeezed his arm. "I suppose you must have led quite a boring life until I came along."
He chuckled a little. In a way she was right. But there was still a lot that he was holding back from her. Luanna kept talking. "I really do promise that I will be more careful. You're right - something bad could happen. Something worse than simply losing livestock."
He leaned over and kissed her gently on the top of her head. Then, making sure she was able to read his lips, he said, "You don't need to change too much, though. Your spontaneity is a good thing."
But as he gazed over the wild land that spread out as far as the eye could see, he didn't feel so sure. From his wild past he knew that spontaneity could lead to big trouble.
* * *
5
An Accident
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“ No. They were real. Someone
wanted to marry her,”
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Three Weeks Later.
One morning, Nicolas headed out of the house bright and early, intending to get a head start on his duties for the day. The term was coming to an end and he had a bunch of anxious students requiring extra tutoring before exam season began. These days Nicolas didn't know who was more unruly - his students or his new wife. They could each give the other a run for their money. Nicolas felt overstressed and overworked, but he was trying not to let it show, or to let on to Luanna how he was feeling. As far as she knew he was an old hand at being a school teacher - if he let on that he was feeling overwhelmed by the work, that would only led to more questions. He didn't want his students knowing either, nor their parents. He had to keep up the facade that he was a professional, that this was all second nature to him.
Still, walking down to the school just after the break of dawn would get people talking, so he was glad the street was quiet and empty as he shuffled his way to the school house.
He stopped. He could have sworn he'd heard footsteps right behind him. But there had been no one about, no one awake, when he'd checked a moment ago. He spun around, trying to see who was there.
No one.
Perhaps he'd imagined it.
He turned back around. Kept walking for a few paces. There they were again, those same heavy footsteps. A jolt of fear ran straight to Nicolas' heart as his blood ran cold. He felt as though he recognised those footsteps, could tell whose boots they were by the heavy, lazy way they hit the road, and the crunch they made as the heel turned.
This time he looked around, slowly, surely, as though he'd been waiting for this moment, knowing that eventually the past was going to catch up with him like this.
"Clancy," he whispered, staring at the tall, dark figure before him.
"Well, hello there Nicky," the man said, a menacing, sly grin, taking over his face. "It's been a while between drinks, hasn't it?"
* * *
Luanna was trying her best to keep out of trouble, and since the incident with the hens, had managed to avoid any further disasters. She was walking down the street with her friend Rosella, telling her about all the care she taking to ensure there would be no more accidents, or trouble.
"Oh, but you can't be too careful, all the time," Rosella said. "Don't try to change who you are too much, Luanna. You're so wonderful just as you are. Nicolas knows that too, you do realize?"
"I know he does, deep down, but I do try his patience at times, I can tell. But, everything has been so wonderful lately, and I've been sticking to the vow I made to him, to be extra careful to avoid accidents."
"As long as you're being true to yourself," Rosella commented.
Luanna had to wonder about that. It took up a great deal of energy for her to be careful and sensible all the time, always monitoring her every move. Still, she didn't think anything bad could come out of being more cautious. There was nothing wrong with compromising, and her promise to remain careful was partly to do with her handicap. Nicolas only had her best interests at heart, her safety. He didn't want to lose her.
"Ooh, what's that?" Luanna suddenly gasped, seeing a new stall of some kind, set up outside near the general store. She brought her hands up to her face in delight. "Oh, it looks as though they are selling new hats, Rosella. Oh, I haven't seen garments this grand since I was in Chicago."
"Luanna, we're supposed to be meeting the other ladies at the Church in five minutes, we can look at the hats later on," Rosella tried to protest, but Luanna was already fast on her way, drawn to the fine display of hats with their purple velvet, feathers and jewels. She'd never seen items like this for sale in Gold Creek, and she was drawn to them like a moth to a flame.
So busy was she, that she didn't see - nor hear - the horse and wagon turn violently into the street, heading towards Luanna so fast there was no time to stop.
From behind her Rosella screamed out to Luanna, "WATCH OUT!" But it was no good, and Luanna was knocked over and sent flying, her body hitting the ground with an unholy thud before she was thrown over, rolling over and over till she stopped, her body still. Rosella gasped and yelled for help.
Nicolas, just finished his teaching duties for the day, had his own mind a million miles away that day. All he could think about was Clancy, appearing out of nowhere like that. Back to torture him.
"How on earth did he track me down?" Nicolas thought, closing the school gate behind him on the way out. When Clancy had approached him that morning he'd taken off as quickly as he could, trying to pretend as though he didn't even recognize the man. Nicolas himself was almost unrecognizable from the man he had once been. His previously long hair was now cut short, and he'd traded in his leathers for suede. Dirt for soap.
But Clancy had recognized him, there was no doubt about it. He knew Nicolas and Big Nicky were the same person, and there could be only one reason Clancy was back.
He wanted his money.
"I'll have to find a way of getting it to him, without Luanna knowing," Nicolas thought, his head turned down as he entered the main part of town.
Nicolas had just turned onto the main street, intent on stopping at the General Store for some groceries before returning home. When he heard all the commotion and screaming he stopped and looked around, wondering what on earth was going on. A bad feeling began to settle in his stomach. Without even seeing anything, or without needing to be told, he knew. He knew something had happened to Luanna.
He saw the body laying limp in the middle of the road. "Luanna..." he whispered, dropping his books on the ground before he ran towards her. As he approached Benjamin tried to hold him back, tried to stop him from seeing. "Let's wait for Doc, okay, it won't do any good if you..." But Nicolas broke free from the other man's grip and ran towards his wife, kneeling down beside her body.
"Luanna...." he gasped, reaching out to brush the hair away from her forehead. Her bonnet had been knocked clean off, and there was a gash across her face where she had hit the ground. “Oh, Luanna, please be okay..." He looked down at her chest to check if she was still breathing. At first it seemed as though she was totally still, and his heart just about stopped beating as panic gripped him. But then he s
aw the gentle rise and fall of her breath and realized there was still life in her body.
He leaned his head forward and shut his eyes tight. He thanked God that she was still breathing, and prayed further that she would survive. Her eyes were fast shut and she wasn't responding in any other way. "Please, God, let her be okay..." Around him, the noise of the crowd was drowned out as all he could think about was life without Luanna. He couldn't imagine such a fate.
With his eyes still shut he felt an arm brush past him and he was knocked out of the way. He pulled his eyes open. Doc. The older man quickly set about checking for Luanna's pulse, opening her eyelids to check for signs of consciousness.
"Is she going to be okay?" Nicolas asked, frantic.
"I'm not sure yet," Doc replied, preoccupied. "Give me a chance to take a good look at her. Move out of the way, son."
Nicolas slowly rose to his feet, his legs shaky underneath him. He couldn't believe what was happening. It was as though all his worst fears had come true. "I warned her that something would happen, an accident of some sort, if she wasn't more careful..." he thought as he backed away from the body, unable to take his eyes off the terrible sight.
Behind him, he bumped into Rosella, who was also staring down at the body, frozen in her own terrible thoughts. "Nicolas, I'm so sorry, I tried to call out to her, but...but of course, she didn't hear me and..."
Nicolas spun around. "How did this happen?" His eyes were wild as he spoke, and his usually neat sandy blonde hair fell down into his face, obscuring his eyes.
"She...she was wandering off down the road..." Rosella began to explain, unable to form the words properly. Rosella - The Silent Horse Whisperer - still had trouble speaking when she got nervous. She clammed up slightly as she tried to explain to Nicolas what had happened. It had all taken place too quickly, and she felt as though she was partly to blame.
"I suppose she wasn't watching where she was going?" Nicolas asked.
