Returning Home

by Riann C. Miller

  Anger I no longer want to feel creeps its way into my mind. “I’m not having this conversation with you again. You and I saw two different Lukes when we were together and it turns out, you were right. He wasn’t the man for me.”

  He huffs and takes a seat at the table in the middle of the room. “How’s Margie doing?”

  “She’s doing good. I’m taking her to the doctor on Wednesday.”

  Dad’s eyes widen. “Can’t Luke take her now that he’s back?”

  “No. I had hoped he’d be able to but his left arm is still in a sling.”

  He nods his head in understanding. If my dad wasn’t busy with work, he’d probably offer to take Margie for me. Over the years he’s formed a soft spot for her; then again, it’s hard not to love Margie. “Let’s eat before I head over to Valerie’s.”

  “Whatever you say, baby girl.” I can’t help but smile. It doesn’t matter my age or how life has changed, I’ll always be my daddy’s little girl.

  I’ve been dreading this moment for the last two days. When I was given the papers for Luke’s home care, I decided I would work with him around his mother’s schedule. Now that he’s home, I don’t plan on visiting Margie nearly as often. An hour should give me enough time to see to Luke before I drive Margie to her doctor’s appointment.

  With my stomach turning, I walk up to the front door and knock—something I haven’t done in years. After several moments, the door is yanked open. My eyes slowly move from the ground all the way up Luke’s firm body. He’s not wearing a shirt, leaving his hard stomach on display. This is definitely not the same Luke I once knew. Twelve years in the military have shaped his body into a piece of art. I swallow, hopefully not loud enough for him to notice and force myself to act professional.

  “Mom said she didn’t have to leave for another hour,” he says instead of greeting me.

  “I’m actually here for you.”

  He shuffles back a step, loudly clearing his throat. “Look, Sam, I’m…” He trails off, running his hands through his wavy blonde hair. His deep brown eyes lock with mine while he forces a smile. “I know I’m about twelve years late for this ass chewing but I’m not sure now’s a good time.”

  My head jerks back in anger. “I’m not here to talk about the past. I’m here to do my job.”

  He scratches the back of his head with questions lingering in his eyes.

  “I’m your home healthcare nurse.”

  “No shit?” he whispers. “You went to college.” The second was a statement, not a question. I told anyone who would listen that I was going to get out Jasper and earn a degree. I didn’t know in high school that I wanted to be a nurse, but that’s what I finally decided on once I was accepted to KU.

  I place my hand on his rock-hard chest, attempting to push him out of my way. “Do you mind letting me in?”

  “Luke, who’s here?” Margie’s faint voice penetrates past the anger I’m feeling for Luke. Thankfully, he steps to the side, allowing me to dart inside. Walking straight to the living room, I find her sitting in the recliner.

  “Oh, no. Did I nap too long?” she asks while attempting to stand up.

  “Actually, I’m early. I’m here to see Luke.”

  Margie’s mouth drops open as a light appears to go off in her head. “I never thought…” She shakes her head.

  “Me either, but I’m the one who was up for a new client and Luke’s case was passed to me.” I clap my hands together. “Now, let’s get down to business. I’ll look over Luke’s arm then I’ll drive you to see Dr. Russell.”

  Margie looks hesitant but she finally nods. I glance at Luke with a smirk on my face. “Where do you want me?”

  Luke

  “Yesssss!” Sam jumps to her feet, pumping her fist in the air. “Final-four baby, here we come.” Her plump lips turn up in a smile that never wavers when she says, “Just think, by this time next year, we’ll be in Lawrence. God.” She giggles straddling my lap. “I can’t wait to get out of this town.”

  When you love someone, their dreams become yours but I’m left scared shitless on how to deliver this girl everything she deserves.

  Staring up into her eyes, with my nerves on fire, I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear while saying, “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” she quickly adds before brushing her lips against mine.

  Before she has the chance to deepen our kiss, I pull my face away from hers. My voice barely a whisper when I add, “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

  She cups my face, her thumbs caressing my cheeks. “I know. That’s one of the many reasons why I love you.”

  The idea of letting her go has been weighing heavy on my mind. Sam shines like the brightest star in the sky. The world is sitting at her fingertips and I refuse to shackle her to a mediocre life. If I want to keep her, I need to get my life in order and I need to do it fast because time is literally slipping away.

  I’ve traveled the world and buried more brothers than I want to count, and still I didn’t know life could be this cruel.

  I have two regrets in life and breaking Sam’s heart is one of them. I had hoped she managed to get out of Jasper but at least if she stayed, it was after she earned her degree. From the day I met Sam, she told me her plans of leaving town. She had her eyes set on KU and making a life for herself away from this Podunk little town practically in the middle of nowhere.

  With the afternoon sun shining through the windows, the room appear warm and inviting, the complete opposite of the chilly glare Sam’s aiming my direction.

  “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

  “Jeez, Doc. How very professional of you.”

  With a dramatic roll of her eyes, she stomps to the living room and parks her ass on the couch.

  “I’ll give you two some privacy,” Mom says, patting my good arm.

  “That’s not necessary.” My voice is almost frantic. Control is a carefully crafted tool the military instilled in me. I can handle almost anything without so much as flinching; however, there’s no amount of training that could prepare me for being alone with this woman.

  “Nonsense. I need to clean up for my appointment anyway,” Mom says, already limping down the hallway.

  Slowly, my attention returns to Sam. She has a file sitting on the coffee table in front of her but she’s not looking at it. Instead, she’s carefully studying me. Her eyes leisurely wander down my face, my arms and legs, kindling a slow burn in the pit of my stomach.

  Sitting down in the recliner, my mind wants to wander to a time in my life when everything felt perfect, when she belonged to me but instead I force myself to stay in the present—a place where this beautiful creature hates me.

  “On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain level?”

  I blink a few times, caught off guard on how quickly she jumped into doing her job. Truthfully, my arm hurts like a fucking bitch, but I’m not about to admit that to anyone, especially Sam.

  Okay… game on. Stretching my legs out in front of me, I answer with a smirk. “One.”

  Sam’s eyes narrow in question. “Okay. Using the same scale, how would you rate the mobility in your arm?”

  “One.”

  She squares her shoulders and sighs. “Your arm is in a sling. I think that in itself would tell you your mobility isn’t where you’d like it to be.”

  I remain silent, which only adds to her building frustration. Tapping her finger on the file, she flips through a few pages. “Your left tendon and bicep were torn in multiple places. After three surgeries it seems this is as good as your shoulder is going to get. With some intense physical therapy, the last doctor is hoping you’ll be able to roll your shoulder and have some use of your arm.”

  I nod, appearing bored. She isn’t telling me anything I haven’t heard a thousand times already.

  “Since your pain level is only a one, I presume the medicine your doctor prescribed is working?”

  “I’m not taking any fu
cking pills,” I say, gritting my teeth.

  “You’re not making this easy on me, Luke.”

  My brows raise in question. “I didn’t know it was my job to make things easy on you.”

  Her hands ball into a fist. “Can you at least shower by yourself?”

  Torrid thoughts of the two of us naked and wet sinfully whirl through my mind. A suggestive smile tugs at my mouth. “Why? Did you want to get naked with me? I’m willing to pretend I need help if it means I have a naked chick washing my body.”

  Her expression falls. “I’m sure there are plenty of chicks in Jasper who are willing to get naked with you, Luke.”

  Oh, shit…I didn’t mean just anyone, I meant Sam but I can’t tell her that. She could be married for all I know and if she’s not… well, I still can’t give her the life she deserves. But I would never, purposely throw another woman in her face.

  “I’ll talk to my boss and rearrange a few things. I’m sure if I try hard enough I can find someone who’d be willing to trade a client with me.”

  A blast of adrenaline shoots through me, leaving me almost breathless when I ask, “What?” Ten minutes ago, I was annoyed that I had to put up with someone coming here and telling me what to do. My arm is useless so what the fuck does it matter anyway but now… I can’t stomach the idea of her disappearing from my life. I don’t deserve her but the selfish bastard in me isn’t ready for her to walk away for good.

  “Luke, this isn’t going to work. I don’t know if you’re purposely being an ass or if everyone in your life is rewarded with this crappy attitude, but I have enough on my plate without adding you to my list of problems.”

  My back goes straight while a dose of worry and interest overwhelms my mind. Mom gave me a run down on several people, but not Sam, and my sudden need to know every fucking detail of her life leaves me buzzing for a taste of something I don’t deserve. Regardless, my mouth opens and words spill from my tongue. “Maybe you’d like to get a beer sometime?”

  She watches me for a few beats then swiftly grabs the file off the table and hollers, “Margie, are you ready?”

  Shit, she’s leaving…

  “I can drive my mother,” I blurt in a panic. I hate the fact that I’m home, yet Mom still needs to rely on someone else.

  “No, you can’t. Considering your arm is in a sling, it’s not safe for you to drive down to the mailbox, let alone all the way to town.”

  Mom walks into the room, her eyes dancing back and forth between us.

  “Are you ready?” Sam questions.

  “Oh, yes.”

  She nods her head towards the door. “Then, let’s go.” Sam walks toward the door, leaving me with a persistent ache in my chest, one I’ve lived with for years.

  Disappearing into another life was an illusion, a way of masking a broken heart. Sadly, no amount of discipline or training taught me how to mend the pain I inflicted. I tortured myself with the knowledge that she moved on, that she was happy. She deserves a man who can deliver the world, not a life filled with agony followed by bitterness. But something tells me Sam’s living with the same misery that’s been my constant companion since the day I left town.

  Sam

  “You’ve got to take it easy on him, Sam. He’s been through a lot.”

  I roll my eyes, thankful for the sunglasses on my face. “You’ve been through hell and back and you don’t act like a jerk to everyone.”

  I pull into the clinic parking lot, hoping like hell she’s ready to let the conversation of her son die. I look at my watch then glance toward Margie, blowing out an exaggerated sigh. “Ready?”

  She peers at me with the same sad eyes I’ve grown accustomed to. “The things he’s seen and done while serving have changed him.”

  “Luke’s shitty attitude started before he enlisted. I know he’s your son. I know you love him but he doesn’t have permission to treat anyone like garbage.” Margie opens her mouth, but I manage to cut her off. “We need to get inside or you’ll be late for your appointment.”

  After the short walk inside, Margie doesn’t bother checking in with the receptionist; instead, she immediately sits down, doing her best to catch her breath. Once I’ve signed her in, I take a seat next to her. “Have you been feeling okay?”

  “Oh, yes. I’m doing fine dear.”

  “Are you sure? Because you look—.”

  “Margaret Runyan?” Margie pushes to her feet and limps towards the nurse.

  I’m not sure when it happened, because it feels like it happened overnight, but clearly Margie’s health is failing. Almost an hour passes before Dr. Russell steps through the door and motions for me to follow him.

  “What’s wrong?” I question the second I step into his office.

  “I think Margaret had another mild stroke.”

  My heart drops to my stomach. “What? She didn’t say anything.”

  “I don’t think she knows. It could’ve happened while she was sleeping or been mild enough that she didn’t understand what transpired.” He pauses, wearing a grim smile. “Her limp is more pronounced and overall she doesn’t seem to be in as good of condition as she was last month. I’d like to send her to the hospital for an MRI but she’s refusing.”

  “What? Refusing? Why would she do that?” Margie usually agrees with everything Dr. Russell says.

  “I think she might be in denial.”

  “I’ll figure out a way to convince her.” Doing my best to keep my tears at bay, I stand up, on a mission to find Margie. I noticed she hasn’t acted like herself lately but I’ve been busier than normal, not to mention since I heard Luke was coming home I’ve had an unbelievably hard time focusing on anything else.

  “Thanks, Sam. I knew this was going to be hard to hear, but I’d really like to do another MRI and see what we’re dealing with.”

  “Consider it done.”

  I jump out of the truck and race around to the other side, helping Margie out of the truck. “It’s just a test; I don’t know why you’re refusing.”

  “Because I’m fine. I don’t need a test to tell me what I already know.”

  She yanks her hand from mine and wobbles up the sidewalk to the house.

  “Your insurance will cover the test and it will give Dr. Russell an idea of what’s going on?”

  “No, Sam; I don’t need it.”

  “What’s going on?” Luke asks, standing in the doorway to the living room.

  “Nothing,” Margie scolds, narrowing her eyes in my direction.

  Message received, loud and clear. She doesn’t want me talking about her condition with Luke.

  “I need to go, but think about what we talked about. Please?” I’m not sure what I’ll do if something happens to this woman.

  “I’ll see you Saturday. We’re still having dinner as planned, right?”

  I refuse to look at Luke as I answer, “Of course, it wouldn’t be the same without you. Call if you need anything.”

  I make it out the door and down the sidewalk, my truck only inches away when Luke catches up with me.

  “What’s going on with Mom?” He nods his head toward the house while his brown eyes burn into mine. For a brief minute, my mind slips to the past. To a time when he claimed to love me but I quickly shake those thoughts off. “If she wants you to know, she’ll tell you.”

  “You can’t be serious.” He sarcastically laughs, crossing his incredibly large arms over his chest, narrowing his eyes. “You of all people know my mother isn’t going to admit to anything being wrong.” He’s right but that doesn’t mean I can or should tell him anything. Instead, I ignore the way he’s attempting to intimidate me into answering him, open the truck door and mumble, “Have a good day.”

  Luke used to be someone I couldn’t get enough of. He captured my soul the first time his lips touched mine. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done for him. Now, he’s just a man I can’t seem to get away from fast enough.

  Luke

  Anger drums in my chest wat
ching the dust her truck kicks up as she drives away. I can’t believe she’d write off my concerns that easily. Sam of all people knows how much my mother means to me.

  I close the distance between myself and the house, debating what I should say to Mom. I love my mother with everything I am but our relationship is rocky at best but that’s not her fault. When I left, I separated myself from everyone I cared about. I was a volcano erupting, permanently torching everyone in my path.

  Once I’m inside, I slowly trail to the kitchen where I find Mom sitting in the same chair, staring at the wall. I don’t need to know every second of her life to know something’s not right.

  “Tell me what’s going on?”

  She blinks several times, processing the fact that I’ve asked her a question. “Nothing, sweetheart. The doctor wants to do the same test he did a few months ago. He’s just bored. He couldn’t find anything wrong with me so he grasping at straws.”

  Sam’s a nurse and she obviously agrees with the doctor, which means the test must be important. “Then let’s prove to everyone you’re perfectly fine. Call your doctor and tell him to schedule the test for tomorrow; I’ll drive you.”

  She looks down at her hands. “Is this how it’s going to be now that you’re back? You and Sam are going to team up on me?”

  I remember the day I brought Sam home to meet Mom. They instantly liked each other but things have changed. Their relationship changed; they’ve formed a bond I’ve yet to understand. I don’t want to do anything to come between them because my time in Jasper is limited at best and selfishly, I’ll take comfort knowing Mom has someone watching out for her.

  “No one is teaming up on you. I love you; I just want to know everything’s fine.”