I flinched when I felt his touch on my cheek, and I snapped my eyes open. I was met with a tender expression on his face. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice filled with regret. “I’ll let you get dressed now.”
I nodded, incapable of stepping away from him. His touch turned me into mush, and despite everything, I wanted more.
Thankfully, he moved away and left my room, finally giving me the space I needed. I hurried to put some clothes on, because I was feeling seriously cold now, and I couldn’t stop sneezing. Deciding to make a tea, I went into the kitchen, where I found Aidan preparing it.
I put my hands on my waist and made sure my frown was in place. “What are you doing?”
“Preparing a tea for you.”
Oh, God. My heart went crazy after these words. “Why?”
“Because you’re sick, of course.”
His face was serious and focused as he worked, doing everything meticulously. As I stood there and observed him, my eyes went over his black suit, finding him flawless. He looked sexy, competent, in full control—just like when he helped me with the burned breakfast.
“Why don’t you sit down? I’ll prepare everything for you.”
“Everything?” I asked as I took a seat at the kitchen table, confused about how to react to him. I didn’t want him to help me, but I had to admit, I liked it.
“Yeah. I’ll make you some pancakes too.”
I was literally speechless, having a difficult time processing what he’d just said. He handed me the mug with tea and took off his jacket before he went to get the ingredients out of the fridge.
“I remember that pancakes with chocolate sauce were your most favorite. I hope they still are.”
He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, revealing muscular forearms, and my pussy throbbed. I clenched my thighs together, hating myself for finding everything sexy about him.
“You remember?” If he’d had me confused just a few seconds ago, I was completely dumbfounded now. Why did he care to remember it?”
“Yeah.” He prepared the batter, barely sparing me a couple of glances. “You used to ask me all the time to make them for you.” He laughed, and with it, the memories flooded back.
Aidan had always been a great cook, unlike Elle or me. I’d used to joke with Elle that I would hire Aidan as my personal cook because every single dish he’d made had been a culinary masterpiece. Since I’d loved pancakes, I’d always begged him to make them for me, feeling an unusual level of self-satisfaction each time I received pancakes from him. After all, receiving pancakes from your crush didn’t happen every day.
Now that I knew he remembered and cared enough to make them for me, I felt like I was entering a forbidden territory that would only make me more hurt. I’d already felt the traces of these feelings last night when we slept together, and now they were coming back, stronger than before.
“Why are you doing this?” I had to ask.
“Why not? You’re sick, and I want to make you feel better.”
There it was. That warmth that spread through every inch of me, giving me life. “You don’t have to do that.”
He turned his head to look at me over his shoulder, looking completely serious. “I want to.”
A gasp of surprise left my lips, and I lowered my head to hide my face from him, burning from shame. I took a sip of my tea, wondering what had changed in him.
We didn’t speak as he made the pancakes, and the silence was rather comfortable. I got to think about our past and how everything seemed simpler back then. Aidan had always been an ambitious boy, with big dreams and an even bigger heart, which was one of the reasons why I’d fallen for him. He was a smart, kind young man everyone adored and wanted as a friend.
I’d never doubted that he would make it in life, which he showed when he came back from the army and invested the money he’d saved over the years. He’d refused to use his parents’ fortune, building his company with his own hands. Such passion, ambition, and persistence were admirable, to say the least.
And now the big Aidan Dowell was making the pancakes for me, and I had no idea what was going on through his head. Last night he admitted that he was incapable of giving me more than he’d already had, but then what was this?
“Here you go,” he said with a smile on his face. He put the plate of pancakes in front of me and took a seat across the table. I didn’t fail to notice that he didn’t intend to eat them with me.
“You still don’t like sweets?”
“Nah.”
“While I can’t live without them.”
He chuckled, his eyes glimmering with something I couldn’t quite pinpoint. “Yeah. I used to call you a chocolate addict, remember?”
“Right! How could I have forgotten that? I remember that it used to bug me so much.”
His smile matched mine, and it made my heart miss a few beats. “You were always telling me to stop calling you like that, but you were so cute back then...” My face fell, and he became serious right away, noticing the change in my behavior.
Hoping to mask my true feelings, I took a bite of the pancake, not surprised in the slightest that it tasted heavenly. “Mmm, this is delicious.”
His response was just a slight smile, but other than that, he remained serious. “Catherine, look...” He exhaled and pushed his fingers through his hair in frustration. “I understand that I haven’t been fair toward you at all. I want to be honest with you. The truth is that I feel torn.”
He looked away, clutching his hands on the table. His face reflected distress, and I became curious about the things that troubled him. I knew I wasn’t supposed to care, but my heart had always been stronger than my mind.
“Why?”
He tore his gaze from the table to look at me, something painful darkening his eyes. “I have a past. A pretty fucked up past, Catherine. Something terrible happened that marked me, and somehow, I wasn’t able to stay the same after that.” His eyes glazed over and for a few moments, there was such pain in them that it made my chest throb painfully. Oh, God.
I was breathing heavily now, actually scared to know about his past. I’d never thought that there was something that troubled Aidan this much, so seeing him like this really tore at me.
My hand moved before I even realized, covering his. His eyes met mine, silently communicating his sorrow.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“The truth is that I was so happy when I saw you for the first time in ten years. Even though I didn’t want to, I felt something I couldn’t even explain to myself.”
I tried to calm my heart when it began pounding after he admitted he felt “something”, telling myself not to have high hopes.
“Why didn’t you want to feel that way?”
I was afraid he would say it was because of me, but his next words knocked the wind out of me. “It’s because I’ve already made the mistake of falling in love... And that person is dead now.”
We sank into silence as I processed what he’d just said. I’d expected anything but this. I’d never thought that Aidan had loved someone who wasn’t alive anymore. That was horrible.
“I’m so sorry, Aidan.”
He ran his hands through his hair and exhaled heavily. “Alicia and I were in the same unit. Since we met, we had a connection. We became friends and then it evolved into something more. I’d even thought about proposing to her at one point.”
A pang spread through my chest, but I didn’t dwell on it. It wasn’t right for me to be jealous of someone who was dead.
“But then one day, everything fell apart.” He closed his eyes a moment after I noticed them becoming teary, and I caught his hand again, not failing to notice how cold it was. “We were sent to the field, but it was too dangerous. I told her to stay behind, but Alicia was never the one to back down when facing danger. I figured out too late that we’d fallen into a trap, and by the time I tried to warn everyone...”
I squeezed his hand, hurt because he was relivi
ng it. “I’m here, Aidan,” I reminded him, wanting him to know he could rely on me.
He snapped his eyes open and looked into me—like really looked into me—and the depth of honesty in his eyes rocked my world. He was letting me see all of his pain, eliminating the boundaries that had prevented him from opening up to me.
“She died, and up to this day I can’t help but blame myself.”
“No, Aidan, don’t think like that.”
“But I can’t stop. I can’t stop blaming myself for not helping her. If I figured it out sooner, she would’ve been alive. She—”
I moved before he could end his sentence and hugged him, pressing his head against my chest.
“No, Aidan. Don’t think this way. It’s not your fault. You did all you could. You can’t blame yourself for not knowing sooner that it was a trap. Besides, you warned her not to come and she did. Don’t do this to yourself.”
His arms wrapped around my waist, bringing me closer to him. I hated seeing him like this. It was terrible that he’d had to experience something so tragic, and I wished I could help him. I wish I could lessen his sorrow.
“Since then I shut down emotionally, and committed all my time to work while forcing myself to forget about her.” He leaned away to look at me and cupped my cheek. “I was so confused when I saw you again because despite knowing better, the old flame reignited. The old feelings for you resurfaced, and I was so angry. I was so angry at you for affecting me like this and so angry at myself for letting it happen.”
He dropped his hand and stood up, levelling his face with me. I couldn’t say a word as my eyes roamed across his face, waiting for him to continue speaking. There was a shift in him, which told me I wasn’t going to like his next words.
“I’m sorry, Catherine. As much as I care about you, I can’t let myself get involved with you.”
His words left me unable to breathe, and I grasped the back of the chair next to me, needing the support so my knees wouldn’t give out on me.
“Why?”
“Because I can’t. Caring for someone is way too painful, and I don’t want to experience the hell of losing someone I care about again.”
I approached him, desperate to show him how wrong he was. I understood his fear, but he couldn’t limit himself like this for the rest of his life. I was sure Alicia wouldn’t want him to keep himself closed like this for the fear of losing someone he loved.
“I’m not going anywhere, Aidan. I’m here. Nothing bad will happen to me.”
His eyes showed me that he didn’t believe a word I’d said. “How can you know that? How can you know if you’re going to live or die tomorrow?” His shocking words slammed my mouth shut, rendering me speechless. “That’s right. You can’t. So it’s better if we keep distance between us. I don’t want to go through the same hell again. I’m sorry. This isn’t about you, it’s me. Maybe it’s better if you stay away from me from now on. For both our sakes.”
What? Before I could utter a word, he left the kitchen and a minute later the apartment too. How did everything turn out this way? One minute we were having a civilized conversation and getting closer to each other, the next we were this—two people in the middle of an emotional mess that got bigger and bigger.
I looked at the pancakes he’d made me and finally accepted the truth. I loved Aidan, and after hearing about his tragic past, all I wanted was to help him heal. I wanted to show him he could be much happier if he only let himself feel.
I finally understood that he was fighting his intense feelings toward me from the day I arrived here until now. Even though he said he was trying to push me away, he let me see a glimpse of his pain and he shared with me something that had marked him for life. He trusted me enough to let me know this, which could only mean he reciprocated my feelings.
And I made my decision. I wanted to be with him. I wanted him to be happy. And I was going to fight for him.
7
The next few days I barely even saw Aidan, since he spent all his time in his office. He didn’t come home to sleep at all, which wasn’t unusual, as Elle had informed me. In spite of this, I wondered if this time it had to do something with me. Maybe he felt vulnerable now that he’d opened up so he wanted to avoid me?
I had two interviews, but unfortunately, they didn’t go well. I nailed them, I was sure of it, but both companies wanted someone who was more experienced. I had the right degree and I had a few years of experience, but despite my rich portfolio, they told me to try again next time.
That left me with one more interview, which was scheduled for the next week, but I didn’t have high hopes. Besides, this company was on the bottom of my list of the preferred companies, so I wasn’t particularly enthusiastic about it.
I didn’t let this get me down, positive that I’d find a job sooner or later. I still had enough savings, and since I wasn’t spending money on rent, I wasn’t in such a serious situation. Deciding to use my free time to bring my ideas to life, I spent my days alone, relaxing on Aidan’s balcony, and tried not to think about the complicated man who occupied my dreams every single night.
The weekend came and Aidan still didn’t come home, even though he was supposed to have his days off. Gathering enough courage, I dressed into my favorite flowery dress with a big bow on the front and braided my hair into small braids, adding a flower above my ear to complete my hairstyle.
“I’m just going to take him out to dinner,” I told Elle over the phone and entered the headquarters of Dowell Gaming.
Just like Aidan’s place, the interior of this glass brick building was impressive. Furnished with the most expensive decor, the huge lobby and hallways were covered with the long, red carpets that could be seen at a movie première.
Despite the building’s intimidating appearance, people dressed casually, which was what I’d expected since this was a gaming company. My cheerful dress actually matched the colors of their outfits, and somehow I felt like I was at home. Everyone was smiling or joking with their coworkers, and their t-shirts with gamer logos made me smile. It was no wonder Aidan’s company had created such successful, cool games when all these people felt like they were one big family.
For a moment there, I actually thought how cool it would be if I could work here one day. It was too easy to imagine myself creating the designs for Aidan’s games, and the way my heart contracted at the thought scared me. It was too easy to lose myself in that fantasy because it was better than anything I’d imagined, but I didn’t want to get ahead of myself. After all, Aidan hadn’t mentioned once that he would want me to work in his company.
“Are you sure it’s going to end that way?” Elle teased me and I rolled my eyes.
Following Elle’s earlier instructions, I reached Aidan’s floor and proceeded to his office.
“I just want us to be friends.”
She snorted. “Friends? Yeah, right.”
“Yes. Friends,” I gritted out through my teeth, wishing I could wipe off that smug smile on her face I knew she was having at the moment. “Both of us aren’t actually ready for more, but maybe we can slowly get there by treating each other better.”
“Either way, I’m rooting for the two of you.”
“Thanks. Okay, I gotta go now.”
“Okay, Cat. Love ya.”
“Love ya too. Bye.”
I ended the call right in front of his office and took a deep breath. I’d told Elle the truth. I wanted us to start over, which would mean we having to get over our misunderstandings and issues and try to learn more about each other. At least we could be friends and support each other if nothing else.
The optimist in me assured me everything was going to be alright, so I didn’t waste any more time and knocked on his door. Elle told me that he didn’t have a secretary or assistant, choosing to do everything on his own. I worried that he could overwork himself eventually.
“Come in,” I heard him say.
Taking another deep breath, I stepped inside and took
in his huge office. It reminded me of his place with its simple but elegant furniture and floor-to-ceiling windows that featured an amazing view of the skyline. There were several bookshelves containing reams of books, video games, and magazines and a display cabinet with awards that his company had received over the years.
I grinned when I noticed the life-size cutouts of his video game characters. It made me remember that Aidan had loved playing console games when he was a teenager, often raging when he was losing or couldn’t beat some game level.
“Catherine?” His face was pleasantly surprised, and I was relieved that he was okay that I came here.
I offered him a smile. “Hey. I came to see you.”
He stood up and went around the table to meet me, and we ended up hugging each other. I inhaled his cologne, realizing just now how much I’d missed it, and let him pull me closer to him.
“Catherine,” he whispered wistfully into my hair, and all my thoughts about being friends dimmed as my body responded to his.
Without words, he pressed me against his table and kissed me, showing me he needed this just like I did. I responded to the fervent strokes of his tongue with my own and let him bring me on top of his desk, making this encounter more intimate by the second.
“I missed you,” he muttered and left a line of kisses along my jaw, setting my body on fire.
I’d almost forgotten why I came here in the first place, ready to let this progress in whichever way he wanted to, but then he separated himself from me and faced me with his back.
“Fuck. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
I was panting, unable to think reasonably now that he awoke this desire that had been quietly brewing in me these last few days. He was trying to push me away again, but I didn’t want to let him do that.
“But you did, and I don’t regret it.” He looked at me over his shoulder and I smiled at him. “I missed you too, Aidan. Please, don’t be afraid of this.” I got off the desk and stepped right behind him, hugging him around his waist. “I came here as a friend, and if you tell me that’s all I’ll ever be to you, I’ll accept it, but don’t act like what we feel for each other is something bad.”
Always You: A Billionaire Second Chance Romance Page 5
