“Somebody likes him,” Kat sang.
Irritated, I peeked up to find them both still standing. “Who wouldn’t like Thor? He’s a damn delicious super hero who is probably hung like a show horse. Why are you two standing? You act like this problem is only going to take thirty seconds.”
Juls rolled her eyes. Rolled. Her Eyes. “I’m out of here. Really, Sam, I feel terribly sorry for you that the enchanting and hot Thor is coming on to you. That must be really difficult.”
I narrowed my eyes.
“Look, Bitter Betty, you know this is hard for me.”
Kat stepped back, giving me a full visual of Juls, whose shoulders slumped.
“I know. I do. Why not have fun with this guy for two weeks? Why not use the hell out of him? Let him be your rebound guy. Then you go back to California, tell Bryan that he is a thing of the past, not just on paper, but in your heart too.”
My one eyebrow shot up. “I’m already over Bryan. And did fucking the Dallas Cowboys defensive line help you?”
Kat’s hand slapped over her mouth and Juls’ eyes flickered to some shade of black.
“There were two of them. That’s all, Ms. Exaggeration,” Juls growled.
I shrugged and got up feeling woozy from the vodka. “At. The. Same. Time.”
“OK, Sam!” she shouted and stood abruptly. “Just because your sexual experience consists of…BRYAN…doesn’t mean the rest of us haven’t indulged.”
“Or overindulged,” Kat threw in, and Juls head spun like Regan from The Exorcist. Kat and I both waited for green vomit to spew from her mouth.
“You both can suck it.”
Kat and I both rolled our lips under fighting our smiles. I loved when we manhandled Julia together.
The hurt that had rocked me to the core a few years ago crept back into my body. I truly thought it was banished from my system after therapy for so long. Months and months of purging the hate and deception.
After the girls left, I lay there trying to pull myself together. Yet, for some reason the thoughts of Bryan and I being high school sweethearts kept going through my mind. I so thought we’d work at the time. Truth is, I wasn’t sure I wanted to marry him. Signs were there, even when we dated, that he was a cheater, but everyone expected us to get married. Sad really, how a proposal never really even happened; we just sort of planned and did it. And though Jake is the best thing that ever happened to me, and Bryan is an okay father…I learned before we were even married that he had a hard time keeping his dick in his pants.
I rolled over and stared out the balcony, thinking about the times in med school when I had caught him—three different times…yes three. Not one. Not two. But three times, I had suspicions…knew the truth…but I was so busy and distracted that I justified and rationalized his behavior. I certainly wasn’t being the attentive wife. I’d come home exhausted, and that was if I came home at all. Sixteen years married…a fifteen year old son.
It’s hard to wish I’d done things differently because that would insinuate I wasn’t happy with Jake. He was my life. The reason I was born…
After a short nap, I joined the girls, this time by the adult pool, which meant naked people. This would certainly make for comical entertainment for the afternoon. Kat lounged peacefully in her chair and Juls was…my eyes roamed over the deck of the boat. Juls was… wow, talking to Thor? My heart shriveled like an untied balloon.
Without making it too obvious, he back stepped away from her when he saw me; his lips barely moved and he slid his shades over his eyes. Instinctively, she turned my way. What the hell?
Making a pit stop at the bar, I had no doubt she knew my eyes were burning into her beautifully toned back.
“What was that about?” I asked Kat.
“What?”
“Juls and Thor. Why was she talking to him?” I spread my towel out over the chair.
Kat protected her eyes with her hand from the sun and gazed across the pool to the bar.
“She’s alone at the bar.”
“Seriously, you didn’t see them talking?” I asked, truly not believing her.
“Waa laa!” Juls sang and held a tray of shots along with three frozen pina colada looking drinks in fancy glasses. “I figured since you broke the alcohol barrier at warp speed this morning we could toast this trip right.”
“What were you talking to Thor about?”
I’d known Juls my entire life, ever since we started in ballet together when we were five. Watching as her throat jetted out and back in with a swallow, I knew she was going to lie.
“He made a joke about the adult pool. Let’s toast.” She handed us each a shot glass of an amber color liquid. After a quick raise of the glass, we threw it back. The fiery liquor hugged my throat.
Kat knowingly glanced at me with suspicion in her eyes. Only once had I questioned Juls’ loyalty and that was when we were juniors in high school. I’d caught her messing around with Todd Riley…the guy I’d just broken up with. She was right at the time, I HAD broken up with him. I just don’t think I was prepared for her to be doing the nasty with him a few days later.
“RULE 14. The Todd Riley rule…never ever go after your friend’s ex.” I stated.
“Thor is not your ex. And fuck off for bringing Todd Riley up. We were 16!”
What difference did it make? I’d blown it with Thor anyway.
We all lounged back in our chairs, drinking from the fancy straws. My eyes casually searched for him.
“Just to be clear,” Kat said. “Sam did call dibs on him.”
Simply knowing she was standing up for me made my lips curl upward.
“Would you two give me a break! You act like I’m a damn ‘ho’ and gonna go fuck him behind your back.”
I lowered my glasses on my nose as Kat sarcastically cleared her throat.
“Ok. So, I like to get laid. But I wouldn’t go after Thor and you know it. Besides, how long has it been since you’ve had sex, Sam? Five years?”
The ginormous shadow that stretched across me from behind could only be one man. My eyes popped wide as I slowly leaned my head back, bending my neck at a near 90 degree angle. There he was, Thor, standing with his neck angled down at me.
“Five years?” he asked with that cocky side smile.
You’ve got to be kidding me! Blood swooshed in my ears. “RULE 15,” I gritted. “Never, ever talk loud enough for others to hear when it comes to sex, weight and love.” I glared at Juls, who fought her smile.
“You know, that’s nothing to be ashamed of,” he said. Just hearing his voice made my nipples pebble up. For Christ’s sake! It was ninety degrees!
“Look. I don’t know if you walk around listening to all private conversations or just ours. And I’m sure that your little fella hasn’t gone five hours without seeing some action, but…some of us have standards.”
He came around to the front of my chair. The little lines around his eyes when he grinned made me wonder about his age.
“You’re like a little pit-bull. Ready to fight at a moment’s notice,” he chuckled.
My jaw snapped shut. “Seriously. Comparing me to a dog?”
“A vicious dog,” he clarified.
“Are you really the sperm that won? About 180 million of you suckers shoot out of a dick and yet you won? It’s simply amazing.”
He yanked off his reflective sunglasses and captured me with those perfect blues.
“First the whiskey dick comment and now talking about cock. Seems to me you’re pretty fixated with my junk.”
I stifled a gasp. “Oh yes, I am. So much so, that I’d like for it to go wee wee wee wee all the way home.” My arm shot out toward the angels sitting on the other side of the pool.
When he stood, he leaned forward near my ear. “Sweetheart, there is nothing wee about me.” With those words he stood and backed away from me. Then suddenly he tilted his head and started moving forward again.
Before I realized, he nuzzled near my ear, and I lowered my chin to let him.
/>
“You know. You’re more like a third grade boy than a dog.”
Of course he wouldn’t say something nice.
“Oh yeah, how’s that?” I asked barely above a whisper.
“Third grade boys pull the hair of girls they like. Or they steal their backpack or they…”
I pushed his shoulder, moving him back until his eyes were inches from mine.
“You think I’m flirting with you?” I asked, appalled at the thought.
“There are a few things I’m sure of in life,” he said standing. “I’m sure the sun will rise in the morning and will set at night. I’m sure we will all die. I’m sure there are too many people who worry about tomorrow instead of enjoying today. I’m sure that you are one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. And I’m damn sure that you’re flirting with me. Most importantly, I’m more than sure it’s time for that five-year drought to end…let me know when you get a clue. Because the last thing I’m sure of is…I am going to fuck you.” He winked, lowered his shades and then walked away, with every woman’s eyes on the deck on him.
“Sam. Wow. You seriously need to check into that. My God woman.”
Few people can render me speechless. I was the reigning state debate champ four years running in high school. Everyone thought I’d become an attorney strictly because I was witty and argumentative. Yet in this moment, I had nothing. Nothing but a growling in my groin that suddenly ached.
Thor joined the guys on the other side of the pool, and the blond angel snaked her arm around his waist. I breathed a sigh when he rolled away from her touch.
“Seriously, Sam. What have you got to lose?” Kat asked.
As I sucked down my now melted pina colada…I silently answered that question—everything.
***
Staring at myself in the mirror, I’d never felt more insecure about myself and it pissed me off! My boobs didn’t sag, but as I slid my bra on, I recognized that they weren’t near as perky as they once were. Even worse, when I breastfed Jake, they became more veiny than before. Faint blue lines etched through the transparent pale skin and my nipples seemed double the size that they once were.
Bryan’s words haunted me still after all this time…Her body is just different. Of course her body was different. She’d had no kids. She was twenty-freaking-seven! My body was toned for the most part, but the extra skin across my stomach was loose, flabby…regardless of the thousands of sit-ups and crunches I did.
Once I arched my head through the neck of the sundress without touching my hair, thank God…I looked pretty damn good. I’d brought stilettos to wear with the dress but decided my flip-flops would do just fine.
“Don’t you look hot as hell?” Kat said when we met up in the hall.
Juls let out a long cat call drawing the attention of some ladies up the hall as they rounded the corner.
“Shut up, you two. You’re gonna give me fake confidence.”
“You’ve got that ‘I’m going to get laid’ air about you,” Kat teased as we ventured down the hall.
“I’m not getting laid. I’m going to try and talk to him though. That’s all.”
“You mean you’re going to apologize for being a bitch?”
I glared at Juls.
“Something like that. And I’ve not been a bitch. I’ve been…on guard.”
“Yeah. OK,” Juls joked. “If that’s what we’re calling it, fine by me.”
She paraded off down the hallway with Kat and I rolling our eyes and tootling after her.
***
Over the years, I’d learned to walk into a room, hold my head high and carry myself as if I’m on a mission. So, as we made our way to our table, I did that. As much as I wanted to look for Thor, I smiled and kept my eyes up. Weirdly, I didn’t feel the recurring anxiety I normally felt when he was around…once seated, my eyes began their search.
“Any one see him?”
“No, the angels are over there though. Hell, there is a full table of them now!” Kat said.
“Perfect. Now there are enough angels that we can include all the ones who filled the spots of the ones who left,” Juls laughed.
“I can’t even remember their names,” I said, trying to recall the actresses. “Wait, Kris was one.”
“Yep, she was Jill’s cousin or something.” Kat waved at a server and ordered us drinks.
“Wasn’t there a Tiffany…they called her Tiff? Wait! And a Julia!” Juls shouted.
“YES! That’s right.”
We all laughed.
“What type of get together is this do you think?” I asked, looking at the group of women.
“It’s a wedding party,” a guy’s voiced boomed behind us.
The guy wasn’t as drop dead gorgeous as Thor but he was damn close. I’d seen him with Thor near the surf area. Juls sat up a little straighter. Fine by me, I wanted no part of him.
“I’m Blake. Groomsman number six.” He stared at Juls.
“AH! A wedding? Six bridesmaids…wow!”
“There are nine. Can I buy you ladies a drink?” he asked Juls specifically.
“Dibs…” Juls said beneath her breath.
“Nine!” I nearly shouted. “Who the hell knows nine people they actually like?”
Juls nodded but the guy looked at me with that comment.
“Those girls don’t like each other at all, so that seems irrelevant,” he laughed.
“Where is the guy that you hang with?” I quickly added. “The tall guy that…”
“Mac? He’s still in the room. D71,” he said, volunteering his cabin number.
Mac. “Mac,” I whispered his name under my breath. My eyes snapped to Kat’s and she tilted her head toward the door. “Go. Before the skinny bitch has time to interfere.”
I grinned at her, threw back my vodka water and flip flopped right out of there.
The hallway was like a funhouse when I eyeballed it. As my pulse pounded in my ears, I swear, the hallway tilted, narrowed and extended about fifty feet. The numbers started at 50 so 21 more and I’d be there. This was so unlike me. Out of the ordinary. Out of my comfort zone.
Willing my feet to move forward, one foot stepped in front of the other until a door opened, and I froze. Two older women in formal dresses came out.
“Good evening, dear,” one greeted.
“Good evening to you ladies.”
For some reason seeing them calmed me. Yet as I passed cabin 67, 69, and then stood gawking at the number 71, my ribs began to crush my lungs as my chest tightened, leaving me unable to catch my breath. This had happened too many times to count.
Immediately, I rested against the opposite wall trying to breathe slowly. A few white lights were speckling around the perimeter of my eyes as a light sheen of sweat flushed over my skin.
I heard the door open and one of his buddies loomed in the doorway with eyes that lit up to match the smile that shot across his face.
“Mac!” he shouted.
“What?” I heard Mac say from inside the cabin.
“Your wish is my command,” the friend chuckled beneath his breath.
Thor…Mac towered in the doorway and confusion flitted over his face.
“I’ll see you at dinner,” the friend shouted, taking off down the hall.
“What are you doing?” Mac whispered in shock.
His mouth moved and I heard the words, but it was like osmosis—slowly sinking in…
“I fear that I haven’t been as cordial as I should be toward you and…”
“You’re here to grovel?” he asked, taking three slow, measured steps toward me causing my heart to pound harder
“Grovel? Isn’t that a pretty big word for a guy your age?”
That now familiar grin stretched over his lips.
“Even in your time of apologies you can’t help yourself, can you?”
Suddenly his hand came up near my face, and without thinking, I cowered. He held his palm toward me in a show of peace as his brow furrowed.
Then he tenderly reached out and placed two fingers beneath my jaw, resting them against my jugular. The intimate touch instantly calmed me.
“You thought now is a good time to take my pulse?” I asked.
“I could see it beating. Crazily. Do I make you nervous?” The baritone in his voice ricocheted off my chest helping me catch a breath. Oddly, he didn’t make me nervous.
“I’m not nervous.”
He tilted his head. “Sweetheart, you’re more nervous than a whore in church.”
So it began!
“Did you purchase the wifi option when you booked this cruise?” I asked.
One of his eyebrows cocked up as a smile tugged at one corner of his mouth.
“I did.” His smile only grew.
“Why are you smiling?”
“Because I am waiting for you to slam me again. I know it’s coming, so I’m just waiting for it.”
“Yeah, well…you’re right. Google this. 301.81 DSM 5.” With that, I decided this had not been a good idea. I’d never been good at apologies for this very reason. As I walked away I heard him repeat it. He was typing into his phone. I picked up my pace.
“Narcissistic Personality Disorder?” His voiced bellowed in laughter echoing down the hallway.
“Good evening,” I said to a couple that rounded the corner.
Suddenly, he grabbed my shoulders and my blood turned molten at his more assertive touch. His hands slid down to my biceps, mere inches away from my breasts.
“You think I’m narcissistic?” he whispered from behind me, his breath hot on my neck.
I turned my head so I could look up at him, brows raised and lips pursed. “I think you invented the concept.” A refreshing breeze blew behind me and lifted my hair off my neck.
“You suck at groveling. Let me help you,” he said as he slowly, deliberately turned me to face him
The feeling inside of me was so new…so old…yet new again. I couldn’t recall the last time I had butterflies in my stomach.
“Help me?”
“Yes. Repeat after me.” His hands slid down to my elbows leaving a trail of fire, but he didn’t let go. “I…tell me your name.”
I repeated him. “I. Tell me your name.”
We both smiled, and the tension between us grew palpable.
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