by Sheila Heti
(It doesn’t work.)
JENNY: Oh shoot. Oh well.
(She puts it in her pocket.)
JENNY: (a little hysterical) I suppose I’ll try later. I’m sick of this hotel anyway. I miss so much about back home. For instance, the baseball diamond. Hello, who the hell would have thought I loved that shitty baseball diamond? But it made a big impact on me. A great impact. I realize now I’m a fan of baseball diamonds. I’ll do whatever I can, in this new life, to enjoy myself at the baseball diamonds.
DANIEL: What do you mean, “this new life”?
JENNY: Oh shit Daniel, you get what I mean. We have an understanding. I knew all along you’d be back. I was counting on it. I figured you wandered off in the parade. You must have seen some girl you liked.
DANIEL: No, I didn’t.
JENNY: You must really have liked her, boy, to have sure scared the shit out of your parents! I was convinced we were going to find you though, Daniel. It was even my idea to look for you in the park. You weren’t hiding in the park, Daniel, were you?
DANIEL: No.
JENNY: I wouldn’t talk to you about girl stuff if I didn’t think you’d understand—
DANIEL: Don’t, Jenny. Please don’t.
JENNY: It’s about my period—
DANIEL: Don’t.
(JENNY falls silent. Looks at her toes.)
DANIEL: I’m going inside now, Jenny. I’m sorry.
(He goes inside.)
SCENE 13
MR. ODDI and JENNY walk slowly across the stage holding hands, carrying their suitcases. It is early evening. They are on their way home. Their airplane tickets stick out of the pocket of MR. ODDI’s suit jacket. DAN sings, but we don’t see him—it’s the first time we don’t see him when he’s singing.
“Daniel’s Song” (cont’d)
Da da da da da da da da da da…
SCENE 14
The lights come up on this scene suddenly. Jamaica. DANIEL lounges on a beach chair. He is strumming the “Daniel’s Song” melody, mostly to himself, using DAN’s guitar. An older JENNY—in her twenties or thirties, the same age DAN has been all along—comes in, wearing sunglasses and a glamorous wrap. She is smiling happily. She sits beside DANIEL, who begins to sing.
“Daniel’s Song” (repeat)
I thought I was on the inside
But now I know it’s all a secret
The three of us together forever in debt
I sat down and took a number
At the table where death resides
Borrowed an ascot to cover my eyes
From the fame that awaited
Now these beautiful days just seem dated…
JENNY: (interrupting him; he stops playing) Oh, Daniel, that was so long ago. Who cares anymore? It’s nothing. It’s over.
(DANIEL and JENNY smile at each other and kiss. JENNY takes off her robe. She goes into the ocean and swims around. DANIEL stands to watch her.)
DANIEL: I care. I’ve written something for you, Jenny.
(He serenades her with this gentle, heartfelt song, which he sings with more conviction than any of the previous songs. At some point, while he plays, the curtain comes down behind him.)
“Don’t Become The Thing You Hated”
Don’t become
Don’t become
Don’t become the thing you hated
The thing you hated
The thing you hated (verse repeats)
Suns rise and sun go down again
Open your Strathcona doors
Let him in, let him in, let him in, let him in (repeat)
Don’t become
Don’t become
Don’t become the thing you hated
The thing you hated
The thing you hated
The thing you hated
(When the song is done, there is canned cheering, canned applause. He bows, then turns and pushes himself through the curtain.)
THE END
About the artists
Sheila Heti is the author of six books, including the children’s book We Need a Horse and the story collection The Middle Stories. She lives in Toronto.
Dan Bejar is a singer-songwriter, best known for his work with The New Pornographers, and for his band, Destroyer. He lives in Vancouver.
Thank You
Kelly Thornton and Toronto’s Nightwood Theatre, for commissioning the play; Erica Kopyto; the early workshop directors, Benuta Rubes and Chris Abraham; all the actors who participated in the workshops, in particular Kathleen Phillips, who played a memorable Jenny Oddi; Dan Bejar for the excellent songs; for love and encouragement, Lucas Rebick, Margaux Williamson, Misha Glouberman, Carl Wilson, and Jacob Richmond; all those who participated in the backyard reading, including Jon Davies, Sholom Glouberman, Sholem Krishtalka, Amy Lam, Nika Mistruzzi, Sean O’Neill, Liz Peterson, and Alvin Rebick; Marc Bendavid for the backyard; Lena Dunham; Marie-Helene Westgate; Andrew Leland and McSweeney’s for being so game; Melissa Srbinovich, for her wise counsel on bringing the play to New York; Warby Parker for their generous funding of the production; everyone who contributed to our Indiegogo campaign; Harbourfront Festival’s World Stage; the wonderful and wonderfully fun cast of All Our Happy Days Are Stupid; the show’s talented and tireless creative team, in particular Erin Brubacher and Zack Russell; Videofag’s William Ellis; the original Toronto audience; the excellent staff of The Kitchen, especially Lumi Tan; and finally deepest gratitude to Jordan Bass and Jordan Tannahill, for taking something that might not have been and turning it into something that was.
