“I don’t run to Ma. I was handling my problems myself. Ma was the one who insisted on giving me that money. I didn’t ask her for it.” Lenora felt tears begin to sting her eyes.
“Yeah, but you moan enough about your problems that she can’t help but worry about you and want to do what she can to ease your pain. Lenora, you know how much Ma loves us. And there’s nothing she won’t do for either of us, if it’s at all within her powers to do it. She knows that, financially, you struggle. You and Quinton, that grubby little first hubby of yours, started off behind the eight ball. I tried to tell you when you were getting that big house and two expensive cars that it was too much, too soon. But both of you thought you knew everything, and nobody could tell you anything.”
“Listen, Boaz, I really don’t want to go down this road with you, okay?”
“Of course you don’t. This is what you always do. When someone tries to bring a little light to your situation, you run away like you’re on fire instead of taking the time to stop, drop, and roll.”
“I’m not running. I just don’t see where you’re going with this. You want me to admit you were right about me and Quinton? All right, I admit it: you were right. And after Quinton went to prison for robbery, and he and I divorced, I married Edmond. Unfortunately, Edmond’s credit was about as jacked up as mine. We both were trying to dig ourselves out of a deep hole. Ma got a large sum of money. She wanted to help me. You didn’t need anything with your little perfect life—”
Boaz started laughing. “There you go again.”
“What?”
“Being sarcastic. You’re right. I didn’t need the money the way you did. But let me ask you something …” he said, then just as quickly, stopped talking completely.
“What?” Lenora asked after moments of silence. “What do you want to ask me?”
“You know, Lenora, you’re right. Let’s just forget this. Whatever you and Ma are doing is up to you and her. I just wish you would think about her instead of always seeming to think only about yourself. When you need money, she gets it for you. When you need help, she steps in. That brand-new Cadillac she purchased over a year ago, you know, like I do, that Ma actually bought it for Sahara. That was before Sahara started acting so terribly, and Ma changed her mind and decided to keep it instead. At least until Sahara started doing better. But you … you try to make everybody believe you’re doing everything on your own. Okay, you can’t handle Sahara and Crystal, and Ma gets them for who knows how long. Forget that she’s seventy-five. You need Ma, and she’s right there putting herself out for you. Who cares how it might be affecting her or her life.”
“Boaz, I think you and I had better hang up the phone before one of us ends up saying something we can’t take back. Because if you’re implying that I don’t care about our mother, or that I’m using her, then you’re going to provoke me to say something I know is going to hurt your feelings.”
“Fine, Len. I’ve said most of what I needed to say, anyway. But you know how Sahara and Crystal are, especially lately. They certainly aren’t listening to me when I tell them anything. They don’t need to be over there with Ma for too long, getting on her nerves, worrying her to death. But that’s just my opinion, which I do plan on expressing to Ma as soon as I get the chance. Then I’m through with it. And both of you can take it for whatever it’s worth.”
“Yeah, okay,” Lenora said as though what he was saying didn’t matter. “Message delivered; message received. I’ll talk to you later.” She hung up before he could say anything else, then immediately burst into tears.
Chapter 4
And they answered Joshua, saying, All that thou commandest us we will do, and whithersoever thou sendest us, we will go.
—Joshua 1:16
Sahara picked at her breakfast as she and Crystal sat at the table with Ma Ray. Crystal wanted only pancakes. She hurried through her stack. Ma Ray sipped her coffee, frowning at its slightly bitter taste before adding another pack of artificial sweetener to it.
“I let the coffee brew too long,” Ma Ray said. Neither of the girls said anything.
Crystal put the last bit of pancake in her mouth. “Can I go watch TV now?”
Ma Ray leaned back against her chair. “It’s may I, not can. Can is asking if you’re able to. Yes, you may, after you make up your bed and clean up the upstairs bathroom.”
Crystal smiled, then left. Sahara continued to rake through the scrambled eggs on her plate.
“Are your eggs not to your liking?” Ma Ray asked.
Sahara didn’t bother to look up. “They’re fine. I told you when you insisted that I get up that I wasn’t hungry.”
“I know what you said, but you need to eat breakfast. Everybody should start their day off with a good, hearty breakfast. Breakfast jump-starts the brain. Eating breakfast actually breaks a fast. That’s how they came up with the word breakfast. Your body needs to know there’s still food available so it won’t mess with you by trying to conserve energy believing that food’s not available—”
“May I please just go back to bed? I really don’t feel well.”
Ma Ray reached over and placed the back of her hand on Sahara’s forehead. “Well, you don’t have a fever.”
Sahara pulled her head back from Ma Ray’s hand. “I don’t have to have a fever not to feel well.”
“True.” Ma Ray sat back up straight. “So what seems to be ailing you?”
“Nothing specifically. I just don’t feel well.”
Ma Ray laughed. “You know, when I was growing up and we didn’t feel well, my mother would give us a spoonful of castor oil or Black Draught.”
Sahara promptly looked at Ma Ray with horror in her eyes.
Ma Ray smiled as she leaned in toward Sahara. “I hated that stuff, both of them. But they sure did seem to have a way of curing whatever ailed you. They were so effective, it got to where just the mention of them instantly cured you.”
“I don’t need any medicine or anything else. I’ll be fine. I just need to go back to bed.”
“Oh, child, I wasn’t planning on giving you any castor oil. But you know, sometimes you’ll find you have to take what doesn’t taste so good in order to right what’s wrong. Stuff like castor oil and Black Draught definitely did the trick back in my day. For sure, it made me, my sisters, and brothers think twice about saying we were sick.”
Sahara rested her chin on her fist (held up by her elbow) as though she were bored as Ma Ray continued on.
“You and I need to talk,” Ma Ray said.
Sahara kept her eyes down. “Ma Ray, I was wrong. I know I was wrong. I admit it, okay? I’m sorry.” She released her fork; it made a clinking sound as it fell into the plate. “Can I please go now?”
“Look at me,” Ma Ray said. Sahara didn’t move. “Honey, I said look at me.” Ma Ray’s voice was stern.
Sahara slowly lifted her eyes and looked at Ma Ray.
“I know you think that no one understands you. You’ve become this young woman, a beautiful young woman at that. But Sahara, you have too much going on for yourself to ruin your life the way you seem to be bent on doing.” Ma Ray leaned in closer to her granddaughter’s face. “You know I love you, right?”
Sahara’s face softened. “Sure. I know you love me.”
“And you know that your mother loves you.”
Sahara’s jaw seemed to tighten. She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. She loves me.”
Ma Ray frowned. “Well, she does.”
“She loves me and Crystal because that’s what a good mother is supposed to do.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Sahara looked hard at her grandmother. “My mother doesn’t want you or anyone else to think badly of her, so of course she does what’s expected of her. Mama adores Kyle and Nia, her golden children. Me and Crystal are the troublemaking ones … the children that are the root cause of all her past and now even present troubles.”
Ma Ray reached over and squeezed Sahara
’s hand. “Sahara, that’s not true.”
“It is true, Ma Ray.” Sahara gently wiggled her hand from her grandmother’s grasp. “My mother got pregnant with me before she was married. She had to marry my father—”
“Where did you get that from?” Ma Ray asked.
Sahara picked up her fork, speared some of the scrambled eggs, and shoved the forkful into her mouth. She chewed hard and swallowed hard before she spoke again. “Ma Ray, I happen to know when I was born. And I know that at seven pounds and three ounces, I wasn’t born prematurely. I know the date my mother and father got married. And contrary to what people and my grades may say about me, I really do know how to perform mathematical equations.” Sahara shoved more of the scrambled eggs into her mouth and chewed with even more emphasis than before.
Ma Ray nodded. “So from that, you’ve concluded that you’re the source of all your mother’s problems?”
“Besides, Mama has said as much. More than a few times, she’s told me that she wishes I’d never been born.”
“Oh, now I don’t believe that for one second.” Ma Ray fell hard against the back of her chair. She stared at Sahara until their eyes finally locked. “Did your mother say those exact words?”
Sahara stared back at Ma Ray with her own smidgen of defiance. “No. Not in those exact words. But she’s said things like how different her life would be had I not been born. That if she hadn’t had me, her life would have turned out way differently than it ended up.”
Ma Ray stood up, leaned down, and hugged Sahara. “That doesn’t mean your mother didn’t want you. I happen to know for a fact that your mother wanted you. More than you’ll ever know.” Ma Ray let go. “Look, sweetheart, people get frustrated. They say things they don’t really mean, or things don’t come out exactly the way they meant for them to. But your mother loves you.” She hugged Sahara again. “She does.”
When Ma Ray let go, Sahara gently placed the last of her eggs in her mouth, hurriedly drank her orange juice, picked up the lone sausage patty left on her plate, partially wrapped it in a napkin, then bit it. “I’m finished. Now may I please go up to my room?”
Ma Ray shook her head. “No. We’re not finished talking—” There was a knock at the door.
“Someone’s at your door,” Sahara said, jumping to her feet. “I’ll get it.” She quickly started for the front door.
“Sahara, we’re not finished—”
“Coming!” Sahara said, not looking back at Ma Ray as she rushed toward the front of the house.
Ma Ray shook her head. “Lord, that child is hurting something fierce. More than any of us even realize. Please help me do right by her. Help me get through to her. I need to show her Your love. I can see now that her mother’s and my love are not going to be enough to break through to her. In Jesus’ precious name I pray. Amen.”
Chapter 5
According as we hearkened unto Moses in all things, so will we hearken unto thee: only the Lord thy God be with thee, as he was with Moses.
—Joshua 1:17
“Yoo, hoo! Ma Ray, you in the kitchen?” a voice called out from the living room.
Ma Ray came in. “Tootsie, you’re up and at ‘em mighty early this morning,” Ma Ray said to her longtime friend, Priscilla Holt, whom everybody called Tootsie.
“You know what they say about the early bird getting the worm,” sixty-five-year-old Tootsie said.
Ma Ray chuckled. “I know what that says about being the early worm.”
Tootsie walked over to Ma Ray with a small brown bag in her hand as the two women hugged, then sat down on the sofa.
“What you got there, Tootsie?” Ma Ray asked, noticing the bag.
Tootsie opened the bag and took out a hunk of wrapped cake and some type of liquid in a jar. “I brought you a piece of friendship cake”—she then handed the jar of liquid to Ma Ray—“and two cups of starter juice for you to make your own cake. You’ll just need to start the cake within the next three days or else freeze the juice.”
Ma Ray set the cake on the coffee table, then took the jar. “We did this a few years back.”
“Yeah, but Marva gave me some starter juice about a month ago. So here we go again.”
“How is Marvelous Marva?” Ma Ray asked about their friend, more Tootsie’s than hers. “Don’t see her much since she moved to the city with her banker son.”
“Marva’s doing okay. You know she got that knee replacement about a year ago, but she’s doing well. As well as you can expect, considering she’s staying with that son and his wife, who are both as fruity, coconut flaky, and about as nutty as what’s used to bake that there cake. The devil is certainly busy, certainly busy. That’s for sure.”
“Looks like everybody is dealing with something these days. But while everybody may be talking about how busy the devil is, I keep telling them that the devil might be busy, but our God is busier. That’s the only thing that is keeping me going,” Ma Ray said. “Knowing that God is still on the case. You and I both know where the Lord brought us from.”
“Girl, now don’t go getting me started. You gonna mess around here and make me have to get up and shout right here in your living room,” Tootsie said.
“Two of my grandchildren are here with me,” Ma Ray said. “My daughter’s two oldest children. Looks like they’re going to be spending the rest of the summer with me.”
“Yeah, I spoke to that one that answered the door a few minutes ago. But all she did was grunt when I said hello. Young folks these days are something else, that’s for sure. Something else. Listen, Ma Ray, I also want to remind you that the twins are picking up our bushels of purple hull peas, corn, tomatoes, cucumbers, and peaches today. They’ll be bringing yours by shortly.”
“That is today, isn’t it? With everything that’s been going on this morning, I almost forgot that this is the day they’re bringing them. It’s already been a busy morning for me. Girl, would you believe I had to bring out ole Charlie.”
“Oh, no. Not ole Charlie?”
“Yep, ole Charlie.”
“Was it a snake, a coyote, what?”
“Oh, it was a snake, all right—a snake of the two-legged per-suasion. Pants hanging all off his skinny little behind. He didn’t even have the good sense to have his pants hanging with a belt. Some of them that hang at least wear a belt with it.”
“Chile, now don’t go there. I told those twins of mine that I’d better not ever catch them with their britches down like that. Or else I’m gonna pull them all the way down to their knees and make them walk around with their pants that way for the rest of the day. Let them see how something like that looks and feels. I bet that will stop that mess.”
“Tootsie, don’t do that. You may end up starting another crazy trend,” Ma Ray said. “But you won’t have a problem like that with them. You’ve done a fine job with those twins, a fine job”
“Oh, you know it hasn’t been easy, now. But I refuse to let the devil have those two,” Tootsie said. She stood up and started for the door. “So … you gonna get your granddaughters to help with your bushels?”
“Probably,” Ma Ray said.
“You want to shell our peas together today?”
“Now, that’s an idea. You know I always love your company.”
“Well, I’ll tell the twins to keep my bushel of purple hull peas on the truck and bring them over here. We’ll just shell peas together,” Tootsie said. “Have us a little purple hull peas shelling party.”
“Sounds like a plan to me.” Ma Ray opened the door and stepped outside on the porch with Tootsie. “I’ll see you later on then? Around noon?”
“Noon sounds good.”
Ma Ray stood on the porch and watched as Tootsie got in her own tank of a car and drove slowly away.
Chapter 6
And Joshua the son of Nun sent out of Shittim two men to spy secretly, saying, Go view the land, even Jericho. And they went, and came into a harlot’s house, named Rahab, and lodged there.
&n
bsp; —Joshua 2:1
“They’re all tripping,” Sahara said on the phone to a guy named Dollar. “If they think I’m going to be stuck out here in the sticks and the boonies without being able to go anywhere or have any fun, they all have vastly underestimated me. I can barely get and keep reception on my cell phone. You have to literally find, then stand in, just the right spot and not move if you don’t want your call dropped. That’s why I had to call you back on this phone. This is ridiculous!”
“So, when can you get away?” Dollar asked. “I want to see you. You know I’m missing you something fierce.” He made a smacking sound.
“Dollar, you need to stop. You don’t miss nobody. I haven’t heard from you in what? Three months now.”
“That’s because I’ve been busy trying to secure better things for you and me. I told you: what I’m doing now ain’t what I plan on doing for the rest of my life. Just like other folks, I got dreams and goals. And I’ve told you that I want you to be part of it.”
“So … how is Brandy?”
“What? Who?”
“Brandy. You know, the girl you’ve been busy trying to secure for your future these past three months.”
He snickered. “Oh, so you heard about that?”
“Yeah, I heard about that.”
“Look, that don’t mean I don’t love you. Brandy’s folks got bang. Brandy wants me, so why not tap into the free flow of all their dollars to increase the Dollar. If she wants to transfer her folks’ Benjamins, as well as other stuff, my way so I can do some things I want, there’s no reason for either of us to hate, right? I’m telling you: the girl’s folks got big bank. But, Shawty, you know how I feel about you. I don’t care who else you hear may be getting at me or with me, you’re always going to be my dime. You’re my heart. And that’s the real deal right there, baby. Real talk. That’s what’s up.”
Ray of Hope Page 3
