Ray of Hope

by Vanessa Davis Griggs

  “Come down here,” Ma Ray said to Sahara.

  “But, Ma Ray—”

  “Now!”

  Sahara walked down the stairs as though this were her final walk before an execution. When she reached the floor, she stood toe-to-toe with Ma Ray.

  “And take some of that wind out of your sails,” Ma Ray said.

  Sahara let the air out of her cheeks.

  “Don’t you ever do anything like that again, do you hear me?” Ma Ray said.

  “Ma Ray, I didn’t mean to disrespect you or to make you upset. But what is he doing here? Why is he here so much? I’m not interested in anything with him.”

  “Oh, so everything is all about you, huh, Miss Sahara? The earth was created to revolve around you? Is that what you’re trying to say?” Ma Ray said.

  “No. I’m just talking about Andre right now. And every time I look up, he seems to be over here. Was he over here like this before we came? So the question is: why is he here so much now? Why?”

  Andre strolled back in the house carrying a large leather bag. He nodded at Ma Ray and walked toward the kitchen without saying a word. Sahara heard the back door open, then close.

  “What’s he doing now?” Sahara asked Ma Ray.

  “Why?” Ma Ray said.

  “He just walked through your house like he lives here, then went out the back door.”

  “I guess if you want to know, you can go and ask him yourself,” Ma Ray said.

  “Quite frankly, I don’t really care,” Sahara said. Ma Ray shrugged. “Suit yourself.” She left, headed for her bedroom.

  Sahara stood there a minute, then went back upstairs.

  Chapter 29

  And the Lord said unto Joshua, This day will I begin to magnify thee in the sight of all Israel, that they may know that, as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee.

  —Joshua 3:7

  Sahara stayed in her room for about an hour. Then she got up and went downstairs to the kitchen.

  “You need help with anything?” Sahara asked Ma Ray.

  “Nope. I have everything all bottled up, and I’m just putting them on the pantry in the back room.”

  “What about these over here?” Sahara said, pointing at three jars segregated on the kitchen table.

  “I’m sending those back with Andre when he goes home. I told Tootsie I would send her some chutney. She loves my homemade chutney.”

  Sahara looked out of the window. “What’s he doing out there?”

  “Who? Andre? I told you, if you want to know what he’s doing, then go ask him yourself.”

  “But you do know?” Sahara said.

  Ma Ray nodded. “I know more than most folks think I know. So, yes, I do know.”

  Sahara twisted her mouth a little. She opened the back door and went out.

  Andre looked up briefly when he saw her bouncing toward him. He kept on working.

  Sahara stopped when she got to the tree.

  Andre stood up straight. “It’s finished. Would you like to try it out?”

  “So this is what you came here to do?” Sahara said.

  “Yes.”

  “How did you know? Did Ma Ray ask you to do this?”

  “No, she didn’t ask me to do this,” Andre said. “I offered to do it. And when I did, she started acting like I was a prophet from God or something.” He looked at Sahara more intensely. “So … do you want to try it out or not?”

  Sahara tried to keep her expression hard. “I guess,” she said. Andre held it steady until she took full possession of it. Sahara sat down on the leather part of the swing held up on the tree by strong steel chains. She smiled.

  “Whoa, was that a smile I just saw?” Andre asked.

  Sahara pushed off and began to swing. Andre stepped back so he wouldn’t be in her way.

  “Is it okay?” he asked.

  She pumped harder and made herself go higher.

  “It’s perfect,” she said as the wind seemed to caress her whole body with each level of height she managed to achieve. She couldn’t help but think that this was how birds had to feel as they soared through the air. After about five minutes of swinging, she allowed the swing to come to a rest.

  “You’re sure it’s okay?” Andre asked.

  “Positive,” she said. She cocked her head and looked into his eyes. “So, this was your idea?”

  “Yes.”

  “What made you do it?”

  “Why?”

  “Look, I’m just curious. But if you don’t want to tell me, then keep it to yourself.”

  He shrugged. “I saw you here the other day. When I saw this tree, I thought it was ideal for a swing. I just decided, since you like this area so much, you might like to have a swing to sit on or swing in sometimes. That was all.”

  “So you asked Ma Ray about doing this? Did you happen to tell her you were doing it for me?”

  “I asked Ma Ray what she thought about me putting an old-fashioned swing out here on this tree and, like I told you, she acted like I was some prophet who was bringing a Word from the Lord down from the mountain. She was so excited. She couldn’t believe I ‘had the vision to ask to do this,’ those being her words, not mine.”

  Sahara leaned backward, then back straight. She began to move the swing just a little. She twirled it around, then raised her feet off the ground to let it spin her. “Did Ma Ray ask you about anything else?” she asked when it was back straight.

  Andre was putting his tools and things back into the leather bag. “Like what?”

  “Like, anything else?”

  “Would you care to be more specific?” Andre said.

  “The only thing you and Ma Ray talked about was you putting up this swing? Did she ask you anything about me?” She sighed. “Did she say anything about me to you?”

  “Other than you being a difficult child—”

  “She did not say that,” Sahara said. “Did she?”

  He laughed. “No, she didn’t say that. But she did ask if I happened to know anything about drugs and where a person may have gotten some from around here.”

  “Are you for real? Did she ask you that for real?”

  “Yep. I figured she was maybe talking about you.”

  “Of course you would.”

  “See, there you go again. Do you always jump to conclusions or is it just when it comes to me?”

  She pretended to be thinking, tapping her index finger against her buttoned lips.

  Andre smiled and shook his head. “You’re something else, that’s for sure.”

  “So, what did you tell her? About the drugs, I mean?”

  “You don’t have to worry. I didn’t mention Junebug to her at all. I figure if you had drugs, you definitely got them from him, the Pusher Man. And since I happen to know he’s been out here with you, if you had drugs, he’s the one.”

  “You didn’t say anything to Ma Ray about that? AboutJunebug being here?”

  “Nope.”

  Sahara exhaled slowly. “Thank you. The last thing I need is for Ma Ray to start freaking out like my mother does.”

  “So, do you want to talk about what’s going on or should I keep on minding my own business?” Andre said. “It’s your call.”

  “Junebug was here the other day, and he did give me a joint. I didn’t smoke it or anything. But like an idiot, I stuck it in my pocket. It fell out. Ma Ray saw it. And even though she said she believed me when I told her I hadn’t smoked anything, I know I’ve raised some red flags in her mind.”

  “May I tell you something?” Andre said.

  “Sure.”

  “She’s also concerned about some missing items.”

  Sahara frowned. “Who? What missing items?”

  “Ma Ray. She told my grandmother that some pieces of jewelry and money have come up missing.”

  “What kind of jewelry?”

  “For starters, a diamond watch and a necklace,” Andre said.

  “So why hasn’t Ma Ray said anything about that t
o either me or Crystal?”

  “I don’t know the answer to that.”

  Sahara shook her head slowly. “She asked me if I’d seen her watch. You think she believes one of us took those things? That me or Crystal would actually steal from her?”

  “I can’t answer that. I just know, from talking to my grandmother, that Ma Ray has officially eliminated me and Aaron from her list of suspects.”

  “You and Aaron?”

  “Yeah. It appears that during the actual time frame of when these items likely went missing, Aaron and I happened to be around.”

  “When did those things come up missing?”

  “You remember when we brought those bushels of fruit and vegetables? Well, it must have been around that same time frame. From what she told my grandmother, things were there Saturday around noon, then gone by Sunday morning,” Andre said.

  “Wow, so she probably does think I may have taken them, then. Because she hasn’t said one word to me, not one. I’m going to talk to her about this.”

  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Andre said.

  “Why?”

  “Well, because she hasn’t said anything to you about it yet. Maybe she doesn’t think it was you or Crystal. Maybe she’s trying to figure it out.”

  “I don’t want my grandmother believing that I’m so low that I would actually steal from her. I need to straighten all of this out right now.” Sahara stood up and turned toward the house.

  Andre touched her arm. She looked down at his hand. He slowly let his hand fall to his side. “If you don’t mind me giving you my thoughts about this at this point?”

  “It hasn’t stopped you so far.”

  “Forget it then, Sahara. If you want to be snippy about everything—”

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She touched his hand. “Please. I’d like to hear your thoughts.”

  “Okay. If you start this conversation with Ma Ray, are you willing to come totally clean about everything with her? What I mean is: you need to tell her about Junebug and him being out here … about him giving you that joint. If you’re going to talk to her, you can’t hold things back. Because then it makes you look like you’re not telling the whole truth. People like Ma Ray can sense when you’re holding back something. Don’t ask me how, but believe me, my grandmother knows when I’m skirting around things. And when people like my grandmother and Ma Ray feel like you’re playing them, they really come in for the kill then.”

  “I just want her to know I would never steal from her. I could just tell her that much. I really don’t want Ma Ray thinking I’m that low.”

  “I understand that. And for whatever reason, she hasn’t said anything to you about it yet. Let me ask you this: is Ma Ray treating you any differently than before?”

  “No. She still puts her purse in a place where I know. She doesn’t act like she’s mad at me or anything.”

  “Then let Ma Ray handle this the way she wants to. Apparently, she has a plan in mind or she would have said something already. Don’t you think?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t see what it would hurt by me walking in that house and telling her what you just said about stuff missing, and letting her know it wasn’t me.”

  “So, are you saying you think it could have been Crystal?” He picked up his bag.

  “Crystal? Steal something from Ma Ray? Are you out of your mind? No, I don’t think it could have been Crystal, either. And I don’t think Ma Ray thinks it was Crystal. If she thinks it could be either of us, then I’m definitely the one she suspects.”

  “Are you that bad?” Andre said, almost with a tease in his voice.

  “What do you think?”

  “I’ll tell you what I think. I think you’re a wonderfully intelligent and beautiful young woman who has potential she’s not using in the best way possible,” Andre said.

  “Is that right?”

  “Yes. But then again, who cares what I think? In your eyes, I’m just some country hick who doesn’t know diddly-squat.”

  “I never said you were a hick,” Sahara said with a laugh.

  “Oh, okay. So country still stands?”

  “Hey, I don’t make the rules. I just call them like I see them,” Sahara said as she began to walk toward the house.

  “Listen, at the conference next weekend, they’re having a fashion show. I was thinking you’d be great as one of the models. I wanted to ask you earlier, but you don’t seem to like talking to me very much. Would you be interested in modeling at the youth conference on Saturday during that segment?”

  “Yes,” Sahara said. “I would love that!” She paused a second. “Wait a minute, what are they going to be modeling? Because I’m not down with flour or croker sack dresses. I can make anything look good. But I don’t want any evidence out there that I ever had bad taste when it comes to clothing or anything else for that matter.”

  “Is that why you can’t stand to be around me?”

  “What?”

  “Is that why you don’t care to talk to me, even in general conversation? You think I’m in bad taste?”

  “I just don’t like you, that’s all. It has nothing to do with how you look. Because quite frankly, I think you should put your name in for the modeling gig yourself. Regardless of what I think about you personally, with the right stylist, dressing you all crisp, you could be drippin’.”

  “Dripping?” He laughed. “I bet you think that I’m so backward that I don’t know what you just said.”

  “You’re saying that you do?”

  He smiled. “Crisp means new or current, basically used in reference to clothing. And dripping—”

  “It’s not dripping, Mister Proper English man; the correct pronunciation is drippin’. You need to drop the g.”

  “Okay, then, drippin’.” He grinned. “Drippin’ means very cool, one who stands out, or more to the point, totally awesome.”

  “Check out Mister L7”—Sahara made an L7 with her hands and fingers, effectively creating a nice square—“who apparently really isn’t as square as I thought.”

  “So, are you and I cool? I mean, can we at least be a little more civil toward each other?”

  “As long as you don’t crowd me or try to make things out to be more than they are, we can be civil toward each other.”

  “And may I tell the folks over at the conference that you’ll be a model?”

  “Yes, you may. As long as they don’t dress me like an old fogey, a hick, or a hillbilly, I’m down. I’m just not going to wear something that makes me look stupid.”

  “I will tell them just that.” Andre grinned, then looked away. “But you’ll actually be modeling your own clothes … oh, I’m sorry, I meant to say threads. So, however you end up looking—in the end—is entirely on you. You’ll be modeling your own outfit.”

  “Oh,” Sahara said. “Well, that will work. That will definitely work!”

  Chapter 30

  And thou shalt command the priests that bear the ark of the covenant, saying, When ye are come to the brink of the water of Jordan, ye shall stand still in Jordan.

  —Joshua 3:8

  Aalmost a week had passed, and for Sahara, things felt rather quiet for a change. She really loved the swing Andre had put up. She was shocked at how much that swing truthfully affected her. Ma Ray had even gone out, after Andre finished, and tried it for herself. Sahara and Crystal both laughed seeing Ma Ray acting just like them. She was yelling, “Whee!” as she pumped her legs and made herself swing higher. Who would have thought something as simple as two chains and a leather strap for a seat, suspended in the air from an old oak tree resembling an old man, would be the cause of so much joy?

  Junebug hadn’t tried contacting Sahara again. He had given her his home and cell phone numbers in case she ever wanted to “get at” him. She definitely wasn’t expecting him to try that Bible study trick again. It had made Sahara laugh, although if anyone should have been upset about Ma Ray crashing like that, it should have
been her.

  Sahara was the rebellious one. Sahara was the one that did what she wanted no matter what anyone said. Sahara was the one who had tried drugs. She hadn’t cared for it, though. But when you’re trying to be “in,” you’re supposed to act like you like it, or something similar to it. That was also how she’d felt about her sexual encounter.

  All the hype the other girls were making about how great it was … totally blown out of proportion. Sadly, it hadn’t been that great to her. She’d felt cheated and cheapened after it was over. She’d felt used. And that was when she learned the real deal behind the peer pressure from other girls to do it. Turns out, it wasn’t this fantasy world the girls who’d done it portrayed it to be. There was nothing magical or spiritual about it at all. Not for her, anyway. Sahara didn’t feel special after the deed was done. Actually, she’d felt like some used-up, disposable thing that didn’t have its same value anymore. She was no longer different, no longer the girl with something other girls no longer possessed. And the guy she’d given her heart and virginity to? Turns out, he hadn’t really cared all that much about her after all. It was a game to him. Like the Wild West, when gunslingers shot someone, then scratched a notch on their belts to keep a running count.

  It didn’t mean a thing to him. And it was too late for her to go back, now that it had been done. So she did what all the other girls who had discovered that they’d merely been bamboozled, hoodwinked, sold a bill of goods: She pretended like it was the greatest thing that had ever happened to her. And everybody should only be so lucky as to experience it. Lies, all lies.

  That’s where she was beginning to see she’d been wrong. Just because you’re miserable doesn’t mean you have the right to trick other people into joining you. The only thing was: no one except her would admit the truth. She, like all the other girls who had been bamboozled, had discovered it wasn’t all that special. Not the way Ma Ray had described and told her God had intended it to be. The holy way—between a loving husband and his loving wife. Ma Ray, as well as her mother, had the “talk” with her years ago. But of course, older people are supposed to tell you stuff like that. You expect that from them. Sahara figured that their whole objective was to keep young people from having fun. They were anti-fun and anti-happiness—miserable people who now refused to sit back and watch a bunch of young folks enjoying a life that they no longer could.