by Aimee Carter
Eros’s eyes go wide, and he sticks his thumb in his mouth. I ruffle his hair. Nothing to be afraid of, or at least I hope there isn’t.
For a moment we sit in companionable silence, both of us watching Eros. He pretends to be shy, but I can feel him glowing as he laps up the attention. Such a ham. The moment can’t last forever though, and eventually Daddy sighs.
“What are you going to do, my daughter?”
I stare at Eros’s golden curls. I thought coming back to Olympus would give me some answers, but I’m as confused as ever. “I don’t know. I love them both.”
“But you’ve only been with Hephaestus for a short while.”
I shrug. “Doesn’t matter. I can feel the way he loves me. It’s—warm. Gentle. Steady. And I want that, Daddy. I really do.”
“Then what is the problem?”
The words catch in my throat. “I love Ares, too.”
“And what is the difference between them?”
Everything. “Ares—I know who he is. I know what he is. I know he blows hot and cold, and I know he’s sometimes unreliable, but when we’re together, it’s like—it’s like the entire world’s on fire.”
“And Hephaestus?”
My cheeks turn pink. My father is the last person I want to talk to about this, but he’s the only one who can possibly understand. “With him, it’s just the two of us. Everything else goes dark, and no matter what we’re talking about, even if it’s something silly, it’s warm. Always warm.” Never cold like it is sometimes with Ares.
“Then it seems you have a choice to make,” he says. My eyes water all over again.
“How?” I whisper. “Everyone thinks I’m—I’m a whore for loving both of them, but I can’t help it, Daddy.”
“Oh, Aphrodite.” He moves into the space between our thrones and captures me in a hug. “You have nothing to be ashamed of no matter what your mother or sisters try to claim. You’re so full of love in a way they’ll never be, and it’s natural you love both of my sons. Some people are built for monogamy. They see love in one person, and they devote themselves entirely to that love. But people like you and me, we see love everywhere, and we know what a waste it would be to pass it by. That doesn’t mean we love our partner any less. It just means we share our love with others, as well.”
I sniff, and Daddy produces a piece of cloth. I take it and dab my eyes. “But what happens when it hurts our partners so badly that they don’t want to love us anymore?”
For a moment, Daddy’s silent. I shouldn’t have asked. I know exactly what happens then—I’ve seen it in Daddy’s marriage to Hera. We all have. “Then maybe they simply aren’t the ones we’re supposed to be with.”
“How am I supposed to choose?” I mumble. “Hephaestus says he’s all right with it, but I think he’s secretly hoping he’ll be enough. And Ares—he doesn’t want me to be with anyone else at all.”
“I don’t know, my darling,” says Daddy, running his fingers through my hair. I’ve missed that. I’ve missed him. “What I do know is that it is a choice you’ll have to make. I made the mistake of trying to force you into something you didn’t want once, and I won’t do it again. You have my permission to decide. But be careful, and think it through—whatever choice you make will define this part of your existence. Maybe all of it. Make sure it’s someone you want to be tied to forever. My sons love you in very different ways, and love can either be a gift or a curse. Try to choose the first, if you can.”
“Which one’s that, Ares or Hephaestus?”
“That’s for you to decide.” He kisses my forehead. “I’m glad you’re home.”
When our conversation is over, I carry Eros into the corridor where Persephone and Hermes disappeared. He’s never had the chance to make friends before, and I want that for him. I don’t want him to be alone.
“Heh!” cries Eros, suddenly struggling in my arms. I blink, making my teary eyes focus, and I spot a bulky figure looming far down the hallway. Hephaestus.
I hug Eros tighter. I’m wrong. He does have a friend. And if Hephaestus meant it when he said he’d be there for us always, no matter what—
“Aphrodite?”
I turn. Ares stands in the middle of a guest room, looking weary and more miserable than I’ve ever seen him. The spark’s still there when his eyes meet mine, but it’s lessened somehow. And that hurts me. Badly.
Hephaestus forgotten, I slip into the chamber and set a squirming Eros down. He takes off on his little legs, and I start to follow. When he turns left, however, I know where he’s going, and I force myself to stop. Hephaestus will watch over him. I need this moment with Ares.
“He’s big,” says Ares roughly, and he sits on the bed. I hesitate. I don’t want this to be purely about sex. I want him to love me the way Hephaestus does, too. And maybe he does—maybe the heat’s overshadowed the rest of it for so long that I can’t recognize the warmth anymore. But the way the spark between us has lessened…
“Yeah, well. That’s what happens. Babies grow up.” I lean against the wall instead. “I wish you hadn’t gone away.”
He furrows his brow. “I wish I hadn’t had to.”
“You’ll always have to leave at some point, won’t you?”
“But I’ll always come back to you.”
I believe him. He squints at me as if it hurts him, as if I’m still his sun and I’m shining too bright for him to face me head-on, and the ice around my heart melts. I’ve been so busy thinking about what I want that I haven’t stopped to think about how this must be hurting him.
“I’m never going to be like your mother,” I say softly. “I’m never going to be able to devote myself to one person no matter how much I love them. You have to leave to do your duties, and this—this is my way of doing mine.”
He swallows. “I know. I don’t like it, but I know.”
“It doesn’t mean I love you any less,” I say. “I don’t. I love you so much it hurts. But—I can love other people without my love for you fading. If anything, it only makes me love you more.”
His mouth forms a thin line, and he stares at his hands. I’ve never seen him so undone before. I’m used to his rage, his fire, but this quietness is unnatural. And I’m the one who did it to him.
“Do you…do you still love me?” I say in a small voice, and his head snaps up. He rises without a word. Crossing the space between us, he embraces me.
“Always,” he murmurs. “I still want to marry you, Aphrodite. You’re perfect. You’re beautiful. My favorite moments are when I’m with you. I don’t want that to end.”
“It never has to,” I promise. Something twists inside me, though. Beautiful, perfect—the things I am to everyone else, as well. It shouldn’t bother me, but it does, and I hate myself for it.
He hesitates. “But I can’t marry you when you’re still seeing him. I need you to understand that. Anyone else—I don’t care who, you’re free to do whatever you want as long as you love me most of all. But Hephaestus…”
I grow still. I expected this, of course. Ares sees the world in black-and-white, and no matter how happy Hephaestus makes me, Ares doesn’t want to compete with his brother. After all, he might lose. I understand that. It hurts, but I understand. And at least he isn’t lying to himself.
“I love you,” he says. “I love every part of you, except the part of you that—cares for him. I want to marry you. I will marry you, and we’ll spend our lives together. But in order for us to be happy, you can’t see him anymore. That’s all I ask.”
My heart flutters. It may be the only thing he wants, but it’s not exactly a small request, and the thought of never seeing Hephaestus again—of never feeling that warmth, of never getting to be with him—makes me ache in a way I’ve never ached before.
Ares or Hephaestus. The love I want or the love I need.
It isn’t fair. But Daddy’s right—whatever I choose is going to define the rest of my life. There will always be battles, and there will always be war.
No matter how often Ares promises he’ll be there for me, he will leave. Probably more than I realize. So that’s my choice—a life of intermittent fire, of waiting for Ares to return home from whatever battle he’s disappeared to, or a life of steady warmth. Of companionship.
And maybe Hephaestus isn’t lying to himself. Maybe he is willing to share me in a way Ares isn’t.
I hesitate. “I love you and Eros. I love our family. If I could only know one truth in my life, that would be it. But—if I didn’t marry you…if I did what Daddy wants…”
Ares stiffens, and his warmth turns to ice. I expect nothing less, but it still hurts.
“I could still be with you,” I say. “We wouldn’t lose anything.”
He hisses and pulls away. “Do you really think that? If you belonged to him—”
“Belong? I don’t belong to anyone, Ares.”
“Of course you do,” he scoffs. “You belong to me.”
I slap him. Hard. The sound of skin against skin echoes through the chamber and undoubtedly down the hallway, but I don’t care who hears it. “The only person I belong to is myself.”
He touches his cheek. I didn’t hurt him, of course, but that spark in his eyes is back, and he steps toward me. “You know that isn’t true. Mother belongs to Father, Persephone will belong to Hades once they’re married, and you’ll belong to me. If you choose Hephaestus—” he spits out his name like it’s poison “—then you’ll belong to him, as well. That’s how marriage works.”
I draw myself to my full height. “Then I won’t marry anyone.”
He grabs my shoulders, his fingers digging into my skin. Before I can protest, he kisses me, nipping my lower lip and pressing his body to mine. “Fine,” he growls. “Then you’ll still be mine.”
Using every ounce of strength I have, I shove him off me. “No. And if this is how you’re going to treat me, then it’s over.”
He laughs his humorless laugh. “Yeah, right. You’ll be begging to come back to me soon enough. It’s who you are, Aphrodite, and Hephaestus will never understand.”
I spin on my heel and head toward the archway. “That’s what you think.”
But even as I storm out of the chamber, I can feel that fire between us. It’ll always be there, whether we’re married or not, and nothing I do will ever quench it. The faster we both accept it, the better.
Hephaestus and Eros sit in the middle of the hallway several rooms down, close enough that they must have heard everything. Eros is oblivious as he plays with a stack of wooden blocks, but Hephaestus meets my eye, and I see understanding. Something Ares has never shown me.
“Ask me,” I say, kneeling beside them. Hephaestus says nothing. “Ask me, or I’ll ask you.”
He shakes his head. “I won’t ask you to marry me when you’re out for revenge against my brother.”
My mouth drops open. “But that’s not—”
“It is,” he says quietly. “I know how you feel for him. Ares is a brute at times, but you still love him, and I respect that. I won’t make things worse for both of you by marrying you just to make him angry.”
I brush my fingers through Eros’s curls. “I just— I want someone to love me. Not as a trophy, but as myself.”
“Someone does,” he says, and silence lingers between us. “One day, once you’ve had time to sort out your feelings, I will ask you. But in the meantime, I don’t need that commitment in order to love you, and I don’t think you need it to love me, either.”
My chin trembles, and he brushes his fingers against my cheek. He’s returned to his immortal form now, twisted legs and all, but I don’t see those anymore. Well, I do, but not as much as before. I see him now, the way he sees me. I see what’s underneath his ugliness, just as he sees what’s underneath my beauty.
“I choose you,” I whisper, wiping my eyes. “Not because I’m fighting with Ares, not because he left or—or any of that. I choose you because of the way you look at me. The way you touch me, the way you talk to me, the way you respect me and see me. I love how you are with Eros. I love that you care about him even though he isn’t yours. I love that you say no when anyone else would say yes, just because you know that somewhere down the line, I might get hurt.”
“That’s all I care about,” he says. “Your happiness. Your freedom. No matter how you feel for me or my brother.”
“I’ll always love Ares. I’ll always have something with him—”
“I know,” he says, and he lowers his eyes. “I’ll never begrudge you that. I’ve seen what jealousy does to love, and I will never hurt you that way. It’s part of who you are, and I love every piece of you. Even the part that loves my brother. And if you decide you want to go back to him, then as long as you’re happy, I’ll accept it.”
I have to blink rapidly to keep myself from crying. “Let me finish,” I say, touching his cheek. “I’ll always love Ares, but his love is the kind of love that consumes. I may not know everything about you yet, but I do know the way you love, and that’s the most important part. We’ll have eternity to learn the rest.”
He sets his hand over mine. “And how do I love?”
I hesitate. “Your love—it’s the kind of love that feeds and grows, the kind that’s steady no matter what. It’s warm, it’s inviting, it’s accepting, and that’s the love I want. That’s the love I need.”
He smiles faintly, tracing the edge of my jaw. “And you will have it as long as you wish. It will always be there for you, just like I’ll always be there, as well. When I ask you—and I will ask you—I want you to be sure. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes.”
I shake my head. “I am sure.”
“Then show me,” he murmurs. His face is only inches from mine now. “Show yourself.”
I close the distance between us. Just as it was back in the grotto, kissing him is easy, simple, as natural as existing. But I’m more aware of this moment than I’ve been of anything in my life. The way his lips feel against mine, his taste, his smell—all of it. Most of all, I’m aware of the warmth that wraps around us, binding the three of us together. Eros is my sun, Ares is my fire, but Hephaestus is my rock, my foundation, and no matter where I go or what I do, I will always come back to him. I know that now.
I may spend eternity torn between two brothers, but that isn’t such a bad fate, really. One day Ares will get over himself, and he’ll come crawling back to me. When that day comes, I’ll forgive him, and we’ll be as passionate about each other as we’ve always been. But I won’t give up this love for anything, and until Ares accepts that, he’ll be the one missing out. Not me.
“There,” I whisper as I break the kiss. “You’ll have that as long as you want it, as well. I may love others, but if you let me, you will always be my home.”
He smiles and kisses me again. “I’d like nothing more.”
I try to move closer, as close to him as possible, but I accidentally knock down the block tower Eros has created instead. “Mama!” he cries, indignant, and I laugh.
“I’m sorry,” I say, settling back down and pulling him into my lap. “Let’s build another one together, okay?”
He huffs, but as Hephaestus begins to form the foundation, Eros’s anger is forgotten, and he gleefully reaches out to help. Together the three of us start to build, and as I watch Hephaestus’s steady hands set each block into place, I know I’ve made the right choice.
* * * * *
Goddess of the Underworld
Part One
For the first sixteen years of my life, Mother told me my wedding day would be one of the happiest in my eternal existence. That the birds would sing, the air would smell like flowers and the sun would shine. Every last detail would be perfect.
Like an idiot, I’d believed her.
The sun didn’t shine in hell, and unless bats counted, there weren’t any birds in the endless Underworld palace, either. To make things worse, the infinite rock surrounding the cavern weighed down on me, growing heavier with every
passing second. I was trapped, literally and figuratively. And I had no idea how to dig myself out of this one.
Mother did manage to keep her word about the flowers, though. As I paced from one end of the chamber to the other, eleven steps in each direction, I had to zigzag my way around the endless bunches of wildflowers that covered every available surface. The perfume was strong enough to knock out Cerberus, but at least it didn’t smell like death.
“Persephone?” Mother poked her head into the room. Given the way she glowed, I would’ve guessed this was her wedding, not mine. “It’s time. How are you feeling?”
She knew exactly how I felt about all of this. She didn’t want the truth—she wanted false affirmation that I was as happy as she was. “I don’t want to do this,” I said. No use holding back now.
“Sweetheart,” said Mother in a tone she must have thought was understanding, but was really the same one she’d used to convince me to do this in the first place. She stepped inside the chamber and closed the door behind her. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong is that I don’t want to marry Hades.” Searching for a place to sit, I spotted a chair in the flowered jungle, but a bouquet of purple blossoms already claimed it. I huffed and sank to the floor instead. “You told me the Underworld wasn’t so bad.”
“It isn’t.” She knelt beside me. “You’ve only seen the palace. There’s an entire world out there—”
“It feels like a cage. It’s heavy and unnatural and—I want to stay in Olympus with you.” My voice hitched, and I blinked rapidly. Breaking into tears would’ve been a surefire way to make Mother believe I was simply too emotional to think clearly. I’d never thought more clearly in my life, though.
Mother wrapped her arms around me, and for a moment I allowed myself to lean against her. “You’ve known this was coming for a long time, my darling. I would never allow this if I wasn’t absolutely certain you would love him.”
“But I don’t.” Didn’t she understand that?
“You will, in time.”
