by Loye, Trish
More than nice.
It had felt like family.
And now she walked into E.D.G.E. after three weeks of thinking, convalescing and speaking with the E.D.G.E. psychologist. She’d done a lot of soul-searching about her standing-by in certain situations. But the doctor was helping her see that sometimes it had been a choice, but most times it had been a necessity for survival. Three weeks didn’t mean she was cured of the guilt and nightmares, but it was a start.
And now she was ready for another start as well. She entered her office and sat at her desk, happy to be off her feet. She’d had a lot of time to think about Dylan, and their relationship as well. And no matter what she’d told herself, they’d had a relationship before she’d left for Iraq.
She’d been happy with him. She remembered laughing with him one lazy morning they’d spent in bed. It had been at her place and he’d teased her about her lack of decorating skills.
She’d dragged him out to her front room, both of them wrapped in the same sheet.
“Do you see?” She waved her arm at the view to explain the sparseness of her place.
Dylan turned from the view of the city and the river beyond, and studied her. “I see.” He slid his hands into her hair. “More than you know.” He leaned down and nibbled on her lips. He pulled back and his gaze pierced her; her heart thudded with passion and something else.
“I like when you smile at me,” he’d said.
Even now the memory had the power to make her heart beat harder. They’d sunk to the floor and made love, slow and oh so sweet. It had rocked her armored heart.
And sent her running.
She took a deep breath; her fingers tapped on her desk. But she was ready now.
She hadn’t seen or heard from Dylan once in the last three weeks. And although it hurt that he hadn’t called to check up on her, she’d known he wouldn’t. He would distance himself from her. But she hoped he still cared enough to listen.
But first, she would start on the mound of paperwork that had accumulated on her desk in the past five months. Her sudden need to do paperwork didn’t have anything to do with the rolling nerves in her stomach. Or at least that’s what she told herself.
It was close to noon when Cat stopped by.
“Is Dylan in?” Sarah asked.
Cat nodded. “He’s working out. Again. He’s been working out almost constantly since he’s been back. Normally that would worry me, but…I think I know what’s bothering him.” She snorted softly. “You going down to see him or do you want me to bring him up?”
Sarah felt a little glow inside that Cat would do that for her. Obviously she approved of Sarah, and it made her happy to know she had someone behind her.
“I’ll go to him,” she said.
“Are you going to tell him you love him?”
The question sucker-punched her and she gasped. Love? Had she fallen in love with Dylan? Is this what she’d been feeling?
Cat sighed. “By the looks of you, it’s too soon for you to say it, but it’s not too soon for him to hear it.” With those cryptic words, she left Sarah’s office.
Oh God. Why hadn’t she seen it before? She ran her hands through her hair, tugging at the roots. She was an idiot. She’d fallen in love and hadn’t even known it.
A thought froze her. What if he didn’t love her back?
No. She pushed the fear and doubt away. She straightened her shoulders. She was Sarah Ramirez and she was in love with a wonderful man.
It was time to go find him.
* * *
The elevator door opened to the two-story sub-basement that was the workout area. It held the Beast—the tough obstacle course the operators used—a lap pool, a weight area, and an expert-level climbing wall.
Sarah hesitated inside the elevator. What if he really was done with her? It didn’t matter. She needed to know for sure. And he deserved to know her true feelings. She stepped out and the doors shut behind her.
She immediately wanted to hit the button, to open the doors and hide inside the elevator again. But no. She wouldn’t hide. Dylan deserved better. She deserved better.
A quick scan showed a tall, muscled form starting up the wall. He’d changed his hair back to blond. The color glinted golden under the lights. He was already halfway up, his muscular arms and back straining under the fast climb. He moved with such speed, leaping from ledge to jut-out. She watched as he hit the top and then jumped free, letting the self-belay lower him down. His feet had barely touched the ground before he started again, this time shifting his route a few feet over.
She drifted closer, entranced by him and the muscles sliding under his sweat-covered skin. He reached the top and jumped off again.
She swallowed hard and stepped forward.
He looked at her, his eyes flat and that of a stranger, before reaching for the wall once more.
“Wait,” she said.
He didn’t look at her and kept his hands on the climbing holds nearest him. His fingers flexed.
“I wanted to talk to you,” she said.
“So talk.” His voice was cold and even. He still didn’t look at her.
“I wanted to apologize.”
She counted three of his breaths, his back expanding with each one, before she realized he wasn’t going to speak. She gripped her hands together, even as her insides twisted.
“I’m sorry for what I said. I lied.” She took a deep breath. He still hadn’t moved. “I do like you. I like you more than anyone I’ve met in a long time. I like you so much it…it scares me.” She shook her head though he couldn’t see it. “I’ve lived so long on my own, taking care of myself, that I didn’t know how to open up to anyone.”
Was he ever going to look at her?
His hands tightened on the holds, as if he was about to climb again. But he surprised her and spoke. “And now?”
“Now?”
He unfastened his harness and let it drop to the ground before turning to her. He no longer looked at her like a stranger. The intensity of his blue eyes made her want to take a step back. But this wasn’t about running away anymore. She was done with that. She wanted to try not just to survive, but to be happy.
“Why are you really here, Sarah?” His voice was low and stirred things inside her.
“I…” Her throat closed up on the words. Where had her courage gone?
Dylan stepped closer and her breath caught.
“Sarah?” Then he ensnared her gaze and didn’t release it as he moved even closer. “Tell me what you want, Sarah. Tell me why you’re here.”
Her heart started to pound. Surely he could hear it. It was time to take control. She lifted her chin. “I want you,” she whispered.
His shoulders slumped a little and he shook his head. “I’m sorry, Sarah. I want more than—”
“Wait,” she said. “I mean, I want us. I want to be with you.” She waved a hand at the wall. “I want to climb with you. I want to eat breakfast with you. I want to be with you outside of work, the job. I want you to know me and I want to know you.” She took a deep breath. “I love you.”
He stared at her, searching her gaze, his expression unreadable.
Words bubbled out of her.
“We don’t just have great chemistry,” she said. “Your lightness balances my darkness. You’re better than I deserve, but…” She lifted her chin. “But even if I don’t deserve you, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. That I don’t want us to be together. Will you give me another chance?”
She waited for him to say anything. Her heart beat slow and hard, echoing in her ears. Why didn’t he speak?
“Another chance on my wild ride?” A slow smile started on his face. “You deserve more than you know, Sarah. And I have just as much darkness in me as you do, so I’m not doing you any favors. But we belong together.” He stepped even closer and his hands cradled her face. The intensity of his gaze made her breath catch. “Sarah Ramirez, I have loved you for months.”
His
lips touched hers softly and she melted into his arms. A feeling enveloped her that she hadn’t felt in years, a feeling she’d secretly yearned for. Love. She wanted to wrap it tight around her and never let it go.
Dylan pulled back too soon. “There’s no running away this time,” he growled, and she saw the hint of fear in his eyes.
She gripped his shoulders and pulled him closer. “No more running.”
He resisted. “A relationship is the ultimate form of teamwork. Can you handle it?”
“I trust you,” she said, praying he believed her. “No more going it alone. We’re a team.”
He kissed her again; his lips crushed hers this time. Her mouth opened under his, their passion spiraled, stirring her blood and setting fire to her insides.
But at the same time, contentment spread through her. She belonged here, not just at E.D.G.E. helping people, but also in Dylan’s arms loving him and being loved in return. She’d finally found her home.
Epilogue
Sarah sat in the conference room and stared at the monitor Charlie had set up for her and Dylan. It had been a week since she’d declared her love for Dylan and she’d treasured every minute of it.
“They should be coming on line in a moment,” Charlie said. “I’ll leave you guys alone.”
“Do you think she’s okay?” Sarah said after Charlie had left.
Dylan snorted. “Who would have thought you were such a marshmallow inside?”
She punched his arm. “Don’t go telling my secret to anyone.”
Dylan grinned. “Not me, Agent Ice. I live to serve.”
The nickname no longer wounded her. And she smiled at the gorgeous man who leaned toward her. “Sounds promising.”
His kiss took her breath as always and she willingly lost herself in the heat that engulfed her.
“Qobla?” A young girl’s laughter filled the room.
She and Dylan broke apart, though Dylan kept an arm around her shoulders. Jalila sat facing her monitor from the refugee camp in Iraq.
“Jalila? It’s so good to see you,” Sarah said in Arabic. And it was. Jalila had lost the thinness in her cheeks in the past month, and had gained some weight back. Her smile was bright.
Sarah and Jalila chatted about the refugee camp. Jalila and her sister waited to be reunited with their aunt and uncle who lived outside of the war zone.
“Soon we will be with our family,” Jalila said. “Thank you, Sarah. Thank you both.”
Sarah’s heart twisted at the thought of never seeing Jalila again. This girl who’d taught her to open herself up to Dylan and to love.
As if he knew what she was thinking, Dylan squeezed her shoulders. “They’ll be okay,” he said to her in English before looking at Jalila. “It was great to see you, but it’s time to say good-bye, kid.”
“F-uck,” Jalila responded.
Dylan rolled his eyes and Sarah laughed. After they said their good-byes, Dylan gave her a short kiss. “It’s good to see you smile.”
Joy blossomed inside Sarah. The girls were safe and somehow this wondrous man loved her.
Loved her.
Her smile widened. “Let’s go home.”
Glossary of Arabic Words
As-salamu alaykum: an Arabic/Islamic greeting. “Peace be unto you.” (Pronounced as-salam-u-alay-koom)
Wa-alaikum salaam: the appropriate response to the above greeting. “And upon you be peace.”
Insha’Allah: God willing
Jazak’ Allahu khair: may Allah reward you for the good – an expression of thanks.
Adhan: call to prayer
al-Khansa Brigade: female unit of morality police
Ayreh Feek: fuck you
Chay: tea
Da’esh: derogatory Arabic name for ISIS
Dishdasha: men’s traditional long garment.
Fatah: girl (sounds like fetah)
Hajji Badah: Cardamon cookie
Hisbah: morality police
Istikan: small glass cup used for tea.
Kafir: infidel, disbeliever
Kleicha: a cookie where date paste is enveloped in a flaky, buttery dough
Kuffar: infidel
Kufi: short brimless cap worn by men (skullcap).
Mahram: male guardian of a female when she goes out. Either a family member or a husband.
Mehr: the payment (dowry) a groom pays to the bride in a Muslim marriage
Nikah: Muslim wedding
Qahwa: coffee
Qobla: kiss
Rakats: refers to a single unit of Islamic prayers. Each daily prayer has a different number of obligatory rakats.
Sabaya: slave (war booty/captured women)
Sadiq: friend
Shukraan: thank you
Ta-aal: come out
Tosbeheena ‘ala khair: goodnight
Ya Sharmouta: you bitch
Also by Trish Loye
Edge of Control - Book 1
Edge of Reason - Book 2
Edge of Danger - Book 3
Edge of the Season - Book 4 - A Holiday Novella
Coming Soon!
Edge of Honor - Book 6 - Fall 2016
Note From the Author
Thank you so much for reading Edge of Courage. It means so much to an author to be able to share their stories with others. If you enjoyed mine then I would appreciate it if you would help others enjoy the book too. You can do this by telling a friend, or writing a review on either Amazon or Goodreads.
Contact Me
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Acknowledgments
There are as always so many people to thank.
This story wouldn’t have seen the light of day without the fine editing skills of Tiffany Yates Martin and Jen Blood, and copy-editing by Faith Williams.
This story took much longer to write and edit than previous stories. I have to thank my besties Elena Aitken, Steena Holmes, and Daire St. Denis. Without their words of encouragement, I wouldn’t have hit publish on this book.
As always my husband Patrick makes the list. Thanks for threatening to burn my Writer T-shirts. I needed to hear that.
And a huge thanks to my readers. Your emails and nice reviews keep me going. I am so thrilled that my stories are engaging for you. Without you, I wouldn’t be following my dream. Thank you!
