“I’ve been in the swimming program so long, and I knew I wasn’t into girls, it just seemed easier to avoid relationships altogether.”
“You’re serious?” Dante narrowed his eyes, like he couldn’t quite believe it. “Well, I hope I wasn’t a disappointment.”
I laughed. “Let’s go inside. It’s getting cold out here.”
He nodded, breathing what I could only assume was a sigh of relief as he pulled away and started clearing the dishes. I tried to suggest that I could help, but he wouldn’t have any of it. The tension was palpable. It felt like I was standing on the edge of a precipice, looking down but trying not to lose my balance. I wanted to dive into him, to enjoy him, to explore us, but I didn’t want to push him faster or further than he was willing to go. Not yet. I tried to say words, here and there, but they felt stilted, awkward, and I wasn’t sure what to do – should I offer to leave? Did he need time alone with his thoughts? What I wanted to do, I knew I couldn’t. I wanted to offer myself to him in no uncertain terms. I wanted to pull my shirt off, to grab his hand and press it against my chest. I wanted him to force me back onto the table and ravish me.
But as he took the stack of dishes back inside the flat, I knew that wasn’t about to happen.
I followed him inside and stood in the kitchen doorway, watching his back as he loaded the dishwasher. I leaned against the door jamb and thought about all that had happened between us. The almost-kiss in the pool that day now seemed difficult to brush off as simply my imagination or a trick of the moment. Had he been thinking about this since then? And anyway, did it even matter? People could think about something, even fantasize about it, and yet when it came to the reality it could be a very different prospect.
“What’s going on here?” I asked, and saw him flinch like he hadn’t realised I was there. He turned and smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, which meant it was forced.
“I’m going to make coffee, and then we can sit and watch a film together.”
I hesitated, opening my mouth as if to speak, but then not finding the words. “That’s not what I meant,” I said, finally, even though I was sure he knew.
“No green gunk,” he said, coughing out an awkward laugh. “I promise.”
“Dante, I’m not going to jump you if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“What? No. I wouldn’t think that. What happened out there was...”
“Special? Awkward? Not what you expected? All of the above?” I wouldn’t pressure him into doing something he didn’t want to do, but at the same time I needed to know what was going on. I needed to know for my own sanity. He bit the inside of his cheek and averted his gaze, as if looking at me reminded him too much of things he didn’t want to think about.
And there was my answer, wasn’t it?
“I’ll go,” I said. “You need time to yourself and I need time to get over what happened. Thank you, truly, for a wonderful evening. I’ll leave you with your thoughts.”
“No, Juke, wait.”
He followed me out of the kitchen, as I grabbed my jacket off the hook by the door. “It’s OK,” I said. “Really, Dante, I get it. I’m not angry or disappointed. What happened was amazing. I enjoyed it. But for you it was just a moment of madness. These things happen. We’re good, I promise, but I can’t sit there on your sofa and pretend I’m not wanting more right now.”
“Don’t go,” he said, and I turned to see loss in his eyes. And hunger.
“Tell me what you want then,” I pleaded. “Dante, I can handle you saying it was just a one off. I can handle you telling me you want more. I can handle you telling me you want to fuck my brains out, even if it’s only once to get it out of your system. What I can’t handle is this awkwardness.”
We stood there, together, by his door, for what felt like forever, eyes locked, my words hanging between us. Had I really just said that? What was happening to me? Somehow he brought out a part of me I barely recognised, a part of me that wanted to seize this moment, whatever the future might hold. I willed him to say something, to put a voice to his thoughts. I’d put my heart right out there, and I wanted just a fraction of the same from him.
Instead, he looked down, and I knew that things weren’t going to go any further between us. I turned, putting my hand on the door handle, shaking my head. “It’s fine, Dante, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said as I pulled the door open.
And he slammed it closed. “No.”
He was close up to me. So close I could feel the heat of his body. “What do you mean, no?”
“I want to...”
“You want to what?”
He drew in a deep breath through his nose, and his eyes locked onto mine. “I want you.”
“What do you want from me?” I said, knowing I was pushing it but wanting to hear the words, to make sure there was no misunderstanding. “You want wha-”
Dante’s body crushed against mine, and as our lips connected in an awkward, messy, wonderful kiss, his hand went to the front of my jeans and cupped me, making me bleat as he lifted me onto my tiptoes against the door. I felt the blood rush to my cock, swelling against his palm as I tried desperately to suck in a breath, wrapping my arms around his neck and lifting my legs to wrap around his waist, letting him take my weight as I knew he could. He was strong. Stronger than me. I wanted him so desperately.
We broke apart and he grunted. “I want to fuck you.”
“Yes,” I whispered.
“I want to make you scream. I want to make you cum. I want to cum with you.”
“What about everyone else?”
“I don’t care about anyone else. I want this.” There was a moment of hesitation. “So long as you...”
I laughed. “Do you really need to ask?” Rolling my eyes, I leaned forward and planted a kiss on his lips. “I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you. I just didn’t think I could have you.”
“Bedroom?”
I nodded. “If you want, although I’d honestly do it right here on the floor... or out on the balcony, or...” I laughed, seeing his expression. “Bedroom it is.”
“NICE BEDROOM,” I SAID as I crashed onto the bed, staring up at him, at the way his lips glistened, at the sheen of sweat over his forehead. “Messier than I expected.”
He laughed. “You’ve found out my secret.”
The room wasn’t exactly untidy, but it was more like the kitchen – compared with the living room it looked like someone completely different lived here, one who didn’t really care about things being out of place. There was a messy bookcase filled with instruction books on cookery and construction, crafts and engineering projects, none of which were sorted into any sort of order, a desk with a computer, strewn with papers and pens – despite there being an empty desk tidy sat next to all the chaos. There were clothes on the floor, and a neatly folded pile on the computer chair.
Dante seemed unsure of what to do next, so I started for him, hoping it would help him to relax. I pulled my T-shirt, damp with sweat, over my head and dropped it unceremoniously on the floor, then took his wrists and pulled him forward over me, placing his hands on my chest, leaning my head forward to kiss his wrists.
“Did you tidy up the rest of the place just for me?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Angelica never liked mess. She got me into the habit of keeping everywhere tidy. I guess she didn’t do quite as good a job as we both thought.”
“I like it,” I said. “It’s you.”
“I don’t know what to do here, Juke. This is all new for me.”
I laughed. “Me too, remember? But it’s not like either of us don’t know how we like to please ourselves, right?”
“I guess not. I don’t know if it’s quite the same.”
“It isn’t, but we’ll make it work.” I traced a finger over the curve of his neck, then up his chin, swiping my thumb across his lips as his eyes drifted closed. “For starters, you could kiss me again.”
“That I can do,” he said, l
eaning forward, letting me take his weight as his lips connected with mine.
He smelled of chocolate and wine, with an undercurrent of that spicy cologne that he must have worn for our date. And now I knew for sure that’s what it was, didn’t I? He’d prepared a meal for me, he’d invited me over, he’d tried to impress. It was a date, and he’d wanted this as badly as I had. As he kissed me, I reached forward beneath him, cupping him through his trousers and listening to the change in his breathing as I massaged his growing hardness, until he let out a long, low groan.
“Oh, God...” He said, pulling back from me and dropping his head, his eyes drifting closed on a sigh.
“Feels good?” I grinned, giving his cock a squeeze through his trousers before pulling my hand back, moving up to fumble uselessly with the button, unable to unfasten it one-handed.
Dante pushed back, sitting on his haunches as he began to unbutton his shirt. His eyes were averted, and I reached out to run a hand over his cheek.
“Look at me,” I told him. “Dante, look at me.” His eyes flicked to mine, and I saw the fear and shame mixed in their dark depths. He looked so beautiful, almost innocent, and I gulped at the idea that I was the more confident one here, that my acceptance of my sexuality gave me an advantage over him. “It’s OK,” I told him. “This isn’t something to be ashamed of. Love and sex are complicated, sometimes they take us by surprise. You’re still the same person you were yesterday, or the day before, or last year. You’re just enjoying this wonderful moment with a friend.”
He blew out a breath and nodded, pausing on a shirt button. “And we are friends, right?”
“The best of friends,” I agreed, as I took hold of his shirt and picked up where he’d left off, moving from one button to the next until it came free and I stripped it from his body, watching the way his muscles tensed as he moved for me to take it from his arms and toss it aside. I smoothed a palm over his left pectoral, enjoying the sensation of tight, curly hairs brushing against my skin until I came to the hard little nipple and he flinched as I stroked my fingertip over the peak. I leaned forward, grabbing the pillow from behind me for support as I traced my tongue around that hardening nub, listening to his breathing change as it fell into time with my movements. I pinched at his pectoral muscle with my fingers as I lapped at him, closing my mouth over the nipple to suck it inside, making him gasp and lay a hand on my bare shoulder for support. As his fingers gripped my flesh, I snaked my free hand around his waist and to the small of his back, feeling him shiver as I gently moved my finger against his spine.
“Oh fuck,” he whispered, and I could feel his cock pressing hard against my stomach now.
“That steel rod has to be uncomfortable under all that material,” I said as I pulled away, then turned my head up to grin at him and got a chuckle in reply.
I didn’t waste any time waiting for permission. Instead, I used his buttocks for support as I manoeuvred out from under him and to my knees, the bed groaning as I tried to keep my balance, working at the fastenings on his trousers. It felt odd to me, backwards somehow, as I tried desperately to pop the button through, until he took over. I moved instantly to the zipper, and a moment later I pushed the material aside and down, my mouth going dry at the sight of his black trunks underneath, bulging over his hard on. I leaned forward and put my mouth to the material, teasing him through it, feeling my own erection growing uncomfortably at the idea of taking him whole, into my mouth, of tasting that heat.
His cock responded wonderfully, pressing out and up against the waistband of his trunks, the outline of his balls like two smaller peaks beneath. I turned my head up to find him staring down at me, and didn’t break eye contact as I felt for his waistband and pulled it gently down from his hips to release him. Dante groaned as I took his cock in my hand, closing his eyes, and I took that moment to look back at my prize, hard and big and begging to be licked. I ran a fascinated thumb along the ridged underside, watching the head swell just a little as my thumb neared the tip, a droplet of moisture forming at the hole.
As I wrapped my mouth around him, holding my fingers tight around the base, he whispered my name. “Jukie...”
With my free hand, I reached around to his bared buttocks and gently stroked along the line where they met his thighs, then up in the centre, feeling him shiver against me as I sucked in my cheeks, knowing I was heightening his pleasure. I stroked at his ass, hearing him moan, and rolled my tongue over his glans at the same time.
“Oh, fuck. You’re...” He gasped before finishing, “...amazing.”
I smiled as I pulled him out of my mouth, kissed once at his pelvis, just beneath his belly, then rose up to look him in the face. “What can I say?” I asked. “You inspire me.”
He reached out a hand, cupping my cheek, and drew me in for another kiss, but it wasn’t enough. I could feel his cock pressing into my stomach as I leaned forward. I could feel the ache in my own cock, pressing against his hips, through the material of both my boxers and jeans. Breaking off the kiss, I pulled away and reached down between us, working at the fastenings on my jeans until I could push them down off my hips and over my thighs.
Dante glanced down and laughed. “Bugs Bunny?”
I shrugged. “What’s up with that, Doc?”
The blush rose to his face as he chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re lucky you’re so cute, because that was terrible.”
“So you think I’m cute?”
“Does that sound weird?”
I shook my head. “No, it sounds good.” After a moment of staring at each other in silence, I started to giggle. “There’s no sexy way to get rid of these jeans, or your trousers. Let’s just take them off.”
He nodded his agreement, and we both collapsed onto the bed, laughing as we peeled the last of our clothes off and threw them aside. Taking off my boxer shorts was far more frightening than I expected it to be, with him already naked. Worries rose up inside me about whether he’d be disappointed with what he saw, or possibly worse perhaps it would frighten him off by making all this real. In the back of my mind, I still had doubts about what this might mean, and I knew he must as well. Where would we go together after tonight? Would we still be friends? Would this cause awkwardness between us? If he stopped too long to think about it, I was scared that he might pull away from me and it would all be over.
And I wasn’t anywhere near done with him yet.
With my naked body on display for him, I could feel the tension increase by an order of magnitude. Suddenly, as we lay side by side, facing each other, he was trying to be a gentleman, to not look where I knew he wanted to look. And I didn’t know where to put my hands, feeling like I wanted to cross them over my chest defensively, or rub at the heat on my face.
And then his eyes gently drifted, slowly at first, down my chest, my stomach, taking me in bit by bit until his gaze landed on my cock, standing to attention, just for him. He reached out a hand, and I tensed up, thinking he was about to take hold of it, but instead he rested his palm on my hip, stroking the bare flesh and sending goosebumps prickling over my shoulders and arms as my balls drew tight in anticipation.
“Is it OK?” I asked.
His eyes darted up to mine, his face going red as if he’d just been caught stealing a surreptitious glance, rather than enjoying the sight of his new lover naked for the first time. He nodded, opening his mouth for a moment before he said, simply, “Yes.”
“Do you want to touch? I mean, you don’t have to if you’re not—”
Before I could finish my sentence, his fingers moved down off my hip, trailing quickly over the top of my leg and along the flesh of my pelvis, making my stomach clench. I always kept that area trimmed and shaved in the way that I liked it, with barely any pubic hair except a patch above my cock. His hand moved down, skirting my shaft and trailing ticklish fingertips over my sensitive balls. I shivered as he explored me, his fingers moving over the underside of my hard shaft, making it twitch in response as I mewled with
need. Ignoring my embarrassment, I reached down and joined in, our fingers glancing now and then as I started to stroke myself, then him, then myself. I shifted closer on the bed until the heads of our cocks pressed together.
“I like this,” Dante said, then he met my eyes. “But I don’t... I can’t do... I mean,” his voice was quick, flustered, “I don’t have a condom or lube or-”
“It’s OK.” I smiled as I stroked my fingers over the head of his cock. “We don’t have to do anal. There are other ways to reach a climax.”
“I know but... it’s all about anal, isn’t it?”
I didn’t respond. Instead, I simply licked my lips, then scooted down the bed and took him, once again, into my mouth, sliding forward along his length as far as I dared, letting my tongue stick to the bottom of his shaft. He hardened more, filling my mouth as he moaned, needy as I moved, forward, back, forward, back, feeling the heat of his member as I sucked him.
Running my free hand up and down my own shaft, rolling my palm over the head, I felt my own orgasm building as I brought him closer to his. Dante needed to feel safe with me, needed to know that this was OK, that what we were doing wasn’t something dirty or seedy, but just two people who cared deeply about each other, sharing a moment together. I knew he didn’t have any frame of reference for this, and while I had had years to fantasise about what would happen the first time I found a man I could be intimate with, he hadn’t had any such preparation for what was happening right now.
“Fuck. Jukie, I’m close. Should I do anything?”
I shook my head, trying to answer but it came out as a mumble. There was nothing I wanted him to do. I was close as well, so close, riding the edge as I worked his cock in and out of my mouth. I wanted to taste him, I wanted to be dirty for him. In that moment, I wanted him to see me as a sexual being, as someone who had carnal desires, as someone he could share all of himself with. Did I want more? Perhaps, but it could wait. Neither of us had had an experience like this before, and the last thing I wanted was to take things too quickly.
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