With a deep breath, Zoe walked into the great room to find Sean sitting on the couch. But the man who’d needed her help getting to the bathroom or washing or dressing was gone, replaced by an almost stranger with a determined set of his jaw and hard lines on his face.
She’d done this to him. To them.
The realization clawed at her heart.
Zoe walked toward him intent on making things better. She sat next to him. “I’m sorry, Sean. I’ve been meaning to tell you the truth. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“You should have told me.” Sean shook his head. “I felt ambushed today.”
“I know.” She stared at the floor. “I wanted to tell you the truth right away, but I was afraid someone might find out who I was or where I was. My mother threatened to cut off access to my trust fund if I didn’t straighten up and be more responsible.”
“Trust fund? I figured out your family had money, but I didn’t think you did. So you needing a job, a place to stay, were more lies.”
“No. I wasn’t lying about any of that.” Zoe lowered her voice. “My mother put me on a limited allowance. I had hardly any money left when I met you. You really helped me out.”
“I thought we saw each other for who we are.” He stared at the fireplace. “But I haven’t a clue who you are.”
“I’m still me. Zoe. My last name doesn’t change that.” She scooted toward him, but he moved away. Her heart felt as if it had cracked. “I figured out who I was being here with you. The real Zoe. One I like and am proud to be.”
“The real Zoe?” he repeated. “Everything was based on a lie.”
Under the hurt, she felt a flash of temper. “I agreed to be your pretend girlfriend. Continuing the charade for your family was your idea.”
“Exactly. My idea. I knew what was going on. We both knew what we were getting into.” He grimaced. “You agreed to the lies we told my family, but I never signed on for this.”
“I didn’t lie to you. I just didn’t tell you everything.”
“I trusted you. Do you know how it felt not to know who the woman standing next to me at the press conference was? She looked like you, but she sure as hell didn’t act like you.”
“My mother has been governor since I was eight,” Zoe tried to explain. “Everything from my father’s death to my brothers’ weddings has been covered by the press. I was taught to act that way when I was a little girl. It’s second nature. I can’t help it.”
He rose. “What else don’t I know about you, Zoe?”
“What do you want to know? My secrets? The lies printed about me in the tabloids and gossip blogs?” Tears pricked her eyes. “Who I’ve been with you is who I am. I just didn’t know it until coming here. Listen to your heart. You know me, Sean.”
“I’m not so sure anymore.”
Her heart split open. “I love you.”
The three words spilled from her lips as if they could make this all better, make things go back to the way they were this morning.
He didn’t say anything.
“Sean…”
“You’re asking me to accept a completely different vision of you with short notice and no preparation.” He used his crutches to cross the room, to get away from her. Denali followed him. “You’ve sprung this on me at the worst possible time. I’m just getting my life back on track. Recovering. Working. I can’t be distracted right now. I have the Rail Jam Extravaganza on New Year’s. That’s a priority for me.”
“And I’m not.” Zoe fought the urge to say something hurtful and run out of the room. Her insides trembled and tears welled in her eyes, yet she remained in control. She wasn’t that same, old Zoe. “I’ve heard that before.”
From her mother, her brothers, boyfriends and friends. Zoe wanted to believe Sean wasn’t like the other people in her life. She wanted to be his priority, but maybe that wasn’t possible right now. Still, she knew he needed her. Not to take care of him because of his injuries, but to love him. The way she needed him to love her in return.
“You need time,” she said.
He nodded.
“Fine.” Zoe’s heart ached, but she would give Sean what he wanted. “You gave me time when I asked for it. I can give you that now. Time and space so you can focus. I’ll go home with my mother.”
And wait.
Who the hell was Zoe Carrington?
Three days later, Sean was alone with his thoughts and his dog. He’d sent his family away, rejected his friends’ offers to come over with beer and sympathy. Not even work was filling the void. He hadn’t realized there’d been a black hole in his life until Zoe left. Sean wanted to be alone to nurse his leg and his grievances.
He stared morosely into the empty fireplace. Was this how the women he’d broken up with felt? He’d been a player. Zoe had played him good.
He grabbed his laptop, went to Google and searched for her name. Over sixteen million results appeared, everything from evocative images to a wikipedia entry.
Some of the entries made him sick. The coverage of her and the married actor that seemed to catapult the guy’s career to A-list. An NFL quarterback who claimed she’d stalked him only to whine when he heard she was dating someone else. Car accidents and run-ins with the paparazzi that resulted in confidential, out-of-court settlements.
No doubt there were two sides to each story. He couldn’t bring himself to believe the woman he’d been living with for the past month was capable of the motives attributed to her by the media.
Sean remembered Zoe saying she’d been dealing with this since she was eight. No wonder she’d developed ways to cope.
He selected News.
One headline read Governor Carrington to Host Final New Year’s Eve Ball.
He scanned the article about the term-limited governor’s last big hurrah, her final New Year’s party to be held in the governor’s mansion. The story mentioned Zoe was expected to attend the highly anticipated soiree.
Other stories mentioned only Zoe’s name, nothing about what she’d been doing or where she’d been. Even the gossip bloggers posted that Zoe continued to keep a low presence since returning home from her “travels.”
Strange. If Zoe was such a wild child, why hadn’t she returned to the same party scene she’d left in Los Angeles? Why wasn’t she hanging out with her old friends making up for lost time?
Sean focused on one image that had caught his eye. A picture of a blonde climbing out of a cab in front of a club back in September, but superimposed on her face were the eyes, the smile of the woman he loved. He tried to reconcile the party girl in the skimpy green dress with the woman he knew.
Zoe Carrington. Zoe Flynn.
Blonde. Brunette.
Homewrecker. Homebody.
The two women were supposedly one and the same. Yet…
Who I’ve been with you is who I am. I just didn’t know it until coming here. Listen to your heart. You know me, Sean.
Zoe’s words swirled through his brain. He stared again at the photo, into her eyes, remembering what the Santa guy had said at the mall.
Life gives you presents you didn’t plan for. All you can do is accept them. Zoe is a gift, Sean. Take good care of her.
She had accepted him, but he hadn’t done the same with her. That was when he realized…
Her last name didn’t matter. Her last name didn’t change anything.
He did know her.
Sean looked around the room and saw the big, tall Christmas tree with all the homemade ornaments she’d helped the kids make. His gaze focused on one in particular, a star that Rebecca had made.
He knew Zoe’s compassion, her creativity and her ability to stand up to him when needed. He also knew her heart, her giving, nurturing thoughtful heart.
She’d accepted his past while he…
What had he done?
Zoe, no matter her last name, was everything he needed. All he needed. The woman he loved.
But his pride hadn’t let him see
it.
For weeks the two of them had talked about everything, but when finally faced with the fact Zoe had a life outside of their little world, Sean had shut down. He hadn’t wanted to listen to her.
He’d been upset. Hurt. Stupid.
He had to go after her. Apologize. Make her see that she didn’t have to be Zoe Carrington or Zoe Flynn. She could just be Zoe. His Zoe. Zoe Hughes. But how?
Sean dragged his hand over his face.
He thought about what Zoe might have done in this situation. She would have followed her instincts, acted impulsively, made a grand gesture.
Like the sleigh ride on Christmas day.
He needed to take a page from her playbook and do the same thing, to go all in even if he wasn’t holding the right cards and sure he would win.
Sean thought for a moment. He remembered reading about a New Year’s ball. That would be a grand gesture, but he had the Rail Jam Extravaganza to attend at the same time. He was the face of Hughes Snowboards. He’d built his business by making that kind of public appearance a priority.
And I’m not. I’ve heard that before.
He stared at Zoe’s image.
She’d said enough about her past for him to realize her family had never made time for her. He didn’t want to be like them. He couldn’t be like them.
Zoe deserved better.
He’d never made time for a woman before, but Sean wanted to convince Zoe that she was a priority in his life. No matter what it took.
Sean rose, tried to take a step and fell back onto the couch.
In his hurry to make things right, he’d forgotten about his crutches, about his leg.
He couldn’t do this on his own. He was going to need help to pull this off. Sean picked up the phone and started punching in numbers.
On New Year’s Eve, Zoe eyed the enormous clock set above the stage in the ballroom, counting down the hours and minutes until midnight. The band tuned up. Ice sculptures dripped and gleamed. Fragrant and colorful flower arrangements decorated the linen-covered tables. Everything was in place for a spectacular start to a Happy New Year.
But Sean wasn’t here.
He hadn’t contacted her in the five days since she’d left Hood Hamlet. Not a word, a voice message, an e-mail, a postcard.
Zoe worried how he was doing, whether he was taking care of himself or overdoing it, and if he’d hired someone else to help him out. She hadn’t really expected to hear from him with the Rail Jam Extravaganza coming up, but still, she’d hoped.
She was being mature, but she wanted to pout like a child. She wanted to be a part of his life, but he’d made it clear she wasn’t an important part.
A lump formed in her throat.
She had agreed to give him time. Maybe now that she’d left Hood Hamlet, Sean had decided he didn’t have time for a relationship. He wanted his life to be like it was before his fall.
Her heart squeezed.
“Can you believe it’s New Year’s Eve?” Vanessa Carrington sashayed toward her across the shining ballroom floor in the governor’s mansion. “I know this has been a difficult week for you, Zoe. But I’m happy you’re home and here tonight.”
“Thanks, Mother.” Zoe forced a smile and pressed her cheek to her mother’s powdered and perfumed one. “The room looks wonderful.”
“Thanks to you. I’m so pleased you spoke with the event planner. You really have a good eye.” The echo of Sean’s words touched Zoe’s heart. “And speaking of lovely…” Vanessa motioned for her to spin around. “That blue is very flattering.”
“Thanks.”
The look in her mother’s eyes softened. “I know you miss him, but it’s New Year’s Eve. I hope you’ll try to have fun tonight.”
Zoe had to laugh. “I can’t believe you’re telling me to have fun.”
“Well, I am.” Vanessa placed her hands on her hips. “Don’t think about Sean. We can deal with that later. You’ve worked so hard on this party. It’s time you enjoyed yourself.”
Zoe had thrown herself into the party because she didn’t want to think about all she’d left behind in Hood Hamlet. She missed the small town, the people, even the mountain.
Mostly, though, she missed Sean.
Still she couldn’t put her life on hold indefinitely. Once, maybe, but not now. She had plans to make. He had taught her the value of that. As soon as the holidays were over, she was putting her résumé and a portfolio together. She’d be prepared whether she heard from Sean or not.
Maxwell, her oldest brother, appeared. He wore a black tuxedo. With his hair slicked back, he looked like the scion of politicians that he was. “The guests are starting to arrive, Mother.”
“Thank you, dear.” Vanessa extended her hand to Zoe. “Shall we?”
Zoe straightened, smiled and took hold of her mother’s hand. “Let’s party.”
The limousine drove through a neighborhood of large, old houses covered with colorful lights and inflatable decorations in the front yards. The homes might have been bigger, but they made Sean think of Peacock Lane, a Portland neighborhood that took decorating for the holidays to the extreme.
“I don’t know about you guys.” Bill sprawled out on the backseat of the limo. “I might look like a million dollars, but I feel like a penguin in this monkey suit.”
Tim adjusted his bowtie. “Well, you look like a monkey.”
The limousine turned left and drove through a gated entrance. Sean stopped toying with the cuff links on his white, starched shirt and stared. A mansion, set back, was lit by thousands of white, twinkling lights.
His heart pounded in his chest.
“Get a load of that.” Jake whistled. “We’re a long way from Hood Hamlet, boys.”
No kidding. Sean stared at the house—it didn’t seem a big enough word—where Zoe had grown up. At one point, he’d thought she was homeless. He would have never imagined she’d spent the past sixteen years of her life living in a modern day palace.
“Too bad Will isn’t here in case we get into trouble,” Tim said.
Bill nodded. “No ‘get out of jail free’ card for crashing the governor’s ball.”
“We aren’t crashing,” Sean said.
Three pairs of eyes turned to him.
“I called in a few favors, gave away a couple boards,” Sean explained to their surprised faces. “It wasn’t going to do us any good to show up at the door and not be let in. We’re on the guest list.”
“Always prepared,” Jake said.
“Team leader extraordinaire,” Tim agreed.
“Cool, now we can eat and drink and not feel guilty,” Bill quipped. “Joking.”
“You ready, Sean?” Jake asked.
He nodded, still staring at the house. Zoe was inside, somewhere. His objective—to find her. “That’s a lot of area to search.”
“Don’t worry,” Tim said. “This is nothing compared to a few of the places we’ve had to look.”
“True that,” Jake agreed.
“I still can’t believe your wives let you come.” Bill fiddled with buttons. The television turned on. The lights dimmed. “On New Year’s Eve, no less.”
“Carly told me she’d never forgive me if I didn’t help,” Jake said.
Tim nodded. “Mine said the same thing and added I’d better not screw this up for Sean.”
The limousine stopped next to the front steps. A uniformed attendant opened the door.
“Let’s do this,” Sean said, as if they were about to head into a whiteout rather than a black-tie, by-invitation-only event.
The four of them exited the limousine, feeling like fish out of water. Their normal tools and uniforms were on the other side of the country. No backpacks, helmets, ropes, ice axes and well-worn boots. They had to make do with tuxedos, cuff links, bowties, cummerbunds and shiny, tight shoes.
“No matter what happens.” Sean adjusted the crutches under his arms. “Thanks for backing me up on this, dudes.”
Jake patted him on the
shoulder. “Our pleasure.”
Bill rang the doorbell. “Gentlemen, it’s showtime.”
Inside, women in fancy, long dresses and guys in tuxedos mingled. A real live band—with brass and plenty of soul—played from an elevated stage at one end of the room. Guests sat at linen-covered tables, eating, or stood and drank.
“I don’t see her.” Sean scanned the crowd. He had no idea if Zoe would still be a brunette or have gone back to blond or some other color. “Let’s split up. We can search a larger perimeter that way. Rendezvous back in fifteen minutes.”
Fifteen minutes later, no one had seen her.
Jake met his eyes. Shrugged. “No luck.”
Sean needed luck. His chest tightened. He needed… Christmas magic.
“It’s a big place,” Tim consoled him. “Let’s expand the search area.”
“Zoe would be at the party if she were here.” He looked around once more. Still nothing. “Grab a drink and some food. I’m going to make one more pass before calling it.”
The others headed to the bar.
Sean rounded a corner and bumped into Governor Carrington.
Her eyes widened when she saw him. “Sean?”
“Hello, Governor.”
“Vanessa.”
“Vanessa,” he corrected.
“Well, look at you.” Her once-over made him feel as if he were on display at a fashion show or something. “Not quite the mountain man today.”
Sean shrugged. “When in Rome…”
“You fit into Rome quite nicely.”
“Uh, thanks. I came to talk to Zoe, but I can’t find her.”
Vanessa glanced around. “She’s here somewhere.”
Sean straightened, every nerve ending stood at attention. “Zoe may not want to talk to me.”
“Oh, she’ll talk to you.” The governor motioned to two large doors. “Zoe might be out there. She used to hide on the balcony during parties when she was a little girl.” A soft smile formed on Vanessa’s face. “She’s still my little girl, Sean. But I hope everything works out the way you want it to.”
“Even if it means I take Zoe back with me to Oregon?” he asked.
Vanessa nodded. “Even then.”
“Thanks.”
Christmas Magic on the Mountain Page 17
