by Cate Beauman
She smiled. “I’m glad you didn’t say no.”
He smiled back, kissed the tip of her nose. “I couldn’t have.” He rolled from her body to his back.
She yanked the covers up, pulling them to her chin.
Surprised, Ethan looked at her. “Cold or shy?”
“Cold.”
He got under the blankets and tugged her against him.
Sarah nestled into his side and closed her eyes on a yawn. “No offense, but I’m about to be the one who orgasms, rolls over and falls asleep. That’s supposed to be your job.”
He chuckled and rubbed the smooth skin of her arm. “Go ahead and get some rest.”
“Don’t leave me, okay? The last time I slept well you were with me.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Ethan glanced down when Sarah didn’t respond. She was already out. His hand continued to move over her arm as her wildflower scent surrounded him.
Ethan studied her stunning face, finally relaxed in sleep as he thought of what they’d brought each other. He’d been foolish to think they could go backwards, that he could keep things the same by ignoring the last few weeks. From the moment his lips met hers in the moonlight, he’d known this is where they would end up. He’d changed things and there was nowhere to go but forward, there was nowhere he wanted to go but forward. She was everything he convinced himself he could never have. So now that he had her, why was he worried? Why did he want to push her away?
Ethan thought back to the party, to his mother walking to the garden shed with her latest lover, to Wren’s casual shrug at their parents’ constant indiscretions, and wondered if he was capable of anything more than what he’d watched all his life.
Sarah said he was nothing like them, but could he be sure? Looking back on his track record with relationships, he’d hardly done better. He had never cheated on a lover, but he’d never stuck with one long enough to see where it would go. He wasn’t made that way. ‘Fast and fun and no one gets hurt’ had always been his motto, but that wouldn’t be enough for Sarah. He didn’t want that for Sarah, didn’t want that for himself, but when it came down to it, was he able to give her anything more? Could he spend night after night with the same woman, building a life with her? If it was Sarah, he wanted to believe so, but what if he couldn’t?
Staring up at the ceiling, Ethan thought back to the tiki bar, remembering the hurt that moved into her blue eyes. He’d done that. Each time they tried to be something more than friends, he hurt her. Would that be all he could give her? He was very afraid it was.
The warm sun on her skin blazed bright through the open windows. Well rested for the first time in too long, Sarah stretched and smiled, feeling the soft cotton sheets against her naked body. Her smile turned to a satisfied smirk as well used muscles protested. Finally opening her eyes, she glanced to her side and frowned. He was gone. “Ethan?”
Sitting up, Sarah swung her legs over the bed and almost stepped on the dogs. “Morning, guys. Where’s your dad?”
Tails thumped when she bent to give them each a rub. She focused on the bedside clock, and her eyes widened at the time. “Eleven-twenty? No wonder.” Less concerned now, she moved into the bathroom and reached for her robe.
Walking down the stairs, she knotted the blue tie in place, winding her way toward Ethan’s office. She stood in the doorway as he talked on the phone, bare-chested in workout shorts. Her heart beat faster and her stomach curled tight as she studied his spectacular face, watching his lips and tongue curve around words while he spoke fluent Italian. Dark stubble covered his jaw, lending a sharp look to his already rawboned cheeks. He ran a hand through his black hair and glanced up. Eyes intense, he held up a finger.
“Io vi richiamera. Grazie.” He hung up.
She stepped into the room. “I love listening to you speak in one of your many languages. It sounds so exotic. It’s very sexy.”
Sarah expected a smile, but he only stared at her.
Suddenly self-conscious, she brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Am I interrupting?”
“No, I’m just checking in with the foreign branches.”
“Oh.” Why was this so awkward after what they’d shared last night? Unable to read his eyes, she walked toward him.
He closed a file on the desk and stood. “Did you get yourself something to eat? You must be hungry.”
Sarah stopped in front of him and smiled, running her finger over the stubble on his jaw. “I’m hungry, but not for food.”
Ethan took her finger from his face, placed her hand in his before he blew out a breath. “Now’s not a good time. I have a lot of work to do.”
Sarah pulled her hand from his, recognizing his irritated tone. “Sorry. I’ll let you get back to it then.”
He sat down without saying anything further.
When she got to the door, she turned, and he closed his file again. “Are we back here already, Ethan?”
After glancing at his watch, he looked at her. “Where’s that?”
“That’s what I want to know.”
“Look, I’m expecting a call from Milan in ten minutes. Let’s talk later.”
Perilously close to tears, she nodded and walked off. Halfway down the hall, she stopped, needing to know one thing, although she feared she already did. She made her way back to his office. Ethan sat with his elbows on his desk, his forehead in his hands.
“Do you regret last night?”
His gaze snapped up to hers, and the apology was there for her to see.
Sarah turned, hurrying up the stairs to her room and straight for the bathroom. She twisted the knob for the shower and untied her robe as tears fell down her cheeks. What had happened? How could last night have been a mistake when it meant everything to her?
As she took a step toward the spray, she gasped as Ethan whirled her around.
“Why?” she demanded as anger replaced hurt. “Why did you do this? Why did you start all of this if you don’t even want me?”
“Don’t want you? You’re all I want, all I’ve ever wanted.” He backed her against the granite countertop, crushed his mouth to hers.
Confused, undone, but wanting, she pulled him to her.
He moved back, taking her face in his hands, brushing tears away with his thumbs. “I can’t stop thinking about you, Sarah. I’ve tried everything, but I can’t get you out of my mind.” He grabbed her at the waist, sitting her on the edge of the counter, nestling himself between her legs. In a flash of a second, his shorts were on the floor and he pushed himself into her.
Sensations careened through her body, and she cried out at flashpoint. Her gaze met his before he took her mouth again. Her gasps intertwined with his ragged breaths as she grabbed his shoulders and wrapped her legs around his waist. He pounded into her, never taking his eyes from hers. When she built and crested on a long moan, he gripped her hips and groaned.
In the echoes of their heavy breathing, they stared at each other.
“Damn it.” He pulled away and yanked up his shorts. “Don’t you see? This doesn’t work.”
She shook her head. “What?”
“I can’t think straight around you. Every time I look at you, I want you.”
She hopped down from the counter on wobbly legs. “The feeling’s mutual.”
“No, okay? No.” He emphasized with his hand as he paced. “I had time to think after you fell asleep. I can’t do this to you, Sarah. I’m not made for what you need.”
She shook her head, frustration growing. “I can’t keep up with you. ‘Let’s be more, Sarah.’ ‘No, let’s be friends.’ ‘I want you, Sarah.’ ‘Never mind, Sarah.’ Which one is it?”
He stopped pacing. “The first—no, the third. Fuck! All of them.” He walked back and forth again. “What if I can’t be faithful to you? What if I can’t give you the long haul?”
She grabbed his arm and he stopped. “I thought we were taking things a day at a time? Where has all of this come from?” She rem
embered his mother and her newest lover. “Is this about last night, about your parents?”
“Yes. I come from that.”
“I’ve known you for years, Ethan. You’re not like them.”
“How do you know? You know my track record. I’ve never dated anyone for more than three months. I’m a lousy gamble, Sarah. You and Kylee need more than that.”
Her voice gentled. “Yes, we do, but I’m willing to bet on you.”
“The odds aren’t in your favor.” He sat on the chair in the corner of the room with his head in his hands.
“Why is this bothering you so much all of a sudden? I know you’ve never been pleased with the situation, but this is really eating at you.”
He looked at the floor. “There was never you. There’s never been anyone important enough to worry about messing up.”
Sarah stared at the miserable man in the corner so desperately afraid to hurt her, and her heart melted. “I love you.”
His gaze flew to hers as he dropped his hands. “God, don’t say that.”
A glimmer of hope shone in his weary eyes, and everything was all right. She walked to him, kneeling on the floor, taking his face in her hands. “I love you, Ethan.”
He rested his forehead on hers. “I love you too.”
She smiled, kissed him.
He eased back. “I need to sort this out, Sarah. Let me figure this out so it’s good for us, for all three of us.”
“Okay.”
CHAPTER 15
ETHAN WATCHED SARAH FROM HIS office window as she played with Bear and Reece in the front yard. Pretty in a light pink t-shirt and jeans, she tossed a toy for the dogs to chase. They each held an end of the bright yellow rubber—covered in drool no doubt—and brought it back. After each pursuit, they fell at her feet. She bent forward, pony tail bouncing, and rubbed canine bellies into ecstasy.
He turned from the happy scene on the lawn and looked at his desk, jaw clenching. Ethan stared at copies of the letters Sarah had received during the week-and-a-half she’d been living with him. Each note, written in blood-red ink, was more vulgar than the last, promising her in one sickening way or another the ultimate pleasure before her death. It appeared to both him and the police that her stalker escalated each day she spent behind the protective walls of his estate.
The perpetrator no longer bothered to hide that he was the ‘Blue Chip Rapist’. He raped and murdered a woman every day, sending L.A. County into a panic, putting the police force on high alert.
Sarah remained unaware of what went on outside his home, blissfully ignorant to the fact that every woman murdered was a replacement for her.
Kylee was due back in seventy-two hours. He didn’t know how to tell Sarah it would be best if she continued to stay away. She’d marked the last eleven days off on her calendar with Kylee’s arrival date circled in pink and purple with a big happy face. But he wanted Kylee home as much as she did, so they would have to find a way.
Perhaps Hunter and Morgan would be willing to move in for awhile when they arrived back on Saturday. He imagined Hailey should come along too. It would be a full house, but everyone at risk would be under one roof, making protection easier for him and his associates.
Ethan glanced outside again just in time to see Sarah and the dogs heading in. He closed the file as the front door shut. Paws and footsteps made their way down the hall toward his office.
Knocking on the doorframe, Sarah poked her head in. The scent of the sea and wildflowers followed her into the room. Cheeks rosy from fresh air and exercise accentuated the bright blue of her eyes. She smiled and staggered him with her beauty. “Hey, I need to call Lisa down at Celebrity. Then I’ll make us some lunch if you want. I’ve been starved all day.”
“You don’t have to wait on me, Sarah.”
She walked to his desk. “Making you a sandwich isn’t exactly butler service.” Her hand snagged his, pulling him toward the door.
“What are you doing? I thought you were going to call Lisa.”
“It can wait. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages, and we live in the same house.”
Ethan had been careful to give himself plenty of space. After their discussion last week, he’d needed it. She loved him. Her declaration thrilled and terrified in equal measure. His feelings for her were so big, so all consuming, they overwhelmed and shook him to the core.
As Sarah had been more relaxed and easy in the eleven days since she’d told him, he’d become more uptight and concerned. The stakes were high. He couldn’t mess this up.
Sarah tugged again, heading backward down the hall. “Let’s see… I can do sandwiches, pasta and shrimp salad, or we can heat up the chicken from last night.”
The phone in her office started to ring and she hesitated.
Ethan caught her around the waist, almost bumping into her. His hand flew up to the wall before they slammed into it. “How about you go get that, and I’ll heat up the chicken from last night.”
“I’ll be quick.” Sarah dashed off toward her office.
Lunging across the desk, she grabbed the phone. “Sarah Johnson.”
“Sarah, it’s Jarrod down at Celebrity.”
“Hey, Jarrod.” She sat in her plush office chair and began to doodle on a piece of scrap paper. “I was just about to call Lisa. I need to schedule a time to come in and check on details for the big photo shoot coming up.”
“Good luck with that one. Things have been busy with the special edition we’re attempting to put together for Monday. It’s been hell around here trying to get bios on all the victims. He’s killing them faster than we can come up with copy.”
Brows furrowed, Sarah stopped drawing the antennae on her smiling butterfly. “What are you talking about?”
“You know, ‘The Blue Chip Rapist’. That’s why I’m calling, actually. I’m hoping you can provide me with an insider statement—colleague to colleague. One of my sources close to the investigation revealed there may be a correlation between your case and the recent attacks on the women of L.A. County.”
The pencil fell from her numb hand. “What?”
“My source tells me you continue to receive threats mailed to both your home address and the address of...” Papers rustled in the background “…Ethan Cooke. Can you confirm this? Is Ethan Cooke Security in charge of your personal protection at this time?”
Jarrod’s voice buzzed in her ear as he continued on. Heart pounding, hands trembling, Sarah hung up. She turned the leather chair toward her computer screen and typed in the web address for the L.A. Times. The page loaded instantly and she stared at fourteen blonde haired, blue eyed faces similar to her own. The headline read, ‘L.A. County Crisis: Victim Count Continues to Rise’.
“Oh, my God.”
Sick to her stomach, Sarah pushed back from the desk, almost knocking the chair over.
Breath rushing in and out, she hurried into Ethan’s office. He had to have the notes Jarrod spoke of. With hands that shook, she opened file folder after file folder, shoving them off the desk until the photocopies of blood red ink on cardstock stopped her dead. Her legs buckled at the thickness of the stack and she sat before she fell.
One by one, she picked up the paper and read. ‘With their last breath I think of you’; ‘She was almost perfect, but she wasn’t you’; ‘When they scream, I call out your name’. Sarah flipped to the next sheet and stared. ‘I’ll never stop until I have you.’ She stood, knowing that was the absolute truth. He would keep killing until he had her.
For almost two weeks she’d closed out the world, pretending the ugliness in her life didn’t exist. While she’d sat back in her cocoon, fourteen women had paid.
Running from Ethan’s office up to her room, she grabbed her purse and took off for the driveway. There had to be something she could do.
Carrying two steaming plates of chicken, peppers and brown rice, Ethan stopped when the front door slammed. Frowning, he walked into his office, looked at the mess covering the floor, s
potted the file open on his desk. Copies of cardstock lay in two piles.
“Shit! Fuck!” As he turned to go find Sarah, he watched her run past the window with car keys in hand.
“Sarah!” Plates fell with a crash as he took off through the house at a sprint. He whipped the door open as she stepped from grass to concrete. “Sarah, stop!”
She glanced behind but kept going.
“Hey!” Ethan accelerated forward, catching her by the arm before she made it to the blue sedan.
“Let me go!” She struggled against him.
“That’s enough.”
She whirled around and pushed him. “They’re dying! They’re dying because of me!”
Ethan grabbed her wrists, shocked by the venom spewing. “They’re dying because of him.” He held on tighter as she fought to free herself from his grip.
“No! Have you seen their pictures? There are so many pictures. Why didn’t you tell me?” She shoved at him again, tears pouring down her cheeks.
“Stop it!” He pulled her body to his, immobilizing her. Nose to nose, he gave her a shake. “What good would it have done? There’s nothing you can do to stop this, Sarah, absolutely nothing.”
“How do I deal with this, knowing that each time he takes a woman away from her child or husband, mother or father, it’s because he couldn’t get to me?” Sobbing, she fell to her knees.
He knelt down in front of her, staring into devastated eyes, taking her chin in his hand, desperate to make her understand. “You keep reminding yourself that you’re just a madman’s excuse to do what he would’ve done anyway. If it wasn’t you, Sarah, it would’ve been someone else. I can promise you that.”
Weeping, she shook her head. “I want this to be over.”
“I know.” He pulled her close in a hug, kissing her hair. “I know.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist. “I miss my baby, Ethan. I need her here with me.”
