"When you were talking about the contract."
He scowled. "I'm not signing, period."
She had one button undone and started on the one above it. "After that part."
Mitch was having trouble getting past the distraction of her fingers brushing his chest. "I think I said something about getting you to forgive me."
"And after that?"
A shudder ran through him, splintering his control. He grabbed her wrist and worked to level the sudden spiking of his temper. Part of him knew he was using anger as a substitute for the agony of not being able to hold her, but the man who'd always had a notoriously low boiling point didn't want to think about that.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he demanded in a rough tone.
Her eyes flashed, and she jerked her hand free. "I'm trying to get you to tell me you love me again, you stubborn jackass."
He felt something give way inside him, but he wasn't ready to believe in miracles just yet. "That comes after the forgiving and second chance parts," he said, his voice suddenly thick. "You're in charge of those."
She nodded slowly, her heart full. "I'll need to write you a letter, too," she murmured. "And I'll need to say things that might hurt you more than you deserve to be hurt. But once we can get that out of the way, we can pretty much consider the rest a done deal."
"Maybe you'd better explain that," he said warily.
"The forgiving and second chance part. I'd already decided to do both. I was just waiting for you to ask."
Mitch figured he was going crazy. Just in case, though, he decided to check it out before he headed for the nearest locked ward.
"Does that mean you might stop hating me some day?"
"I don't hate you. I think I might even like you a little." She grinned. "More than a little."
He let out the breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding. "Okay, we'll start there."
Her eyebrows swooped together as she stared up at him. "Start what?" she asked carefully.
A long climb back, he thought. "Whatever you want. Maybe dinner sometime? Just to talk. Nothing heavy."
"All right." She managed a teasing smile. "I'll put it on my calendar."
It wasn't much in the way of encouragement, but he grabbed for it like a drowning man grabs for a shadow on the sea. He cleared his throat. "Remember when I told you I didn't want your charity?"
She opened his mouth to blast him, but the lopsided smile on his face stopped her. "What about it?" she asked instead.
"I've changed my mind. I want anything you're willing to give me."
"Anything?"
"Or nothing." He cleared his throat. "To tell you the truth, I'm not crazy about that option, though." That won him a tiny smile, and his hopes soared.
"You aren't the only one who's sweated through therapy, Mitch. I did the same thing years ago. And one thing I learned to do was ask for what I wanted. I've decided I want something from you."
"Whatever you want, it's yours."
She drew in courage along with a breath. "I want you to forgive yourself. Right now, this minute. No more beating up on yourself."
He felt a jagged hole open in his gut. "I can't give you that."
"You promised me anything. At this moment, that's what I want most."
Mitch hung his head. "I don't know how."
"Will you try? Please, Mitch. I can't stand to see you in so much pain."
He brought his head up slowly. "I'll give it a shot. I can't promise I'll succeed. Good enough?"
"For now." She drew a shaky breath. "Well?"
He drew his eyebrows together. "Well what?"
Cocking her head, she planted a fist on her hip and threw him what she hoped was a challenging look. "Why is it that when I wasn't sure I wanted you to kiss me, you were dead set on kissing me every chance you got. Now, when I do want you to kiss me, you're just standing there."
His jaw tightened. "Because, damn it, I'm afraid to touch you."
"I won't break."
"No, but you have to be remembering—"
"No," she said very firmly. "I'm not. What I do remember is how good you can make me feel with just a touch or a smile or one of those growling noises you make when you're frustrated and out of sorts and determined not to show it."
"Oh, God, bright eyes." He reached for her awkwardly, and she went into his arms, arms that closed around her so tightly she could scarcely draw breath.
She felt his chest heave as one sob after another shook him, deep, soul-baring sobs that came from deep inside. His body shuddered with each one until she was afraid he would break apart.
Murmuring his name over and over, she rubbed his back and nuzzled his hair until, finally, he regained control. When he lifted his head to look at her again, his eyes were filled with so much tenderness that she went weak inside.
"I thought the odds were a million to one that you'd forgive me. I still can't believe—" He couldn't go on. He dropped his forehead to hers and squeezed his eyes shut. "Let me into your life, Carly. I promise I'll spend the rest of mine trying to make you forget the pain I caused you."
Carly drew back so that he could see what was in her eyes. "You already have, Mitch." She framed his worn face with hands that were surprisingly steady. "I love you, too," she murmured, "and if you don't kiss me pretty soon, I'm going to knock you down and have my way with you."
His mouth was fierce as he took what she offered. Liquid fire ran through her, warming all the lonely places she'd ignored for so long. But just as she was luxuriating in the stir of pleasure, he groaned and pulled back.
"I'm sorry as hell to have to say this, bright eyes, but if I don't sit down pretty soon, I'm going to be laid up for a week."
Her smile was only slightly shaky as she stepped out of his arms and handed him his crutch. "C'mon, Coach. Let's go find you a chair, and then we can continue this discussion where we left off. I can't wait to find out what comes after the 'I love you' part."
Epilogue
« ^
Spring had come to Bradenton two weeks earlier than usual. Wildflowers bloomed in the fields surrounding the campus, and the air was perfumed with their fragrance. Carly slid down the window of the Jaguar and inhaled the glorious scents. Today was her first wedding anniversary and she was taking her hardworking husband to lunch.
Turning her head she glanced at his strong profile. Sensing her gaze, he glanced her way and smiled. "Have I told you how great you look today?" he asked in that shivery voice that always sent a thrill down her spine.
"Not often enough," she murmured.
"Give me a kiss, and I might be persuaded to tell you again."
Because he had to use both hands to operate the manual controls, she released her seat belt, then leaned over to steal a quick kiss.
"Not only do you look terrific, but you smell great too," he declared firmly. "Very sexy."
Carly pouted as she belted herself in again. "You used to say I smelled classy."
"That was before you started wearing me out in bed on a regular basis."
Smiling smugly, she rested her head against the seat and watched him through half-closed eyes. The first few months after she'd accepted his proposal had been rocky for both of them. With Silvia Stein's help, they'd managed to say all the things to each other that had to be said, the good as well as the painful. Mitch, especially, had gone through some black times, trying to convince himself that she wasn't cringing inside whenever she felt his hands on her.
The worst time had come when he'd tried to make love to her and couldn't. He'd been in a black mood for days—until she'd surprised him at his house by showing up with champagne and candles and a black lace nightie that had had him eating his pillow.
After much agonizing and consultation with the therapist, they'd agreed never to tell Tracy that Mitch was her real father. Instead, he'd adopted her through the courts, and she'd accepted him without hesitation, even calling him Dad at least as often as she called him Mitch.
She was blooming now, a junior on the Dean's List and a cheerleader with a boyfriend who adored her and a ton of plans for the future. But there were still times when Carly caught Mitch looking at her with a quiet sadness in his eyes, and she knew that he regretted not ever being able to acknowledge his paternity.
Still, in the months since they'd married, the good days had far outnumbered the bad, and she was happier every day. Only one small shadow hovered over them, and that was Mitch's infertility.
The doctors had been cautiously optimistic, but Carly had watched him become more and more discouraged. Hazel and Jess Dante had been wonderfully supportive, especially Hazel, who was in blooming good health after the birth of the twins, Amanda and Amelia.
Two months before, when they'd attended the girls' christening, Carly had been deeply touched to see tears in Mitch's eyes. Since then, he'd been a proud godfather, showing the team picture after picture of the girls and bragging about their brilliance and incomparable beauty. Only at night, when they were alone in bed, did he ruefully admit how much he envied Jess for the ease with which he'd given Hazel the children she'd always wanted.
"Pull over here," Carly instructed, pointing toward the shoulder of the road.
Mitch stopped the Jag where she'd indicated, then turned to look at her expectantly. "Okay, bright eyes. Now what?"
"See that tree with the giant leaves?"
He turned his head to look where she pointed. "The Alderson elephant ear magnolia," he intoned with one hand over his heart. "Amen."
Carly swatted his hard shoulder. "Be serious. I'm trying to give you your anniversary present."
"Okay, I'm serious." He released his seat belt and leaned over to nuzzle her neck.
"See the tree next to it, the one with the pink blossoms?"
"Yeah, I see it." He kissed the spot under her ear that always made her crazy, and she shivered.
"Ah, stop distracting me," she murmured, then squeaked when he pulled her across his lap.
"Who's distracting whom?" he drawled, the extent of his 'distraction' prodding her belly.
She inhaled slowly, relishing the power she had over him. Sometimes she had only to look at him in a certain way, and he was aroused. She snuggled close, loving him so much.
"Where was I?" she murmured, breathing in the clean soapy scent of his skin. Beneath her thighs, she felt the hard edges of his braces, and smiled to herself. It was difficult to believe now that they used to make love in the dark because he'd been shy about revealing his body to her. Nowadays he was anything but shy. And half the time, she was the one who took off his braces because she couldn't wait for him to get around to it.
She nuzzled his shoulder, then drew back. His eyes glittered as he whispered a very explicit, very arousing suggestion in her ear.
"Behave yourself," she murmured, but she couldn't keep from smiling. "We're talking trees here."
He tried for little-boy earnestness, but only succeeded in looking impatient. "Okay, make it fast."
Carly fought down a grin. "I brought you out here so we could plant another tree next to the plum."
Curiosity crowded some of the heat from his eyes. "Any particular reason, or do you just want to see me get red in the face and breathe hard climbing up that hill?"
"That piddling little hill?"
"That Alp, you mean."
Carly laughed. "Anyone who can climb three flights of stairs can climb a little hill."
"Yeah, but I had an incentive to climb those stairs. Planting a tree is not what I'd call a high priority."
She took his left hand and ran her finger over his wedding ring. "I planted that plum on the day I decided to keep our first baby. Now I want you to help me plant the one to celebrate our second."
He went still. "You had a call?"
She nodded. "From Dr. Matsuka himself. The last insemination worked. I'm pregnant."
For an instant Mitch couldn't speak. "I'd pretty much given up hope," he admitted gruffly. It had been humiliating as hell submitting himself to Matsuka's probes and syringes—not to mention painful more often than not. But he'd done it because Matsuka had pulled off some pretty amazing results with other paraplegics, and because Carly wanted another child—and so did he.
"I'm sure it's another girl," she murmured. "I feel exactly the same way I felt when I was pregnant with Tracy."
He laced his hand with hers and kissed her fingertips one by one. "I love you," he said thickly. "I'll die loving you, and if I find out I can come back in another lifetime to love you again, I'll fight the first damn angel that tries to stop me."
Carly laughed, her heart full to bursting. "And I'll be right in there with you." She kissed him hard, then drew back. "So, will you help me plant that tree or what?"
His smile was crooked. "Give me enough time, and I'll plant an entire forest." Humbly, gratefully, he lowered his head to kiss her again. His love. His life.
* * * * *
Inhaltsverzeichnis
Prologue
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
Epilogue
^
Her Secret, His Child Page 26
