by Debra Kayn
Cutter cussed and walked back toward the girls. Ink walked at a slower pace toward them. The festival was the last place he wanted to start something. His role while at the festival was to keep the girls safe, not distract the members.
He wore the Bantorus patch because he put his trust in his MC brothers. He stopped along the sidewalk. But lately, his trust only went so far. Most days he felt like he was fighting the club. He couldn't go to Rain, because he'd only bring more trouble down on Lilly. She had a new career running the Sterling Building and managing the Silver Girls. He was holding her back.
As long as she concentrated on him, she'd fail at putting her focus on her job. Guilt ate a hole in his stomach. She deserved more than he could give her.
To throw off any concerns, he walked over to the group and looped his arm across Alana's shoulders. He pointed up the street to a food trailer. "Want something to eat?"
Alana flipped her long black hair behind her shoulder. "Are you kidding? All the food here would make my ass fat."
"Bull shit." He led her over to trailer, stepped up to the window, and ordered two huckleberry milkshakes.
Within five minutes, drinks in hand, he walked Alana, who sucked on a straw and smiled at him in delight, back to the girls. He left Alana in the hands of the others and approached Lilly, nudged her arm, and slipped the other drink into her hand.
"Thanks." She took it without question and brought the straw to her lips, while gazing up at him.
"Fuck," he muttered. He couldn't even be a nice guy without her turning it into a live porn movie. "Give me the damn milkshake."
She handed the drink over. He ripped off the top, including the straw, and brought the cup to his mouth. He sucked half the milkshake down and handed it back to Lilly, minus the straw.
Piercing pain stabbed his temples. He pressed his hand to the side of his head and held his breath. Lilly's carefree laughter broke through the pain. He opened one eye and glared.
"You earned the brain freeze," she said, lifting the cup and drinking slowly. "Good stuff."
The physical punishment left as fast as it came. He hooked his thumb in his front pocket. He was done with attending the festival. There were things he had to do back at the club, and one more order of guns to put together for the militia before the end of the week.
He put his hand on Lilly's bare back. "Get the girls together, and let's work our way back to the viaduct. You've had enough time to act like you're a part of the town."
Lilly's back stiffened. "Excuse me?"
"Let's go home."
"I'm not ready to leave," she said. "I don't think the girls are either."
"Ace," he whispered. "It's getting late. The crowd is going to get rowdy, and I don't want you anywhere near here."
"Go if you want." She shrugged away from his touch and grabbed the hand of the closest man, which happened to be Big Dawg. "I'm staying."
Out of patience, he stepped forward, bent down, wrapped his arms around her legs, and hauled her over his shoulder. Then he grabbed Alana's hand and tugged her along with him, because he was not going down for doing the smart thing. "Let's go everyone. We're leaving."
Expecting the others to follow, he strode through the group and carried Lilly straight down the street to the viaduct where the girls parked the truck. The others could go to Kurt if they want with how he was acting, but Lilly wasn't staying if he was going back to the club.
"This is kind of hot." Alana laughed, jogging to keep up with his longer stride.
Lilly's hands squeezed his sides as she hung upside down. "Shut up, Alana. This isn't funny."
"I'm just saying, Ink hasn't—"
"Both of you shut up." At the truck, he let go of Alana's hand and opened the door. He plopped Lilly in the seat. "Do not move."
He looked around for Alana and found her wandering off waving at the others who lagged behind.
"Ink." Lilly grabbed his vest and whispered. "You're not doing a good job keeping away from me or not causing a scene. Word will get back to Kurt and he'll make your life hell. Don't ruin it for me. At least I can have you hanging around, and enjoy knowing we're doing the same thing, even if everyone is with us."
Frustrated, he slid his hand down the side of her cheek. "Don't settle for this shit, Ace. You start thinking this is nice, and you'll lower your dreams. Take the job Kurt handed you and make a life for yourself, and forget about me."
"You're my goal," she said, grabbing his wrist.
He clenched his teeth. No matter how many times he tried to convince her to give up on him, she never took him up on his offer. He could push her away, show her how he was happy with his life, and could throw every truth he could come up with at her. She never wavered.
"You need to see the truth, Ace." He stepped back. "All I want to do is go back to the club, get back to work, and forget about a little girl who had a fucked up idea when she was young to rope a biker. It's time to wake up. There will never be an us."
She pursed her lips and stayed silent.
Maybe he finally got through to her. His chest tightened over the thought that she could walk out of his life without any regrets. She'd put her stamp on him years ago, and while he knew that she was better off without him, he couldn't help holding her friendship close to his heart. No one had ever gone to bat for him, and in her eyes, he could do nothing wrong.
He stepped out of the way, letting the girls pile in the crew cab. He shook his head at Cutter's questioning look and headed toward his Harley. He had to hurt Lilly to stop them both from being miserable. Maybe if she got pissed enough, she'd see what he was really doing.
After getting everyone back to the club, Ink put in six hours at the warehouse. The quiet camaraderie with Remmy, Cutter, and Sawyer while they worked together let him get his mind off Lilly and concentrate on moving forward. The extra money that came with the bigger weapons orders this summer meant he had a more than nice nest egg in the bank. His expenses for the last twelve years were small, and he'd socked everything away after he took care of the upkeep on his Harley.
"That's it." Sawyer nailed down the top of the crate. "I'm heading inside and see if anything was left from dinner. I'm starving."
"I'll go with you." Cutter left the warehouse.
Remmy hung back, waiting for Ink, and shut the door behind them. Ink walked the path, scratching his side.
Remmy glanced at him and asked, "New tattoo?"
"Yeah." He took off his vest, pulled his shirt off, and let the cool night air sooth his healing skin. "I did a shitty job this time, rushing it."
He'd been angry at himself and needed the distraction. He gazed over toward Remmy's cabin, taking in the porch light. The last year had changed a lot for his MC brother. Remmy and he use to have fun, competing for the girls, and getting wild. Now he was left to enjoy them all by himself, and damned if he could find the energy to go inside and call one of the girls over to warm his bed.
"Catch you tomorrow." Remmy slapped his shoulder and walked off the path toward his house.
Ink continued to the club and went upstairs without stopping in the kitchen. He wasn't hungry, just tired.
Upstairs in his room, he stripped down. His suitcase with all his tattooing supplies sat out on the floor. He gazed down at his arms, his abdomen, and most of his chest. There wasn't any empty spot on him, except for the space below his collarbone on his left side. He selfishly left that spot bare, because Lilly had a fondness of rubbing, licking, and sucking on his skin where there was no ink, no scars, just a solid area straight to his heart.
The last hickey she'd put on him still showed and it was the most beautiful piece of art on his tattooed covered body.
If he were smart, he'd pick up his tattoo machine and cover the spot with an elaborate flame. Maybe then, he'd be able to put the space between him and Lilly that they both needed. His head pounded. The thought of not having her was daunting.
Not for the first time, Lilly pulled him away from the need to cover h
is whole body with tattoos, but tonight she wasn't here. He went over to the dresser, grabbed his cell, and returned to the bed. He lay back on his pillow and tapped the screen.
Ace?
He set the phone on his chest and closed his eyes. If she was smart, she wouldn't answer him.
His cell pinged. He opened his eyes and picked up the phone.
She'd replied. I'm here.
Now that he had her, he didn't know what to say. He couldn't tell her he'd contacted her to keep from inking himself. She'd wonder why and he wasn't ready to explain.
He put his fingers on the screen, but removed them when the message came up that she was typing. Her text popped up within seconds.
IDK what happened with you today? I'm glad we spent time together. It's hard.
His grip tightened and he closed his eyes to get away from the hurt he knew she was going through.
She continued. Sometimes when I'm alone, I think you're right. I never wanted 2 believe you didn't need me. Tonight I hurt inside & I don't like it.
He stared at the screen. Only one thing played over and over in his head. He'd hurt her.
Without another thought, he typed. Night, Ace.
Sweet dreams, Ink.
He shut off his phone before he could tell her the truth. Then he moved to his supplies, and took out the ink bottles and needles. Within minutes, he'd prepped his skin, loaded the tattoo machine, and had his foot on the pedal with the needle hovering over his upper chest. He needed no pattern or extra time to decide what he'd put on himself. He set the needle to his skin, and permanently marked the hickey that Lilly gave him.
He'd always be hers, and he'd carry her mark forever. It was a small thing to do to reinstate how much she meant to him.
Chapter Eight
Rowdy noise filtered upstairs at the clubhouse from the Bantorus members congregated downstairs in the basement. Lilly walked down the steps with Risa, holding her hand. She had wanted to stay back at the house, but Risa begged her to come with her and watch Kurt fight. She wasn't going to let her very pregnant friend walk down the rocky path to the club by herself in the dark.
"Watch the last step." Lilly held on to Risa's arm.
Risa laughed. "I can't even see my feet, because my stomach is in the way."
"You'll be able to see the floor soon." Lilly rubbed Risa's arm. "I can't wait until the baby is born."
"No, no. I can wait." Risa stopped outside the room. "I hope the baby is overdue, because I'm not ready."
"You are, too." Lilly shrugged. "The nursery is finished, and the baby has more sleepers and blankets than most kids have when they're starting out. Plus, you'll finally get to find out if it's a boy or girl."
Risa groaned. "I still wish Kurt would've allowed me to find out when we had the ultrasound, but he wants it to be a surprise."
"The baby is healthy. That's all that matters." Lilly nudged her forward, trying to get her mind off the upcoming birth. "Let's go watch Kurt beat the shit out of someone."
She hustled Risa into the crowded, hot, stifling room downstairs and found her a chair. Making sure to keep her far away from the boxing ring in the middle, she took the seat next to Risa and yelled at the bikers in front of them blocking their view to move their ass, so they both could see inside the ring.
Sawyer pulled a couple of the men to the side and Natalie tugged Remmy's vest, clearing the area in front of her. Lilly's stomach sank. She almost wished she could tell them all to move back when she saw that it was Ink fighting Kurt.
Ink weaved back and forth. Sweat rolled off him, and he concentrated on punching Kurt. Lilly gasped, and scooted to the edge of her seat. She'd seen Ink fight many times, and the rawness emitting from him made her weak. The power, the strength, the gracefulness of him moving and judging each hit, while rebounding after getting punched impressed her.
Risa leaned closer and yelled over the noise. "What happened to Ink's chest?"
Lilly's gaze went down Ink's body and stopped at the white bandage taped on him. She shook her head. "I don't know."
He'd been fine last time she saw him at the festival. She flinched when Ink's punch connected with the side of Kurt's head. Kurt reacted fast, hitting Ink in the stomach, followed by a hook under his chin.
"Bring your hands up," Lilly yelled, but her advice went unnoticed in the clamor of the men cheering them on.
Kurt backed Ink up into the corner of the ring, pummeling him hard, until Ink raised his arms to the side and looped them over the ropes. Kurt backed off and spit his mouth guard out. "He's done."
Hunched over, Ink tapped Kurt's glove with his, and crawled out of the ring. Lilly's gaze followed him to the side where he washed out his mouth with a water bottle. Against anyone else, Ink stood a chance at winning. Kurt spent his life in the ring, fighting in the underground league, and had won his share of championships through the years.
"Bad timing. It's over." Risa used Lilly's shoulder to heave herself off the chair. "I guess I'll go congratulate my man...again, and he can walk me home. Are you coming back with us?"
She shook her head. "No, I'll hang out here for a while. I'm not tired."
"Okay." Risa smiled. "Night, honey."
"Night." She stood and walked out of the room.
Her legs shook as she took the stairs to the main room and went into the kitchen for a coffee. She sighed in disgust. A few days away from Ink, and she was coming undone after seeing him for ten seconds. Ten very hot seconds, but still.
The kitchen was empty and the coffee maker still on from earlier. She poured herself a cup. Warmth filled her chest and she sighed. She loved coffee before bed. Most people avoided the extra caffeine, because it kept them awake. For her, a good cup of joe worked the opposite.
She'd started drinking watered down coffee with her dad when she was ten years old, to the disgust of her mom, and she'd become hooked. Despite running coffee shacks, her mom never developed a taste for the drink. Sometimes, sharing a cup with her dad wasn't about liking the flavor, but that she enjoyed the company and the late bedtime that came with it.
The reminder of her parents brought back a flood of emotions, and for the first time since arriving in Federal, she was a little homesick. Life was rough for her at the moment, and she wasn't ashamed of admitting that a couple hours spent in her parents company would do wonders and set her back on track.
She sat down at the table, enjoying the quiet. She'd felt out of sorts for the last several days. Ink kept his distance, and the girls spent their free time practicing their new dance routines. She'd hung out with Risa, but there was only so many baby clothes catalogues she could look at without becoming bored.
"Hey." Lee, Kurt's younger brother, walked into the kitchen to open the fridge. "Why are you in here all alone? Is everything okay?"
"Yeah." She held up her cup. "Bedtime coffee."
Lee chuckled. "You picked up your dad's habit. I remember him always having coffee before he locked up the bar."
She leaned back against the chair. While Lee and Kurt were older than she was, they both grew up as a Bantorus Kid. They understood how deeply ingrained club life was to the family, to her.
"Can I ask you something?" She ran her finger over the rim of her mug.
Lee turned around with a piece of roast in his hand, popped the meat into his mouth, and mumbled, "Go for it."
"Have you known anyone of us who were born in the club to go up against my dad and the club rules?" She wrinkled her nose. "I'm not talking about Gregg, who ran far away from anything to do with Bantorus when he graduated, or Jenny getting married to that lawyer and leaving the lifestyle."
"What are you asking?" Lee sat down at the table.
She shrugged. "Kristen and Bruce are married, but Kristen was a club kid. It was tough for them at the beginning, but nobody even mentions them seeing each other and breaking the rules, because Bruce is a lifer."
Lee let his chin drop to his chest and he inhaled loudly before looking at her. "Is this abo
ut you and Ink?"
She stiffened and shook her head. There was no way she could talk about what she wanted to happen, and even Lee would read too much into what her and Ink had together. "I'm just thinking about the dynamics of the club tonight. Or, maybe I miss my mom and dad, and how easy it used to be growing up. Now that I'm in Federal, I'm noticing how different it is."
"I spent a lot of years away from the club, but I never lost the sense of family obligations, no matter how hard I convinced myself I was no longer a part of Bantorus MC." Lee ran his hand over his whiskered chin. "Even with the rules and belonging to Bantorus, we're all individuals who try to achieve what makes us happy. It's like living two different lives. One for other people. One for us."
Lee had gone nomad and worked for the Feds to bring down Los Li. She nodded. His life hadn't been easy, and there were things she'd never know. But he still wore the heaviness of the life he led when he thought nobody was looking.
"I get that." She reached over and squeezed his hand. "Maybe I'm growing up and seeing things differently. That's all."
Lee stood, rounded the table, leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "Anyone with half a brain can see that you've loved Ink since you were a little girl. Someday, he'll realize what a great girl is standing in front of him and fight for you."
She peered up at him. "I've been quiet about my feelings."
"Like a brat." Lee ruffled her hair. "We love you anyways."
"Please don't tell anyone that or about what I wanted to talk about," she asked.
"You're my little sister. You can come to me anytime. Just stay away from Ink." Lee walked out of the room.
She stared down at the table. There were a few situations where she was reprimanded about her behavior, but as a whole, she'd kept her feelings toward Ink to herself. Even when she had the urge to tell everyone what'd happened and why she continued to hang around him, she'd kept all her secrets for Ink's sake. The club meant everything to him, just like family did to every Bantorus member.
