The man pulled the large doors open, giving Arran no time to prepare himself for what he both hoped and dreaded he would find. He found her eyes right away, the pain, passion, and yearning there, a sure reflection of his own.
He wanted to run to her, to gather her in his arms and tell her he was sorry for sending her away, sorry that he hadn’t denied his brother and married her when he’d had the chance. He almost did just that, but was stopped by a slight hand on his back.
The touch forced his eyes to jerk away from Blaire involuntarily, and he looked to his side to find Edana.
“I dinna know that Donal had two daughters. They look remarkably similar. Are ye no going to show them inside? They’re family, aye?”
“Aye, o’course I am. Would ye go inside and have our table readied for three more? I shall escort them in at once.” Edana nodded and turned from him, and he silently chided himself for briefly forgetting the existence of his new wife.
Bri dismounted her horse quickly and came over to him, throwing her arms around his neck and smacking him lightly on the back of his head.
“It’s good to see you, but you are a damn fool, Arran. How could you go and do such a stupid, stupid thing?” She whispered it in his ear angrily, and he pulled back to explain, but she quieted him by pulling him in close once again “Don’t you dare try to explain it to me right now. We can talk about it after we eat. Go and squeeze Mary, she’s been missing you like crazy. And don’t say a word to Blaire right now. You can’t get her upset before she is forced to sit in front of Edana. You can speak with her later.”
She finally loosened her grip, and Arran stepped away. “I doona understand. How is she here? Why?” Questions coursed through his mind, questions that he knew would have to go unanswered for the moment. “What will we tell Edana? She doesna know about the spell room. No one does.”
Bri smiled at him reassuringly, but it did nothing to soothe his uneasy mind. “Don’t worry, I’ll think of something to tell her over dinner. We need to come up with a story anyway. We will have to tell it a lot. No one has seen the both of us together yet. Now, go to Mary and help her down, see her inside. Blaire and I will find our way shortly.”
Arran nodded and walked toward Mary whom he quickly helped slide off the back of the horse before yanking her up into a large embrace. He spun her around, kissing her soundly on the cheek before rearing back at the smell that rose around them. “Ye smell like an ale house, Mary. Did ye bathe in a basin of whiskey?”
The old woman flailed in his arms, and her face reddened before she responded to him, smacking him hard on the arm. He seemed to be having that effect on the Conall women this evening. Both Mary and Bri had hit him since their arrival.
“What do ye mean by that? Do ye no know me well enough to believe that I would do such a thing? Why, ye are most likely smelling yerself!”
Arran laughed and stepped away from her. “Aye, I’m sure ye are right, Mary. Now let me show ye inside to yer room where ye shall rest as long as ye are here. Ye work enough at home Mary, I want ye to do naught but breathe.”
She laughed, and Arran pulled her in close. Doing his best to avoid Blaire, he looked down while showing Mary inside.
* * *
A knock on the bedchamber door caused me breath to lodge in me throat, but upon hearing Bri’s voice on the other side, I breathed a deep sigh of relief. I swung the door open to be greeted with the hefty smell of meat and wine as Bri carried me dinner inside.
“Here you go. It was difficult for me to explain why I needed to bring you food when supposedly you were too ill to go to dinner. I’m sure Arran knew I was lying.”
I sat quickly, shoveling the delicious meal into my mouth as it eased my grumbling stomach. “I shouldna have come here. It was wrong of me to do so. Did ye no see the way Edana looked at him when she came outside?”
Bri crossed her arms as she stared down at me. “ No. I didn’t. I was too busy looking at how Arran couldn’t take his eyes off you.”
“He dinna even speak to me.” I quickly finished off the food and stood, moving to the door. “I canna stay here, Bri. I’m going back tonight.”
I made to open the door but was stopped by Bri’s tight grip on my arm. “Ok, if you want to go, that’s fine. We will leave tomorrow, but you can’t go anywhere tonight. You don’t know the way back by yourself anyhow. I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to make you come here.”
I could see the sense in her words. It would be foolish for me to travel at night all alone, but I knew that I couldna spend another moment inside the castle. “Doona be sorry. Ye have no reason to be so. Ye are right. I willna leave, but I need to get outside of the castle. I dinna know seeing him would upset me so. I’ll be in the stables, brushing the horses.”
I shut the door before Bri had a chance to speak.
Chapter 20
Arran knocked lightly on the door, hoping that Bri would open it quickly before Edana saw him sneaking into the room of their female guests. She’d been away in her own bedchamber for some time, but he knew her to be a nighttime wanderer. She was finding her way into his own bed much more frequently.
Blaire’s absence at dinner had surprised him. He knew she wasn’t ill, not that he could blame her for not wanting to see him. She must think he truly didn’t care for her, to be able to marry so soon after what they had shared together. If only Blaire knew how she occupied his every thought, pained his every breath when he wasn’t near her.
“Come in. Did you not hear me calling you through the door telling you that you could enter?”
He’d lost himself in his own thoughts of regret and self-pity, forgetting that he was standing outside the door until he heard Bri’s voice in front of him. He looked up, pulling himself out of his trance as he stepped inside. “Nay, I dinna. I was thinking.”
“I’m sure you were. What did you think about what I told Edana about me and Blaire? Do you think she bought it? Will everybody else?”
Arran frowned as he tried to remember what story Bri had told. It was the last thing on his mind, all he could think about was Blaire. “Forgive me, I doona know what ye told her. I am no feeling like meself.”
Bri reached out to lay a hand on his back and he smiled, knowing she understood.
“I know. I’m sorry. We can talk about it later. She’s not here, Arran. She said she was going to the stables.”
He nodded, briefly shutting his eyes as he pictured her there, slender fingers running gently down whatever horse was lucky enough to share her company. “O’ course she is. The lass loves horses as much as I do. She willna want to see me though. Why is she here, Bri? How did she get back to this time?”
“Eoin and I went for her. That’s where we were, not at Bran’s.”
Arran had suspected as much. Not that they’d traveled into the future, but he knew they weren’t at Bran’s. They would have learned about his wedding much sooner if they’d only gone as far as the village. “Why did ye do so?”
“Because I could see that you were miserable, and I believed that Blaire was still in love with you as well.”
“And is she?” Arran turned away from her, his heart nearly stopping at the anticipation he felt at his question. It was wrong of him to ask, to care, he’d promised himself to another, but Blaire had claimed ownership of his heart long before he ever knew of Edana Kinnaird.
“Of course she is. She would never have dreamed of coming back here if she wasn’t. We didn’t know you were going to run off and get married. You don’t love her, do you? Edana?”
“I’ll no speak poorly of Edana, but I’ll no lie to ye either and tell ye that I love her. It matters not. I am married to the lass, and there is nothing that can be done to change it.” The truth of his own words hit him square in the chest, and he found himself leaning a hand against the wall to keep himself from doubling over. “Ye know the truth of me words as well. Why did ye bring her here if ye knew I couldna be with her?”
“Because things didn’t end
properly between the two of you. Now she needs closure, to know that it is finished between the two of you and that you have both said your peace. And you need it too.”
He inhaled deeply, trying to catch the breath that seemed lodged in between his ribs. “I shall go to Blaire. I must speak with her and see her once more before I lose her again. I’ve spent every moment since she left believing that I would never see her again. Now that she is back, I canna deny meself what I’ve been yearning for every moment. I know we canna be together, but I must see that she is well and apologize for the hurt me foolishness has caused her.”
“Yes, go, but end it Arran. Don’t allow either of you to walk away, hoping for something that can no longer be. It would only make it harder for both of you.”
He nodded, turning away from Bri as he silently opened the bedchamber door to make his leave.
* * *
The ground behind me crunched, the coldness in the air hardening all of nature. The noise was a sure sign someone was approaching. Part of me hoped it would be him, but part of me hoped that the footsteps behind me were a figment of me mind. I was furious, hurt, and humiliated by me presence here. It was wrong of me to have come here, to be in the place he shared with his new wife, but I wanted to see him, to hold him, to know that it wasna only me that was pained by our last moments spent together before I traveled forward in time.
“Bri told me I would find ye here. I dinna think I would ever see ye again, Blaire.”
Me hand froze as it moved down the side of the chestnut colored mare. “Aye, I suppose ye dinna.”
“I’m pleased to see ye. It has been verra hard for me since ye went away.”
He was lying I was certain, words meant to make me weak in front of him and cause me to confess me true feelings. I’d done so once before, only to be sent away heartbroken. I wouldna allow meself to be so foolish again. “Oh, has it? I dinna believe ye were that fond of me.”
He grabbed me by the arm, pulling me away from the mare as he spun me so that I faced him. I was close to him, our chests nearly touching, as he stared down at me angrily. “Doona do that, Blaire. I came here to apologize to ye, but I willna allow ye to behave as if ye believe that I dinna care for ye. Look into me eyes and tell me if ye believe that I doona still.”
I couldna breathe. His grip on me was tight, and all I could see were his eyes, pained and hungry. Me own chest started to rise and fall rapidly, and I yanked away from him. “Ye doona need to apologize for no wanting me. Ye canna help who ye love. I hope that ye and Edana will be verra happy together.” I walked as quickly as I could away from him, desperate to get back to the safety of the castle. We were too alone here, and if he touched me again, I was afraid I wouldna be able to push meself away once more.
He was too quick. This time he dinna only grab me arm but gripped me tightly by both wrists as he pulled me back into the confined shelter of the stables. Once inside, he leaned against the door of an empty stable as he pulled me against him, my wrists and front flush against his chest. I kept me hands in a fist, unwilling to allow them to lay against him, certain I would uncoil at the touch of me hands on him once more.
He was tense as if suppressing something deep within him. He dinna speak, dinna move, only held me there close to him as we stared silently at one another. Slowly, our breathing quickened, our chests matching the rise and fall of each other’s. His eyes dropped to me lips, only to dart upward once more.
I could feel danger approaching, feelings unsaid threatening to express themselves through touch, and I squirmed within his grasp hoping that I could move away and break the tension surrounding us.
He dinna allow it and only pulled me closer, leaning forward to plead breathlessly in me ear. “Doona move, lass.” He pulled his head back so that his eyes pierced me own. “I know…I know I canna have ye, but ye were right. I canna help who I love and, married or no, I love ye, Blaire. I should never have sent ye away. To be separated from ye these past months has been hell. Ye have to know that I dinna mean a word I said then. If I were a better man, I would never have done what I did to ye. If I were a better man, I wouldna do this to ye now.”
His lips, trembling and warm, pressed against me own. I melted, allowing the man I’d yearned so long for to hold me in his arms as I’d dreamed of him doing for what seemed like ages.
I should’ve pulled away and run back to the safety of the castle. Around such company, he would never have been so bold, but here, with no one to serve as witness to our actions but our consciences, he held me tightly against him, his eyes and mouth hungry, his body trembling as he struggled with his conflicting emotions.
He wanted me badly, and me own heart was beating such that I could scarcely think beyond the next touch of his lips. But Arran was a good man, and I could feel his struggle in the tension in his arms, hard muscles holding him back from surrender, back from the act that would sever his sacred marriage vows. Despite his past philandering ways, it was not in him to decide such a thing. It was not in me to ask this of him.
He restrained. His lips were eager, yet reserved. His body was tight as a bow string as he waited for me to either send him away or invite him into me arms. The decision was mine, and in that instant I could see the future that lay ahead of me, one of solitude. Arran and I couldna be together in the way we both desired, as husband and wife. But our love needed to be validated, to be expressed in such a way that we could both hold on to the memory that our hearts belonged to one another even as we made our way through life apart. I couldna deny meself one night of the presence of his love.
“Arran,” I whispered his name softly, opening me fists so that the palms of me hands rested against his chest. It was enough to make him pull away and await me decision. His eyes were red and heavy, glassy and moist with unshed tears. He lifted his head away but kept a tight grip on me wrists, silently pleading with me to give him the permission both of us yearned for.
“Aye, lass?” His voice was dry and cracked as the words struggled to find their way out of him.
“I know the truth of what yer marriage means for us, but I doona have the strength to walk away from ye this night. Please Arran, tonight allow me to love ye.”
He crushed his mouth to mine, his arms moving around me as he released me wrists and pulled me hard against him. I moved me hands up to the sides of his face, running me fingers through his hair as I heard him swallow a hard lump in the back of his throat.
I rubbed me thumb gently across his cheek, pausing as I touched a droplet of wetness that quickly found its way onto me tongue, its salty bite bringing tears to me own eyes. I’d known him all of my life, and I’d never seen him cry.
I pulled me lips away from his, moving upward as I kissed the tiny corner on the inside of his eye from which the tear had fallen. He pulled away, rubbing his hands quickly over his face as he smiled, embarrassed that his tear has been seen. “I’m sorry, lass. What a fool I must look to ye.”
I cupped either side of his face and kissed him gently. “Ye are no a fool. Ye are the man I love, and if I shall burn in hell for it, I shall have ye this night. If ye shall have me as well?”
I felt him smile against me mouth as his whispered, warm breath tickled my cheek. “Aye, I shall have ye, lass. Over and over again, tonight ye shall be mine alone.” He paused in between words, roaming his lips over me face as he kissed me brows, me cheekbones, me chin. “I have been a frozen shell since ye left, Blaire. “Tis only in this moment as I feel the warmth of yer skin beneath me mouth that I feel me heart begin to thaw. Now, let me kiss the rest of ye, every bit, so that yer warmth and light may finally melt away me frigid coat and make me whole again.”
His fingers moved to me laces, and as I shut me eyes reveling in the feeling of his fingertips against me skin, I felt me dress fall away. I’d never stood naked in front of a man but, rather than fear, warmth rushed over me as I watched his hungry eyes roam, filled with adoration and love at me bare body.
“God, Blaire. Ye can
na know how beautiful ye are.”
He pushed open the stall door behind him, and I moved past him into the empty stable. There was no hay, and the stable was freshly swept as I stood nervously, me back toward him as I waited for him to proceed. I could hear him shedding his kilt, and before I had a chance to face him, he pressed himself against me. His chest pushed against me back as he brought his hands around to cup me breasts. I moaned as he caressed me nipples, his lips planting moist kisses down the curve of me neck.
I turned into him, reaching for his head so that I could pull him down toward me. Our lips met with a heated passion, no longer restrained from our previous hesitation. The decision was made, and now we came together quickly, taking no time to explore each other’s bodies. That could come later in the night. Now, with the knowledge that we could no always be together in this way, desperation filled us. We could no bear to be apart from one another a moment more.
Our lips danced in a painful frenzy. When neither of us could stand it a moment more, Arran bent his knees, pulling me down with him so that we lay on the stable floor. I opened meself to him, only nodding as he thrust himself deep inside me. With nothing to ready me, I screamed loudly before he muffled me cry with his mouth.
The pain diminished quickly and, as we found our rhythm, the night faded away and any thought of tomorrow or yesterday was as distant as the time in the future that had separated us from each other for far too long.
Chapter 21
Arran, the fool, thought he and his whore had gone unseen, of that Tormod was certain. But the two lovers had moaned such throughout the night that even the horses in the stables had been kept awake. Tormod had kept a tight watch on the castle, waiting for anything he could use against the man who had stolen his right to be laird.
Finally, his waiting had paid off. He’d long heard of Arran Conall’s philandering ways, and a man accustomed to such varied bedfellows was unlikely to change his habits after marriage. A better partner Tormod couldn’t have dreamed up himself. For it wasn’t just any lustful whore that Arran had bedded. Arran had made his way into the stables with his brother’s wife.
Morna's Legacy: Box Set #1 Page 31
